Do many people hate the INFJ ability to read others and dig up hidden motivations?

[Artemisia]

Does this INFJ "talent" make others feel uneasy around you? Do some people hate you because you can read them and bring up hidden motivations?

 

[Misty]

Does this INFJ "talent" make others feel uneasy around you? Do some people hate you because you can read them and bring up hidden motivations?

Definitely. It does have a tendency to make us appear spooky or as "conspiracy" thinkers, as well. But that moment when what you said was happening comes into the light.. it's nothing short of magic.. I think this is another reason we tend to have small, tight knit circles of those we are close to. These are the people who actually believe us.

 

[Puzzlenuzzle]

I wouldn't say necessarily hate... e.g. guilt or stubbornness to preserve themselves can come out like dislike.

I used to not put much interest into other peoples hidden motives and stuff - I genuinely didn't care or well, I would focus on why they have that motive and what could be hurting him/her because I knew it had nothing to do with me, e.g. I or someone else was just in their way. Whatever people say or do only reveals what's within them.
I would in some cases tell my closest friends though because they're rather quick to jump the gun when someone is mean or could be perceived as mean lol but, I would tell them or even bicker with them so they wouldn't judge the person and get assy with him/her, and understand where the person with assy-ways is coming from. I mean, there is only room for one ass at a time lol And, there is no need to use their hurt against them, it does nobody any good.

If you can know their hidden motives you can equally know what's hurting them. We've all been hurt and getting a random help is better than needing to deal with everything alone.

Anyway, Ironically, many of those that had hidden motives have turned into becoming good friends of mine, And my friends have embraced them.
I was basically really naive or something prior to getting PTSD.. I just wanted everyone to feel good and be friends. It even might have been selfish or I might have felt useless if I did, I don't know.

'You' don't have to become friends with that person but we are all people with souls in the end of the day, we all get hurt. Sometimes our hurts come out in unconventional ways but in the end of the day nobody wants to feel hurt.

...However, lol, after getting PTSD I do put at times interest in hidden motives and I find that a shame. I don't want to but "there are" dangers everywhere now and I can get really quickly paranoid. The shitty part about it is that I still know what's going to happen! But I can't always tell the difference between knowing if it's a fear response or an intuitive one.I only know though what is what if I calm down, take a step back and try to feel what's hurting them. Then it gets clearer but sometimes.. eh.. that gets forgotten and I turn into an ass. Kind of have learned lately just to give people a free pass and try not to project my own assy-ways onto them. If I do then I need to tell them.

The world can be a shitty horrible place but it's honestly up to us to make it better. Not the next person or some twice removed cousin of a friend of a friend.

okay rambling over but the moral of the story: we can all be asses at times, give the benefit of the doubt.

 

[Misty]

Ironically, we see through others like glass, while - quite painfully our own intentions & true - genuine feelings are so often misread as wishy washy or disingenuous. This is because we are actually continuously assessing & reevaluating what is right to do in each situation.. and need time to truly process what we're actually feeling deep down. This further compounds when we become frozen, so sfraid to make a mistake that will hurt us or others, especially when we know there's no win / win.. only the lesser of two evils to chose between. I think these things win us lots of unearned enemies..

 

[sassafras]

While I'm sure there are some people who would prefer to keep their motives/insecurities hidden and thus dislike someone who seemed to be able to read them despite their best efforts, the flip side of the coin is that INFJs tend to be rather reserved and insecure themselves. If you can't get the person who can read you like a book open up to you, that can feel rather disingenuous... or even threatening.

For best results, relating to people should be a two-way street.

 

[sassafras]

Ironically, we see through others like glass, while - quite painfully our own intentions & true - genuine feelings are so often misread as wishy washy or disingenuous. This is because we are actually continuously assessing & reevaluating what is right to do in each situation.. and need time to truly process what we're actually feeling deep down. This further compounds when we become frozen, so sfraid to make a mistake that will hurt us or others, especially when we know there's no win / win.. only the lesser of two evils to chose between. I think these things win us lots of unearned enemies..

 

[Wyote]

For a very long time I had no fucking clue how uneasy I made people on a regular basis.
It definitely does make some people uneasy. For me personally though, those people can fuck right off.
My intentions are good and I am open to discussion, always.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Does this INFJ "talent" make others feel uneasy around you? Do some people hate you because you can read them and bring up hidden motivations?

INTJ Perspective:

When I figure something out about someone that they're trying to conceal, or see that their front is disingenuous, I have a habit of calling it out - not in a mean way, just in a matter of fact way, and yeah it ruffles feathers. I'm not referring to forum talk here, but mostly real life. So the 'do people hate' part of the question is not really about making people uncomfortable for knowing their motivations, but for saying it out loud and ruining their night.

E.g. Recently someone was humblebragging to me/us (4 person group) about how 'apartments in the [local city] are soooo cheap! Only £1,000 pcm!'. Now, £1,000 is not 'cheap' - a minimum-wage earner in the UK can manage about £400pcm at a stretch. So I said 'Hahaha! A grand isn't fucking cheap, that's crazy talk.' She went red and backtracked, and then had to leave about ten minutes later. She was wealthy, proud of it, and wanted us to know.

P.S. I'm not proud of this by the way, but it's just a compulsion sometimes. It's like my brain goes 'bullshit!', and I'm like 'yeah! I should say it!'

 

[acd]

INTJ Perspective:

When I figure something out about someone that they're trying to conceal, or see that their front is disingenuous, I have a habit of calling it out - not in a mean way, just in a matter of fact way, and yeah it ruffles feathers. I'm not referring to forum talk here, but mostly real life. So the 'do people hate' part of the question is not really about making people uncomfortable for knowing their motivations, but for saying it out loud and ruining their night.

E.g. Recently someone was humblebragging to me/us (4 person group) about how 'apartments in the [local city] are soooo cheap! Only £1,000 pcm!'. Now, £1,000 is not 'cheap' - a minimum-wage earner in the UK can manage about £400pcm at a stretch. So I said 'Hahaha! A grand isn't fucking cheap, that's crazy talk.' She went red and backtracked, and then had to leave about ten minutes later. She was wealthy, proud of it, and wanted us to know.

P.S. I'm not proud of this by the way, but it's just a compulsion sometimes. It's like my brain goes 'bullshit!', and I'm like 'yeah! I should say it!'

.... Oh I do this too. And it is a compulsion.
Wonder if that's an Fi/Te thing? 'Because what's right is right, damnit don't try to fool me/everyone else!'

 

[Deleted member 16771]

.... Oh I do this too. And it is a compulsion.
Wonder if that's an Fi/Te thing? 'Because what's right is right, damnit don't try to fool me/everyone else!'

 

[MoonFlier]

My issue isn't really with reading people, in fact frequently I'm the naive person in the group as I keep my eyes down, ears closed and try my hardest not to get distracted, although this ability is going away with time.

I am only comfortable in a company when I have a feeling for the big picture. I want to know all the details, where we're located around the globe, what our products are, who our clients are, how we're growing, how we're dealing with changes in technology and people.

My position usually allows me to look deep inside the projects and technology to see it from the inside as well as from that 10K' view.

Once I start piecing this puzzle together I start seeing where the company is going and who it will impact from clients to employees. Usually the higher ups have no feelings for the employees and couldn't care less if their decisions hurt good workers. I look at how the changes will impact the clients and see if it can be leveraged to help both the clients AND the workers. Frequently there are ways that those in charge do not want to hear. It's gotten me in trouble "with the boss" a few times. They don't like it when a peon like me points out that there's a leak in the boat that can be patched when it's their intention to sell the boat as is.

That's the long way of saying, yes, people are uncomfortable around me. They think I'm either full of bull or a trouble maker.

 

[dragulagu]

It’s because you’re natural (not professional!) psychoanalysts, because you use your empathic skills to measure a person out in regards to how someone would feel in that situation on the receiving as well as the conveying side. But being a psychoanalyst all the time, putting people on "the bench" will make them feel uneasy.

Personally as INTJ; when I analyse people, I tend to do it in a low-energy mode, just low-key observation. When there are conflicting motives, I measure it out against a) my own (Fi) principles and b) the harmony of the situation or group (conflict aversiveness).
When and only if there is a conflict, the observation goes into high-energy mode and I'll be doing some questioning or sometimes point out. There isn’t much of a point nudging in someone’s flaws when they or the situation don’t require it.

Information time (to build upon what I'm saying):

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/06/lying-hoax-false-fibs-science/

Some older research in regards to the frequency of lying:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/int.../how-often-do-people-lie-in-their-daily-lives
https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2002-06/uoma-urf061002.php

The method of detecting lies on people by questioning:
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2016/03/deception

 

[Deleted member 16771]

being a psychoanalyst all the time, putting people on "the bench" will make them feel uneasy.

Do you mean on 'the couch'?

In general, though, very apt post!

 

[dragulagu]

Do you mean on 'the couch'?

Ehm yeah I guess lol, didn't know the right name of the term.

 

[Wyote]

So the 'do people hate' part of the question is not really about making people uncomfortable for knowing their motivations, but for saying it out loud and ruining their night.

I try to only ruin people's life night when they ask me to

 

[Deleted member 16771]

I try to only ruin people's life night when they ask me to

Consent

 

[Misty]

For a very long time I had no fucking clue how uneasy I made people on a regular basis.
It definitely does make some people uneasy. For me personally though, those people can fuck right off.
My intentions are good and I am open to discussion, always.

Precisely. That's what I was saying to OP in 1st response, basically - that this is why we have a small circle of those we are close to.. as those are the ones who accept / believe us. Correct.. the rest can piss off. Easy way to weed out the baddies.

 

[Misty]

Aye, Sassy

 

[Wyote]

Amen

I say this mainly for others who have had a tough go of it as well. I understand the difficulty in discovering that your (people struggling, not you specifically) way of operating, as idealistic and well intended as it is, still doesn't work for other people sometimes. We're all at different places and we do what we can generally. It's always better to be adaptable rather than set on a certain direction. I say "fuck off" because often that's what I need for myself, to not cause more damage to them. It's not a me not caring kind of fuck off. It's the other way around.

 

[Wyote]

Yeah, l totally get it. That's why I say to that "Amen".

I figured you did, but I realized I hadn't fully articulated my thoughts on it and it seemed good to do so here.

Glad you relate!