Do many people hate the INFJ ability to read others and dig up hidden motivations? | INFJ Forum

Do many people hate the INFJ ability to read others and dig up hidden motivations?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Artemisia, May 7, 2019.

Share This Page

Watchers:
This thread is being watched by 6 users.
More threads by Artemisia
  1. Artemisia

    Artemisia Community Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2014
    Threads:
    87
    Messages:
    352
    Featured Threads:
    12
    Likes Received:
    176
    Trophy Points:
    577
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Does this INFJ "talent" make others feel uneasy around you? Do some people hate you because you can read them and bring up hidden motivations?
     
  2. Misty

    Misty Spidey Sense Wielder

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2017
    Threads:
    15
    Messages:
    3,909
    Featured Threads:
    4
    Likes Received:
    18,255
    Trophy Points:
    1,862
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Netherlands
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w3 sx/sp
    Definitely. It does have a tendency to make us appear spooky or as "conspiracy" thinkers, as well. But that moment when what you said was happening comes into the light.. it's nothing short of magic.. I think this is another reason we tend to have small, tight knit circles of those we are close to. These are the people who actually believe us.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Wyote, Artemisia and Lady Jolanda like this.
  3. Puzzlenuzzle

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2018
    Threads:
    4
    Messages:
    631
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    6,979
    Trophy Points:
    1,152
    Location:
    YouKay
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    945
    I wouldn't say necessarily hate... e.g. guilt or stubbornness to preserve themselves can come out like dislike.

    I used to not put much interest into other peoples hidden motives and stuff - I genuinely didn't care or well, I would focus on why they have that motive and what could be hurting him/her because I knew it had nothing to do with me, e.g. I or someone else was just in their way. Whatever people say or do only reveals what's within them.
    I would in some cases tell my closest friends though because they're rather quick to jump the gun when someone is mean or could be perceived as mean lol but, I would tell them or even bicker with them so they wouldn't judge the person and get assy with him/her, and understand where the person with assy-ways is coming from. I mean, there is only room for one ass at a time lol:wink: And, there is no need to use their hurt against them, it does nobody any good.

    If you can know their hidden motives you can equally know what's hurting them. We've all been hurt and getting a random help is better than needing to deal with everything alone.

    Anyway, Ironically, many of those that had hidden motives have turned into becoming good friends of mine, And my friends have embraced them.
    I was basically really naive or something prior to getting PTSD.. I just wanted everyone to feel good and be friends. It even might have been selfish or I might have felt useless if I did, I don't know.

    'You' don't have to become friends with that person but we are all people with souls in the end of the day, we all get hurt. Sometimes our hurts come out in unconventional ways but in the end of the day nobody wants to feel hurt.

    ...However, lol, after getting PTSD I do put at times interest in hidden motives and I find that a shame. I don't want to but "there are" dangers everywhere now :fearscream: and I can get really quickly paranoid. The shitty part about it is that I still know what's going to happen! But I can't always tell the difference between knowing if it's a fear response or an intuitive one.I only know though what is what if I calm down, take a step back and try to feel what's hurting them. Then it gets clearer but sometimes.. eh.. that gets forgotten and I turn into an ass. Kind of have learned lately just to give people a free pass and try not to project my own assy-ways onto them. If I do then I need to tell them.

    The world can be a shitty horrible place but it's honestly up to us to make it better. Not the next person or some twice removed cousin of a friend of a friend.

    okay rambling over :smile: but the moral of the story: we can all be asses at times, give the benefit of the doubt.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Wyote, dragulagu and Artemisia like this.
  4. Misty

    Misty Spidey Sense Wielder

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2017
    Threads:
    15
    Messages:
    3,909
    Featured Threads:
    4
    Likes Received:
    18,255
    Trophy Points:
    1,862
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Netherlands
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w3 sx/sp
    Ironically, we see through others like glass, while - quite painfully our own intentions & true - genuine feelings are so often misread as wishy washy or disingenuous. This is because we are actually continuously assessing & reevaluating what is right to do in each situation.. and need time to truly process what we're actually feeling deep down. This further compounds when we become frozen, so sfraid to make a mistake that will hurt us or others, especially when we know there's no win / win.. only the lesser of two evils to chose between. I think these things win us lots of unearned enemies..
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Wyote and sassafras like this.
  5. sassafras

    sassafras the devil wears nada

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    171
    Messages:
    11,347
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    16,926
    Trophy Points:
    1,726
    MBTI:
    .
    While I'm sure there are some people who would prefer to keep their motives/insecurities hidden and thus dislike someone who seemed to be able to read them despite their best efforts, the flip side of the coin is that INFJs tend to be rather reserved and insecure themselves. If you can't get the person who can read you like a book open up to you, that can feel rather disingenuous... or even threatening.

    For best results, relating to people should be a two-way street.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Hostarius and Wyote like this.
  6. sassafras

    sassafras the devil wears nada

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2009
    Threads:
    171
    Messages:
    11,347
    Featured Threads:
    2
    Likes Received:
    16,926
    Trophy Points:
    1,726
    MBTI:
    .
    [​IMG]
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    dragulagu, Misty and Wyote like this.
  7. Wyote

    Wyote Con Risa Absoluta
    Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2008
    Threads:
    224
    Messages:
    27,027
    Featured Threads:
    14
    Likes Received:
    116,953
    Trophy Points:
    4,271
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    Ni Space
    Enneagram:
    9 Seas
    For a very long time I had no fucking clue how uneasy I made people on a regular basis.
    It definitely does make some people uneasy. For me personally though, those people can fuck right off.
    My intentions are good and I am open to discussion, always.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Misty, Hostarius and sassafras like this.
  8. Hostarius

    Hostarius Apostate INFJ

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2018
    Threads:
    16
    Messages:
    3,647
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    27,473
    Trophy Points:
    2,242
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK, a part of the EU
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    INTJ Perspective:

    When I figure something out about someone that they're trying to conceal, or see that their front is disingenuous, I have a habit of calling it out - not in a mean way, just in a matter of fact way, and yeah it ruffles feathers. I'm not referring to forum talk here, but mostly real life. So the 'do people hate' part of the question is not really about making people uncomfortable for knowing their motivations, but for saying it out loud and ruining their night.

    E.g. Recently someone was humblebragging to me/us (4 person group) about how 'apartments in the [local city] are soooo cheap! Only £1,000 pcm!'. Now, £1,000 is not 'cheap' - a minimum-wage earner in the UK can manage about £400pcm at a stretch. So I said 'Hahaha! A grand isn't fucking cheap, that's crazy talk.' She went red and backtracked, and then had to leave about ten minutes later. She was wealthy, proud of it, and wanted us to know.

    P.S. I'm not proud of this by the way, but it's just a compulsion sometimes. It's like my brain goes 'bullshit!', and I'm like 'yeah! I should say it!'
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    #8 Hostarius, May 11, 2019
    Last edited: May 11, 2019
    Wyote and acd like this.
  9. acd

    acd Well-known member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Threads:
    133
    Messages:
    12,566
    Featured Threads:
    8
    Likes Received:
    15,486
    Trophy Points:
    1,227
    MBTI:
    infp
    Enneagram:
    9w8 sp/sx
    :sweatsmile:
    .... Oh I do this too. And it is a compulsion.
    Wonder if that's an Fi/Te thing? 'Because what's right is right, damnit don't try to fool me/everyone else!'
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Misty, Wyote and Hostarius like this.
  10. Hostarius

    Hostarius Apostate INFJ

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2018
    Threads:
    16
    Messages:
    3,647
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    27,473
    Trophy Points:
    2,242
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK, a part of the EU
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    [​IMG]
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Wyote and acd like this.
  11. MoonFlier

    MoonFlier Community Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2019
    Threads:
    12
    Messages:
    508
    Featured Threads:
    3
    Likes Received:
    2,383
    Trophy Points:
    1,002
    Gender:
    Female
    MBTI:
    INxJ
    My issue isn't really with reading people, in fact frequently I'm the naive person in the group as I keep my eyes down, ears closed and try my hardest not to get distracted, although this ability is going away with time.

    I am only comfortable in a company when I have a feeling for the big picture. I want to know all the details, where we're located around the globe, what our products are, who our clients are, how we're growing, how we're dealing with changes in technology and people.

    My position usually allows me to look deep inside the projects and technology to see it from the inside as well as from that 10K' view.

    Once I start piecing this puzzle together I start seeing where the company is going and who it will impact from clients to employees. Usually the higher ups have no feelings for the employees and couldn't care less if their decisions hurt good workers. I look at how the changes will impact the clients and see if it can be leveraged to help both the clients AND the workers. Frequently there are ways that those in charge do not want to hear. It's gotten me in trouble "with the boss" a few times. They don't like it when a peon like me points out that there's a leak in the boat that can be patched when it's their intention to sell the boat as is.

    That's the long way of saying, yes, people are uncomfortable around me. They think I'm either full of bull or a trouble maker.
     
    #11 MoonFlier, May 11, 2019
    Last edited: May 11, 2019
    Misty, Wyote and Hostarius like this.
  12. dragulagu

    dragulagu Truth does not change because it is, or is not. 42
    Donor

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2019
    Threads:
    12
    Messages:
    452
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2,058
    Trophy Points:
    997
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Waffleland
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    549
    It’s because you’re natural (not professional!) psychoanalysts, because you use your empathic skills to measure a person out in regards to how someone would feel in that situation on the receiving as well as the conveying side. But being a psychoanalyst all the time, putting people on "the bench" will make them feel uneasy.

    Personally as INTJ; when I analyse people, I tend to do it in a low-energy mode, just low-key observation. When there are conflicting motives, I measure it out against a) my own (Fi) principles and b) the harmony of the situation or group (conflict aversiveness).
    When and only if there is a conflict, the observation goes into high-energy mode and I'll be doing some questioning or sometimes point out. There isn’t much of a point nudging in someone’s flaws when they or the situation don’t require it.

    Information time (to build upon what I'm saying):
    Screen Shot 2019-05-11 at 07.43.26.pngScreen Shot 2019-05-11 at 07.43.37.png
    https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/06/lying-hoax-false-fibs-science/

    Some older research in regards to the frequency of lying:
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/int.../how-often-do-people-lie-in-their-daily-lives
    https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2002-06/uoma-urf061002.php

    The method of detecting lies on people by questioning:
    https://www.apa.org/monitor/2016/03/deception
     
    MoonFlier, Misty, Wyote and 2 others like this.
  13. Hostarius

    Hostarius Apostate INFJ

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2018
    Threads:
    16
    Messages:
    3,647
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    27,473
    Trophy Points:
    2,242
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK, a part of the EU
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    Do you mean on 'the couch'?

    In general, though, very apt post!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Misty, Wyote and dragulagu like this.
  14. dragulagu

    dragulagu Truth does not change because it is, or is not. 42
    Donor

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2019
    Threads:
    12
    Messages:
    452
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2,058
    Trophy Points:
    997
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Waffleland
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    549
    Ehm yeah I guess lol, didn't know the right name of the term.
     
    Misty, Wyote and Hostarius like this.
  15. Wyote

    Wyote Con Risa Absoluta
    Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2008
    Threads:
    224
    Messages:
    27,027
    Featured Threads:
    14
    Likes Received:
    116,953
    Trophy Points:
    4,271
    Gender:
    Male
    MBTI:
    Ni Space
    Enneagram:
    9 Seas
    I try to only ruin people's life night when they ask me to
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Misty and Hostarius like this.
  16. Hostarius

    Hostarius Apostate INFJ

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2018
    Threads:
    16
    Messages:
    3,647
    Featured Threads:
    11
    Likes Received:
    27,473
    Trophy Points:
    2,242
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK, a part of the EU
    MBTI:
    INTJ
    Enneagram:
    1w2
    :laughing::laughing:

    Consent
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Misty and Wyote like this.
  17. Misty

    Misty Spidey Sense Wielder

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2017
    Threads:
    15
    Messages:
    3,909
    Featured Threads:
    4
    Likes Received:
    18,255
    Trophy Points:
    1,862
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Netherlands
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w3 sx/sp
    Precisely. That's what I was saying to OP in 1st response, basically - that this is why we have a small circle of those we are close to.. as those are the ones who accept / believe us. Correct.. the rest can piss off. Easy way to weed out the baddies.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    jkxx, dragulagu and Wyote like this.
  18. Misty

    Misty Spidey Sense Wielder

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2017
    Threads:
    15
    Messages:
    3,909
    Featured Threads:
    4
    Likes Received:
    18,255
    Trophy Points:
    1,862
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Netherlands
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    4w3 sx/sp
    :) Aye, Sassy
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    jkxx and Wyote like this.
Loading...

Share This Page