Do you like it when someone takes care of you?

[Gaze]

Questioning the motives behind the action?

Maybe. I guess i may probably think, "what do you expect from me . . . after you've given me all this . . .?" Are they simply being manipulative? Are they suddenly going to change overnight and become controlling the next?

I'd rather someone show they care by giving me space or respecting how i feel about something rather than "doing" something i.e. fussing or pampering.

 

[NeverAmI]

Maybe. I guess i may probably think, "what do you expect from me . . . after you've given me all this . . ." Are you suddenly going to change on me and become controlling the next. I'd rather someone show they care by giving me space or respecting how i feel about something rather than "doing" something i.e. fussing or pampering.

You can show you care by being more accepting of someone that tries to do something nice! Not saying it is a necessity, just a perspective.

 

[Gaze]

You can show you care by being more accepting of someone that tries to do something nice! Not saying it is a necessity, just a perspective.

Of course. My point is less about showing appreciation of niceness than hoping someone realizes that knowing what your partner needs should always factor in, not necessarily what you want to give them or what you think they need. Sometimes, we can be so focused on doing "for" their partner, that they don't notice that it's not what that person wants/needs. I prefer enjoying someone's company than whether or not they do something for me. But that's just me.

 

[Solongo]

I don't like to be fussed over but i enjoy pampering on small scales. Like my bf cooks me breakfast almost every morning and if im in a hurry he just packs it up. He also makes me tea the way i like it even before im about to ask for it.

Im blessed

 

[NeverAmI]

Sometimes, we can be so focused on doing "for" their partner, that they don't notice that it's not what that person wants/needs. I prefer enjoying someone's company than whether or not they do something for me. But that's just me.

I think if you get someone that is that obsessed with doing "for" their partner consistently, then you are damn lucky, lol.

But yea, I am pretty low maintenance myself, and I understand the space thing.

 

[Gaze]

I think if you get someone that is that obsessed with doing "for" their partner consistently, then you are damn lucky, lol.

no, not necessarily. It's not always as great as you think, especially when you're not given the chance or space to return the favor. The person who's giving maybe well intentioned, but it doesn't mean it will have the desired effect they want to create. To be good/effective, you need to consider your partner; can't simply be based on what you think or feel.

There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. i've seen the effects of this in my family. It can create dependency and feelings of inadequacy interestingly enough. There may be a sense that you don't deserve the attention or that it just feels too much. It can be stifling.

I've seen this constant giving as a way to make people constantly indebted and obligated. It can also make someone feel as if what they have to give in return is never going to be match up or good enough, because they can't compete. It can also be used indirectly to take away from someone's independence.

So, it's not as simple as thinking "as long as i'm well intentioned, then it's all good." It's perspective taking.

 

[NeverAmI]

Ah yea, if it is as a 'hook' to further an agenda then that is out of scope in the way I picture it. I simply think of giving to give, not giving in anticipation of receiving something.

My old ESTJ roommate was like that, would just taaaalk and taaaaalk about how much he 'does' for you and how little you 'do' for him.

But that was more about talk, and less about actual actions.

 

[Gaze]

Ah yea, if it is as a 'hook' to further an agenda then that is out of scope in the way I picture it. I simply think of giving to give, not giving in anticipation of receiving something.

My old ESTJ roommate was like that, would just taaaalk and taaaaalk about how much he 'does' for you and how little you 'do' for him.

But that was more about talk, and less about actual actions.

Ah. yeah, i guess i was probably addressing abuse of Fe instead of giving just to give. Not the same thing. heh.

 

[NeverAmI]

I think, ultimately, it comes down to a question of whether that person truly cares about the well-being of their partner, or whether that person is just in it for their personal gain despite it being at the expense of someone else. I think there are a lot of incredibly selfish people out there, and you have to guard against them.

Sometimes, it is hard to consider the well-being of someone else, especially in times of conflict. Those that do (or at least try) are really something to hold on to, although this is kind of off topic to the original thread, lol.