Giving advice to INFPs

[Honey]

Is it possible to give advice/suggestions to INFPs without seeming pushy and overbearing to them? The INFPs that I am used to seem to talk and just expect you to just listen & be supportive and I gather from some old threads elsewhere that they can be rather offended by people giving them advice and see it as almost an attack on their self esteem and independence.

I have two INFPs around me at present who are both really struggling with various issues. The first of these INFPs is a Psychologist who loses lots of clients for reasons that are really obvious to me (very few things are really) but not to her and the second one is a very educated but jobless acquaintance/friend.

Personally, I feel that if I do not have the answer to some problem or another that I have then others are free to give me advice and suggestions without me asking directly. I feel no shame in taking advice that I consider good, however with INFPs, I gather that they would rather the solutions come from within themselves. Do I just have to go around withholding suggestions that I think might be beneficial to these INFPs or is there a way to transmit my insights and suggestions to them that will not be received badly?

 

[acd]

I would never talk about my personal problems to someone unless I wanted advice. And I would only talk to someone I'm super close with.

I don't know about those infps though. Some people like to complain about their problems to almost anyone, and you didnt imply you were close. The idea of that makes me cringe--just the level of disclosure. I dont know what their motive is--advice or support seeking...

My closest friend is an infj. She comes right out with her assessments when I talk to her. She is very perceptive and insightful, she can also be blunt-but I appreciate it because I trust her completely. I have also been close with her for over ten years, so, there is nothing casual about our relationship.

My opinion: do not give advice unless you feel comfortable doing it, or unless it is explicitly asked for. The fact that you are having to ask if you should speak up means you probably shouldn't. Now is not the time.

 

[Jill Hives]

For me personally in regards to criticism, it tends to depend entirely on how I was approached and by whom. I have a hunch though that if you aren't very close with these people, it probably wouldn't go over well. If a close friend of mine approaches me with insight, or if I've asked for it directly from someone, that is another matter. And even then I will likely withdraw for a while to mull over what has been said to me. The key for me is that it has to be someone who I have reason to respect. Any old person coming up to me with criticisms or insights will almost always just leave me thinking "who do you think you are?"

Based on what you've posted here I think I agree with [MENTION=564]acd[/MENTION]. I wouldn't go there unless they ask and you know for sure that they are open to suggestion/advice.

 

[barbad0s]

I would say... yes to lots of empathy, and yes to things like pamphlets or finding them resources that they can use to help themselves with, or maybe very subtle hints that might make them revisit their thinking.

No to anything that would require lengthy discussion or reasoning, because then it makes them seem like there is something they've misunderstood or haven't covered yet when it's their own problem that they've had to struggle through for a long time. It also might make them feel like they're put in the position of having to accept your advice or not, or you might be interpreted as forcing your advice on them. This would make many unstable people, not just unstable INFPs, clam up.

 

[acd]

I disagree with you @niffer as an infp I welcome lengthy discussion and reasoning. I like to pick a problem apart and dissect it. And if I am looking for advice, I am looking specifically for someone to do these things with me because I realize I have blind spots and the ability to be wrong.

if I were to feel like someone were not listening or conversing with me, but just cramming their advice down my throat-- I'd just end the conversation. No big deal.

 

[tfg345i4u5lw]

I'm curious what are the criticisms you have of them?? Could you tell us?? I suspect it's something simple that you just need to say.