Wow, there's been a lot of thoughts here since I last visited! It was such a joy to see the discussion. I respect the sharing of everyone's experience. Thank you.
The emphasis on banter and quick fire remarks over deep exploration and genuine discussions is frustrating. It feels hard to crack the surface.
In that phrase, I felt not so alone all of a sudden. I felt my own experience understood in the sharing of yours.
I don't know about anyone else, but this behaviour mirrors the everyday life of the typical INFJ social alienation and seclusion. So, the constant insistence that we are somehow special, or the rarest type makes me want to vomit, because sometimes I feel the so called "INFJ environment" here acts the same way most other social circles do in the everyday world- there is no difference to me.
This also touched an emotional nerve for me. I realize that while I can be in most social environments harmoniously, I rarely feel part of them. Either my reserve or quiet seems to unsettle others, or I feel lack of engagement with their interests and activities. Either way, I feel alone and without a place to really connect. In an odd way it was especially disheartening to find a gathering place for fellow members of a personality type, hoping to find commonality, and then find that with a few exceptions, I felt that familiar disconnect of style.
The issue of withholidng is something I have an opposite problem with. I tend to over extend my emotional reach, meaning, I release too much in order connect with people. I don't know if that comes across as gushy or worse, emotionally immature. It's really just an attempt to really delve in and show what's on offer. If people interpret that emotional forwardness as immaturity or as "undeveloped" INFJ traits, it's a shame. Maybe it is, I really don't know.
It surprised me to hear you describe this as potentially immature. I have not seen many of your other posts, so I can't speak to a general style, but in this post, I found your expression genuine, open, and vulnerable in a way that felt comfortable and comforting to me. I valued it a great deal. I tend to see a willingness to share of oneself with another as a demonstration of courage and maturity, not immaturity.
There is a topic that I'd like to start but I'm still a bit fearful, especially after reading in this thread that some people have started threads that have gone nowhere. So for now I'm a responder, but I'm enjoying mostly all of the topics.
I'd love to see the topic you've been percolating.
You are right : this is a forum, and therefore functions as a forum. It is always easier to answer lighter threads. Answering more complicated (and more important) threads requires time, time to think, to phrase. A lot of us probably don't have that much time to spend here (at least I know I struggle to keep up with everything) and so they might pick the easy option. A long answer takes me a long time - thirty minutes, more (besides I'm not English native so it's even worse
)
Fabulous insight! Thank you for sharing this. I realize I do not feel confident in bantering, but I also struggle with the time constraints you mention. In me it mostly manifests in being absent/silent rather than doing the banter, but it seems to me just a different response to the same stimulus. In recognizing fighting similar time pressures, it's far easier for me to understand why at least some find satisfaction in the lighter back and forth.
I realise I'm not offering a solution to the problem... Wish I could!
Well, you may not have offered a solution, but I think you and others have inspired a possibility.
Now that I know there are at least a few others who long for a different sort of conversation and I have been enlightened about the time constraints that might keep people from investing in deeper topics, I think I may request the setting up of a slower, longer format section here where deeper conversations can develop over time.
