Communication | INFJ Forum



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Retired Staff
Nov 12, 2008
1w2 sx/so/sp
I value clear communication above all else when it comes to other people. I put a lot of effort into making sure that I present myself clearly, that I speak clearly, and that I come across clearly. I also find myself being rather judgemental of people who's communication styles that I find are either, mean, unclear (speaking very passively, speaking too little, or using far too many metaphors), or too difficult to understand (heavy accents / poor english fall into this category). I usually disregard people that are like this and won't want to be around them, or get to know them.

So my question for you all is. How much value do you put into communication? How important is it to you? How important is it for you to come across clear to others? How important is it to you that you can understand someone else clearly? Any ideas into this? Discuss.
Are you talking about the way people communicate physically or in terms of understanding someone's personal intent through their communication? If the latter, then yeah, I value it greatly. In fact, if this communication is clouded it is incredibly unsettling and emotionally draining. I want to know what someone thinks and how they feel. An absence of this knowledge when trying to connect with someone is incredibly frustrating. I guess dating is all about tension and uncertainty, which is probably why I hate the whole process so much.

I try to be direct as possible when talking about issues. Sometimes I'll be the one who pretty much lays all the cards on the table in a frank manor because no one else wants to say what they're really thinking.
I just generally find poor communication frustrating and so it just natually progresses that I don't get to know that person. I think I speak clearly but most of the time I'm just trying to get my point across. Speaking clearly isn't the thing I'm putting effort into when I talk but sometimes I do wish others would pay more attention to it and would stop using ugly slang words which dumb themselves down. They can use a few here and there and I won't mind but the people who jam-pack their sentences to sound cool, gaaaaahhhh!!!
Communication is pretty much the most important thing in the entire universe. It can create a treaty or destroy one.

Ah, the power of miscommunications....
It is extremely important to me, but many people are just terrible at it. There are even some people who literally expect others to read their minds, like my sister.
First of all, I do put much value into good communication. It's very important to me to be able to communicate well with people in order to have any kind of relationship with them. However, I wouldn't say that I am very judgemental of people who have trouble presenting themselves clearly.

I sometimes find myself having trouble expressing myself clearly. I do put a lot of effort into it, but when I'm expressing my thoughts I have to be careful not not throw in too many pauses, or "uhm's"..,or "like"...,.. In a way, it is hard for me to put things into words. I have everything I want to say very clearly in my head, but I often have trouble getting these things out, especially when I'm under a lot of pressure. For example: if I had to a do an exam, or a group discussion and I don't feel very comfortable, I will definitely have difficulties with it. Probably because my perfectionistic self doesn't want to do anything wrong and doesn't want to come across wrong. I have less problems writing things down, though.

Am I the only one here who is having difficulties with this? I thought having trouble communicating in terms of spoken language is more or less a common trait among INFJs? :m054:

However, I do think good communication is very important, and I always try to give my honest opinion on matters, talk about things when something is bothering me,..

Very poor language use however, incomprehensible accents or people who constantly mumble for instance can be irritating. I don't like that at all.
It's a common INFJ thing it appears. Communication is highly valuable but often frustrating verbally because it's difficult to express the entirety of what we feel with words. grr...

Exerting control over the written word allows complete control over intent, and delivery, (though not over the interpretation of the recipient). Seems helpful IMHO.
I value communication, and put high value on people I can communicate with freely. Usually, I'm able to understand people and their intentions very well regardless of how they communicate verbally; very bad communication makes it very difficult for me to really like a person, though (that doesn't necessarily mean I'll dislike them -- rather, I'll be indifferent to them, unless they show hostility for no reason. Then I'm not happy).
I have a habit of mumbling and rambling. I also sometimes drift off into daydreming as opposed to actively listening. Communication is just one of those things that you only get out of it what you put into it.
I don't actively focus on what I'm saying so long as I feel I'm understood. I've never really had anyone tell me they didn't know what I meant unless I'm giving them a technical explanation of what happened to their computer (part of my job). Even then, one of the receptionists I work with (who doesn't know anything about computers) said that I'm one of the best "people-person" technicians since I do one of the better jobs of explaining things in terms the client can understand.

Over the past month, though, I've been going to see a psychologist for an ADD diagnosis. Over the course of the sessions, I would say something, and he'd interrupt me and take what I said out of context. He would take everything I said 100% literally, even if he knew damn well I didn't mean it that way. It annoyed me to no end, because while it would be relevant if I was talking to a non-native English speaker, I was there for an ADD diagnosis and not a fucking speech class. He is the only person I can think of who's ever called me out on something like that, and honestly I think his purpose was to keep me there longer so he could charge me another $100. That whole ordeal was ridiculous...
I value comprehension over communication.

It has become apparent that I can talk until I am blue in the face about what I am feeling and try to explain why I am feeling that way. But it would be easier and simpler if people (read kids and SO) would just leave me alone when I ask for it. Not to mention a lot less stressful!

If I tell you 'Leave me alone'. 'Be quiet'. Etc.... It doesn't seem to me that any of those things are too difficult to understand. Communication seems very clear....
So WHY doesn't anyone listen?

I don't know.

I unwind, de-people myself and come back ready to play again.

Personally I think that most of us get out points across very well. Sometimes the subtleties regarding definations get lost in translation and sometimes people read more into what someone is saying than is actually there.
I think communication is super important. In my experience, a lot of people just like to rant and rave if they're upset, but I'm the kind of person that would rather just sit down and talk everything out before anything happens, so that we're clear on our feelings or on the game plan. Whatever the situation is.
It depends how bad. If it's a little bad, I don't care, if really bad, I shudder inside. Accents are pretty cool, I love German and Russian accents.