Doorslam? | INFJ Forum

Doorslam?

Razare

Razare

Community Member
Apr 4, 2010
393
51
0
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
5w6 sx/sp
I've heard this buzzword a couple of times on the forum. I have a guess at its meaning, but let me just make sure I am correct.

Would me telling my ex I never want to speak to her again for the remainder of my life, and then proceeding to ignore her text messages count as a "doorslam"?
 
Razare said:
I've heard this buzzword a couple of times on the forum. I have a guess at its meaning, but let me just make sure I am correct.

Would me telling my ex I never want to speak to her again for the remainder of my life, and then proceeding to ignore her text messages count as a "doorslam"?
Click to expand...

Sort of.

Sometimes you don't need to tell that person anything, you just stop communicating with them and that's it.
 
Ahh, got ya. Thanks.
 
Yep... telling them that you don't want to ever speak again is still communication.

The INFJ doorslam seems to be a matter of complete ignoring.
 
Flavus Aquila said:
Yep... telling them that you don't want to ever speak again is still communication.

The INFJ doorslam seems to be a matter of complete ignoring.
Click to expand...

exactly
 
It is a complete ignoring as well as the complete severing of any emotional consideration for that person.

Whether that emotion is hate, love, like, distain etc. The door slammed person just no longer rouses any emotional response.

In fact, for the people in my life I've door slammed, I feel (and probably think) more about and for the rocks in my yard than I do for them.
 
I've done it to a few times for different specific reasons, but usually it comes down to thinking the person isn't good for me or doesn't treat me right, and that they are unlikely to change. Even if I miss and think about them a lot I won't make contact, and would probably ignore their attempts to contact me.
 
I have difficulty doorslamming anyone permanently. In the past, I have tried to shut people off only when a line was seriously crossed and keeping contact with them would remind me of the hurtful feeling and pain.

However, I have a soft spot which makes it hard for me to say no to people who genuinely want to make up with me and try to initiate contact again. Fortunately, it is not apparent to most people that this vulnerability of mine can be easily exploited.

:smow:
 
invisible said:
how do you use it in a sentence? like "i doorslammed my father years ago and i feel better about it every day"?
Click to expand...
Kind of. I think it's a verb and noun. "I committed a doorslam just now. It feels...empty."

As far as doorslamming goes, this part of the quote goes for me;
"The opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference."
Click to expand...
 
Tulip said:
I have difficulty doorslamming anyone permanently. In the past, I have tried to shut people off only when a line was seriously crossed and keeping contact with them would remind me of the hurtful feeling and pain.

However, I have a soft spot which makes it hard for me to say no to people who genuinely want to make up with me and try to initiate contact again. Fortunately, it is not apparent to most people that this vulnerability of mine can be easily exploited.

:smow:
Click to expand...


I know how this goes... I've been worrying what will happen if my ex calls me up crying, saying she made a big mistake and was a total idiot. :m095:

I'm not certain she can change how she is, and I'm doubtful I could ever trust her again. She's a nice person that doesn't know the meaning of responsibility or commitment, and that's why she can't be trusted. She can't say "I'll be exclusive with you." and actually mean it, because she can't hold herself to what she says even if she genuinely means it when it is said.

So logically, I shouldn't have anything to do with her again, just if there's a soft-spot in me for anyone it's her.
 
I have a couple of doorslams down in my book.

But... Wouldn't it be more of quietly-closes-door-and-sneaks-off?
 
NeverAmI said:
But... Wouldn't it be more of quietly-closes-door-and-sneaks-off?
Click to expand...

I hate to say this, but have done a lot of those. I don't talk/hang out with anyone from my high school now, and try to avoid interacting with those from that high school I see at my uni. When friendships have turned sour with female friends because i don't gossip and am easily emotionally manipulated, I have avoided the person.

I have just cut all ties and moved on, some of those relationships were too painful for me. If I can't get away because of mutual friends with soured friendships that i see no solution to, I just don't hang out with that person alone anymore.

I now keep my circle of intimate friends small, and don't add people i don't trust to my skype list so i don't have to talk to those who might betray me.

Most people don't get that (doorslamming and keeping different levels of integrity). I don't want to talk to everyone all the time. I have only about 8 contacts on skype and I trust them with my feelings and thoughts.
 
Heh, I've done a lot of doorslamming in my time. Pretty much my ex's get this if the reason we split was bad enough. I've also done this to a whole group of friends in one fell swoop. However, I don't do it quietly, it really is a SLAM action for me. However, I am not indifferent to those I doorslam, I stay mad forever, since I rarely if ever get an apology. However, when I do, and if they mean it (I can feel if they don't), then I have mixed feelings of resentment and longing to have them back but remembering what they did -- more for the lost friendships though, not the relationships.

The amount I hate is directly proportional to the amount I loved them (as lovers or friends) before the doorslam.

Silly thing is, one long ago friend I doorslammed welcomed me back into his life, but I still was really very mad (since he didn't think he had any part to play in it going down so badly), so I couldn't go back, but I really miss him...
I sometimes talk about him like we never stopped being friends ;_;
 
  • Like
Reactions: Trifoilum
I have a concrete example that involves literally slamming a door. In fact, I may be the origin of this expression in typology communities.

Once, when I was younger, I found out that my best friend was moving away. I begged them not to, and when they said they couldn't help it, I angrily told them to leave and never come back because they weren't my friend anymore (thinking that if they really cared, they wouldn't leave, and thus they must have been tricking me this whole time by pretending to be my friend). The next day when they came over to say goodbye, I slammed the door in their face after saying in an mildly bored voice, "Look, I already told you, I don't like you anymore. Bye."

And then I just walked back over to my computer and started working again as if nothing had happened. My mother remembers this because she said it was the "coldest thing she'd ever seen." And I do feel more shame about it now, but I think I just felt that once I ended my friendship, it was over, and that was that. I still kind of have that mentality, but I understand that it's messier than that now for a lot of people, and try to be more accommodating, but my heart's not in it at all once I end the friendship. It's more like realizing an obligation to tie up loose ends properly, rather than caring about them at that point. A weird trait... it makes me wonder if something is wrong with me at times.
 
Last edited:
Doorslamming sounds unhealthy. Do you who have doorslammed feel it is a positive thing to do?
 
uberrogo said:
Doorslamming sounds unhealthy. Do you who have doorslammed feel it is a positive thing to do?
Click to expand...
Well, if say, a guy was a really abusive boyfriend, yes it is. We won't doorslam someone for just anything, but I feel it hasn't enhanced my life in a few cases. I only do it if I'm beyond enraged.
 
I doorslammed an entire group of people right after high school. I basically composed an email to about 15 different people and outlined all the reasons this was going to occur, sent it, and that was that. I couldn't even respect them enough to tell them to their faces.

Some people just need to be cut loose. I didn't want to be a part of their lifestyle and the dynamic of their friendships was really screwed up.

I've door slammed a few men as well for various reasons. Sometimes keeping someone in your life is more stressful than trying to work through things with them- whether it be because they don't deserve it, or because they can't understand where you're coming from. So out they went.

In the end I feel it was a good choice for me. Some company can just be poison.
 
Some people are never sorry, either.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back