[INFJ] Commitment, confusion, high expectations, possible to ever be satisfied?
- Thread starter YinYang
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Intuition, as you might imagine, isn't something that can just fade. It stays. It's an impulse just as much as an inclination. If you're an intuitive person, you probably won't stop being that. Don't let that worry you.
I feel like the most important things in relationships like this is respect and communication. I've no doubt that he respects you and vice versa but I kinda get the impression you two don't communicate enough just yet. I'd suggest you try that. It might help you feel a bit more comfortable with him, hell, you might start to look passed that presumed ST label and love him as more of a person. Not to say you're objectifying him, that's just to say that it's besides the point. ST, SF, NF, NT... it doesn't matter if you have chemistry. One of my best friends was an SF and he was literally the silliest person I'd ever met. If you were to tell me beforehand that I'd actually end up liking someone with that inclination, I'd probably tell you you're full of shit. So when I found out his type, I was a tad befuddled. I came to realize that our senses of humor just clicked.... but still....I was at a loss why it worked. Perhaps the reason most psychology students/teachers/etc. brush off the MBTI typing in general is because of how we generalize others once we really learn how it all works. We get the impression that all sensors are besides us when we're intuitive and I imagine it can be vice versa. You really don't want that at all in a relationship. Throw away the notions of inferiority or superiority when you think about this guy because, maybe in some ways, he's better than that ENTP. If you two talk enough, your style of communication might click for him and he might better understand just how to talk with you. That's just a thought though... I'm not 100% sure that's doable. Just a thought is all.
I feel like the most important things in relationships like this is respect and communication. I've no doubt that he respects you and vice versa but I kinda get the impression you two don't communicate enough just yet. I'd suggest you try that. It might help you feel a bit more comfortable with him, hell, you might start to look passed that presumed ST label and love him as more of a person. Not to say you're objectifying him, that's just to say that it's besides the point. ST, SF, NF, NT... it doesn't matter if you have chemistry. One of my best friends was an SF and he was literally the silliest person I'd ever met. If you were to tell me beforehand that I'd actually end up liking someone with that inclination, I'd probably tell you you're full of shit. So when I found out his type, I was a tad befuddled. I came to realize that our senses of humor just clicked.... but still....I was at a loss why it worked. Perhaps the reason most psychology students/teachers/etc. brush off the MBTI typing in general is because of how we generalize others once we really learn how it all works. We get the impression that all sensors are besides us when we're intuitive and I imagine it can be vice versa. You really don't want that at all in a relationship. Throw away the notions of inferiority or superiority when you think about this guy because, maybe in some ways, he's better than that ENTP. If you two talk enough, your style of communication might click for him and he might better understand just how to talk with you. That's just a thought though... I'm not 100% sure that's doable. Just a thought is all.
First, as a probable ENTP, uh...yea, I can rock the ST stuff when I want to (I guess the key part being "when I want to"). However, when I do fail at such stuff I strive to make it a spectacular failure....not enough just to get your lights turned off but to be over $1000 in the hole (long winter!) and then have to scramble to get the money together (something that happened a few years ago).
I think it depends on the energy of a relationship and your own sense of happiness in a lot of ways. I appreciate the solid guy myself--my dad was a great stand up, solid kind of guy--especially since I can be a bit of a flake. If you are speaking of "settling" though, I would imagine that there is more to the relationship that is wrong than is right. Physical is just a small part of your whole being.
If someone doesn't satisfy my emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical needs than I would be left feeling unfulfilled. However, the flip side being that you have to be willing to embrace the other person's sense of self too...to see their passionate discourse about something that you find yawn worthy....as they struggle to do the same for you. I think the important thing is to be with someone who is willing to be there, to make the effort, to show up...all that jazz. I'm all about the process and seeing how the whole fits together...outcomes change daily, hourly, in a second....being with someone stagnant and unyielding would be the worse thing for me.
In the end though, the only person I loved with la grande passion was the man I felt saw ME.
I think it depends on the energy of a relationship and your own sense of happiness in a lot of ways. I appreciate the solid guy myself--my dad was a great stand up, solid kind of guy--especially since I can be a bit of a flake. If you are speaking of "settling" though, I would imagine that there is more to the relationship that is wrong than is right. Physical is just a small part of your whole being.
If someone doesn't satisfy my emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical needs than I would be left feeling unfulfilled. However, the flip side being that you have to be willing to embrace the other person's sense of self too...to see their passionate discourse about something that you find yawn worthy....as they struggle to do the same for you. I think the important thing is to be with someone who is willing to be there, to make the effort, to show up...all that jazz. I'm all about the process and seeing how the whole fits together...outcomes change daily, hourly, in a second....being with someone stagnant and unyielding would be the worse thing for me.
In the end though, the only person I loved with la grande passion was the man I felt saw ME.
relying on someone for your own “daily practical living things” is setting yourself up for failure. the only thing you have control over in your relationship is you and YOUR choices. no one will ever be able to fulfill your happiness in life... only you are able to do that. when the shit hits the fan (and most likely it will) the only thing you are left with is you. how will you then take care of yourself or any other life-form you bring into the relationship when his pocketbook/security is no longer available?
why wouldn’t you want a relationship where you felt completely understood/had amazing conversations/connections/etc.???? as an infj that’s the POINT of being in a relationship IMO. you didn’t really mention “love” in your post and i suggest holding out on making any big, life-changing decisions until this becomes a variable. it’s better to be alone than be with someone you don’t love.
why wouldn’t you want a relationship where you felt completely understood/had amazing conversations/connections/etc.???? as an infj that’s the POINT of being in a relationship IMO. you didn’t really mention “love” in your post and i suggest holding out on making any big, life-changing decisions until this becomes a variable. it’s better to be alone than be with someone you don’t love.
I think too that when you are 20 something that it becomes far to easy to see the world through only your own eyes. You can speak of all the things the ST does for you in practical terms (yea! the bills got paid) but ignore the loving gesture that it contains (he doesn't want you to be uncared for).
We put ourselves and others in boxes and then wonder why we feel constrained. We only limit ourselves when we refuse to see beyond our own wants and desires. Learn to see differently before you decide which is better and which is worse. Sometimes we can get "someway" with people who have the annoying habit of seeing parts of ourselves we don't wish to acknowledge. Sometimes we get enamored with someone because they tell us things we want to hear. There is always something on the horizon but no guarantee that you can reach it or it is what it appeared to be.
We put ourselves and others in boxes and then wonder why we feel constrained. We only limit ourselves when we refuse to see beyond our own wants and desires. Learn to see differently before you decide which is better and which is worse. Sometimes we can get "someway" with people who have the annoying habit of seeing parts of ourselves we don't wish to acknowledge. Sometimes we get enamored with someone because they tell us things we want to hear. There is always something on the horizon but no guarantee that you can reach it or it is what it appeared to be.
Hmmm....I'm not sure I would base who I wanted, or the outcome of my relationship on MBTI....yes, there are consistent traits throughout the personalities, but people change and MBTI is just too rigid and black/white to determine such a subjective and 'grey' thing.
I stuck with someone because I thought I would be alone. I stuck with them for many years, thinking that it was okay that I had to 'make it work' so often...but looking back- it wasn't. I was settling and allowing myself to think this is how it will be.
Don't settle, and don't try to convince your heart of someone it doesn't want. Be honest. It's okay not to be in love with a great guy- there's something unexplainable about love and who your heart goes to...embrace it. Be realistic about your expectations, and know that all relationships do require work- but don't settle for someone that only gives you a piece of what you're looking for in a mate.
But also don't cut them off just because of their MBTI- maybe they can provide you with that missing piece if you are open and honest with them.
I stuck with someone because I thought I would be alone. I stuck with them for many years, thinking that it was okay that I had to 'make it work' so often...but looking back- it wasn't. I was settling and allowing myself to think this is how it will be.
Don't settle, and don't try to convince your heart of someone it doesn't want. Be honest. It's okay not to be in love with a great guy- there's something unexplainable about love and who your heart goes to...embrace it. Be realistic about your expectations, and know that all relationships do require work- but don't settle for someone that only gives you a piece of what you're looking for in a mate.
But also don't cut them off just because of their MBTI- maybe they can provide you with that missing piece if you are open and honest with them.
I think that what this post does not address is what kind of friends do you have around you? It sounds like you may not necessarily be fulfilled in your relationship, but perhaps that is because you are expecting too much out of one person. If you have some intuitive friends then you can use them as a sounding board for ideas and still have your ST partner. It doesn't have to be so black and white, there are other options in addition to keeping your current romance. You were unhappy dating your previous ENTP partner, so you should know that you would still experience some sort of dissatisfaction with another partner, no matter what type they might be. I'd really recommend reaching out to different types of friends, that way you get your needs met from more people- without putting too much pressure on your partner to fulfill all of your needs. I'm also posting this out of previous experience- when I was most unhappy in my relationship, was when I was most isolated and didn't reach out to and maintain contact with others. Hope everything works out! Everything that you said makes sense, btw, these kinds of conflicted feelings can often happen in relationships.
I was scrolling the forums and first (above this one) it said "How does cannabis effect the types" and right below that it has this title which reads "commitment, confusion, high expectations..." lol I thought that was funny 
If I had to choose I'd go for someone who really understood me. You can always hire a secretary or maid for practical matters; you can't hire someone to understand you.
[MENTION=10666]YinYang[/MENTION]
I'll go with the ST any day, but hey, I'm not you, so...
And I say this because intuitives with intuitives...nah! But a Intuitive with a Sensor...it adds much more balance!
But what kind of ST he is? A introvert, a extrovert?
I'll go with the ST any day, but hey, I'm not you, so...
And I say this because intuitives with intuitives...nah! But a Intuitive with a Sensor...it adds much more balance!
But what kind of ST he is? A introvert, a extrovert?
Life is long. Don't expect to find one person who will fulfill all your needs forever. It's not going happen.
Make the best of the cards you're dealt with. Having said that, I personally try to secure an N type as my significant other as much as possible.
Make the best of the cards you're dealt with. Having said that, I personally try to secure an N type as my significant other as much as possible.