Depersonalization Disorder

[rachel]

A few years back, I went to a psychologist to discuss depersonalization disorder. I felt insane and I experienced the "dolly effect" when talking to people. I often thought to myself and was amazed/nervous that other people actually existed. Like, wow, these people are real. They have feelings. They are not robots. In other words, I felt SO DISCONNECTED FROM HUMANS, that it made me feel sick.

Anyway, the psychologist sucked and did not even really know what this disorder entailed. (Before moving to Kansas City from Omaha, NE I was on Adderall and I went off of it because the guy I was dating was all drug free and I was like OH YEAH! Cool! Me too!) Whatever the case, I went back on Adderall (the XR version), and while it sucks (makes me all focused and serious), it does keep me...awake and socially functioning. I love my naps on the weekends though when I don't take the medicine.

Any thoughts in general about "depersonalization disorder"...? I find it strange that Adderall would help with whatever was going on, and I am to a point where I don't ever "feel a high"...it just feels natural. How it should be.

 

[894tt3h9]

I experience this a lot. Usually it's because of my anxiety disorder. I have a tendency to feel like I am experiencing my own life second hand, that I'm going through the motions and that I am completely disconnected with everyone and everything. I've never been treated for it but it occurs frequently- mostly when I am surrounded by other people. I don't even know that I'd classify it as a disorder though I do often feel like perhaps I'm missing out on experiencing my own life because I tend not to feel anything as events happen.

 

[rachel]

I felt that way. As if I was "out of my body"...that really sucked. Perhaps it was anxiety. But I don't deal with it anymore. It could also be that I just don't give a f--k anymore. =]

 

[MikeINvalid]

Oh boy. I've had this off and on throughout my life (especially when I was younger) and didn't realize it was an official disorder... I just thought it was an existential crisis on my part. It's been a while since I've experienced this, probably because I have learned to avoid the situations that brings it on, but in retrospect I could see why adderall might help - it is all about being able to focus.
Anyway, I understand where you are coming from.

 

[rachel]

I discovered the "disorder" on my own...I wanted to be a psychiatrist and a Pocket Handbook of Clinical Psychology. One night, I opened the book to a random spot and read this. I was like, "NOOOOOO WAY! JOSE!"

 

[Optimist]

Huh. Not sure I've experienced it to that level, but I forget people I've known for ages exist unless they're right in front of me and visually I went through a period where I couldn't being a single mental snapshot of a single person I knew to mind.
I do feel as if sometimes the world is a Hollywood setup and while I'm constantly calculating others' perceptions, I have to be invited into them to realize they're real. Usually this happens by: 1)my feeling intuition alerts me this person is struggling with something 2) I work up the courage to ask then either a) they say nothing is wrong and I after I prod for a second, I walk away thinking my intuition just got be a boatload of misunderstanding or b) they open up like books and invite their pages to be read.
The biggest disconnect for me with people and the world around me is visually though. There have been many times I've looked at a tree and known what it felt like to have been blind an hard your eyes opened. It was like I had never seen a tree before. People are sometimes the same. I can envision a smile on a friend right now... But does she exist? Did that smile ever happen? She's not right before me so I don't know.

 

[Craig Weiler]

Me too, but not for many years. I'm fairly sure that this is related to childhood trauma, and sure enough, a quick google check confirmed that there are a boatload of studies on this connection.

I think that this is highly sensitive people cope with trauma. Basically, we have a very high sensitivity to both our own emotions and those of people around us. When we are overloaded and can no longer handle anymore, something has to shut down so that we can cope. We can reduce a great deal of overload by closing out the people around us and no longer experiencing their emotions. In other words, depersonalize them.

If it's mild, it means that you need to retreat from the world or somehow reduce your stress level (if that's possible). If it's severe, then you need to start learning how to bleed off some of the longtime fear you've accumulated over the years.

 

[Optimist]

Me too, but not for many years. I'm fairly sure that this is related to childhood trauma, and sure enough, a quick google check confirmed that there are a boatload of studies on this connection.

I think that this is highly sensitive people cope with trauma. Basically, we have a very high sensitivity to both our own emotions and those of people around us. When we are overloaded and can no longer handle anymore, something has to shut down so that we can cope. We can reduce a great deal of overload by closing out the people around us and no longer experiencing their emotions. In other words, depersonalize them.

If it's mild, it means that you need to retreat from the world or somehow reduce your stress level (if that's possible). If it's severe, then you need to start learning how to bleed off some of the longtime fear you've accumulated over the years.

Makes perfect sense. I also realized after I slept on it that I do this, but I fight it like it's a deadly sin or something. I shift into apathy often with people and then let the rational voice in me yell at me to stop shunting the pain.
So whenever I start to depersonalize, I usually scream inside my head enough to get it to halt. Then I pour my soul into another person and strap on their burdens. I've been told before this was foolish. It would drain me. My reply? "I know I can't solve every person's problems, but I'll die the day I let that stop me from trying."
The following is a link to two short poems I wrote to express this: http://www.infjs.com/forums/showthread.php?t=20860&p=580472#post580472
Basically... I'm willing to die if that means I never go numb and never stop feeling again. People need to be felt and heard and helped. I was made to be a feeler, a hearer, and a helper. So shame on me if I don't try.

 

[Sriracha]

I go through this off and on. I just call it my wave of apathy. This is where I HAVE to become robotic, b/c my needs do not supersede the needs of others around me.

 

[Vict]

I lose touch during my reclusive periods.

 

[Trifoilum]

Sometimes, but definitely not one as perpetual and as severe as you did...my sympathies. *hugs*

In my case it's definitely mood related. :| Probably one out of trauma, probably just mere emotional weakness.

 

[Optimist]

Does this include the "don't you dare touch me lest I mortally wound you" moods? Because at that phase you are definitely aware... But you're aware of people as threats rather than people.

 

[the]

Would have been nice you you had provided a link. Now I have to type it into google. how rude.

 

[rachel]

Would have been nice you you had provided a link. Now I have to type it into google. how rude.

Why would you have such high expectations of me? Get real.

 

[the]

Why would you have such high expectations of me? Get real.

IDK I must be INFJ with expectations like mine.

 

[whytiger]

Isn't this Ni? Ni provides a sense of detachment from the world so that experiences can be matched and synthesized with other experiences. In order to connect with/merge with reality in front of you, you have to utilize an extroverted function, which for INFJs would be Fe. I used to have a common experience of emptiness, as if nothing is real, and then become very nostalgic, longing for past experiences where I was more immersed in my environment.

Perhaps the solution is to do something that uses the extroverted Fe function like redecorate, teach or volunteer. Engage in some activity that alters the environment to create positive feelings and unity for a group.

 

[Renaissance]

Depersonalization Disorder...

Sounds like A.D.D. with- untreated base line depression. I'm not a Doctor, yet my experience with what I just mentioned,overwhelms me at times like this when I really think about it. Perhaps a more progressive Doctor able look for and treat-the aformentioned, would help. I had to be kindly preasured to take Anti- depressant Rx with- an A.D.D. Rx..I was still afraid of horror stories from the 1950's about Psych. Rx. Times have changed. All along the way, I learned ,which ultimately led me to knowing what's best for me. The Rx situation with me, was not- completly rare. St.Louis is reseach center (world class), which is where I was helped in part, by a very- advanced Psychiatrist, expert in treating A.D.D., even some like mine, which were a little more challenging, esp. due to external circumstances. Let me know if you want Dr.s name, I'll private msg. it to you.. Feel free to ask any questions of me pertenant to this and if I can give a helpful answer, I will and send via private msg. for security reasons.

 

[Gaze]

I experience this a lot. Usually it's because of my anxiety disorder. I have a tendency to feel like I am experiencing my own life second hand, that I'm going through the motions and that I am completely disconnected with everyone and everything. I've never been treated for it but it occurs frequently- mostly when I am surrounded by other people. I don't even know that I'd classify it as a disorder though I do often feel like perhaps I'm missing out on experiencing my own life because I tend not to feel anything as events happen.

I felt that way. As if I was "out of my body"...that really sucked. Perhaps it was anxiety. But I don't deal with it anymore. It could also be that I just don't give a f--k anymore. =]

Me too, but not for many years. I'm fairly sure that this is related to childhood trauma, and sure enough, a quick google check confirmed that there are a boatload of studies on this connection.

I think that this is highly sensitive people cope with trauma. Basically, we have a very high sensitivity to both our own emotions and those of people around us. When we are overloaded and can no longer handle anymore, something has to shut down so that we can cope. We can reduce a great deal of overload by closing out the people around us and no longer experiencing their emotions. In other words, depersonalize them.

If it's mild, it means that you need to retreat from the world or somehow reduce your stress level (if that's possible). If it's severe, then you need to start learning how to bleed off some of the longtime fear you've accumulated over the years.

I go through this off and on. I just call it my wave of apathy. This is where I HAVE to become robotic, b/c my needs do not supersede the needs of others around me.

This is what I've been experiencing lately. I have to distance and unfeel things, disconnect in order to feel any kind of normal. It feels like being strung out on an emotional vacuum. You have to almost dismiss the world as unreal or far away, to have moments of peace.