Gut Type to Gut Type Relationships are Intense

[Nautilidae]

I am an ENTP, 8w9 in a relationship with an INFJ, 1w2. I don't know how others feel about Enneatype center overlap, but I cannot immagine anything better. I have never felt so fulfilled and understood in my life. Intellectual, primal and moral connection matched/complimented in intensity.

 

[Scientia]

You might feel fulfilled but I can guarantee that your partner does not. Nothing personal. I have just seen a lot of stuff. Do what you can to make your partner feel the same way or one day, you will lose that person forever. I hope you understand that your happiness doesn’t mean that your partner is happy as well.

 

[Nautilidae]

You might feel fulfilled but I can guarantee that your partner does not. Nothing personal. I have just seen a lot of stuff. Do what you can to make your partner feel the same way or one day, you will lose that person forever. I hope you understand that your happiness doesn’t mean that your partner is happy as well.

You could "guarantee" that my partner does not feel fulfilled from your keyboard and complete lack of knowledge of literally everything about our lives, but the value of your "guarantee" would be proportional to all the honest work you put into it, so you should probably keep your day job. I'm sorry you've not gotten past your own prior missteps in love. Find a way to mourn effectively, own your level of participation and forgive yourself; then and only then will you be on your way to a "projection free" life and healthier relationships. <3 <3 <3

 

[Scientia]

You could "guarantee" that my partner does not feel fulfilled from your keyboard and complete lack of knowledge of literally everything about our lives, but the value of your "guarantee" would be proportional to all the honest work you put into it, so you should probably keep your day job. I'm sorry you've not gotten past your own prior missteps in love. Find a way to mourn effectively, own your level of participation and forgive yourself; then and only then will you be on your way to a "projection free" life and healthier relationships. <3 <3 <3

This is classic. Good luck.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

I am an ENTP, 8w9 in a relationship with an INFJ, 1w2. I don't know how others feel about Enneatype center overlap, but I cannot immagine anything better. I have never felt so fulfilled and understood in my life. Intellectual, primal and moral connection matched/complimented in intensity.

Hey, there.

I'm 1w2 INFJ (or INTJ, kind of undecided!) and my girlfriend is 9w8 INFJ, and I totally get where you're coming from.

I'm sorry that you had an initial negative reply to this thread, but I think it just shows the dangers of taking type too seriously. A type 'match' doesn't guarantee a match in terms of values and what you both want out of life, so I would say that if it's working and you feel fulfilled, then all the rest is just fluff.

I'm glad you've found love! It's worth fighting for, and defending against pointless negativity and jealously. Good luck!

 

[Nautilidae]

Hey, there.

I'm 1w2 INFJ (or INTJ, kind of undecided!) and my girlfriend is 9w8 INFJ, and I totally get where you're coming from.

I'm sorry that you had an initial negative reply to this thread, but I think it just shows the dangers of taking type too seriously. A type 'match' doesn't guarantee a match in terms of values and what you both want out of life, so I would say that if it's working and you feel fulfilled, then all the rest is just fluff.

I'm glad you've found love! It's worth fighting for, and defending against pointless negativity and jealously. Good luck!

Thanks Deleted member 16771,
I couldn't agree more. Type is always merely an interesting lens to observe things through on the other side of real life. My love for her makes effort and transparency a desire rather than a chore or mere responsibility I'd have to live up to according to a rule set. I actively want her to be happy according to her own definition of it and she is so wonderful about communicating her own love for me and I absolutely trust and feeling bonded with her.

There are many ways for any relationship to go wrong. We are both intense people. That alone could increase the chances of any rift being a deep deep one. Thankfully, we both have a lot of experience caring for diverse sets of others. We came to each other with humility after being humbled by our respective journeys. In this way, our similarities have become serious strengths. Our values are not only aligned, but they anchor our work and has served us in merging our families to create healing and peace for our children. We both arrived here through pain and effort applied to our idealism. I hope everyone is able to find this kind of partnership in their lives.

 

[Nautilidae]

This is classic. Good luck.

Danke Scientia,

I truly meant no harm or bile. I also do realize the strength of any common experience people may have with "types." It just happens to not be the best way to go about life, especially initial contact with someone. I've read some of your comments and posts, and I clearly see the genuineness (what an unwieldy word) and intelligence behind them.

I was in a long term relationship with a BPD ISFJ. We both have high IQs (as I suspect of you) and in many respects, intellectualizing (on my part) the territory of our relationship only blinded me to the fact that pathology was present. I suffered. My children suffered as well due to that blindness. Thankfully, their openness with me is what woke me up and broke me out of my 8w9ish "stay the course and put in work to overcome" attitude. Not ironically, it was my ENFP, 4w5 and ESFJ, 4w3 daughters who made me aware and guided me toward letting go. I might never have quit if it weren't for them asking me to and to get them the hell away from this person. I have a strong sense of penance with regard to myself, but now with knowledge that my children were being assaulted with demands for narcissistic supply, I could easily vanquish the offender from their lives in the name of empathy.

Drop me a DM if you want to talk. I'm sincere about this.

 

[Asa]

Hi @Nautilidae
Welcome to the forum. I hope you stick around.

I am an ENTP, 8w9 in a relationship with an INFJ, 1w2. I don't know how others feel about Enneatype center overlap, but I cannot immagine anything better. I have never felt so fulfilled and understood in my life. Intellectual, primal and moral connection matched/complimented in intensity.

- Congrats on finding a great match! How long have you been together? Just wondering if you have been together for very long time, or if you are experiencing the high that happens when a relationship is new. (That wouldn't necessarily mean what you're feeling is not genuine, but we'd need to talk about coming off the high.)

I'm 1w2 INFJ (or INTJ, kind of undecided!) and my girlfriend is 9w8 INFJ, and I totally get where you're coming from.

Deleted member 16771, I missed you discussing whether you are INTJ or INFJ.
My husband is an INTJ. A lot of the time it seems like we are the same type. The biggest difference between us is Fi/Fe.
Being in a relationship with someone we admire and love can cause type to "rub off" on us, too.

the dangers of taking type too seriously. A type 'match' doesn't guarantee a match in terms of values and what you both want out of life, so I would say that if it's working and you feel fulfilled, then all the rest is just fluff.

I wouldn't call type fluff, exactly, even if the kinds of typing we are currently using fade away. Yes, there are many factors that help couples mesh, but type (not specifically MBTI) seems to help.
Unfortunately, until scientists come up with a typing system that is foolproof and watertight, we won't be able to rely on it, though.

 

[Nautilidae]

Hi @Nautilidae
Welcome to the forum. I hope you stick around.



- Congrats on finding a great match! How long have you been together? Just wondering if you have been together for very long time, or if you are experiencing the high that happens when a relationship is new. (That wouldn't necessarily mean what you're feeling is not genuine, but we'd need to talk about coming off the high.)

We've been together for 3 years now. It may seem like I'm describing euphoria or joy about a honeymoon phase, but the tone of my text betrays me there. My last relationship lasted 20 years and gave me 4 children. My sense of idealism and optimism about this area of life is not really much of a thing. I'm mostly just happy to have both an intellectual/moral kindred and a "good actor" as my other. I know challenges will continue to pour in. I'm just happy to have something worth fighting for.

 

[Asa]

We've been together for 3 years now. It may seem like I'm describing euphoria or joy about a honeymoon phase, but the tone of my text betrays me there. My last relationship lasted 20 years and gave me 4 children. My sense of idealism and optimism about this area of life is not really much of a thing. I'm mostly just happy to have both an intellectual/moral kindred and a "good actor" as my other. I know challenges will continue to pour in. I'm just happy to have something worth fighting for.

You definitely could have been describing a honeymoon phase. I still feel this way about my INTJ SO, though, and we've known each other for around 30 years. In our case, I believe our similar types help. INTJs and INFJs are the only two in the stack that share the same Ni/Se. We gel.




Touching on Scientia's post: All relationships obviously have little issues. An INFJ specific issue in my relationship is that I almost instinctually put my SO first. I'm focused on his needs and feelings. I 'feel his feelings'. My own feelings are often almost numb. (I've trained myself to react based on what I'm absorbing from others, and how extroverts react in similar situations, but I swear to you, it almost feels like my own feelings aren't there a lot of the time, while I am overwhelmed by the other person's feelings.) I will not voice my needs if it will disrupt the harmony in our relationship. As an adult I know I should not self-sacrifice, but I still do it. This never matters with little decisions, but I also do this with big decisions, and that inevitably makes me unhappy. MBTI experts say INFJs are the most likely to complain about their partners and the least likely to leave due to those complaints. Maybe it is because we bulldoze our own needs in the interest of harmony and because we have a tendency to put others first. I could give you some jaw dropping examples from my own relationship and you'll think, "How could you do that?" and my answer would be because I value giving, harmony, and the other person's feeling and needs more than my own. That is something to look out for with your INFJ. I guess it falls under "Feeding and Care of INFJs".
Overall, I think you are good, though, and I'm not insinuating that your relationship has issues or that she is not happy. <3