Feelings

[Shai Gar]

Passive aggressiveness. I also do this. Unless some of my stronger beliefs are seriously violated. It 's the only time I'll risk argument and conflict. Even then, I won't go past a certain point of emotional intensity at the risk of losing control and wounding others.

Passive Aggressiveness is the greatest addition to civil society. People always claim it's a bad thing "You're so passive aggressive", "don't be so passive aggressive" would they actually rather you smash their face into the marble counter because they've been pissing you off all day?

Finally, I usually don't tell someone they have a beautiful baby unless they actually do! I smile and nod . . . and am happy for the parents. Really, though, most newborns aren't that pretty! Blotchy and wrinkly and whatnot . . . and their skulls are still soft and moldable . . . it's a little gross (to me). Luckily most of them grow beyond that stage . . .

agreed, babies are ugly and red, and they don't have anyones eyes, mother or father, all babies seem to have blue or brown eyes until they grow and that changes.

 

[CokeNut]

Passive Aggressiveness is the greatest addition to civil society. People always claim it's a bad thing "You're so passive aggressive", "don't be so passive aggressive" would they actually rather you smash their face into the marble counter because they've been pissing you off all day?

So So TRUE ... :lol:

 

[frozen_water]

haha sorry shaz, I think I said "him" before I knew... I won't forget again, though.

anyway, I found it. "When I strongly disagree on someone's perception of things for example. I don't think I can force my feelings." <---------- exactly the key I was looking for, I think. Whenever someone tells me their side of a story that made them angry, my mind almost instantly constructs a few scenarios in which they could be wrong. Like I'll believe what they tell me (at least for the moment...), but all the "in between" information shuffles itself immediately into "well... if this was also happening in their life, then they could have done what they did because of it... and you physically can't know whether these conditions were true or not." In other words, my feelings will never start on their behalf because I just know they're not very "stable." Come to think of it, I don't think I feel anything even on my own behalf until I'm sure there's no other interpretation of the things I can't know that could mage the aggravating situation less aggravating. Whether that's because my feelings don't move until my brain has worked it out, or whether my brain works to protect what it knows to be weak feelings, though, is like asking whether the chicken or the egg came first I think.

The main thing anyway is that I find it unacceptable to say that we have SHAPED OURSELVES. It made me angry because it is saying that we make up our feelings.

ok gotcha, and agreed... when I first read it I thought to myself "that would sure piss me off if I were an FJ." It honestly sounds from all of your responses like you could shape them/make them up if you wanted to, but rarely do.

I'm also really sorry that (since it seems to be a common theme, from a bunch of different people now) living "wide open" so to speak and empathizing with every little thing actually causes so much damage that you all seem to back off as you grow up. That... sucks, a lot.

I think we sometimes force ourselves to socialize and express. Rather, society has the wish to force this upon us and in our desire to please others, we comply.

That, at least, we definitely share...

 

[Kwistalline]

Frozen, you ever watch the series "Firefly"? They only had one season. INFJ relates to the character "River". A few episodes toward the end give the best examples of how she, physically incapable of filtering out emotional responses (and actually able to read minds), has/is losing her mind. The INFJ will have a similar response if they do not learn to filter.

 

[Shai Gar]

Frozen, you ever watch the series "Firefly"? They only had one season. INFJ relates to the character "River". A few episodes toward the end give the best examples of how she, physically incapable of filtering out emotional responses (and actually able to read minds), has/is losing her mind. The INFJ will have a similar response if they do not learn to filter.

Sure? Look at her as a youngster before her mind got screwed with. I'd say INTJ, or INTP. Her brother's an INTP for certain. I think Malcolm is an ENFJ...

 

[frozen_water]

ahhh ok... I haven't seen it yet, but I think I'll take the time to watch it, if I can find it somewhere. Just so you know, have a bad way of sounding like I'm blaming the person I'm talking to, when I really mean to blame everyone else. Between the lines it kinda looked like you thought that I thought it was your fault for closing off yourselves from the world a little bit. In reality, I was more sad because the world is such that you have to close yourselves off. In a perfect world filled with good intentions I feel like you wouldn't have to... so it's the world that annoyed me--not you.

 

[moonlight]

I think I feel so much about others that I hold myself back intimately. I don't like getting intimate with most people around me now (my ma, my grandma, and my kids are the exception). I don't even like getting intimate with my hubby. It's hard... you know things, you sense things, and you can't say anything because others will stomp you down or negate (opposite of validate)... .... .... you. and your senses. So you find some way to tell the world to go bugger itself.

 

[Entyqua]

The feelings I show depends on what company I am entertaining...the people I am closest to will always get a very true emotional release when it is required ...otherwise I will emulate a feeling as it is socially required if me

 

[Kwistalline]

Frozen, you ever watch the series "Firefly"? They only had one season. INFJ relates to the character "River". A few episodes toward the end give the best examples of how she, physically incapable of filtering out emotional responses (and actually able to read minds), has/is losing her mind. The INFJ will have a similar response if they do not learn to filter.

Sure? Look at her as a youngster before her mind got screwed with. I'd say INTJ, or INTP. Her brother's an INTP for certain. I think Malcolm is an ENFJ...

lol. I actually only meant the comparison in relation to that particular quality! we, at least, I do, . . . are emotional barometers. We get so lost in the ocean of emotion that we fall close to drowning in the waves if we cannot learn to find the shore of sanity.

Speaking of sanity, where is that confounded rascal? Did I say confounded? I think I meant myself . . . not as the rascal, though. that would be whoever has my sanity. darn them.

 

[Shai Gar]

i'm tired and i want to cuddle something.

 

[sumone]

haha oh yeah, in fact I think I'm one of them... but in a way you're still telling how they feel, right? Even if you don't let it show on your own, you can tell that they don't want empathy... which means that you still know what they want. Is there anyone that's just... unreadable?

You don't have to tell them what they are feeling because they already know - they are feeling very little. The amount of feelings you feel during a lifetime I don't think is a barometer for a fulfilling or happy life. For me it's great being around a person like this because they have a perspective I like when dealing with people and problems. Their decisions are not all cluttered up with feelings so they have a more objective viewpoint. When I have an INTP in my life (like you say, very rare) I feel more comfortable with decision making. After bouncing it all off the INTP and taking into consideration my 'feelings' about a problem the outcome is more balanced. We all have feelings, loads of them, people just feel them differently. It's all about balance and interdependence.

 

[Kwistalline]

ahhh ok... I haven't seen it yet, but I think I'll take the time to watch it, if I can find it somewhere. Just so you know, have a bad way of sounding like I'm blaming the person I'm talking to, when I really mean to blame everyone else. Between the lines it kinda looked like you thought that I thought it was your fault for closing off yourselves from the world a little bit. In reality, I was more sad because the world is such that you have to close yourselves off. In a perfect world filled with good intentions I feel like you wouldn't have to... so it's the world that annoyed me--not you.

I'm trying to figure out which "you" you've ended your post with!! To speak for myself, honey, I am rarely TRULY upset. Though I feel we/I may have upset you, and I hope you aren't deterred from future discussions. I don't think we have to mediate very often/ever on this forum. Whatever happens here is pretty much resolved within the threads.

ANyhoo, the point is, don't you worry your bigger-than-you-want-to-expose heart about it!

 

[frozen_water]

hehe I can see your confusion now... I looked back and realized I intertwined two different peoples' posts in memory. If they were from the same person, I would've almost been sure I'd upset them, but coming from two different ones it doesn't really mean anything at all. My bad . Anyway I'm not upset at all... I've actually got a reputation as "that guy who doesn't have a care in the world" from other people... but I'm hypersensitive about hurting other people, and I don't have the empathy you guys do, so I can only tell by the responses I get. When I mixed up who posted what, it meant something completely different than if two people did, if that makes sense.

Anyway, thanks sumone... I definitely think you're right, that experiencing emotions doesn't make a happy (satisfied?) life. I did hear once from someone that "you know... yeah, you should probably work on your weaknesses. Really though, you'll see a whole lot more progress if you work on your strengths instead." Objectivity... honesty... I suppose if there are actually people who need these things I'd be better off working on developing them and the ability to communicate them. It's just one of those things where... oh I don't know... you run through your memories and can only count 3, maybe 4 people out of dozens of correspondents who have actually benefited after having met you, and you have to stop and wonder what's missing. I've heard that the vast, vast majority of people really only want their feelings validated, not explained, and decided that if I felt/understood them more I could do it without lying to them. That's why I think the experience is necessary... not so much just because I would rather live by feeling than thought.

 

[firehotemily]

"FJs, by contrast, have shaped themselves to genuinely feel what one ought to feel in any social situation. They likely expect that everyone has done that, because, after all, that's the only decent way to be. Of course you should be pleased to see a newborn baby, and of course you should be sad to hear of the death of your friend's father. That's what life is all about. How could you possibly feel disgusted by a newborn baby or pleased when a friend's father dies? Why, if you didn't like babies and feel sad about death, you would scarcely be human. You'd be a monster!"

What is this saying? That we have taught ourselves to feel? That we act out feelings but don't really feel them? Or am I getting it all wrong?

this is saying....what some might feel about death or a baby
most of the time people would be happy about a baby and sad about death
but sometimes some people feel disgusted by a baby either because ur going to have to change it's diaper alot lol or because it has to live on this earth with so many problems, it's going to grow up and suffer, and experience pain and rejection like all people do
and being happy about death...it's not the fact that you like people dying at all...its the fact that the people that were in such tremendous pain are now in a better place than here.
it's just called empathy...or sympathy either one...just depending on the situation