Do you hold grudges?

[Mogura]

Do you hold grudges? Do you have an average "hold time" for your grudges, or is it case-by-case (e.g., length of time proportional to severity of "crime")? Do you hold grudges so tightly that for all intents and purposes you will be taking them to the grave?

If you care to share or elaborate, then please do.

 

[PeaceSeeker]

Interesting question.
I would say that my natural tendency is to hold a grudge indefinitely ....... but for a while now I've tried to use more reason for each case, instead of letting my emotions decide what action I should take.

 

[VH]

It's difficult to get me to the point of a grudge.

Once someone pushes me too far, I hold a grudge until they make some manner of apologetic effort, at which point I'm pretty much over it. Granted, they have to do this in a way that doesn't make it worse.

I think this effect has been called the INFJ Doorslam.

 

[Mogura]

I thought an INFJ doorslam is when you strategically excise an individual from your life...

 

[detectivepope]

I have grudges, I keep them but it takes a lot to even bother me let alone fuck me off to the point of a grudge.

 

[sassafras]

The way I see a grudge is something you hold against someone for a long, long time and you think about it every now and again. Personally, that takes too much energy. I just distance myself and then forget about the person. If I see them again, yeah, the bitterness might bubble to the surface--but I don't show it. No point in burning bridges with open hostility.

 

[DimensionX]

The way I see a grudge is something you hold against someone for a long, long time and you think about it every now and again. Personally, that takes too much energy. I just distance myself and then forget about the person. If I see them again, yeah, the bitterness might bubble to the surface--but I don't show it. No point in burning bridges with open hostility.

I do the same, distance and forget, if you just openly blow up at the person it tends to affect your own friendships, although I prefer to tell the person directly and calmly why I'm I don't like them or why I'm distancing myself from them and then distance and forget about them, that way they don't pursue you and bug you. It tends to make the matter far more simplistic and less stressful for all that are involved in the situation.

 

[Siamese cat]

I do my best not to, it has proven to be very bad for me. Letting go is more beneficial.

 

[This]

Never in my life.

 

[Lerxst]

I don't hold a grudge; I just never forget.

 

[VH]

I thought an INFJ doorslam is when you strategically excise an individual from your life...

It's never strategic when I do it. They push me too far, and all of a sudden I'm no longer receptive to them. Bang. Done.

I consider this a grudge because once this happens, something has to be done to reverse it. It will never vanish on its own.

I don't go out of my way to do any harm to the person or anything. I don't feel like I owe them retribution, or they owe me restitution. It's just a disconnect. Sometimes I can't even tell you what causes it, as it can be a straw that broke the donkey's back sort of issue. But, the end result is I have a wall up to that person, whether or not it is fair. My definition of grudge could be off because to qualify for what most people would call a grudge, someone really has to earn my scorn, and by that point it's not a grudge it's a legitimate resentment.

 

[This]

I've honestly never seen any value in holding grudges, I'm sure anything that I hate in someone else is just a reflection of something I see in myself that I'm trying to distance myself from or a quality I envy. Carrying a grudge around with me will ultimately hurt me more than whoever I'm angry with, they can't feel those emotions that I'm placing on myself.

 

[VH]

I've honestly never seen any value in holding grudges, I'm sure anything that I hate in someone else is just a reflection of something I see in myself that I'm trying to distance myself from or a quality I envy. Carrying a grudge around with me will ultimately hurt me more than whoever I'm angry with, they can't feel those emotions that I'm placing on myself.

Kudos.

 

[Norwich]

At the moment I cant think of anyone I am holding a grudge against. I certainly have in the past but like Siamese cat said,

Letting go is more beneficial.

There are some people that annoy me so I avoid them. Of course I usually analyze the situation to figure out what aspect of their personality is bugging me. Like Sali, I question myself. Is it

just a reflection of something I see in myself that I'm trying to distance myself from....

As far as the INFJ Doorslam, there are people from my past that would probably say they had been a victim of this. If someone habitually behaves in a disrespectful way even after we've discussed their behavior, I will eventually distance myself. I value relationship so this isn't something I do lightly. Yet it seems ridiculous to remain close to someone that consistently does hurtful things.

 

[Mogura]

The way I see a grudge is something you hold against someone for a long, long time and you think about it every now and again. Personally, that takes too much energy. I just distance myself and then forget about the person. If I see them again, yeah, the bitterness might bubble to the surface--but I don't show it. No point in burning bridges with open hostility.

I like how you put this. It plays out for me much in the same way...

 

[barbad0s]

It's tough to for very long; being spiteful is exhausting. I let go of the grudgey emotion, but keep the memory of the slight towards me somewhere in the back of my mind.

 

[Edith]

I don't go out of my way to do any harm to the person or anything. I don't feel like I owe them retribution, or they owe me restitution. It's just a disconnect. Sometimes I can't even tell you what causes it, as it can be a straw that broke the donkey's back sort of issue. But, the end result is I have a wall up to that person, whether or not it is fair. My definition of grudge could be off because to qualify for what most people would call a grudge, someone really has to earn my scorn, and by that point it's not a grudge it's a legitimate resentment.

This is sort of the case for me. I'm not actively spiteful to someone I hold a grudge against, and I don't go out of my way to get revenge or anything. But the way I think about them changes.

 

[AhSver]

I shoot grudges in their FACE!!
Because life is too short for that.
If I have a problem I try to solve it. If I can't: I move on with the problem.

 

[Psalm]

I don't. I think grudges are a waste of energy.

However, it's very hard for me to let go of certain feelings of contempt for a person in my life. Even if I say "I forgive them" I still don't feel like I truly have let go.

 

[54192&#cmy]

Do you hold grudges? Do you have an average "hold time" for your grudges, or is it case-by-case (e.g., length of time proportional to severity of "crime")? Do you hold grudges so tightly that for all intents and purposes you will be taking them to the grave?

If you care to share or elaborate, then please do.

Depends on the person. Phil and I know your out there Phuck You! Yes I hold grudges. And if you pissed me off enough to remember what an azzhole you are for all time. Then ya it's for sure a grudge. In reality their not grudges. Their warning signs. Reminders that you have been screwed by these people before. And if your not speaking it's for a darn good reason. We make the assumption in life that people think like we do. They don't. And some of them have motivations. And that's how they get threw life. They friend you and then try to be like you. And they get close to you so they can use you. Or get what you have for themselves. Or steal your ideas. Or whatever they are after. People need other people in life. Life is not possible without people. It's how the world goes round. It's unfortunate that we have not discovered a way to get along for the betterment of us all.

So grudges keep the unfriendlies away and me safe. It's your life respect others and the respect comes back. Disrespect them and get the same...​