Friends and Boy Friends?

[Barnabas]

So I had a very interesting conversation with a female friend of mine at the college. She hangs out with a lot of guys, but isn't in a relationship outside of friendship with any of them. She found herself awkwardly surprised that one of her friends had feeling for her and she did not recipricate. When she talked to a bunch of us (us guys), she was even more suprised to her us tell her that if you spend alot of time with a guy that he'll start to develope feeling for you. Even more so that a few guys believed that this is true of all guys.

so what do yall think, can you be just friends with your very close female single friends being single yourself? do you believe that one will eventually develope feeling for the other?


in my personal experience, I have found that Men tend to grow into relationships with their friends, and so when your female friend is your best friend, feeling are almost guarenteed.

 

[MrCoffee]

I would base the answer on a 2x2 matrix of hot vs uggo and good personality vs bad personality. Not an absolute, but more than likely a majority.

Good Personality, Hot - Guy friends would probably like to have at least a short relationship.


Good Personality, Uggo - Guy friends would say she's so pretty but he's seeing or interested in "this other girl". Unless he's desperate or she has an AMAZING personality the compensates for her fugliness.


Bad personality, Hot - Guy friends want a one night stand. This is especially true if the guy secretly hates the girl.


Bad Personality, Uggo - She'll probably claim that all her guyfriends want to hook up with her, but she won't even ever bring it up because she "values friendship and they aren't good enough anyway." Her guy friends don't want her and are probably only her friend because she came as a package deal with good friends.



Problem solved?

 

[Grey Wolf]

I dunno. I have had a few close female friends and now still, that I dont have any feelings for. at all haha

weird but yeah

 

[Shai Gar]

What coffee said.

I can only be "Just Friends" with a girl if she's a girlfriend/wife of a friend.
This is true for most guys. IF a guy is really not that interested in a relationship, good chance he's not even interested in friendship.

 

[Roger]

Time + Understanding for female friend = investment of feeling guaranteed. 100%

No doubt, it depends on men, if they can control themselves nicely, then they can't generate any feelings for female friend, they just remain in their boundary.
But if it has gone out of circle, then i have to say. It is going to become romantic relationship from men side.
To be honest, i don't try this. It doesn't make sense to me. Whenever i talk with female friend, i live in my limit. I know, one day i will have my partner with all true love.

 

[soulseeker]

in my personal experience, I have found that Men tend to grow into relationships with their friends, and so when your female friend is your best friend, feeling are almost guarenteed.

Isn't that the other way around?

 

[the]

Sounds about right to me.

 

[the]

Isn't that the other way around?

I think it is absolutely not the other way around, hence the term friendzone.

 

[Roger]

I think it is absolutely not the other way around, hence the term friendzone.

Agree with you. It keeps someone in their limit.

 

[soulseeker]

I think it is absolutely not the other way around, hence the term friendzone.

But men also friendzone women

really? men develop feelings in a friendship? that is very rare here.. it's usually the girls who develop feelings for the guy

 

[Shai Gar]

men only friendzone fugly women

 

[Bored Now]

But...but WHY? *rant*

I don't understand you phallically inclined types anymore. When I was in a relationship, I had mostly guy friends. No problems, it was all good times. Now that I'm single, it's all complicated and completely different. I literally feel like I have to be suspicious of people's motives. What's wrong with being just friends? Why is it this impossible thing? Its... kind of hurtful in a sense too. Like "Damn, you were only my friend because you thought something more would come of it? I thought it was because you thought I was a cool chick. " *rant over*

I can be friends with a guy for years and not have the remotest sexual or romantic interest in him whatsoever. Hell, even my flirting is not serious. I'm pretty direct. If I want you, I'll tell you so, point blank.

 

[Shai Gar]

dont know why. I know women want guy friends because they seem to want a sex free relationship with someone who wont stab them in the back smiling and they know they wont get THAT from a girl.

 

[sassafras]

dont know why. I know women want guy friends because they seem to want a sex free relationship with someone who wont stab them in the back smiling and they know they wont get THAT from a girl.

Ain't that the coarse truth.

 

[Fake Plastic Alice]

the majority of my friends are guys and it's usually one of these ways:

-we've been friends for so long there's no way we could go there, it's like a brother/sister relationship

-they start to show interest as more than a friend, seemingly outta nowhere, and it kinda ruins things

-they're exes so been there done that not again

- they're male sluts so of course they try to sleep with me but know i never would so we just laugh it all off

-they're gay, or committed to other ppl

And then i've run into guys who do not understand the concept of being friends with women whatsoever

Though, all that said, i think the majority of men cannot just be friends with women.

 

[Fake Plastic Alice]

dont know why. I know women want guy friends because they seem to want a sex free relationship with someone who wont stab them in the back smiling and they know they wont get THAT from a girl.

PREACH!

 

[Solongo]

I think its all about boundaries. Like all relationships, the one who loves/cares the least controls the relationship.

 

[Fake Plastic Alice]

I think its all about boundaries. Like all relationships, the one who loves/cares the least controls the relationship.

nicely put, i need to ponder on that one.

 

[Bored Now]

*pouts* But I want my guy friends back, without it getting weird. Girls are okay, but I tend not to have much in common with most. I need a solution to my dilemma. *ponders*


ETA: Damnit, I'm going to break the mold. I'm going to develop one purely platonic meaningful male friendship with a heterosexual male with no sexual tension. It's my mission now. I'll give myself a year. I have faith. Nothing is impossible.

 

[Questingpoet]

I think there are certain circumstances where a guy can be "just friends", but it is rare. Shai's example of wives/girlfriends of our friends is a good one. Even those of us with high moral standards and scrupples, who may very well think the idea of being just friends is sound, eventually want more. If a lady is intriging enough to get to know, then we eventually want to know her more intimately. To know her in her entirety. Men don't get (or want) this type of intimacy and reciprication from other men, we get it from women. I think there is a lot of biology involved here too. Sorry if that sounds like a copout, excusing men's borish behavior. These are observations I have found to be true.