Differentiation of Self | INFJ Forum

Differentiation of Self

Discussion in 'Philosophy and Religion' started by Satya, Jan 30, 2009.

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  1. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    http://rodesmith.com/2006/03/25/bowen-differentiation/

    Thoughts? Have you been able to differentiate yourself from others? Do you think INFJs have an easier or harder time with this task?
     
    #1 Satya, Jan 30, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2009
  2. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I think I've been pretty successful in differentiating myself. I don't know so much about others of the type; I think typically it might be easier for an N type to differentiate themselves from society than an S type would be
     
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  3. OP
    Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    I was primarily referring to the ability to differentiate from friends, family, and your community (those who are close to you); not society as a whole.
     
    #3 Satya, Jan 30, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2009
  4. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I think this stuff should be integrated within the school curriculum.

    I know that doesn't answer your question Satya.

    In thinking about school - the school curriculum, as I know it, is ancient. I enjoyed school and did well, but I barely remember what I spent my time learning. Schools need to have programs that address life skills, emotions, communication, coping, human rights - some psychology and sociology basics. Some kids learn the stuff at home, or even in the community. But there are many children who don't have the same opportunities to acquire the skills to succeed in life, to develop into healthy adults. It is unfortunate and fortunately, addressable.

    Rather than forcing children to sit through classes on a variety of things they may not care about, they could teach what is relevant and find more creative ways to let kids learn the rest.

    In terms of your question, I am working on it. I think it may be easier for INFJs or people in general who have a tendency to be reflective or have insight into the psyche, relations between people, and personal responsibility.
     
  5. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    Talk about a post out of place!

    :rant: - that's my school curriculum rant..

    Your article reminded me of it... and I started ranting :lol:
     
  6. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    You sound exactly like my mom (and that is a good thing) :)
     
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  7. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    Thanks Indigo!
     
  8. gOpHeR

    gOpHeR Community Member

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    I think I'm doing fairly well differentiating myself with those close to me.

    I'm reminded about a time in drivers ed. where the teacher said something to the point of "There are accidents where noone is to blame, but there's alwayse a way the accident could have been avoided."

    I think to be a passive bystander in your own life is neglegent to yourself and those around you. I think some of the traits many INFJs have like avoiding conflict can sometimes errode a sence of self in certain relationships. On the other side of the coin I find people that that are selfless to be admirable. Another feature of the INFJ is a fairly rock solid set of ideals and morals that can be very helpful in staying grounded.

    I'm not too sure any of this was coherant, or fit the subject, but that's what happens when I see a lot of words, I skim and pull something out of my as..head...
     
  9. Eeyore

    Eeyore Regular Poster

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    I fail 5, 6, 8, 9, 11, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 most of the time... which means I am not yet an adult, only a spoiled child :(
     
  10. ZenCat

    ZenCat Waving Sage

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    This is a very interesting subject (you're excellent at very interesting subjects, Satya).

    This really came into play after my parents died, particularly my mother. Up until then, I had always thought of myself within my family as primarily more or less my father's or mother's daughter (my mother was the unofficial matriarch of our extended family/my father's 6 stepchildren were his focus and I was separate from that family). After she died, I came to recognize that I was (and had always thought to be by my family as) separate and distinct from her within the family, and loved for myself.
    Yes. These became a focal point in my life in my late 20's-early 30's, and I feel they developed very successfully.

    This has never been a problem.

    Neither has this.

    I continue to struggle with this. I'm not good at asking for help. I'm fairly good at recognizing my needs, but sometimes I think I twist/minimize them.

    Not previously an issue, but I have over the past few years somehow become absorbed into my immediate family (husband/son) in such a way that I have lost much of the sense of "myself" and who I am aside from being somebody's wife and somebody's mother.

    This is a powerful thought. I think I am acutely aware of the conflict between personal dreams and ambitions and hurting anyone by pursuing them... to the point where I'm not even consciously aware of what my dreams and ambitions actually are at this point in my life.

    Ditto above.

    This has always be very prominent in my decision making processes.

    Again, this is something that has come to bear in recent years. I've become very compartmentalized. I'm a wife. I'm a mother. To the detriment of who I am separate from these roles.

    I do neither. At least I don't recognize that I do. I certainly have no clearcut heroes or victims.

    Gave this up in my mid-twenties and devoted myself to being self-contained. Two years later, true love appeared accidentally in my life, though I never again reverted to expecting salvation from it.

    Oh yes. Have done this.

    Not grasping the meaning or applications of this one adequately.

    Struggling with this one, though I'm fully conscious of its importance.
     
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  11. KingOfSpades

    KingOfSpades Community Member

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    I'm curious what's the underlying theory that acts as the basis of these goals. I tend to agree that all these goals are worthwhile, but what are the assumptions we are making that lead to that conclusion?

    Seems to me that a big underlying assumption is the importance of personal responsibility...that we are responsible for our own lives, our own dreams, and can't use or rely on others to make ourselves happy. maybe responsibility is the foundation of all self-development?

    OF the community but not RULED by the community....
     
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  12. OP
    Satya

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    That is an excellent way of looking at it.

    I think the assumptions come from Erik Erikson's young adulthood psychosocial crisis, "Intimacy vs. Isolation". Finding the balance of separation between our personal identity and the identities of others. Being prepared for rejection, break ups, deaths of close ones, etc. As a friend of mine once said, "You have to decide for yourself that you are a valuable human being regardless of what anyone else might say or do."
     
  13. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I have some trouble with a few, but only a little; mostly I can relate, except for:
    6, 9 -- Sometimes I have difficulty impeding on others, or not feeling as if I own others something
    10, 12 -- But I also feel as if I use people sometimes, or leave them behind...
    16 -- That's my introversion speaking; I won't like living in an intensely traditional community...I kind of need to be able to do my own thing separate from society sometimes.
     
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