Dating site help

[Delta]

Maybe try a chatline? I met my husband via one of those. His voice had me hooked.

I wanted something more instantaneous to ascertain connection. The whole physical aspect can get in the way of that process as by and large the answer is yes to me, often without much thought, which can be tiring and uninspiring.

I can't advise much else as I have not dated very much.

 

[Eventhorizon]

For one thing keeping an open mind and a positive attitude might help .

There probably are a few diamonds for you in a field of women that are more than likely not right for you. I think persistence and open mindedness is the key. Don't despair, there is probably a woman out there feeling the same way that you are and you two haven't connected yet. If they don't answer you or if the conversation isn't going the way you would like it to than they are likely not the right one for you and just leave them behind and move on. I don't know what type of woman that you are looking for but for me any comment about my attractiveness specifically is a negative because that's just the obvious shallow response you would expect. You're quirky and bright so you have to portray that to find somebody who is attracted to that. I would also caution about judging too quickly in regards to the pictures because being photogenic is not the same as being attractive in person.

Thank you for the insight. As a note I have never known a single woman who does not appreciate acknowledgement of beauty especially when aimed at her. Seriously. Maybe typed word is different or dating sites are different. Some of it has to do with delivery. As an example I habe found through the years that a "yo your hot" does not recieve good marks while something a little more thoughtful does.
So... what are some alternatives? Hey I noticed you arent hideous but that doesnt mean I find your pictures attractive or anything so dont get upset... ?
No but as I was saying I generally make comments on items in their profiles and come on... the reality is everyone has to know you are taking a closer look only because you find something attractive about their profile pic.

 

[La Sagna]

Thank you for the insight. As a note I have never known a single woman who does not appreciate acknowledgement of beauty especially when aimed at her. Seriously. Maybe typed word is different or dating sites are different. Some of it has to do with delivery. As an example I habe found through the years that a "yo your hot" does not recieve good marks while something a little more thoughtful does.
So... what are some alternatives? Hey I noticed you arent hideous but that doesnt mean I find your pictures attractive or anything so dont get upset... ?
No but as I was saying I generally make comments on items in their profiles and come on... the reality is everyone has to know you are taking a closer look only because you find something attractive about their profile pic.

It's not that I don't like to be told that I'm attractive but it does make a big difference when it's somebody who just sees your photo on a dating site. You know that they wouldn't be messaging you if they didn't think you were at least somewhat attractive. I can't say that I speak for women in general but I'm just saying that if you're looking for somebody with a little more depth then that is probably not the best choice for reaching out. Showing that you've read their profile and coming up with something interesting to say that makes you stand out from the other guys would probably be more effective in getting an interesting response back and maybe a conversation going. You are obviously not the average guy and I mean that as a compliment, and there are women who are looking for men that are not the average guy so you have to figure out how to catch their attention. You have lots of interesting thoughts and ideas and you should capitalize on that because that makes you stand out. Maybe that won't work with most of the women but it would work with ones that are looking for somebody like you and those are the ones you have to target. It's called marketing for your target market .

 

[Rcs6r]

Ill check it out.

Be careful with OKC, as like a few other free sites, it's filled with people just looking to hook up. However, like [MENTION=528]slant[/MENTION] said, there are lots of controls/tools available to be more specific in searches and matching.

I've tried OKC, mostly for laughs, but if you put time and effort into it, it may prove worth while. Still, I'm not too fond of online dating as it doesn't beat face-to-face interaction. Good luck though if you're still using it.

Just highlight your strengths and interests, answer lots of questions, update often and everything should fall into place.

 

[Nelah]

Ok for anyone who cares to try and help.
I have aquired a large number of likes and visitors to my online dating profile. However as a male I suspect these are far smaller than most women recieve.

Yet I have had 1 sort of conversation and a few other acknowledgments. Which is exactly what I joined for. I have message numerous women noting items in their profiles / similarities. Commenting briefly on their attractiveness in a good way.

The lack of conversation is disappointing to say the least. This is the whole reason I joined a dating site is to get to know someone before getting caught up quickly in the physical aspects of meeting someone new.

And comments or ideas? Is this process doomed to failure for what my intent is?

Adding in my perspective here Eventhorizon- as you asked!

In general I am hearing an overly cognitive (or what I refer to as a "head" perspective). I feel that your authentic heart is missing from this discussion... and perhaps might be missing from the online dating site. I imagine you are going to receive mirrors of yourself there.... solely cognitive/head focused. Is this what you want?

Risk opening up your heart, even a teeny tiny bit to begin with... I believe that's where you will find what you are searching for!

 

[Nelah]

Ok so seriously. My idea with dating sites is that its a great way to put some information out there thats nit immediately obvious. You know how its easy to meet someone in the real world, have instant physical attraction only to find out a few weeks in they are fanaticaly political or just plain insane about something you either dont care about or have an opposite view on. So dating site gives you a bit more information right at the outset.
You know the person wants a guy who doesnt mind having horses in the house type of thing.
But I seem to fail...yes I said fail on dating sites. So, any ideas?

Your courage to even join a site is inspiring by the way... I haven't found the guts to even try yet!!!

 

[Eventhorizon]

Adding in my perspective here Eventhorizon- as you asked!

In general I am hearing an overly cognitive (or what I refer to as a "head" perspective). I feel that your authentic heart is missing from this discussion... and perhaps might be missing from the online dating site. I imagine you are going to receive mirrors of yourself there.... solely cognitive/head focused. Is this what you want?

Risk opening up your heart, even a teeny tiny bit to begin with... I believe that's where you will find what you are searching for!

Sure. Its never been an issue about opening my heart though. Whats not there is simply not there.

 

[Eventhorizon]

So at least two of my friends had good luck on dating sites. I am encountering many strange things though that have me concerned enough to seriously call this off for now. It may be I put this off and go through a private dating service at some point or not at all. I have had considerably better luck meeting women in real life anyway. But its the lack of connection thats driving me. I wonder if im expecting too much in this department.
Bah.
Yeah....

 

[Eventhorizon]

Adding in my perspective here Eventhorizon- as you asked!

In general I am hearing an overly cognitive (or what I refer to as a "head" perspective). I feel that your authentic heart is missing from this discussion... and perhaps might be missing from the online dating site. I imagine you are going to receive mirrors of yourself there.... solely cognitive/head focused. Is this what you want?

Risk opening up your heart, even a teeny tiny bit to begin with... I believe that's where you will find what you are searching for!

Revisting this. Heart is important. I would like to find someone with a realistic heart. A person who will not jump off a cliff themselves to comfort another person on the way down if you know what I mean. The fact remains though that I find a large amount of emotions simply get in the way of constructive thought. That and I simply feel like a bull in a China shop when they are given to me.
What I want and what I can live with may be two different things. If someone is looking for another person that can support them emotionally the sad fact is Im probably not that person or so I have found. This does not mean I see myself as a write off, just that I know my strengths and weaknesses

 

[Delta]

I think you need a win-win situation such as if an activity is linked in.

I'm sure proper dating groups based in real life have activity nights/weekends. Right now maybe you just need nice company from available members of the opposite sex?

 

[Eventhorizon]

I think you need a win-win situation such as if an activity is linked in.

I'm sure proper dating groups based in real life have activity nights/weekends. Right now maybe you just need nice company from available members of the opposite sex?

Maybe thats part of it. I do not go out at all any more because financially I simply am currently not in a position to do so.
if thats true and thinking about it now it probably is, theres not a lot of options for me.

I will have to think about it.

 

[Delta]

Maybe thats part of it. I do not go out at all any more because financially I simply am currently not in a position to do so.
if thats true and thinking about it now it probably is, theres not a lot of options for me.

I will have to think about it.

It is my understanding that dating rituals are more pronounced in the US, which all sounds a little expensive to me tbh. I'd ignore that nonsense if I were you and go for natural meetings/affordable dating groups. I don't think they are that expensive. Or maybe simply go to free groups you like? Where I live there is a cool cinema (seriously, the food is gorgeous and affordable and they show AMAZING world cinema films which are beyond anything Hollywood could come up with)

People of all ages attend and they have groups where people do film projects/watch films together blah blah blah. Some are in relationships, some not but it is all about the interest. I'm not going to split with my husband now but when I was contemplating it that would have been the most likely place I would have met someone new but in the interim I would have gone for the contact with other like minded people, win-win.

At least you are considering all of your options. Still my advice may not be that great as I do over focus on my interests and I don't easily enter into relationships - I'm still surprised I got married and had kids! It is not a natural state for me as it seems to be for others. Hence I wouldn't gel with dating sites. I would worry about being murdered, lol.

Hugs though. You will be fine. Just try different things and don't worry about it.

 

[Eventhorizon]

It is my understanding that dating rituals are more pronounced in the US, which all sounds a little expensive to me tbh. I'd ignore that nonsense if I were you and go for natural meetings/affordable dating groups. I don't think they are that expensive. Or maybe simply go to free groups you like? Where I live there is a cool cinema (seriously, the food is gorgeous and affordable and they show AMAZING world cinema films which are beyond anything Hollywood could come up with)

People of all ages attend and they have groups where people do film projects/watch films together blah blah blah. Some are in relationships, some not but it is all about the interest. I'm not going to split with my husband now but when I was contemplating it that would have been the most likely place I would have met someone new but in the interim I would have gone for the contact with other like minded people, win-win.

At least you are considering all of your options. Still my advice may not be that great as I do over focus on my interests and I don't easily enter into relationships - I'm still surprised I got married and had kids! It is not a natural state for me as it seems to be for others. Hence I wouldn't gel with dating sites. I would worry about being murdered, lol.

Hugs though. You will be fine. Just try different things and don't worry about it.

Fine is what I am worried about. At my age my options are simply running out.t
It may be I am one of those unfortunate souls whk cant or simply dont put the puzzle together. I many ways I have led the life many guys say they want and here through that life what I have placed so much value on is exactly whats been elusive.
Im hoping to wake up one day.

 

[Eventhorizon]

So here is a question. Why would a transvestite person think that you are interested in communication when you have stated specially you are interested in meeting women. Not that I have any issue with transvestites. They have a right to finding happiness just as much as anyone else. Why would you though go out of your way to contact someone you know you are going to be turned down especially because of what the have been very clear about in their profile? Part of me thinks this is someone trying to push my buttons and the only reason I have not put them in their place is because they are a minority. If you are being an asshole though it doesn't matter what you are. Wtf

 

[Kgal]

So here is a question. Why would a transvestite person think that you are interested in communication when you have stated specially you are interested in meeting women. Not that I have any issue with transvestites. They have a right to finding happiness just as much as anyone else. Why would you though go out of your way to contact someone you know you are going to be turned down especially because of what the have been very clear about in their profile? Part of me thinks this is someone trying to push my buttons and the only reason I have not put them in their place is because they are a minority. If you are being an asshole though it doesn't matter what you are. Wtf

I thought transvestites considered themselves women? Am I wrong?

 

[Eventhorizon]

I thought transvestites considered themselves women? Am I wrong?

Right. Good point. A perspective I overlooked.

 

[say what]

Updates!

 

[cvp12gh5]

So here is a question. Why would a transvestite person think that you are interested in communication when you have stated specially you are interested in meeting women. Not that I have any issue with transvestites. They have a right to finding happiness just as much as anyone else. Why would you though go out of your way to contact someone you know you are going to be turned down especially because of what the have been very clear about in their profile? Part of me thinks this is someone trying to push my buttons and the only reason I have not put them in their place is because they are a minority. If you are being an asshole though it doesn't matter what you are. Wtf

A transvestite contacted you on a dating site and acted like an asshole for no reason? Or did you give her a reason? Please share.

 

[Eventhorizon]

A transvestite contacted you on a dating site and acted like an asshole for no reason? Or did you give her a reason? Please share.

Kgal made a good point in that some people act differently than others. I took offense at something that I probably should not have taken offense to.

 

[Lark]

Kgal made a good point in that some people act differently than others. I took offense at something that I probably should not have taken offense to.

Nawh, what you said sounded reasonable.