Fuck EVERYTHING!!!!!!

[Soulful]

Oops. sorry if I missed that in your other post.

My initial response to your post, well all that is very insightful thank you.

But I guess what I am really afraid of is what if I am less then I think I am? And what I am gaining from that "aha" moment is less then what I already had?

What a bunch of NF-y liscious talk in this thread lol.

Impossible.

I don't mean to sound ignorant, naive, or simple-minded. I just don't in any way see you losing from this. Because when we delve into ourselves authentically, we either discover greatness or the potential for it, and oftentimes the delving is greatness itself as well. It's delicious. So I don't see how you could lose from this. Sometimes we hit rough patches, sometimes things get a little murky, but if we keep digging, what we find will be amazing. There's just no other way about it, because that's who we are. We're made of amazing stuff, ya know. So the more layers you uncover, the closer you will get to this amazing "discovered you".

Who you truly are now, the amazing parts of you, will remain, because they are already you. If you are guided by the desire to uncover your true you, to be authentic within yourself, and to know yourself as you are, then I believe you will find what you are looking for, and the process will be empowering as well. There's something very strengthening about being real with yourself as you are and knowing yourself, and hopefully being able to love and accept yourself as you are, as much as you are able to.

 

[Lucifer]

Oops. sorry if I missed that in your other post.



Impossible.

I don't mean to sound ignorant, naive, or simple-minded. I just don't in any way see you losing from this. Because when we delve into ourselves authentically, we either discover greatness or the potential for it, and oftentimes the delving is greatness itself as well. It's delicious. So I don't see how you could lose from this. Sometimes we hit rough patches, sometimes things get a little murky, but if we keep digging, what we find will be amazing. There's just no other way about it, because that's who we are. We're made of amazing stuff, ya know. So the more layers you uncover, the closer you will get to this amazing "discovered you".

Who you truly are now, the amazing parts of you, will remain, because they are already you. If you are guided by the desire to uncover your true you, to be authentic within yourself, and to know yourself as you are, then I believe you will find what you are looking for, and the process will be empowering as well. There's something very strengthening about being real with yourself as you are and knowing yourself, and hopefully being able to love and accept yourself as you are, as much as you are able to.

And perhaps if we find out something we don't like it is because we weren't being true to our selves.

Or perhaps misrepresenting our selves in our self image? Maybe we were being un fare to us?

Maybe I should choose another pronoun for that sentence I am beginning to sound really crazy lol.

Um I totally realize it is hard to keep up with my flurry of posts, sometimes it is hard for me to keep up with what is going on in my own mind.

ha...hahahaha. I am feeling nuts.

 

[Lucifer]

But there is a difference between understanding something in your mind and accepting that thing. Why should I learn a new way when the old way has protected me for so long.

My fences are like my parents I feel attached to them.

Note: look up steps of greiving/ let go of parents.

 

[Soulful]

Ok next vaguely applicable response for yah.

I guess what I am afraid of is making mistakes when I am acting on my deepest impulses. It makes me feel like a bad person when I make mistakes, it can be ghastly not to live up to someone expectations as a human. It's like there scarring your identity cause that is were all your actions come from.

yeah speaking of vague...

I know...
I feel this way too. It took me some time to start to tell myself that my opinion and expectations of myself are more important than anyone else's. Because an opinion is just an opinion, and I know mine's not harmful or problem-causing. But I still don't fully believe that, I still give too much weight to what other people think of me. Including, ironically, the people whose asses I should dump because they of everyone, should be the ones most supporting and accepting me, rather than judging me according to the beliefs they impose on me and my life. I don't know.. it's a hard process, but every step is worth it. At some point I realized that my intentions are 'good' and that I'm trying to do well (sometimes even my best), and if I make a mistake, it will only mean that I am human and not perfect. I need to give myself permission to not be perfect, to keep trying, trip, fall, stumble, and love myself fully in the midst of it all... and rise to my own expectations. The validation and approval I'm seeking from others isn't something they might ever be able to or willing to give me, and really isn't theirs to give, not what I am truly looking for - to feel self-actualized and free in my opinion of myself, rather than constantly relying on someone else to grade me as okay or not. It's disempowering to live that way, and it creates a dependency, however present or subtle. It's not necessarily easy to assert oneself, but it is liberating - to consciously feel the liberty to decide WHOSE opinions mean something to you and whose you choose to lay to rest. Sometimes this can affect relationships, because people expect you to be a certain way and suddenly you're finding another you, but hopefully these changes are embraced.

Sometimes I do wonder if that is possible or if I am lying to myself. If by doing so, I am convincing myself I can release the need for approval but in truth am covering up a huge sense of anxiety because I'm acting in ways that meet my expectations but I know don't meet theirs. And sometimes I feel disappointed in myself, sometimes in the situation. But in spite of that, I think it's possible to truly let go of those expectations and ingrained opinions/beliefs - they're feel invisible chains that drag down with guilt . The key is to free yourself, to become unshackled.

I hope that makes sense and not that I hope you can relate to this, but I hope it's applicable to your question. I didn't mean to otherwise go on and on about myself, it's just how I thought I could explain my thoughts

 

[Soulful]

And perhaps if we find out something we don't like it is because we weren't being true to our selves.

Or perhaps misrepresenting our selves in our self image? Maybe we were being un fare to us?

Maybe I should choose another pronoun for that sentence I am beginning to sound really crazy lol.

Um I totally realize it is hard to keep up with my flurry of posts, sometimes it is hard for me to keep up with what is going on in my own mind.

ha...hahahaha. I am feeling nuts.

I think it's possible to find something you're not pleased to find, and for it to be real. I don't know why, maybe it's simply what we learned long ago, the way we respond to the world, maybe we hadn't learned a different way of being yet. But if you (this is going to sound cheesy ) love and accept yourself and are committed to the process of becoming who you want to be, then that trait/reality you're not fond of won't be that big a deal in the big picture, because you'll know you can let it go if you wish. The letting go process might vary depending on what it is you're learning, but ultimately, it can be done.

But there is a difference between understanding something in your mind and accepting that thing. Why should I learn a new way when the old way has protected me for so long.

My fences are like my parents I feel attached to them.

Note: look up steps of greiving/ let go of parents.

This is a quote I am paraphrasing... darn, don't remember where from.. but I just saw/heard the words in my mind... "When the pain of staying who/where you are becomes greater than the pain of changing, you will change."

I don't think it has to be pain either. It could be something like joy - let's say you think greater joy awaits you on the side of change, and you're willing to shake up the status quo of your life to reach that other side, because you know it will be ever better. That's incentive too.

Just remember that you don't have to change. You can if you want to, but you don't have to There's no shame if you would want things to stay as they are or in trying to change them. What's more important is that you do whatever meets your needs and is in your best interests (which ironically, will end up being in everyone else's best interests as well because life's inclusive that way).

 

[sassafras]

We create walls around our real needs and identity as a means of survival when we are children. Part of becoming an adult is breaking these walls down and creating new healthier ones in there place, or leaving the walls destroyed when necessary.

Very few people really grow up.

You have absolutely no clue how true that rings to me right this moment. I've been tossing and turning all night, thinking about old wounds and why I let things escalate so far. Then I log on here and see this.

Definitely, 100% true.

 

[Lucifer]

It is now 548 am and I am still unable to sleep.

A lot has been thread has been said about loving yourself maybe it would be a good idea and try a different direction. Loving yourself is inherently egotistical to love yourself it is necessary to forget some flaws, not to say that lovinh yourself is bad but that is the way ir is. Perhaps we should try to love ourselves and our humanity, bacause if you embrace your humanity the good the bad and the ugly you can embrace your entire being.

Now go to sleep self!

 

[Lucifer]

Oh yeah and nothing is true because there is a slight possibility that every truism you can think of is false.

There is different ways of defing light why cant there be different but equally valid ways to define truth depending on what you are puruing.

In order for there to be a universal truth wouldn't there have to be a universal goal.
Oh God I wanna slleeeep

Now Its 607 am

who wants to sing me a lully by while I assume the fetal position. It is either that or watch my grammar deteriorate even further.

To it or EEELSE

 

[Naxx]

Oh yeah and nothing is true because there is a slight possibility that every truism you can think of is false.

There is different ways of defing light why cant there be different but equally valid ways to define truth depending on what you are puruing.

In order for there to be a universal truth wouldn't there have to be a universal goal.
Oh God I wanna slleeeep

Now Its 607 am

who wants to sing me a lully by while I assume the fetal position. It is either that or watch my grammar deteriorate even further.

To it or EEELSE

I'll sing Radio Head to you.

 

[transcendentalethos]

Oh yeah and nothing is true because there is a slight possibility that every truism you can think of is false.

There is different ways of defing light why cant there be different but equally valid ways to define truth depending on what you are puruing.

In order for there to be a universal truth wouldn't there have to be a universal goal.
Oh God I wanna slleeeep

Now Its 607 am

who wants to sing me a lully by while I assume the fetal position. It is either that or watch my grammar deteriorate even further.

To it or EEELSE

Can I make you some tea? Chamomile has been known to work wonders!

 

[soulseeker]

I know exactly what you're talking about. The same thing happened to me. I used to be popular and had so many firends if you can believe it but then when shit happened to me and I became depressed they all left me stranded. There is no such thing as unconditional love. It all depends on the moment. You could have made some one reall yhappy. bThey could have claimed to love you but, if the next time you seem them thay think you changed then all their "love" seems to fade away. They begin avioding you and shit. It's fucking awful how fickle people can be.
But this is dort of what I was trying to get at with that thread I made that only one person responded to "too happy to care" You can be happy with out people if you just let yourself be free. And you let yourself be free by realiseing how happy you are with out them. Like i don't know it's hard to explain but find your inner joy and just live off it, follow it wherever it takes you because people will not like you for it, but then you shouldn't like them because they don't like you, the real you when your happiest therefore they will never make you your happiest and there for you should aviod their company. Only when your like this will you find people who truly like you for you, and believe me they will be rare but the company of such persons is so great it deems all other irrelevent (pardon by the way any old thymey speech, I was just reading shakespeare and it would seem the flow of the language has had profound effects on me ) Dinner is ready so now I must bid you farwell but take heed to what I have said and if you should like later on I should be happy to discuss it with you further. xP

same with me!!! I also had a lot lot lot of friends like sooo much we were kind of influential in class then something happened and BOOM!!!

i'm like the shitest in class... whoa!! like the loser-est the outsider the odd one ... gosh.. i was very depressed... but that's the only time i realized who i really was and like i found true self i've never felt like an INFJ before that incident because before, i was always with friends and i never went anywhere without friends but after that incident i learned to be happy without ANYONE!!! i didn't depend on my friends now for happiness because when they're gone i know it will hurt

i agree with everything you said

 

[the]

Heh I actually don't know because I haven't accessed... I guess I'll call it my more soulful side... for so long.

I wish I really knew the answer to that question.

So if I understand correctly, you are angry that people don't accept a side of you that you don't even know that well. How can others know you if you do not know yourself?

 

[Lucifer]

So if I understand correctly, you are angry that people don't accept a side of you that you don't even know that well. How can others know you if you do not know yourself?

I am angry at the world for being an unfriendly judgmental place.

How can others know you if you do not know yourself?

Your right about that one.

 

[yelhsamezo]

a

 

[krooler]

I agree: fuck everything!

I have personally learned the hard way that you cannot show yourself completely to everyone. To each personal relation that you have you show only some proportion of yourself. To reveal yourself completely is dangerous! People will get scared and confused because they thought they knew you.

I have by my own family been sent to the mental emergency room, only because I decided to be completely open-hearted and all-revealing. I did this in a loving way, completely un-violent (I am always peaceful and loving) but alas!

Hide thyself and be saved from the wraths of lost souls!

 

[Lucifer]

Hide thyself and be saved from the wraths of lost souls!

But I am not in the mood to.

 

[krooler]

Hide parts of thyself and shine with the other parts and safe thyself from the wraths but gain the love of lost souls!

 

[the]

Your right about that one.

At the same time maybe they see something bad in you that you can't see because you dont know yourself. Maybe the part that you think is hidden and good is really obvious to others and is shitty.

 

[Lucifer]

At the same time maybe they see something bad in you that you can't see because you dont know yourself. Maybe the part that you think is hidden and good is really obvious to others and is shitty.

Its possible. Why do you say that?

 

[Soulful]

I was reading a book when I came to this:

... I'd heard that when we are born, we come in as a pristine, pure, flawless diamond, and through the course of life we dump a lot of emotional "shit" on top of it, and obscure its natural brilliance and radiance. Then, when we become adults, we paint varnish over it, to make it all appear shiny and presentable. All we've really done is put a hard polished veneer over a bunch of crap. When we present it to the world saying, "This is who I am," we wonder why it is no one buys it.

Then one day, if we're very lucky, through some act of grace or through a transformative seminar, a book, a crisis, a disease, or some other gift of life, we might have the great good fortune to break through and crack this brittle surface. Then for a while it might seem as if all we're doing is shoveling through the brown stuff. But eventually, underneath it all, we unearth the priceless diamond that has always been there - shining, pristine, pure and exquisitely beautiful.

We eventually realize that we've always been this flawless diamond, only we'd spent the whole of our lives thinking we were the stuff that obscured it. For some of us, even though we'd glimpsed our own inner radiance, it wouldn't take long before we'd forget it, or ignore it, and once again we'd identify with our polished, artificial surfaces. - Brandon Bays

What do you think?