F's and high school relationships | INFJ Forum

F's and high school relationships

Reon

Reon

Midnight's Garden
Nov 1, 2008
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Well, after having quite a discussion in the infjf chat, I decided that this thread should be erected, why does it seem like a lot of F's just seem to hate high school relationships? I'm almost constantly told that it's not worth it in high school to have a relationship because of (insert some type of derogatory remark towards a how sex, usually female.) Surely some of you have had successful relationships in high school? Or is it better to remain lonely? Although I do single out F's, i'm sure T's and every other type out there has problems with relationships in high school, and you can discuss those as well
 
Had the most wonderful relationship of my life in only my sophomore year of highschool. Then again, I was dating someone who was actually mature for their age and wasn't the average 15 year old girl
 
I didn't date until I was in university.
 
I am currently enrolled in high school and I do not believe I 'hate' HS relationships --- not completely sure whether it has to do with strong Ti, but I would prefer to focus on my academics. I do not want to be lonely, but I prefer to be alone... and majority of my time is spent in reverie. We are idealists... and I do not believe we... I can deal with the emotions involved especially at this pivotal time in our/my life(ves)...
 
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Hey!

Interesting topic---i'm actually a college freshman right now, so that whole experience is fresh in my mind. Whenever my friends and I had a conversation about this, i'd always say, "I don't have interest in anyone in the school, because all the guys are so immature." I know...sounds a little snooty, but it's not meant to be taken in that way. I was just very blunt about it.

I've been mature for my age for a long time and just knew it wouldn't work out if I did go out with someone in high school. But yeah, as minority funk said, if you do find that rare jewel-of-a-person who is worth your time, it's great! In college though, you're bound to meet a whole range of more interesting guys. Though some can still be limitlessly, shamelessly immature, there is a much higher possibility of finding intellectual, deep, and interesting people.
 
I skipped out on dating during highschool. Surprisingly, while I was extremely withdrawn socially in middle school and to a lesser extent in highschool, a few people expressed interest in me and a couple asked me out. I refused. Dating seemed like a lot of work without much pay off that wouldn't amount to anything. For several years there was a rumor circulating that I was a homosexual.

I didn't do this because I didn't like girls/women. I did and do. Most of my better friends have been women, and over the last few years I've gotten as comfortable talking to women as I am with anyone (which still isn't entirely comfortable). Dating just didn't seem worth it.

It puts me in an awkward situation now, since I'd like to date once I go off to four year college in the fall (been at a community college for a year), but I don't really know where to start. I still don't really regret it though. Looking back, I can at least now see why people do it, while it was always something of a mystery to me while I was still in highschool/middleschool. Still seems like people put in a strange amount of effort to it at such a young age, though.
 
I didn't go on any dates until college. I didn't date seriously until my senior year of college.
 
Give up.

That's my advice.
 
yepunsarang said:
In college though, you're bound to meet a whole range of more interesting guys. Though some can still be limitlessly, shamelessly immature, there is a much higher possibility of finding intellectual, deep, and interesting people.
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I prefer guys with some depth, who like to read, and have an open mind.
 
I've never been in any sort of relationship before, so....yeah. There were some girls I was interested in, but it ended up that they were just leading me on and using me (this has happened online as well), and had no concern for my feelings whatsoever. I've always had really crappy luck with this stuff....it makes no sense to me at all.
 
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I had only 1 relationship in high school. It didn't go incredibly well either.

So yeah, I kinda do hate high school relationships.
 
I have been thinking about this lately. I'm in my last year before I go to the university.

I have heard from several people that they met their current husband/wife in high school, so I never thought dating was a bad thing would the right girl come along.

The hard thing for me is finding out who the "right" girl is, and if there even is one at my school. mainly because I'm not that much of a talker, and I'm also not that good at picking up signals if a girl really likes me, or is just playing with me...
 
I wanted more out of my high school relationships. I think society is set up in a way so that we will have shitty relationships while we are young pushing the marrying and reproduction age to well after college. Which I happen to find unnatural. The solution lies in shortening the quantity of time spent in the education system while improving its quality.
 
Reon said:
Well, after having quite a discussion in the infjf chat, I decided that this thread should be erected, why does it seem like a lot of F's just seem to hate high school relationships? I'm almost constantly told that it's not worth it in high school to have a relationship because of (insert some type of derogatory remark towards a how sex, usually female.) Surely some of you have had successful relationships in high school? Or is it better to remain lonely? Although I do single out F's, i'm sure T's and every other type out there has problems with relationships in high school, and you can discuss those as well
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I can tell you that you will always feel lonely at times even when your in a relationship. The reason we tell you to not worry about it is because from our own personal experience it's not worth the trouble. Even dating in my twenties sucked! Look at it this way how can you get to know who you are if your always catering to another person? My advice take it or leave it, is this. Just be yourself and do the things that you enjoy and make your life the best it can be for you. When you feel you have done this and are confident in your decision making skills look for a mate. I can tell you that a lot of things changed for me when I hit 27.
Relationships can be fun but for the most part you never really know who your dealing with until you have invested time into the relationship. Just like you the person your dating also has to be comfortable with who they are and not try to hide from you. As teenagers your hormones are in overdrive and you may think things are worse than they truly are. Don't let your emotions get the best of you. And just because all your friends are doing it does not mean that you have too. You can ask all my buddies who got married right out of high school how that worked for them. They all got divorced and wished that they would have lived their life a little before they married.
Go enjoy your life and don't be in a hurry to grow up you have plenty of time to get your heart broke. And when you do get it broke it just makes you jaded towards love and it makes it harder to give yourself to another person in the way they deserve to be loved by you.
 
efromm said:
I can tell you that you will always feel lonely at times even when your in a relationship. The reason we tell you to not worry about it is because from our own personal experience it's not worth the trouble. Even dating in my twenties sucked! Look at it this way how can you get to know who you are if your always catering to another person? My advice take it or leave it, is this. Just be yourself and do the things that you enjoy and make your life the best it can be for you. When you feel you have done this and are confident in your decision making skills look for a mate. I can tell you that a lot of things changed for me when I hit 27.
Relationships can be fun but for the most part you never really know who your dealing with until you have invested time into the relationship. Just like you the person your dating also has to be comfortable with who they are and not try to hide from you. As teenagers your hormones are in overdrive and you may think things are worse than they truly are. Don't let your emotions get the best of you. And just because all your friends are doing it does not mean that you have too. You can ask all my buddies who got married right out of high school how that worked for them. They all got divorced and wished that they would have lived their life a little before they married.
Go enjoy your life and don't be in a hurry to grow up you have plenty of time to get your heart broke. And when you do get it broke it just makes you jaded towards love and it makes it harder to give yourself to another person in the way they deserve to be loved by you.
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I don't think people should feel like they have to date in highschool, but at the same time they can definitely get something out of it if they do, so it's not pointless either. That's where I was. I thought it was pointless, so I just didn't give it much thought and avoided it. Some other people seem to feel like it's absolutely necessary, so they put in a lot of thought about how to do it but not about whether it's actually what they want to do.

If the reason for not dating in highschool is just shyness or fear of doing something new, then I would encourage someone to do it. Even if it's being socially unaccepted, some (SOME) fairly mainstream girls would still be willing to give a less accepted guy a chance. I know, because several of them tried to give ME a chance, and at one point I was about as unaccepted as you could get without being vilified. This is espicially true of people by highschool, as the students start to get more mature. However, if, as near as I can tell, the person just didn't want to do it, I would point out the benefits that they might be looking over and encourage them in whatever decision they came to.

People need to figure out what's best for them.
 
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Eh.. I got called a 'dyke' all throughout high school because I wouldn't go out with any of the guys who were interested in me... I knew I was way too insecure to deal with them, and that if I went out with anyone I'd make absurd choices..I knew that none of them could offer what I wanted... So I preferred to fantasize about romance until I got older.
 
alt ctrl del said:
Eh.. I got called a 'dyke' all throughout high school because I wouldn't go out with any of the guys who were interested in me... I knew I was way too insecure to deal with them, and that if I went out with anyone I'd make absurd choices..I knew that none of them could offer what I wanted... So I preferred to fantasize about romance until I got older.
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Heh I thought I was the only one who got called that. I didn't help matters. I thought it was funny so I encouraged it. I didn't dig any of the guys I went to school with anyway.
 
Bored Now said:
Heh I thought I was the only one who got called that. I didn't help matters. I thought it was funny so I encouraged it. I didn't dig any of the guys I went to school with anyway.
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I didn't mind being called that. I really was never horribly affected by being teased as a kid. I mostly shrugged it off, and occasionally, shoved a few dudes into their lockers..
At the same time, they told the boys from the football team a few towns over they all had sex with me..(My mom was friends with one of the boy's mom on the other team, so we grew up together.)

All shoving into lockers aside, I just think I was too mature for them.

Personally, I'm really glad I stayed single and abstinate through high school.
 
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