Definitions of friendship | INFJ Forum

Definitions of friendship

Mossy Piglet

Mossy Piglet

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May 31, 2014
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9w1 i think
OK, for this one I would like all of us to work together to find a fairly accurate definition for each MBTI type. As I have only one personality I'll need help with the others but even within my own type I know that some people's views will differ (only slightly I hope). I am an INFJ although only just J and a lot of the time I feel like a P who knows how to get organized when the need arises.

Anyway, I have the feeling that INFJs have one of the harshest criteria when it comes to defining friends. I know a lot of INFJs consider themselves to have none to only a handful of friends they call true.
I know I have only one true friend although I have the feeling I would find more if I had the chance to meet more people.

To sum up:

INFJ FRIENDSHIP DEFINITION:
- trusty worthy and loyal
- genuine (as opposed to shallow/fake)
- caring and considerate
- very affectionate/loving and openly shows it
- fun and interesting
- open
- selfless (willing to do anything for each other)

Please feel free to edit/add to/analyse/demolish/put back together/share/insult or answer this post. Go on, knock yourselves out.
 
Damn! :eek:

I'm not much help. As an intj I have the same requirements in a friend as you.

I would add:

-Someone who will stand by me when everyone else doubts me

-See past my tough (and sometimes oblivious) intj exterior

-someone who will open up to me emotionally

-Someone who isn't afraid of my unrestrained intellect and boundless questioning of the status quo :p
 
By those definitions, I've never had a friend.

I have a much more lenient view of friendship. Anybody who is happy to see me and invites me to visit them or do something with them once in a while is a friend.

I'd love to have a friend that has the qualities that you mentioned but I have not been that lucky so far...maybe one day. It would make life much nicer.
 
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Don't worry I'm sure you'll find a true friend one day. Try looking for NFs, as those are the types other NFs like the most. my friend is an ENFP.
 
I consider everyone I meet a friend. Even if they are very different from me personality-wise. If a person's personality doesn't sync up easily with mine, or we have wildly different life experience, I will still try to have a friendly relationship with them, but if their company proves to be too exhausting for extended interaction, I distance myself a little. But I still care about them at heart. I guess the people who are similar to me personality-wise or who are compatible with me, and those with whom I share similar experiences, I spend more time with them. But at the same time, I can't resist the challenge of trying to help people who are very different from me. I guess that's why I'm going into social work.
 
I'm with Rachelbaker on this one. Everyone is my friend unless they are crap. It's just that I manage the degree of intimacy that I allow to my friends based on who they are.
 
"Friend" can be and is used meaninglessly by me. "Friendship" is a vague concept which is also sort of meaningless IMO. It's what happens in reality that you should focus on. Friendship to me in practice I suppose is people who can stick by each other without pissing each other off or losing interest in hanging out with one another for a long time.
 
There are best friends, and friends for me. Best friends, only one throughout my life, two actually, and it's pretty much like the OP describes it. I'll do a lot for him, and he's one of the few people that i can trust, probably the only one, along with another person that i love. The other ones are friends, which i also appreciate and i take care of our friendship, but there's no point in having a lot of best friends.
 
i sort agree with what you say. over the years i've lowered my expectations and i began to think that there is no such thing as a "friend" by my definitions apart from in films maybe. i began to use everyone else's definition, namely anyone that was regularly friendly to me. all of a sudden i had loads of ""friends" but none of them seemed like what i had imagined friendship to be like. then i met my best friend and that gave me hope that true friends do exist in the world and that you have to go out and find them.

so in conclusion, i have two types of friends:
- standard friends by everyone else's definition
- real friends by mine
 
Friendship doesnt really have a definition I think though...

A person that will talk to you tomorrow even after you have said some crazy crap like "Hey did you know none of us are real?"
A person who doesnt talk about you behind your back
A person that helps you move
A person who is honestly concerned with your well being
A person that will tell you like it is regardless of how they think you will react.

Some basics.
 
Lol now this is interesting... [MENTION=11579]Mossy Piglet[/MENTION] sounded like an INFP to me way before hand -I don't remember why; got no quotes to quote. But I would say that INFPs have very high standards on what they consider friendship being and what a friend should consist of, whereas INFJs don't seem that way at all. Just reading the responses you can see the divide. I think Fi merits a lot of 'you have to be this way or else I don't like you!' Fe would be more like a dog. 'I like everybody! Let me lick your hand!' lmao XD I'm sure that's offensive, I mean no harm; dogs are sweethearts :p
 
I think you close yourself off from the possibilities of growth when you seek to put fences of "should" around your interactions with the Other. It's narrow minded and high handed at it's worse and immature and shortsighted when done in ignorance. The people around you, regardless if you connect in a meaningful way for a moment or a lifetime are the source of inspiration and understanding.
 
I see no point of being friend with everyone...it takes too much time to be acceptable and its almost impossible, or the other option would be being friendly with everybody, but not friend.
Friendship require a deep relationship, preferable with one, two or three people. Its like a commitment, to better or to worse.
 
Two qualities which makes a friend:
1. Commonality
2. Benign disposition

The more I have in common with someone - interests, temperament, social circles, work, values, priorities, etc., etc. the more extensive/deeper the friendship can run. And if there is a benign disposition towards each other then a friendly familiarity can develop.
 
Friends are basically people you are familiar with and feel comfortable around. You may or may not make the effort to seek them out and hang out with them outside of your usual base of interaction. You don't have any expectations of these people. Topics of conversation don't get overly personal or intimate.

Good friends are people you interact with often and with whom you occasionally talk with about the deep stuff. You get a little more personal with them as compared to just regular friends, and you trust them a little more, offer and accept support from them in turn, but you still don't share any intimate secrets.

Close friends are the people indoctrinated into your inner circle of trust and who know you very well and you know them very well on a personal level. Most likely, you have known them for a long time and your bond has developed over that period, but people can become close friends pretty quickly too. You feel comfortable calling them out on their bullshit and you feel quite involved in their lives, as they talk to you often. You discuss things more thoroughly and honestly and you trust them and you feel emotionally attached to them.

Best friends are close friends that have leveled up to special status; you pretty much want to talk to and spend time with as often as possible because they're like your platonic life partner. The level of intimacy and trust with this people rivals no one. The bond is deeper. You have chemistry together.
 
I can help with INFJ and INTJ (my best friend). We basically have the same standards for friendship. This is my criteria for close friendships, not acquaintances. These are the people I'd bear my heart to, and lean on in times of stress. Basically family. I have a lot of acquaintances but I'd never want to be super close with them.

- genuine and open
- honest/trustworthy
- compassionate/kind/considerate
-freaking awesome and funny
-intelligent (can have meaningful conversations)
-loyal
-shares majority of moral standards
-open/nonjudgmental
My last one is Christian, but not all infjs share my faith so it can just be included in the moral standards.

I think that sums it up nicely. I also look for people who aren't "followers". Being an individualistic and intellectual person is a major reason why I'd seek out a friend. I don't go after people that have nothing to offer me in terms of the above criteria. I'm very "picky" though I'm not overly fond of that word because it makes me sound like a spoiled brat. I just can't take the emotional time to get to know someone not worth it, y'know? They have to be special. I need to admire them and appreciate their qualities. Many times I go for those people that you can just see the kindness and genuineness in their faces and eyes, though that's a rare person.
 
DonTaushMe said:
Lol now this is interesting... [MENTION=11579]Mossy Piglet[/MENTION] sounded like an INFP to me way before hand -I don't remember why; got no quotes to quote. But I would say that INFPs have very high standards on what they consider friendship being and what a friend should consist of, whereas INFJs don't seem that way at all. Just reading the responses you can see the divide. I think Fi merits a lot of 'you have to be this way or else I don't like you!' Fe would be more like a dog. 'I like everybody! Let me lick your hand!' lmao XD I'm sure that's offensive, I mean no harm; dogs are sweethearts :p
Click to expand...
OMG. you are literally amazing! the WOW factor is too high... HOW. DID. YOU. KNOW?
I did the Mbti test several times since my initial test somewhere in february i think and every time i got INFJ. Seemed accurate enough. But the more I thought about it and the more I read the more I doubted the J part... it just seems too strict for me. And I am definately a dreamer! I mean I spend a large part of my free time meditating and reading in trees or on the tops of garages, for goodness's sake! And I LOVE poetry, reading and writing it. I've even started a book called ENCYCLOPEDIA POETICA where i assemble all the pieces of poetry i've written over the years... I'm having a hard time finding all those scraps of paper though as they are scattered all over the place!
and in response to what some of you say about not liking/rejecting people who don't manage to reach the very high standards.. that's not true! I've got nothing against anyone and i would be happy to befriend them no matter who they are, I was just stating my PERSONAL requirements for my ABSOLUTE CLOSEST FRIENDS, you know, family and your second half of your soul so to speak sort of friend. thats my personal definition of true friend. all the others that i am friendly with and are friendly back are friends. [MENTION=3096]Nixie[/MENTION] calm down! i am not closing myself off to anyone! just because they cant connect with my soul does not make them any less meaningful to me. [MENTION=1360]TheDaringHatTrick[/MENTION] like your break down ;) nice one

thanks for the comments everyone else! it really is appreciated. and sorry is my post is not structured... but I'm not a J anymore.
 
Three of my oldest and dearest friends, I couldn’t stand at first and two of them have been my close friends for 14+ years. One of them is a complete adrenaline junkie. Skateboarding, snowboarding, skiing, soccer, motocross, street racing, etc… If you move fast and there is a chance you are going to kill yourself, he will do it. Complete opposite of me but we get along wonderfully. Why? Balance and trust. He gets me out of my comfort zone and I get him out of his. I also know that if I ever really needed him, he would drop whatever he is doing and be there. The same goes for me to him.

The other friend is straight up country. Cowboy, loves country music, beer, whisky, girls and is an Oakland Raiders fan (ugh). Is a great handyman and can fix almost anything around the house. Again very different from me but the same thing applies. Whenever I have actually needed him to be there he has been there without a question.

The last friend is just a complete asshole but I love him. I mean some of the things he does would make other people hate him and they do but I trust him. For example he pissed in my trash can at my office not just once but three times. He thought it was hilarious each time. A complete prankster, flirt, salesmen, charismatic, shallow, egotistical, confident and funny as hell. Again, different from me but he has been there for me more times than I can count.

So for me a true friend is just someone who is there when you actually need them. They don’t fall into a box as far as personality goes. Each brings something unique and different to the table and none of them are like me nor am I like them. They all thought I was some nerdy, stuck up, intellectual. In fact they still say that is exactly what I am and they love it.
 
INTJ friend definition.

A willingness to be subject to experiments that alter your DNA structure and turn you into a subservient creature of war.
A poor runner.
 
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