Enfp females: The Infj male destroyers?
- Thread starter Infjman
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Hi, there. First of all, sorry for your luck with the ENFP you're affectionately deeming the destroyer. We do tend to bounce around a lot, so, on behalf of my kind, I'd like to apologize. Now, that being said, I do think it is an issue of maturity. It's almost like we're programmed to seek thrill. If we want to be mature adults, many times we have to fight that urge. Boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year now, and it is not consistently super thrilling, but I love him and we've mutually decided to be committed to each other, so I'm in it for the long run. If you get lucky, you can find an ENFP who works hard to find thrills within the relationship she's in. For example, I try to find something new about Boyfriend every month so I can tell him how much I appreciate it. The biggest issue we have is communication: I want lots of it because I like attention and he wants not so much of it because he likes space. So, he tells me when I'm being a little too much for him to process* and I tell him when I'd really like to hear from him. I think the ENFP just has to be really aware of her tendency to seek thrill and be willing to call herself out on it.
As for seeing potential when it may or may not actually be there, I will say this: You should know that the lady ENFP in question has probably, at very least, considered you an option. We tend to do that. We consider everyone an option, and typically latch onto whomever shows us attention first. Now, this is very dangerous behavior as not every guy (and girl for that matter) is a fine, upstanding member of the community. More mature ENFPs will more carefully consider their options. I got lucky, admittedly. Boyfriend is a really good man, and he cares a lot about me, so I wasn't jumping into anything dangerous. I found him extremely intriguing, so I kept talking to him. But then I realized I was being creepy, so I kept my distance for a while, and that's when he came after me.
Know this: We find the quiet men ridiculously interesting. There may or may not be ulterior motives behind her interest in you, but she may also just be genuinely interesting in pursuing friendship with you.
ENFP-INFJ relationships can work, honest. I know two couples who are happily married! It does, as any relationship does, take an immense amount of work, a shared goal to better the relationship and an individual goal to become more and more selfless. I joined this forum so I could get a better idea of how Boyfriend's mind works. I don't know that it's helping yet, but I want to know, understand, and love him better, so I'm trying. It kind of goes back to what I was saying about finding things about him that are new and exciting so I can stay excited about our relationship.
I hope this helps. Do be careful when selecting an ENFP for yourself, we're a tricky bunch. But we're pretty worth it, I think. That might just be the ENFP talking, though.
*I would recommend being careful about approaching this, as the preponderance of ENFPs don't take criticism too well. However, we do understand that you need to communicate your issues and struggles in order for a relationship to thrive.
As for seeing potential when it may or may not actually be there, I will say this: You should know that the lady ENFP in question has probably, at very least, considered you an option. We tend to do that. We consider everyone an option, and typically latch onto whomever shows us attention first. Now, this is very dangerous behavior as not every guy (and girl for that matter) is a fine, upstanding member of the community. More mature ENFPs will more carefully consider their options. I got lucky, admittedly. Boyfriend is a really good man, and he cares a lot about me, so I wasn't jumping into anything dangerous. I found him extremely intriguing, so I kept talking to him. But then I realized I was being creepy, so I kept my distance for a while, and that's when he came after me.
Know this: We find the quiet men ridiculously interesting. There may or may not be ulterior motives behind her interest in you, but she may also just be genuinely interesting in pursuing friendship with you.
ENFP-INFJ relationships can work, honest. I know two couples who are happily married! It does, as any relationship does, take an immense amount of work, a shared goal to better the relationship and an individual goal to become more and more selfless. I joined this forum so I could get a better idea of how Boyfriend's mind works. I don't know that it's helping yet, but I want to know, understand, and love him better, so I'm trying. It kind of goes back to what I was saying about finding things about him that are new and exciting so I can stay excited about our relationship.
I hope this helps. Do be careful when selecting an ENFP for yourself, we're a tricky bunch. But we're pretty worth it, I think. That might just be the ENFP talking, though.
*I would recommend being careful about approaching this, as the preponderance of ENFPs don't take criticism too well. However, we do understand that you need to communicate your issues and struggles in order for a relationship to thrive.
The INFJ MALE DESTROYER as piloted by ENFP females.
Somehow, I think we'd end up getting off course and ending up on a Caribbean Island, partying somewhere, and you guys would just drive yourselves crazy reading into why we never showed up for your scheduled destruction.
Somebody reminded me of this post and I just sat there laughing at it for thirty years
As a bi/gay leaning female: I can't handle ENFPs generally, and I've tried too. We seem similar on the surface (deeply feeling, creative, intellectual), but deep inside we're completely different. We get into fights because they think I'm spineless and a martyr and I think they're selfish and can't see beyond their own nose. I dunno... We both wanna do good generally and think we're nice people but we have such different ways of going about it that it makes our world views incompatible.
ENPs are awesome. A bit naive, but we INFJs are even more naive ( not all, of course. I'm not).
ENFPs girls like to flirt alot, and they can appear to be very smart and witty. Hovewer, if you do manage to uphold her interest, she will make use of that Fi, which is pure gold, you're lucky.
The main problem with ENFPs is that they use mostly Ne, and they can be superficial. But once they mature, and tap on their Fi, they are deeply caring and loving. Plus they are always romantic...they see life trough romantic glasses, everything is in color for them.
They are, from my experience, very attracted to INFJs and INTJs. And its not just romanticising those type, they appear to love the Ni in them. It makes them very curious. AT least that's what I've heard...
).ENFPs girls like to flirt alot, and they can appear to be very smart and witty. Hovewer, if you do manage to uphold her interest, she will make use of that Fi, which is pure gold, you're lucky.
The main problem with ENFPs is that they use mostly Ne, and they can be superficial. But once they mature, and tap on their Fi, they are deeply caring and loving. Plus they are always romantic...they see life trough romantic glasses, everything is in color for them.
They are, from my experience, very attracted to INFJs and INTJs. And its not just romanticising those type, they appear to love the Ni in them. It makes them very curious. AT least that's what I've heard...
I just have to create an account and comment on this LOL. Yes, I'm experiencing this situation right now, and is on the verge of "door slamming"/"burning the bridge".
This ENFP is my coworker. We clicked instantaneously and got really close but maintained a platonic relationship because I don't meddle in workplace affair. Then she shut me down out of nowhere one fine day, and the best part is, it is directed only at me and not my other colleagues. She clarified that I did nothing to offend her, so I have no idea what happened. This is frustrating.
Yes but I don't take it personally. It sounds kind of arrogant in my head, but if they feel called to roam... I'd rather they roam soon and roam far. Live life.
i dont have any experience with ENFPs but what I will say is that P types in general can be very damaging to INFJs. Now I do believe that a P type is probably the best match for an INFJ for the same reason if it goes wrong it is gonna really hurt the INFJ.
one of the best things I have heard about P type women goes something like this:
if a P type is talking to you...enjoying your company...or actually said yes to a date with you....
NONE of that means she is really interested in you ...at all.....You are an Option...and she is seeing how it goes!"
I think this is true. its all about the possible which is damaging when they change there mind and you have already fallen in love.
P types can drag you along forever....too TRUST me I know.
over all I would say with a P type woman ....shes never all in.......BUT she is never all out either.
so you always have a shot!
but so does everyone else.
#idontknowwhatiwant.
this is super rough for INFJs cause we usually dont play the field....and tend to put all our eggs in one basket and thus we cant understand how someone can just up and toss us aside. but they will.
one of the best things I have heard about P type women goes something like this:
if a P type is talking to you...enjoying your company...or actually said yes to a date with you....
NONE of that means she is really interested in you ...at all.....You are an Option...and she is seeing how it goes!"
I think this is true. its all about the possible which is damaging when they change there mind and you have already fallen in love.
P types can drag you along forever....too TRUST me I know.
over all I would say with a P type woman ....shes never all in.......BUT she is never all out either.
so you always have a shot!
but so does everyone else.
#idontknowwhatiwant.
this is super rough for INFJs cause we usually dont play the field....and tend to put all our eggs in one basket and thus we cant understand how someone can just up and toss us aside. but they will.