Help - Identity Crisis
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Azure_Knight
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Consider talking to a psychologist or psychiatrist. They have training that can aid in learning more about yourself, and can offer constructive ideas to work on.
Soulful
life is good
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Does anybody else feel like they don't know who they are or what they want or what their values are - whether they even exist?
Aww
yes
And an even louder resounding yes.
I feel this way too. I'm hoping to start seeing someone in counseling, hoping that this will help. Because I feel like I am fading into nothingness, or like I want to, and I'm not depressed, but I feel like I just don't know who I am, what I want, what to do, where to turn, what steps to take, or how to get about living. And I've run out of energy to keep going - I used to do that, hoping I would figure it out along the way, but I'm slowed down because I can't run on empty. I'm not sure if this is how you feel... or if I just rambled all over your thread
.. Is there anyone you can talk to that could maybe help you figure things out?
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A lot of people go though what your are describing in your OP. Your 20's and sometimes early 30's can still be a rough time as far as finding yourself. My 30's is when I really started figuring out myself and how I should deal with the world. If you are like me, I was always a little behind the curve on building self-confidance and figuring out my priorities. It's no coincidance that I got a stable job and started my family around 30.
Things will fall in place and make more sense where it needs to (inside) as you get though your 30's I bet. It's really about knowing who you are and being true to that. That's what confidence is really all about. Not "taking the bull by the horns" or other such extraverted BS. I got fooled with that for too long, don't let it sidetrack you!
I felt like you said above for a very short time on this forum. As an INFJ you will be able to tell pretty quickly that this is a safe place. It's a strange but wonderful experience being around so many of us. It never happens in the real world.
sumone
down the rabbit hole
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Most people probably go through this from time to time but I think INFJ's feel it all more deeply because we have that infinite well inside.
Keep strong, stay hopeful and look for the good and beauty in all things. Once you get older you will start experiencing synchronicity and it'll make more sense.
You're not alone though and I'm thankful you posted that because it doesn't make me feel so alone.
Keep strong, stay hopeful and look for the good and beauty in all things. Once you get older you will start experiencing synchronicity and it'll make more sense.
You're not alone though and I'm thankful you posted that because it doesn't make me feel so alone.
Grey Wolf
Airborne all the way!
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the problem I have is with the part I bolded. I'm not saying that its wrong. I'm just finding that part extremely difficult these days. I see good and beauty and I revel in it. I feel fantastic. the next moment, something horrible happens that makes me realise what a fool I was.
Kinda like the scene in madagasca (however you spell it, and I mean the show). you know, the part where there is a duck swimming peacefully and then an alligator comes up and eats it HAHA
I finally find someone I can "trust". i feel fantastic. next moment, I realise I was being used. I find friends that apparently have no agenda. they just wanted to tap the notes that I have. another friend confides in me. if you see carefully its simply so that they would have another person to ask for help in the future. A long time old "friend" comes back and contacts me. all they ask for is more help. Another person hangs out with me, is so very similiar. hard to believe that he is a bad person. stabs in the back soon after.
I've just seen too much I suppose. there has so far only been around 5-6 people who prove to be exceptions to this and they have thus became my most trusted friends. note most trusted, not fully trusted still.
the only beautiful thing around me are all the animals and plants and sad to say I dont even have a pet. my mum wont let me keep one. the only beauty I can find in the world around me is when I'm alone. and even that is broken the moment another person comes to talk to me.
Grey Wolf
Airborne all the way!
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Lucifer
Registered User #666
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Does anybody else feel like they don't know who they are or what they want or what their values are - whether they even exist?
Yup
Yah know I have been thinking about this very subject a lot lately. I think the key to figuring out who you are, or at least toward developing an original self concept is to love who you are.
I don't know who I am, but I think a part of me still knows like a forgotten memory (haha punny isn't it) A memory I buried for a specific reason.
any poopy...
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Indie.J
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Yep, I went through a big patch of not knowing who I was and I found it hard to make friends because I didn't feel like I quite had an identity I could show anyone. I mean how is somebody supposed to know you if you don't know yourself right?
So I started desperately searching, analysing, finding new perspectives to veiw things from and sifting through the world around me to try and find what resounded with me. I first found it was extremely hard for me to live without values and morals so they were the first things I started to build upon. I needed something to stick by and something to help form the base for my opinions. First start thinking of the things you do like, things you don't, things that stress you out and things that make you happy to see happening. Before I had started to pay close attention to how I reacted to things I hadn't realised that loyalty was a must for me, compassion, honesty... etc, etc. Though I reacted to the lack of these things I didn't have it in my head that, "ok, I value friends who are honest, loyal, etc" so I wasn't really looking very hard for people who fit my criteria and so people were stomping on me left, right and centre because I'd only start looking at them after I'd let them in. Also they were taking a lot of my identity away from me each time I got hurt. This was me as a child and was probably where I started to form my INFJness. Before this it looked more like I was headed towards INFP.
But anyway once I had my values in place I started looking for friends who I could value and I was able to connect with them more deeply because I'd basically looked inside myself and renovated so I knew where most things stood. Then I started looking at my friends to see what in them I valued so much and whether it was applicable to me. This is where I started to form my independant and non-conformist ways.
After I'd done that, it was like I still couldn't understand myself. I had thoroughly organised my outer shell but I still didn't feel complete within. I still didn't know what I wanted and I still hadn't found anyone to connect to on my deepest levels. So that's what got me into MBTI which really is helping me to fill in some big gaps. I'm starting to work out a lot more of how I work.
So what I'm trying to say is take a good look around yourself and try to relate everything back to yourself somehow, whether it's a nope that doesn't stick with me or a yep, I could really see myself living by that. Working out how you relate to the world is absolutely a big part of identity so really start to analyse and form opinions on as many things as you see necessary. Once you have your opinions set in motion, then your values and morals should follow. This is just what I found helped me a lot to get started. Who knows, maybe you're just going through a short term thing, to which I would say don't worry, it'll pass. I go through plenty of short patches of feeling lost. But if you're stuck in a ditch like I was the above is just what I did to get myself going.
So I started desperately searching, analysing, finding new perspectives to veiw things from and sifting through the world around me to try and find what resounded with me. I first found it was extremely hard for me to live without values and morals so they were the first things I started to build upon. I needed something to stick by and something to help form the base for my opinions. First start thinking of the things you do like, things you don't, things that stress you out and things that make you happy to see happening. Before I had started to pay close attention to how I reacted to things I hadn't realised that loyalty was a must for me, compassion, honesty... etc, etc. Though I reacted to the lack of these things I didn't have it in my head that, "ok, I value friends who are honest, loyal, etc" so I wasn't really looking very hard for people who fit my criteria and so people were stomping on me left, right and centre because I'd only start looking at them after I'd let them in. Also they were taking a lot of my identity away from me each time I got hurt. This was me as a child and was probably where I started to form my INFJness. Before this it looked more like I was headed towards INFP.
But anyway once I had my values in place I started looking for friends who I could value and I was able to connect with them more deeply because I'd basically looked inside myself and renovated so I knew where most things stood. Then I started looking at my friends to see what in them I valued so much and whether it was applicable to me. This is where I started to form my independant and non-conformist ways.
After I'd done that, it was like I still couldn't understand myself. I had thoroughly organised my outer shell but I still didn't feel complete within. I still didn't know what I wanted and I still hadn't found anyone to connect to on my deepest levels. So that's what got me into MBTI which really is helping me to fill in some big gaps. I'm starting to work out a lot more of how I work.
So what I'm trying to say is take a good look around yourself and try to relate everything back to yourself somehow, whether it's a nope that doesn't stick with me or a yep, I could really see myself living by that. Working out how you relate to the world is absolutely a big part of identity so really start to analyse and form opinions on as many things as you see necessary. Once you have your opinions set in motion, then your values and morals should follow. This is just what I found helped me a lot to get started. Who knows, maybe you're just going through a short term thing, to which I would say don't worry, it'll pass. I go through plenty of short patches of feeling lost. But if you're stuck in a ditch like I was the above is just what I did to get myself going.
Jana
Searching...
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- infj
Does anybody else feel like they don't know who they are or what they want or what their values are - whether they even exist?
I think most people do that, from time to time. Somebody often, somebody in rare occasions. From my point of view, times like that can be hard, but fruitful if one does not despair. health questionig of what I am and what I want is good, it prevents too much vanity or arogance.
myself
Permanent Fixture
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i think all these issues we face with identity is a symptom of our modern age.
perhaps in another time we would have had more meaningful things absorb our energy.
not to oversimplify the issues that we face today...
I just wonder if we would run into the same problems if our society wasn't so sick.
I'd be willing to bet that these issues wouldn't exist if we were consumed with work... literally living off the land. Working with animals, the earth, a life closer to nature...
These days we are very much removed from perhaps what should be our natural place in the world.
Shit, look at our technology...
It really is taking over.
I long for another age, but it will never come.
we screwed up...
how did it get so out of hand? industrialization alone? pure greed?
what can we do to change THIS problem...
#&@!
I don't mean to rant...
Just consider how these issues may be linked.
Your/Our identity crisis is a human problem.
perhaps in another time we would have had more meaningful things absorb our energy.
not to oversimplify the issues that we face today...
I just wonder if we would run into the same problems if our society wasn't so sick.
I'd be willing to bet that these issues wouldn't exist if we were consumed with work... literally living off the land. Working with animals, the earth, a life closer to nature...
These days we are very much removed from perhaps what should be our natural place in the world.
Shit, look at our technology...
It really is taking over.
I long for another age, but it will never come.
we screwed up...
how did it get so out of hand? industrialization alone? pure greed?
what can we do to change THIS problem...
#&@!
I don't mean to rant...
Just consider how these issues may be linked.
Your/Our identity crisis is a human problem.
Lucifer
Registered User #666
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gloomy-optimist
Used to live here
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Too frequently.