frozen_water said:
and thanks sumone, that's insightful and helpful. Although... haha what you describe is actually closer to what the article said about you guys, and even despite its accuracy about me I thought that article (and many others on the site) were hollow. What shaz said though seemed like he would never force himself to be concerned... and that he would act without changing the way he felt inside. You yourself seemed upset by the fact that the author accused you of fabricating feelings all the time... which points to the fact that there must be a difference between fabricated feelings and natural ones... or actually, because my wording was bad on the "pick one of these" you could just mean that you could make yourself feel things, but don't generally.
Hey, I'm a girl :mrgreen:
Ok, there are several reasons for my answer.
First of all I was a bit pissed off when I posted my answer, because the whole bloody text looked like such a caricature. It just got on my nerves.
You have to keep in mind that most of the time (99%), I don't have to force myself to empathize with people (I actually empathize too much for my own good, but that's another topic). So when I don't, there is generally a good reason behind it. When I strongly disagree on someone's perception of things for example. I don't think I can force my feelings. When I have negative feelings towards someone I try to fight it and understand where they're coming from, but you have to find a line between understanding and being stepped on. It used to happen to me all the time. I would try so hard to understand and accept everyone that I would end up forgetting about caring about myself. I would put other's feelings in front of my own. I have learnt through experience that it was bad for me, so now I try to put myself and the other person at the same level.
I also found the baby example a bit stupid. Of course I won't force myself to find the baby beautiful! It doesn't mean that I won't feel tremendously happy for its parents, because I know
they find it adorable, and because life is a beautiful thing. I'll just have some odd mix of feelings I guess, but it's not a problem.
When I say I sometimes act, it will be when my ESFJ mom gets all worked up about some issue on which I don't necessarily agree with her about, for example. In which case I won't tell her what I think because it doesn't lead anywhere (we see things too differently). I try to give hints of what I think, maybe, but I will avoid conflict, because I don't like it. I just adapt myself to the person I'm with.
The main thing anyway is that I find it unacceptable to say that we have SHAPED OURSELVES. It made me angry because it is saying that we make up our feelings. Although empathy is a gift to the world, it is also often a great burden to us. I recently (well, 6 months ago but I still can't sleep in a dark room) got traumatized by some main page news in France (part of a big debate on euthanasia, a woman with a face cancer, completely deformed, her terrible photo everywhere, she wanted to be able to kill herself, of course the articles were dramatic, about her kids, hor terrible her suffering was, etc). I couldn't sleep for a month. I still struggle with the images that pop up in my head all the time. I'm able to deal with it better now that I've had more details about how well her kids dealt with it, etc, the fact that she's the one who wanted no painkillers, etc. but it's going to take me a long time before I can be relaxed when I go to sleep. Just writing about it makes me feel bad :/
Anyway, sorry about the digression, I just wanted to say I felt insulted. You don't make up your sensitivity.
I don't know if you count the example of helping someone in the street. I do that whenever the occasion is there and get a lot from it (makes my day
). But that's not forced, is it? It is just natural empathy, something that makes you want to help everyone as much as you can... :?:
I hope what I wrote is still connected to the topic :mrgreen: feels like it's a bit confused.