Forcing myself out of the INFJ mould

My concern is you are maybe doing too much too soon. I have myself taken myself from very hermit-ish to much more extroverted over the course of three years. But it was careful and planned. Understand that it is okay to not do things especially out of your comfort zone.

You seem to have jumped into the pool instead of testing it and letting your body get used to the temperature.

If you keep forcing yourself and not gain pleasure from your efforts then, yes, you will go back and have proven yourself right or wrong and that is a shame. Maybe find what you can enjoy from each new experience and be realistic when you just need some down time.

I am better with questions, but I am happy to listen or tell you what I've done and gone through. It could be helpful.

Good luck, sounds like an adventure.

 

Look to your other functions. Ni is just about useless in most social situations. Look to Fe to help you harmonize with people, Ti to detach from your anxiety, and Se to observe what is going on around you. You don't have to break the mould; just learn to manipulate it. It'll require stepping outside the comfort zone of your inner world and using other functions but it is fun once you get the hang of it.

 

...and your nf to learn.

 

I love what dutch had to say!

It sounds like you're sifting through your needs and wants right now and from my limited experience, it takes trial and error to recognize what you're willing to sacrifice in order to organize the ole columns A and B. If the discomfort and misery persists then I could see a burn-out occurring and you'll probably end up frustrated with yourself on top of it but from what you've described, you already have met one acquaintance that you enjoy and I've got high hopes that you'll meet a few more on your journey! Just try to tune into what you truly desire and in those party situations, don't go in with any expectations! Of them or yourself.

Keep us updated, I find this bravery admirable and suspect that you'll end up learning and growing from the experience regardless.

 

I firmly believe that you should do what feels right. In this case though it might seem counter intuitive, because you feel like you don't want to socialize, but you know it is in your best interest.

Just keep an eye out that you don't feel drained. If you start to feel tired, exausted, and just zapped of energy, then you need to give yourself a break. It is definitely a good thing to get out of your confort zone. Just keep in mind that you do need to go back to it now and then.

I beg to differ. I find my Ni to be insturmental in social situations.

 

For me, it tends to speculate too much on what others may be thinking or feeling to the point that I become overly self concision. How does it help you?

 

It lets me read people which subequently lets me know how to act, what I can and can not say, and if I should move on or not. It just gives me insight into people so I know how to work thing socially.

 

Think of yourself on two sides of a scale. Find the balance between the inner you and the outer you. The inner you is where you are able to find that comfort within so you know you are safe and able to cope. The outer you is the one who does the moving around and socializing. Use what you know to do the outer you.

I find myself analyzing if I am being true to myself or not. Always be true to who you are, it can be hard and as I said this is a balancing act.

Use your strengths when meeting new people. If you remember faces or names that is a great advantage. I am very bad at remembering names and I at one point found I wasn't talking to people I liked and wanted to. I found asking them their names again helped.

It might also help to know many people find social situations really difficult. I have a friend who I thought was really outgoing and learned she can't be in a crowded environment for more then an hour. She works around it.

Find your comfort zones and work slowly.

 

I agree with you very much, I've just had quarrel based on fact that I was sure what other person was thinking. I try not to communicate in that way, but sometimes I react before I think. Not good, not good...

 

i understand where you are coming from. i find that INFJs are torn between needing time alone as well as sustaining deep relationships. i agree with what many others have said on this thread; perhaps you should ease into the social scene at a pace which you find most comfortable.
it is wonderful that everyone else is pleased to see you doing this, however you also say that it feels out of your comfort zone doing so.
many a time, i'm come across this dilemma with my own acquaintances as well. in the end, i've realized many INFJs feel the need to accomodate others in society, thereby changing themselves to better fit the social mold. while this gets a good response from society, which is mainly extroverted and S dominated, it is important not to suppress aspects of your personality that define you and give your life the most meaning.
too many times we become drained by holding superficial relationships and living as an extrovert when we are not. introverts can be very sociable, just in a different pace and with perhaps different people. i don't believe being "fun and outgoing and all that other good stuff that seem to come so easily to extroverts" are the only attributes of a likeable person, though they are very good to have and usually are most noticed in today's society.
as an INFJ, you may be extremely creative and have a natural ability to understand others on a deeper level. though these qualities may take more time to become visible to others, they are nonetheless good and you'll find that those who take the time to discover them in you will also be more worthy of your effort in sustaining mutually meaningful relationships.
best of luck!

 

Going outside your comfort zone is absolutely something you should do, but you shouldn't do something just because it's outside your comfort zone either. Or maybe you should- some people are really big on doing that- but you don't have to and it may not be what's best for you anyway.

This isn't the only way to interact with people. You could look for something more laid back, like a club or volunteer work. Personally my ideal situation to socialize is something one on one where there's lots of chances to talk, although I don't need constant talking if the other person doesn't need it. This doesn't always work out, and so I sometimes have to look to other things, but I would never try to replace it, and I respect my limits when I need to.

 

You've fallen prey to a very typical condition.

Pendulumitis.

Characterized by rapid shifts between extremes.

You became very hermitlike.....decided it was too much like isolation to be comfortable (reference Motor Jax's signature block). Then jumped over into the extreme other end....a party girl. And that is definately out of your comfort zone.

Now, since you've started the pendulum moving, you can't just stop it without going back into some sort of a rut. My suggestion would be to keep flowing with the swing of things; from hermit-like to wild child, until things balance out again.

It may take some time. This isn't a situation that developed overnight you have to realize. It's going to take some time to level out again.

Become more in tune to what your body (specifically your stress levels) and intuition start telling you. And although its the hardest thing in the world to get into the habit of, start listening to your intuition!

 

Hey. I just wanted to affirm that you have excellent social skills. Look how well you communicate with all of us! There's everything right with having strengths in different areas to those people you are endeavouring to be compatible with. The thing is, they won't appreciate your strengths - they will only confirm what you fear - that you need to change to be like them, rather than celebrating what's already great about being you. Look to what makes you happy, and be with the people who love you for being you.