Doorslam? | INFJ Forum

Doorslam?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Razare, Jul 28, 2010.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 3 users.
More threads by Razare
  1. Razare

    Razare Community Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2010
    Threads:
    13
    Messages:
    393
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    5w6 sx/sp
    I've heard this buzzword a couple of times on the forum. I have a guess at its meaning, but let me just make sure I am correct.



    Would me telling my ex I never want to speak to her again for the remainder of my life, and then proceeding to ignore her text messages count as a "doorslam"?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2009
    Threads:
    132
    Messages:
    2,838
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,003
    Trophy Points:
    802
    MBTI:
    Enneagram:
    4w5
    Sort of.

    Sometimes you don't need to tell that person anything, you just stop communicating with them and that's it.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  3. OP
    Razare

    Razare Community Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2010
    Threads:
    13
    Messages:
    393
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    5w6 sx/sp
    Ahh, got ya. Thanks.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
    Banned

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2009
    Threads:
    323
    Messages:
    10,046
    Featured Threads:
    49
    Likes Received:
    5,652
    Trophy Points:
    1,102
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Australia
    MBTI:
    INTJ - A
    Enneagram:
    10000
    Yep... telling them that you don't want to ever speak again is still communication.

    The INFJ doorslam seems to be a matter of complete ignoring.
     
  5. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2009
    Threads:
    90
    Messages:
    1,769
    Likes Received:
    141
    Trophy Points:
    622
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    no idea
    exactly
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  6. alcyone

    Donor

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2008
    Threads:
    33
    Messages:
    2,306
    Likes Received:
    110
    Trophy Points:
    210
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    WTF
    It is a complete ignoring as well as the complete severing of any emotional consideration for that person.

    Whether that emotion is hate, love, like, distain etc. The door slammed person just no longer rouses any emotional response.

    In fact, for the people in my life I've door slammed, I feel (and probably think) more about and for the rocks in my yard than I do for them.
     
  7. Tulip

    Tulip Community Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2009
    Threads:
    9
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    37
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    Exempted
    Enneagram:
    Type me
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  8. kita

    kita <font color=#990066>Regular Poster</font>

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2010
    Threads:
    17
    Messages:
    509
    Likes Received:
    87
    Trophy Points:
    587
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I've done it to a few times for different specific reasons, but usually it comes down to thinking the person isn't good for me or doesn't treat me right, and that they are unlikely to change. Even if I miss and think about them a lot I won't make contact, and would probably ignore their attempts to contact me.
     
  9. Tulip

    Tulip Community Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2009
    Threads:
    9
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    37
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    Exempted
    Enneagram:
    Type me
    I have difficulty doorslamming anyone permanently. In the past, I have tried to shut people off only when a line was seriously crossed and keeping contact with them would remind me of the hurtful feeling and pain.

    However, I have a soft spot which makes it hard for me to say no to people who genuinely want to make up with me and try to initiate contact again. Fortunately, it is not apparent to most people that this vulnerability of mine can be easily exploited.

    :smow:
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  10. invisible

    On Holiday

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2009
    Threads:
    225
    Messages:
    9,023
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    10,010
    Trophy Points:
    1,329
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Avalon Archipelago
    MBTI:
    none
    how do you use it in a sentence? like "i doorslammed my father years ago and i feel better about it every day"?
     
  11. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2009
    Threads:
    197
    Messages:
    6,503
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,739
    Trophy Points:
    380
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    6w5
    Kind of. I think it's a verb and noun. "I committed a doorslam just now. It feels...empty."

    As far as doorslamming goes, this part of the quote goes for me;
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  12. OP
    Razare

    Razare Community Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2010
    Threads:
    13
    Messages:
    393
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    5w6 sx/sp

    I know how this goes... I've been worrying what will happen if my ex calls me up crying, saying she made a big mistake and was a total idiot. :m095:

    I'm not certain she can change how she is, and I'm doubtful I could ever trust her again. She's a nice person that doesn't know the meaning of responsibility or commitment, and that's why she can't be trusted. She can't say "I'll be exclusive with you." and actually mean it, because she can't hold herself to what she says even if she genuinely means it when it is said.

    So logically, I shouldn't have anything to do with her again, just if there's a soft-spot in me for anyone it's her.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  13. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
    Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2009
    Threads:
    197
    Messages:
    8,792
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    956
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFP
    Enneagram:
    5w4
    I have a couple of doorslams down in my book.

    But... Wouldn't it be more of quietly-closes-door-and-sneaks-off?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  14. eidelweiss

    eidelweiss Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2010
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    11
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I hate to say this, but have done a lot of those. I don't talk/hang out with anyone from my high school now, and try to avoid interacting with those from that high school I see at my uni. When friendships have turned sour with female friends because i don't gossip and am easily emotionally manipulated, I have avoided the person.

    I have just cut all ties and moved on, some of those relationships were too painful for me. If I can't get away because of mutual friends with soured friendships that i see no solution to, I just don't hang out with that person alone anymore.

    I now keep my circle of intimate friends small, and don't add people i don't trust to my skype list so i don't have to talk to those who might betray me.

    Most people don't get that (doorslamming and keeping different levels of integrity). I don't want to talk to everyone all the time. I have only about 8 contacts on skype and I trust them with my feelings and thoughts.
     
  15. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
    Donor

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2010
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    1,996
    Likes Received:
    272
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9
    Heh, I've done a lot of doorslamming in my time. Pretty much my ex's get this if the reason we split was bad enough. I've also done this to a whole group of friends in one fell swoop. However, I don't do it quietly, it really is a SLAM action for me. However, I am not indifferent to those I doorslam, I stay mad forever, since I rarely if ever get an apology. However, when I do, and if they mean it (I can feel if they don't), then I have mixed feelings of resentment and longing to have them back but remembering what they did -- more for the lost friendships though, not the relationships.

    The amount I hate is directly proportional to the amount I loved them (as lovers or friends) before the doorslam.

    Silly thing is, one long ago friend I doorslammed welcomed me back into his life, but I still was really very mad (since he didn't think he had any part to play in it going down so badly), so I couldn't go back, but I really miss him...
    I sometimes talk about him like we never stopped being friends ;_;
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Trifoilum likes this.
  16. athenian200

    athenian200 Protocol Droid
    Donor

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2010
    Threads:
    13
    Messages:
    650
    Likes Received:
    77
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    I have a concrete example that involves literally slamming a door. In fact, I may be the origin of this expression in typology communities.

    Once, when I was younger, I found out that my best friend was moving away. I begged them not to, and when they said they couldn't help it, I angrily told them to leave and never come back because they weren't my friend anymore (thinking that if they really cared, they wouldn't leave, and thus they must have been tricking me this whole time by pretending to be my friend). The next day when they came over to say goodbye, I slammed the door in their face after saying in an mildly bored voice, "Look, I already told you, I don't like you anymore. Bye."

    And then I just walked back over to my computer and started working again as if nothing had happened. My mother remembers this because she said it was the "coldest thing she'd ever seen." And I do feel more shame about it now, but I think I just felt that once I ended my friendship, it was over, and that was that. I still kind of have that mentality, but I understand that it's messier than that now for a lot of people, and try to be more accommodating, but my heart's not in it at all once I end the friendship. It's more like realizing an obligation to tie up loose ends properly, rather than caring about them at that point. A weird trait... it makes me wonder if something is wrong with me at times.
     
    #16 athenian200, Jul 29, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2010
  17. the

    the Si master race.
    Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Threads:
    479
    Messages:
    14,388
    Featured Threads:
    9
    Likes Received:
    8,821
    Trophy Points:
    1,112
    MBTI:
    ISTJ
    Enneagram:
    9w1
    Doorslamming sounds unhealthy. Do you who have doorslammed feel it is a positive thing to do?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  18. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
    Donor

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2010
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    1,996
    Likes Received:
    272
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9
    Well, if say, a guy was a really abusive boyfriend, yes it is. We won't doorslam someone for just anything, but I feel it hasn't enhanced my life in a few cases. I only do it if I'm beyond enraged.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  19. 894tt3h9

    On Holiday

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2009
    Threads:
    62
    Messages:
    6,560
    Likes Received:
    1,915
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    Beep Boop
    Enneagram:
    Beep Boop
    I doorslammed an entire group of people right after high school. I basically composed an email to about 15 different people and outlined all the reasons this was going to occur, sent it, and that was that. I couldn't even respect them enough to tell them to their faces.

    Some people just need to be cut loose. I didn't want to be a part of their lifestyle and the dynamic of their friendships was really screwed up.

    I've door slammed a few men as well for various reasons. Sometimes keeping someone in your life is more stressful than trying to work through things with them- whether it be because they don't deserve it, or because they can't understand where you're coming from. So out they went.

    In the end I feel it was a good choice for me. Some company can just be poison.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  20. DoveAlexa

    DoveAlexa Chaz's Lovey Bunny
    Donor

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2010
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    1,996
    Likes Received:
    272
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    9
    Some people are never sorry, either.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
Loading...

Share This Page