Empathy

[Altruistic Muse]

Basically I have always been very empathetic anyway, I often get very upset when there is conflict, I think I can feel what it is like to be in the shoes of someone who is feeling pain or grief. Maybe not exactly the same but I've always thought I probably have a fair idea. But over the years I get the feeling that certain things have happened to me just to give me empathy so that I might understand properly should someone confide in me for some reason, or just to make me a more compassionate person. For example, when the September 11th attacks took place, obviously I was shocked like everyone else was. I didn't know anyone who had been hurt there and I actually avoided a lot of the films around on tv at that time (like people throwing themselves out of the Trade Centres, because that sort of thing is too distressing). But for a few months after that, on numerous occassions, I had nightmares about being at that site when the attacks happened. I saw the planes crash, I saw people dying, I smelt the smoke. It was like someone wanted me to feel what it was like to have that happen so I could have just some fraction of an idea what these people must be going through. Another one, which is pretty strange, is my sexuality. For probably the last 8 years, I have been incredibly confused about this and struggled in coming to a conclusion about it. I went to an all girls school, most of my friends were girls and for a long time I felt attracted to them, but at the same time like what I actually wanted and needed from life was to end up with a man. I struggled through this, experiencing a lot of depression along the way, and basically, as soon as I began to feel happy with myself and my decision to live a straight life (it was a decision for me, I know it isn't for many people, but I have always been aware that I am neither straight nor gay) almost all of my desires for the same sex have disappeared. It has been a really strange thing, to have stressed about it for that long and for it to no longer be an issue. I just think maybe I was given that experience so that if my children come to me confused about their orientation I will actually know how they feel to some extent, and can help them to come to terms whatever their issue is. Anyway, bit of a weird thread! I just feel like my life and my dreams seem to be one long learning curve absorbing knowledge and compassion so that I can be of use to other people. And I like it that way

 

[acd]

I feel the same way. Every miserable or horrible thing I've ever been through I figure was necessary so that I can empathize and hopefully encourage and support other people who are going through shit.

Either that's true, or I'm deluding myself because if I truly believed that everything was just chaos and pain had no meaning or redemptive value in and of itself--I'd be the most miserable nihilist.

But I think it's option number one.

 

[kalicy]

I feel the same way. Every miserable or horrible thing I've ever been through I figure was necessary so that I can empathize and hopefully encourage and support other people who are going through shit.

Either that's true, or I'm deluding myself because if I truly believed that everything was just chaos and pain had no meaning or redemptive value in and of itself--I'd be the most miserable nihilist.

But I think it's option number one.

I can see the miserable or horrible things that happen to us as many times being our greatest inspirers and teachers, but there has to be a sort of twist in this empathy thing as well I think. What I mean is that if people like to tell you about their problems beause you lend an empathetic ear, sometimes this may be just encouraging them to continue to think and act in the ways that causes them to be depressed or feel lost or whatever that may be. I like it better to enable them to overcome these things and to see what they think so bad as challenges and learning experiences. I certainly am not a fan of nihilsm, but I don't really think much in redemptive values eiher. "Redemption" implies you need o be redeemed from something - but I think it better to say that if you are attracting that which you do not like or want, or you are viewing occurances over which you have little or no control as "bad" or "horrble" - then these can be your greatest liberators and healers and teachers of all.

 

[acd]

I can see the miserable or horrible things that happen to us as many times being our greatest inspirers and teachers, but there has to be a sort of twist in this empathy thing as well I think. What I mean is that if people like to tell you about their problems beause you lend an empathetic ear, sometimes this may be just encouraging them to continue to think and act in the ways that causes them to be depressed or feel lost or whatever that may be. I like it better to enable them to overcome these things and to see what they think so bad as challenges and learning experiences. I certainly am not a fan of nihilsm, but I don't really think much in redemptive values eiher. "Redemption" implies you need o be redeemed from something - but I think it better to say that if you are attracting that which you do not like or want, or you are viewing occurances over which you have little or no control as "bad" or "horrble" - then these can be your greatest liberators and healers and teachers of all.

Shit. I meant regenerative, not redemptive...
But, maybe redemption.. If your misery is self-caused due to self-destructive behavior.. and you figure that out and work your way out of those behaviors and mindset and redeem yourself of self-hatred.. And use your experience to recognize the same occurrence in another and lend them an empathetic ear and offer them support and encouragement to love themselves..

 

[Azure_Knight]

It isn't necessary to be someone who is directly affected by a personal tragedy to be moved by it; I feel this is a great strength and weakness of our INFJ personality. We can be happy because someone else is happy, but the reverse is also true. Taken to the extreme, it can devestate us. Our bonds to perfect strangers can be as deep and raw/electrifying as to those whom we cherish the most; 9/11 or any other disaster can be proof of that.

For INFJ's, still waters run deep.

Still waters run deep for our personality.

Thank you for starting this thread Jane. There is nothing weird in expressing yourself.

 

[Blind Bandit]

Basically I have always been very empathetic anyway, I often get very upset when there is conflict, I think I can feel what it is like to be in the shoes of someone who is feeling pain or grief. Maybe not exactly the same but I've always thought I probably have a fair idea. But over the years I get the feeling that certain things have happened to me just to give me empathy so that I might understand properly should someone confide in me for some reason, or just to make me a more compassionate person. For example, when the September 11th attacks took place, obviously I was shocked like everyone else was. I didn't know anyone who had been hurt there and I actually avoided a lot of the films around on tv at that time (like people throwing themselves out of the Trade Centres, because that sort of thing is too distressing). But for a few months after that, on numerous occassions, I had nightmares about being at that site when the attacks happened. I saw the planes crash, I saw people dying, I smelt the smoke. It was like someone wanted me to feel what it was like to have that happen so I could have just some fraction of an idea what these people must be going through. Another one, which is pretty strange, is my sexuality. For probably the last 8 years, I have been incredibly confused about this and struggled in coming to a conclusion about it. I went to an all girls school, most of my friends were girls and for a long time I felt attracted to them, but at the same time like what I actually wanted and needed from life was to end up with a man. I struggled through this, experiencing a lot of depression along the way, and basically, as soon as I began to feel happy with myself and my decision to live a straight life (it was a decision for me, I know it isn't for many people, but I have always been aware that I am neither straight nor gay) almost all of my desires for the same sex have disappeared. It has been a really strange thing, to have stressed about it for that long and for it to no longer be an issue. I just think maybe I was given that experience so that if my children come to me confused about their orientation I will actually know how they feel to some extent, and can help them to come to terms whatever their issue is. Anyway, bit of a weird thread! I just feel like my life and my dreams seem to be one long learning curve absorbing knowledge and compassion so that I can be of use to other people. And I like it that way

This is why I can't watch the news. its usually bad and depressing.

And those videos of the trade center where horrible.

I'm really starting to think that the empathy NF types have is a curse.

I hate feeling so much that it overwhelms me.

 

[just me]

This is why I can't watch the news. its usually bad and depressing.

And those videos of the trade center where horrible.

I'm really starting to think that the empathy NF types have is a curse.

I hate feeling so much that it overwhelms me.

Could you imagine not feeling? Off subject, but just a thought for you.

 

[Milon]

Could you imagine not feeling? Off subject, but just a thought for you.

I won't go into detail, but I was there once. It was after a very intense session of crying. I let it all out, and there was nothing left. No emotion, nothing. I was merely observing my environment, but had no emotional connections or responses to anything. Until I cracked a joke to myself, and laughter came in floods.

Sorry for the derail, but I just thought I'd say it's possible.

 

[Blind Bandit]

Could you imagine not feeling? Off subject, but just a thought for you.

I've felt that. It was after the lose of someone close to me. My step father and I went numb. I mean that to the fullest sense. It felt like I had lost my Fe completely. Its one of the strangest experiences I've had.

I won't go into detail, but I was there once. It was after a very intense session of crying. I let it all out, and there was nothing left. No emotion, nothing. I was merely observing my environment, but had no emotional connections or responses to anything. Until I cracked a joke to myself, and laughter came in floods.

Sorry for the derail, but I just thought I'd say it's possible.

No I'm glad I'm not the only one.lol

 

[CoffeeShopDiva]

I often go through periods of feeling numb and disconnected. Its not fun.