Check Ups & Self Care for Types

Impact Character said:
It's important to have a good relationship with yourself, and we all need some care for ourselves every now and then, so I thought to give it a shot and gather some findings in here (mostly regarding MBTI, Enneagram, Archetypes but also in general).

I would like this to be a place for sharing findings and inspiring (type oriented if it is a thing), or even quick kick-starting self-care when you need it, because honestly its very often a topic.

Please, remember: decide for yourself what suits you personally, and what makes logically sense to you.


Additional Threads (Forum Self-Care Kit):


Ok, first of all..


General Types of Self-Care:

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1. Emotional Self-care
Emotional is one of the most common self-care types and there are reasons why it is so popular and important. Emotion is what decides our performance and no matter how hard you try to avoid, it will always affect your actions, your mind, and your body. But there is no bad or good emotion, all your emotions are valuable and need special attention. The key to managing your emotional health is to fully accept it and fully respond to it. Hiding or pushing down your feelings only make it worse and leads to stress. So face your emotion head-on and practice emotional self-care.

  • When you need emotional self-care:
– You are stressed.
– You are emotionally unstable.
– You are sleep deprived.
– Insecure, self-doubt and negative thoughts in your head.

  • Ideas for emotional self-care:
– Consult a Psychologist.
– Mediate.
– Write an emotion journal.
– Listen and sing your favorite song.
– Learn to accept yourself.
– Stop holding back your tears.
– Really listen to your self-talk.


2. Physical Self-care
Self-care also covers physical aspects of your health to make sure you have a healthy body. Physical activities are not only important for your fitness but also helps in reducing stress and other mental benefits.

And since it is self-care, it focuses on helping you feel good rather than just pushes you to work out every day. Physical self-care isn’t just about going to the gym. Dancing, jogging, yoga, playing a sport or even walking is a physical self-care activity, as long as you feel good and love doing it. So pick up a physical hobby that you enjoy and spend more time on it.

Furthermore, physical self-care is not only about actions, it also about relaxing and keeping yourself balanced. Take a nap, slow down when you are tired or not well, have 7-8 hours of sleep, keep your skin glowing are also important acts of physical self-care

  • When you need physical self-care:
– You skip meals.
– You don’t exercise.
– You have a poor diet.
– You are sleep deprived.
– You feel weak, heavy and prone to sickness.

  • Ideas for physical self-care
– Dancing.
– Yoga.
– Learn a new sport.
– Go for a walk or a hike.
– Take your dog out.
– Improve your skincare routine.
– Keep a diet and sleeping journal for tracking.


3. Social Self-care
Connecting with other people is important for everybody whether you are an extrovert or introvert. Therefore, social self-care is another important aspect but doesn’t get much attention. Socializing is a crucial factor to fight loneliness, isolation and negative thoughts. It helps you feel that you are not alone and feel the love and care from other people.

And social self-care is not simply just hanging out and doing things with other people, it focuses on doing good things with some great people that you love spending time with. They are the ones that make you feel comfortable, understood and add value to your life.

  • When you need social self-care:
– You feel lonely.
– You feel lonely even with a group of people.
– You feel lost and misunderstood.
– You have no time for yourself.
– You don’t have anyone to really talk to.

  • Ideas for social self-care
– Reach out for someone you haven’t seen in a while.
– Cook for your family and friend.
– Join a hobby club.
– Call someone who lives far away.
– Disconnect with people who make you feel uncomfortable.
– Say no when you want to.


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Really nice thread! Impact positively! (Sorry by the near pun reply)
 
Introverted Intuition: How Getting Present Can Reduce Anxiety
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I recently realized that just because we use a particular cognitive function as a strength doesn’t mean we always use it in the best way possible.

For instance, INFJs (and INTJs for that matter) use Introverted Intuition (aka “Perspectives” in the Genius Sytem) as their dominant cognitive function. Usually, this function is so natural to INJs we don’t even have to consciously think about it.

It isn’t like our Copilot cognitive functions, which we have to exercise to build muscle around.

Perspectives is that tool we love to feed with endless amounts of information.

Sometimes I see my Intuition as a whale with its mouth hanging open while the unfiltered information pours in to be categorized and used or discarded.

Other times I see it as a hummingbird: eating and flitting; flitting and eating. Never diving deeply enough to master anything before darting to the next exciting subject. I always thought I excelled at diving into a topic and learning it until I started hanging out with ENTPs. They will dive to the absolute bottom of a subject, then tunnel beneath it and come up with a whole new way of seeing it.

That is true mastery. Whereas, I sometimes wonder if the reason INJs struggle to get into action is because they realize they don’t have all the facts since they didn’t truly master the subject before moving onto something else.

We may laugh about the NP tendency to get easily distracted by the next shiny thing, but we have the same issue with information. So much to learn. So many books to read. So many degrees to earn.

We use our Introverted Intuition a lot. We don’t even have to think about using it we use it so much. But that doesn’t mean we have mastered it. It isn’t like breathing or walking. It is more like learning a new language or a musical instrument. It requires focused practice and attention – and even then you will occasionally hit a sour note.

Unlike learning a new language or instrument, though, we don’t have a lot of examples of what healthy Intuition looks like. There are so many different manifestations of Introverted Intuition.

My gauge for healthy vs. unhealthy intuition is:

  • Does it make you feel good and create harmony with the people who matter?
  • Or, does it make you feel anxious and suspicious of the people around you?
Healthy = I’m feeling good, and I’m feeling harmonious with others.

Unhealthy = He didn’t return my text immediately. I knew it! He doesn’t love me anymore! I’m going to call him and give him a piece of my mind!


Perspectives and the Pre-Frontal Cortex
Perspectives is the most future-oriented cognitive function of the eight cognitive functions, which is why INJs are such good planners. They can see into the distant future better than anyone else.

So, we spend a lot of time thinking about the future and projecting things into the future. We spend large amounts of time imagining all sorts of witty things we will say if we ever get that chance we let slip away last year.

It’s kind of our superpower. The ability to see disaster before anyone else does.

Unfortunately, it can also become our weakness. We can start seeing disaster everywhere. This is when intuition goes a bit off the rails:

“I’m trying something new today. There are so many things that can go wrong. My best bet is to get there really early, and pre-rehearse everything I need to do and say so I appear totally wooden and everyone thinks I am completely devoid of personality.”

I’m not saying to ignore your premonitions. There have been many times I have had a bad feeling about traveling and have decided to cancel my plans. Was I right? I have no idea. But I’m still alive. Mission accomplished!

I’m saying when you see disaster and failure everywhere you look. Or when you start seeing bad intent where there is no bad intent. Or when you begin hyper-analyzing the words of someone and come up with a completely different interpretation days or weeks after the conversation took place.

Perspectives can get pretty crazy. And there is a reason for that.

The prefrontal cortex of the brain is the part of the brain behind our foreheads. Our primate ancestors had low sloping brows, but at some point, we evolved to our vertical brows which made it easier to wear hats. The prefrontal cortex is where our planning takes place. At some point, our ancestors realized they needed consistent sources of food and warmth, so they started evolving the ability to plan for the future – for the hard times.

What was soon to be the human brain, more than doubled in mass over 2 million years (give or take a millennia) as the ability to plan for the future made the primate’s lives steadily easier.

Fast forward a few more millennia to the 1930s when doctors started performing frontal lobotomies on people suffering from uncontrollable anxiety and depression. Initially, monkeys received the treatment, and they became less violent and aggressive as a result.

At the time, doctors weren’t sure what purpose the prefrontal cortex had, so it made sense to plunge an ice pick into someone’s brain when their depression seemed untreatable.

Over time though, they began to notice that while patients could perform relatively well on standard intelligence tests after a lobotomy, they failed utterly on any test that required planning. They could talk about the weather and compliment you on your drapes, but if you asked them what they planned to do when it started raining, they were completely stumped.

Now we know, the prefrontal cortex of the brain is essential in planning complex cognitive behavior and decision making.

What does this have to do with Perspectives?

Doctors realized they could reduce a patient’s anxiety by short-circuiting the part of the brain that makes plans for the future.

I believe it was Eckhart Tolle in the Power of NOW who said that living in the future creates fear and anxiety.

Earlier, I pointed out that Perspectives is the most future-focused cognitive function of all eight cognitive functions.

So, it stands to reason that INJs would struggle with various forms of anxiety when they spend too much time living in the future. INFJs seem to struggle with anxiety more than INTJs, but I have a theory about that also.

INTJs deal with anxiety by denying its existence and building a bulletproof exoskeleton. “You can’t touch me! I am iron man!”

However, they fear vulnerability as much as INFJs. They just deal with it differently. Where INFJs complain of fear and anxiety, INTJs complain of lack of clarity and motivation. But at the root is the same thing: fear of exposure and humiliation.

I don’t want to suggest that we should never plan for or think of the future. I’m not encouraging we go back to living like our primate ancestors. Although I swear I have seen people devolve right before my eyes, I don’t think we could stop planning for the future.

The kind of future casting I am specifically talking about is the kind that causes fear and anxiety – where we see impending doom around every corner.


Hacking the Doom and Gloom
INFJs and INTJs use Introverted Intuition all the time. Is there a hack in our cognitive function stack that will help us stop the doom and gloom?

Happily, yes!

It is called Extraverted Sensing (“Sensation” in the Genius System), and it is the weakest cognitive function in our stack. Take out a coin. If Perspectives is heads, then Sensation is tails. It’s the exact opposite of your dominant cognitive function, and it influences you in small ways.

It is the reason INJs tend to be emotional eaters.

Sensation is all about the five senses. People who use this cognitive function as a strength tend to be outstanding athletes and musicians. They use their body as a tool and can use their environment as an extension of themselves. It requires intense presence for a race-car driver or precision pilot to do the things they do.

Intense presence is not the forte of INJs. We spend too much time in our heads gathering data and comparing it to the other data we’ve collected. This is why we can tend toward clumsiness. We don’t interact with our bodies as athletes. Our bodies aren’t a machine we can use skillfully. So, we will bump into things. We will fall going upstairs. And we will break three ribs, puncture a lung and rupture a spleen just falling from a horse that was standing still.

When we are in our minds, we are not in our bodies. Terrible things can happen when you let go of the wheel of a car to look for something in the glove compartment. It’s similar when we try to engage in complicated maneuvers while analyzing whether or not we said too much at that last company party when the alcohol was flowing.

Sensation can be the reason we carry around an extra 20 lbs, or it can be the thing that cures us of our anxiety.

As I mentioned earlier, Perspectives needs to be practiced and used with skill to be perfected, and so does Sensation.

If you don’t use it, it will use you.

When your Perspectives process is predicting a future of job loss, homelessness, and divorce, your Sensation will reach for whatever it can get its hands on to get you out of your mind and into your body. This shuts off your intuition which is bent on self-destruction like a parasite who has decided its host must die.

Food is the fastest way to get you out of your head and focused on chewing, tasting, texture, temperature, whatever works to shut off the brain. The problem is, we have mastered the ability to think and eat – at least most of us have.

So, we can continue circling the drain, as it were, with our pint of Ben & Jerry’s clutched in our sticky fingers, which puts both Perspectives and Sensation in a lousy place.

Our inner wisdom knows the best way to shut off our mind is to engage our body, and eating isn’t the best way to go about it. Too many side effects.

The best way to engage our body and disengage our mind is by getting present by interacting with our environment:

  • Take a hot bath
  • Have Sex
  • Meditate
  • Do yoga
  • Swim
  • Get a massage
  • Go for a walk in nature
Most of all, practice the art of being present. Eckhart Tolle’s Power of NOW explains how valuable this practice is – physically, mentally and spiritually. I strongly recommend checking it out to understand presence work.

When my mind is running away with me, and I am projecting all sorts of evil intent I focus on my body:

What is the temperature in the room?

How do my clothes feel against my skin?

I focus on my feet, then my legs and continue my way up as I consider how each part of my body feels.

Then I focus on my environment:

  • I hear the tick of the clock
  • The passing of a car outside
  • The sound of the refrigerator
  • The purr of the cat on my lap
Then I ask myself, what do I lack right now at this moment? If I’m honest with myself, usually the answer is nothing. I’m comfortable, warm, fed, there’s somebody in the next room who is glad I’m alive. If I need something to drink, I can immediately fill that need. If I get cold, there is a blanket nearby. I am capable of meeting whatever needs I have right now at this moment.

I can’t do anything about the past or future, so why waste any energy on it? If you can cultivate this mindset, you will vastly increase your peace of mind and create longer and longer stretches of contentment between periods of neurotic impairment.


The Most Charismatic Thing You Can Do
“But if I don’t prepare for the future, something disastrous will happen! Or worse, I will freeze and humiliate myself in front of people who will never forget it.”

First of all, everybody always forgets it. Nobody cares about your failures as much as you do. Everyone else is so consumed with their own BS; they don’t have enough mental real estate to care about yours.

Second, as you learn presence work, you will realize that being present is the most charismatic thing you can do. We spend so much time thinking about what our next words will be that we don’t listen to what people are saying. Or we “Uh-huh” our way through their conversation in hopes they will hurry up so we can say the genius thing we thought of before we forget it.

I read a book on Charisma recently, and I was shocked when the author said one of the most charismatic things you can do is count to two after a person finishes speaking. It allows them to complete their thought and gives them the impression that you are thinking intently about what they said.

When I read that, I realized that introverts should be the most charismatic people in the world and the fact that we’re not is probably related to all that other non-charismatic stuff we do.

Then I realized I didn’t need to have a prepared comment during every break in a conversation. I could take a second or two to think about it and still manage to look charismatic, which means I can relax in social situations now. There’s no pressure to perform.

So, practicing presence is a win/win. It gets you out of your head where your intuition is planning the almost total destruction of every relationship you’ve ever valued, and into your body where the only thing you need to worry about is your current comfort level. Staying present also makes you appear more charismatic and relaxed. Admit it, Judgers can be a pretty uptight group of people because of our obsessive need for structure and planning.

So relax. Go into a conversation without a plan. Attend a party without a dozen pre-rehearsed statements. Get comfortable. See what comes up organically in conversation.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. This takes practice. I have to get my disaster-caster in a headlock sometimes when it short circuits, but each time it gets easier.

Keep at it. Life is meant to be enjoyed not wrestled into submission.
 
Defense Mechanisms for Enneagram Types
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Think about it this way:
That for example a Type 8 has his own preferred defense mechanism but will also show some Type 5 tendencies according to the stress direction. (I believe this helps alot in understanding your Type and Wings but also further the dynamic of tritype.)

So, this is about knowing yourself under stress but more importantly your overall strategy how to deal with parts of yourself that are difficult to deal with (whatever you push away due to your personal backstory and the "not updated" childhood strategies). Meaning the growth direction is where you can find some new strategies for updating in regards of your adult life but also do some overall personality integration.
 
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Check Up

1. you're calm: the picture is still
2. your're (slightly) tense: the picture is moving
3. your're stressed: the picture is moving fast

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Now, try relaxation and take a deep breath-! :)
 
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THE DEFENSE MECHANISM EACH MBTI PERSONALITY IS LIKELY TO USE

It was famed psychoanalyst, Sigmund Freud who introduced the concept of defense mechanisms, a topic his daughter Anna Freud later expanded on in her book “The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defense“. Freud proposed that when the ego is confronted with information or experiences that conflicts with it’s self schema, it reflexively deploys psychological defense mechanisms to shield against the psychological distress of anxiety, depression and low self esteem that would result from acceptance.

The use of psychological defense mechanisms seems to stem from the ego’s need for psychological and emotional stability. The ego forms a conception of itself and draws boundaries for what it accepts and does not accept as part of it’s identity. In every individual, there are feelings, thoughts, and impulses existing in our psyche that are not acted on because they are either deemed as inappropriate by social standards or because they conflict with personal standards or beliefs held by the individual’s “ego ideal”. There are numerous types of defense mechanisms, many of them healthy when used maturely, such as humor, altruism and sublimation. Other forms, such as projection, denial, and “acting out” are considered unhealthy and result from a lack of self-knowledge.

In the MBTI, defense mechanisms can be a detriment to ego development and the process of individuation and integration. Unhealthy or immature use of the cognitive functions likely leads to distorted and falsified conceptions of reality to protect the ego. Here is a look at the defense mechanism you are most likely to use based on your Myers Briggs type.​


Intellectualization: Devaluing the emotional aspects of a situation and sterilizing it with the antiseptic of logic and reason. Largely due to the discomfort INTPs experience when dealing with feelings both those of others as well as their own. This may be an example of the INTP’s attempt to neutralize unwanted or overwhelming emotions they experience or when they are unwilling to acknowledge the importance of Fe as relevant or even worth considering. INTP often represses their own feelings and drive them away into the unconscious because they feel incapable of expressing them effectively. Logic and rationality is safe and comfortable to them but ignoring the emotional aspects may cultivate a lack of empathy and understanding for other’s feelings.

Rationalization: Similar to intellectualization, but this defense mechanism may be an example of an INTJ who is unwilling to accept blame and may unconsciously reframe a problematic situation in such a way that falsely justifies their actions or underestimates their role in the conflict. Harmful because a person cannot learn from their mistakes and will likely repeat them. Common among individuals who are prone to looping, individuals with poorly developed judging functions, and individuals who misuse their N function. INTJs do reflect on their own actions and will dispassionately review their inner feelings and attempt to assess and rationalize what went wrong. Their conclusions may be prone to correspondence bias where they misattribute the actions of others to flaws in their character while attributing their own misbehavior to external and situational causes beyond their control.

Compensation: A means of balancing out one’s shortcomings in one area with excellence in another. This may be done in attempt to preserve self esteem following failure and the concomitant sense of inadequacy that is felt. When used properly, can be positive and constructive but at worst may be used as form of deflection to superficially mask or gloss over negative aspects of themselves. Also includes exaggerating one’s importance, achievements, or positive qualities in order to avoid confronting criticism for negative qualities. Harmful because a person cannot confront their weaknesses and shortcomings, thus becoming incapable of real improvement. Common in individuals who are prone to looping or grip patterns and individuals who misuse the Ti or Ni function, and individuals at around level 3 ego development.

Isolation: Separation of unpleasant or stressful emotion from conscious thoughts. Splitting memory and emotion in order to avoid the stress or anxiety that recalling/reliving a negative situation can produce. Individual does this so as to avoid letting negative emotions attached to certain thoughts from affecting behavior or bleeding over into other areas of life. For example, a person who stoically endures an excess of frustration at work but detaches emotionally to maintain their decorum. Harmful because failure to acknowledge emotions prevents a person from achieving closure for a negative past experience. Common in individuals who have experienced trauma as well as individuals with a poorly developed F function.

Avoidance: Avoiding anxiety-causing or stress-inducing situations, often because of perceiving oneself as incapable of confronting a problem directly. INFPs for example, may get cold feet on their wedding day and become a runaway bride. Feigning illness or some other plausible excuse will be used to relieve them of confronting the cause of their stress. Harmful because problems are left to fester, multiply, or worsen over time, lowering self-esteem to the point of helplessness or hopelessness. Common in Ps who are prone to procrastination, Fs who are prone to conflict-avoidance, Ns who do not want to deal with facts and details, Introverts who want to shut out the world, and Extraverts who want to avoid self-reflection.

Idealization & Acting Out: Forming an inordinately high opinion of someone or something such that the qualities are perceived as being better than in actuality. This may manifest in the INFJ putting people they admire or love on a pedestal or focusing on the positive aspects of a situation while avoiding or downplaying the negative. This can set themselves up for disappointments due to unrealistic and delusional idealism and a fear of confronting painful or inconvenient truths. Also, the reputed INFJ doorslam is probably an example of acting out. Whether it is literally a slam of the door or the metaphor of shutting someone out of their lives, is typically an aggressive expression of anger that they normally would not show. Acting out is a defense mechanism that emerges due to pent up frustration that may develop when the INFJ feels oppressed or unable to express themselves effectively.

Fantasy: Disconnecting from reality into a world of escapism, when life does not go as they’d like. In their imagination, they fashion the reality they desire and they may get lost lost in it while becoming ever more disappointed with the real world. They begin to see themselves in unrealistic terms and develop delusional expectations of themselves and others. They display wishful thinking, and thereby avoiding feelings of failure, grief, or disappointment. Harmful when fantasy is used in lieu of taking effective action to improve oneself or life conditions, thus getting stuck in a rut. Common in Ne types, Ns with a poorly developed S function, and individuals with poorly developed extraverted functions.

Identification: Mirroring the characteristics of others as a means of gaining social acceptance or avoid social punishment. This may be employed as social survival tool for ingratiating oneself with a person who is perceived as threatening or dangerous. An example of this could be a non-smoker who takes up cigarettes to fit in with a group of friends who smoke. A more pernicious example would be of someone who admires and follows in the footsteps of an abusive parent who’s approval they desire. Harmful when one avoids taking responsibility for perpetuating abusive, manipulative, exploitative, aggressive, or violent behavior. Common in individuals around level 2 ego development as well as Fs with a poorly developed T function.

Passive Aggression: Difficulty or reluctance in expressing anger directly either due to social inhibition or fear of punitive repercussions. Using passive or underhanded means to express (unacknowledged) feelings of dissatisfaction towards a person/object/event, often because one cannot handle the social consequences of being assertive and truthful. May be uncooperative in performing duties and meeting the demands of others and may deliberately ignore someone when spoken to and might adopt a negative view of their situation, such as their job, and of those around them. Harmful because the behaviors pose a problem in intimate relationships, and because a person is more likely to develop a reputation as being inauthentic or untrustworthy (since passive aggression is easily detected by others). Common in individuals with low emotional intelligence due to an unhealthy F function.

Social Comparison: When the ego has been damaged by some form of misfortune, an ISFP might compare their plight to that of someone worse off than themselves to feel better. This is called “social comparison”, a defense mechanism where an individual may artificially bolster self-esteem by comparing with someone who has it worse or someone better off with whom they share something in common. For example a person may feel insecure about their struggle with losing weight but may take solace in knowing they aren’t mama June. By contrast they may be heartened by the story of a famous person who once battled with weight loss and achieved their goals. This defense mechanism is harmful because it leads to a weak sense of self and prevents a person from developing genuine self-confidence and a realistic self-image. Common in individuals around level 2 ego development as well as individuals who misuse their Fe, Te, or Se functions.

Acting Out: A sudden deviation from impulse control and adherence to acceptable social behavior. The ESFP in response to constriction by authority and overbearing figures may rebel and engage in reckless and defiant behavior. This may include antisocial acts and drug and alcohol abuse. This defense mechanism may also be triggered by tragic loss or emotional pain that they are unable to deal with in healthy constructive ways. This may also be done as a means of seeking attention or as a form of release for emotional tension that they are unable to express in words. Manifesting extreme and/or dysfunctional behaviors, usually because of not being able to utilize normal means to process feelings of frustration, anger, dissatisfaction, sadness, or unhappiness. Harmful because pent up emotions unconsciously drive aggressive, destructive, or violent action. Common in individuals at low levels of ego development.

Compartmentalizing: Subconsciously creating a strict division of one’s sense of self into separate parts that reduces awareness and responsibility for one’s actions (e.g. strictly separating private life from public persona). An example might be a police officer who arrests drug offenders but later goes home to smoke some crack and bang hookers. Or a preacher who preaches the sin of adultery but has secret liaisons outside of their marriage and keeps the two value systems distinct and un-integrated while remaining unconscious of the cognitive dissonance. Harmful when believing that the different roles that one occupies can be used to justify inconsistent, immoral, or hypocritical behavior. Common among people at low levels of ego development as well as unhealthy Fe and Te dominants.

Repression: This defense is an unconscious or conscious attempt to forget or block out thoughts, feelings, impulses, or memories that are perceived as threatening or undesirable. Unacceptable aspects of the ego are buried away from conscious awareness only to surface in unexpected and symbolic forms. This is usually done out of pressure to adhere to social or religious standards and codes of conduct or simply as a means of survival. Common examples may be found in conservative religious persons with very strict and prudent values who abstain from forms of behavior and lifestyle considered to be vices. Repression may be attributed to shame attached to memories that leads to inhibition in some related area. Harmful because one’s sense of self becomes fragmented, and because not acknowledging facts leads to faulty beliefs or ineffectual action. Common in individuals who suffer trauma as well as individuals at low levels of ego development.

Reaction Formation and Undoing: Overcompensation for unwanted or unacceptable thoughts, feelings or impulses by going out their way to express the opposite of what they actually feel or want. This typically stems out of guilt such as when an ISFJ recognizes feelings they have for another person outside of their romantic relationship and instead of cheating, will make a special effort to demonstrate how much they love their partner and how not interested they are in that other person. They may secretly hate their job or boss, but for whatever reason may feel guilt, shame or fear of expressing this sentiment and consequently makes an overzealous attempt at demonstrating how much they do love their job and their boss. Out of contrition, they may also go out of their way to perform excessive acts of kindness to undo a wrong they’ve unconsciously committed against someone.

Projection: Attributing one’s undesirable characteristics, weaknesses, thoughts, feelings, or impulses to another person who does not factually suffer them (due to lack of insight into oneself). Harmful because it produces gross misunderstandings that destroy relationships, and because denying personal weaknesses makes self-improvement impossible. Common in individuals at low levels of ego development. ESFJs avoid conflict and are sensitive to criticism in regards to their shortcomings and insecurities (which may include that revolving around their intelligence). ESFJs, like other extraverts in general, are less likely to develop self knowledge to the same extent as the typical introvert. With Ti as their least developed function, ESFJs are less inclined to take the time to self-analyze their behavior and understand why they do what they do and develop clear principles that guide and prevent them from committing inconsistent and hypocritical behavior stemming from lack of self awareness. The qualities, thoughts, or impulses they subordinate in the name of adherence to the group standards may produce psychological distress that they cast onto other people.

“Black and White” or “All or Nothing” Thinking: This is a form of reductive thinking that oversimplifies an issue so as to to avoid thinking more deeply about it. It is accompanied by a refusal to consider other perspectives, alternatives, or not so obvious factors that are nonetheless relevant to understanding the situation fully and accurately. Harmful because the failure to see nuance or context leads to faulty beliefs, poor problem-solving, or a callous/dismissive attitude. Common in individuals at low levels of ego development, Fs who use their low T function defensively, Ts with a poorly developed F function.
 
A free virtual summit for INFJs, INFPs and all intuitive introverts.
Embracing yourself as an INFJ/INFP* in a non-intuitive World

(*sie note: there is also an ENFJ and an INTJ among the speakers!)


Free Online Series upon registration
from February 7-16 !

https://www.infsummit.com/



Jasraj Hothi and Lauren Sapala created this temporary virtual summit with conversations about NF themes (life concerning topics like creativity, creative dry spells, novel writing, journaling, meditation & music, confidence, decluttering, sensitivity, friendship, conversation, vision clarity, coaching, anxiety etc etc)

I hope it is okay that I share this link. There might be some helpful and interesting people, books, videos or podcasts (and free pdf) for you linked in there that just fit the overall blog topic here.

Hope it serves its purpose!​
 
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How to Reach a "Flow State" Based on Your Personality Type

Have you ever felt like you were mentally “in the zone” and able to complete tasks easily and with a sense of immediate satisfaction and calm? During these phases you feel energized, focused, and fully immersed in what you are doing. You feel like you were “made to do this.” Time falls away. You might be tired, but you won’t notice.

Flow experiences can occur in different ways for different people depending on their personality type. Some enter a flow state while painting or drawing while others enter a flow state when running or playing tennis. Today we’re going to explore how you can achieve a flow state, based on your unique personality type.



How to Reach a “Flow State,” Based on Your Personality Type

ENFPs and ENTPs
If you are an ENxP personality type then what naturally gets you in flow is using your dominant function, Extraverted Intuition (Ne). Your dominant function is the “driver” of your personality. This is the function that gets you excited, comes most naturally to you, and makes you feel alive. Typologist John Beebe calls this function the “Hero,” because it takes on a heroic tone when being used. Whenever you tap into extraverted intuition, you will feel a sense of satisfaction. Continued use can propel you into a flow state and allow you to bring all kinds of ideas and possibilities into the world.

So what is Extraverted Intuition?
Extraverted Intuition is an information-gathering process. It’s how ENxPs absorb information from the world around them. But it’s more than that. Ne finds connections, patterns, and relationships between the things it sees. It produces and generates possibilities and alternatives.

ENxPs can imagine new scenarios and almost immediately create multiple options. Whenever a door closes they open 10, 100, or even 1000 windows. They think, “Look world! See all these possibilities?” It can be difficult for ENxPs to understand how other people can feel stuck or without options when there are so many alternatives to consider. The only barrier to this mindset is when ENxPs are under extreme stress – when this happens they tend to feel like their options are limited and the walls are closing in on them. Brainstorming under extreme stress can make ENxPs feel incompetent, anxious, and exhausted.

How to Reach a “Ne” Flow State:
Flow state can be achieved differently for different ENxPs, but here are some examples of ways to activate it:

  • Change the pattern. Mentally look for a pattern that you don’t like. How could you create alternatives to that pattern? How could you disrupt it and make things better?
  • Create possibilities. Look around you. What alternatives, ideas, and possibilities exist that nobody is thinking of? Do something unexpected! Take a (safe) risk. Imagine going somewhere you’ve never been before and figure out what’s stopping you from getting there so that you can shatter that roadblock.
  • Combine ideas into a creative pursuit. See if you can gather all your interests into one unified possibility or opportunity. Are you an entrepreneur who loves the ocean and meeting new people? Perhaps you could attend a networking event or create a workshop for your clients in a coastal state. Do you love painting, exercising, and music? Perhaps you could take a walk with your camera while listening to music and take photos of landscapes you’d like to paint later!
  • Find the positive in a situation. Imagine what good could come out of a negative situation. What’s good about it raining on the day you planned to go to the park? What good could come out of not being promoted? Is there an opportunity there that you haven’t yet considered?
  • Find a friend or family member who inspires you. Start generating options and ideas together. Discuss a philosophy, an opportunity, an adventure, a risk. The more novel and exciting ideas you can create the easier it will be for you to enter a flow state.
ENFPs might also be able to reach a flow state using the methods listed for INFPs and ISFPs (scroll down to see them!). ENTPs might also be able to reach a flow state using the methods listed for INTPs and ISTPs.

INFJs and INTJs
If you are an INxJ then you reach a flow state by tapping into your dominant function, Introverted Intuition (Ni). This function is what drives you and absorbs most of your focus when you’re alone. John Beebe, Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, calls this function “the Hero.” As your hero function, you feel confident and determined when using it. You may feel like you are “leading the charge” and sure of your direction.

So what is Introverted Intuition?
Introverted Intuition (Ni) is an information-gathering process, which means that you use it when you observe the world around you and the world inside yourself. This function is not focused on making a judgment or a moral or ethical assessment. It works on its own timetable in unpredictable ways, noticing subtleties and asking, “What else is going on here?” Ni is focused on foreseeing trends, patterns, and implications. When you’re tapped into this mental process you see meaning and symbolism attached to what’s going on around you. You get flashes of insight into the essential nature of things and their complex interrelationships. You get a sense about where things will lead. This vision is often accompanied with a sense of certainty, as if you know for sure where things will lead or how a strategy or pattern will unfold.

How to Reach a “Ni” Flow State:
Some INxJs will experience flow more easily from certain activities over others. What works for you might be unique, but here are some activities that tend to work well:

  • Spend some time each day in a quiet place. Allow ideas to come into your consciousness without pressure. Don’t try to control your mind. As ideas flow through you, write them down (or draw them).
  • Imagine yourself without limits or boundaries. What would you do? What would you be?
  • Project yourself into the future. Let images and visuals come to you. Sink into what you see and imagine. Close your eyes. Afterwards, write down what came to you. Is there any way that you could make that vision a reality?
  • Play a strategy game that requires you to focus on a future outcome and backtrack to create a very specific plan.
INFJs might also be able to reach a flow state using the methods listed for ESFJs and ENFJs (scroll down to see them!). INTJs might also be able to reach a flow state using the methods listed for ESTJs and ENTJS (scroll down to see).

ESFPs and ESTPs
If you are an ESxP, then the process that naturally gets you into a flow state is called Extraverted Sensation, or “Se” for short. When you’re tapped into Se you feel confident, capable, excited. You feel ready for anything and sure of yourself. There’s an adrenaline rush and a sense of near heroic capability. Joel Mark-Witt and Antonia-Dodge from Personality Hacker call this the “Driver” function because it’s the function that drives you and propels you through most of life. It also tends to have the most maturity of all of your cognitive functions.

So What is Extraverted Sensation?
Extraverted sensation (Se) is an information-gathering process. It’s what you use when you absorb information from the outside world and respond to it without having to consciously sit down and “judge” it in-depth. Se is focused on the current, objective, external world and reality. As an ESxP you want to immerse yourself in the details of your environment. You want to absorb energy and enjoyment from nature, action, people, and events. When you’re in tune with the world around you, highly aware of all that’s happening, and ready to respond reflexively, you’re using Se. Whether this means you’re playing a sport, dancing, tasting an exotic new food, playing dodge-ball, rescuing someone from a burning building, or simply swapping jokes with someone new. Se is activated when you “let go” and let yourself be fully present to your surroundings and immersed in every detail.

How to Reach a “Se” Flow State:
What works for some ESxPs might not work for others, but here are several methods that often work:

  • Delve into your five senses. Close your eyes and focus fully on the taste you’re experiencing when you try something new. Listen to music and notice every rhythm, change in tempo, and every note being played. Notice the textures of everything you feel in detail. What’s something that excites you that you could physically explore?
  • Play a game that requires quick reaction time. Sports, dodge-ball, Taboo, slapjack, video games. Pick something that taps into your quick reflexes and attentiveness to your surroundings.
  • Seek additional experiences. Go safely white-water rafting, kayaking, parasailing, horseback riding. Get a massage, join a roller-derby team, or just go to a restaurant you’ve never been to before. Embrace your natural sense of adventure!
  • Merge with your environment. Ride your bike and become one with the pedals, the breeze, and the birds flying . Drive your car and feel a sense of power and independence as your press the gas pedal. Become one with the road, your vehicle, and the music playing on the radio.
ESTPs might also be able to reach a flow state by using the methods listed for ISTPs and INTPs (scroll down to see them!). ESFPs might also be able to reach a flow state by using the methods listed for ISFPs and INFPs (scroll down to see!).

ISTJs and ISFJs
As an ISxJ your most refined mental process is called Introverted Sensation, or “Si” for short. This is the process that is the easiest for you to use, the one that comes most naturally. When you’re experiencing Si you tend to feel confident of yourself, and sure of the information you’re gathering.

So What is Introverted Sensation?
Introverted sensation is an information-gathering process. This means that what gets you in flow isn’t making decisions or coming to conclusions. It’s simply relaxing into reflections, gathering data, and absorbing impressions. As you absorb information you compare your current experiences to your past impressions and memories. You use past experience as a guide for exploring what’s happening right now – How could your life lessons improve this current experience? How does this compare? What has changed? You see the current world through a set of subjective internal filters. It’s as if the current experience is overlaid with lush images of comparable past experiences. This makes you quick to notice patterns and inconsistencies.

As a Si user you’re also highly in tune with how things feel inside your body. You consistently notice when you are hungry, thirsty, tired, or becoming ill. As a result you prize certain healthy or comforting routines and spend a lot of your life trying to create a sense of stability, tranquility, and routine.

How to Reach a “Si” Flow State:
What works for some ISxJs might not work for others, but here are several methods that often work well:

  • Reflect on how you are feeling inside your body. Are you hungry, tired, stressed? Do something to relieve whatever discomfort you are feeling. Really sink into the sensation of drinking water when you’re thirsty, and when you lay down in bed really let every muscle in your body relax and savor each tiny detail and physical sensation.
  • Close your eyes and recall one of your favorite past memories. Remember every detail exactly as it was and don’t rush yourself. Experience the joy of re-living something beautiful and the realization that you can enjoy these moments again and again even though they are in the past.
  • Meditate and focus on your body sensations. Let your body fully relax.
  • Learn a repetitive skill like knitting, golfing, cycling, or crocheting. Learn to do it so well that it becomes simple and soothing. Let yourself develop mastery in this skill while you’re able to let your body relax and enjoy the progress you’re making.
ISTJs might also be able to reach flow using the methods listed for ENTJs & ESTJs. ISFJs might also be able to reach flow using the methods listed for ESFJs & ENFJs.

ESFJs and ENFJs
As an ExFJ, the “leading role” in your mind is a mental process called Extraverted Feeling. This function is the one that reaches maturity first in your life and the one you trust most of all. You call this process into use with ease and without expending a lot of energy and willpower. It’s so important to how you mentally operate that it would feel strange not to use it.

So What is Extraverted Feeling?
Extraverted Feeling (Fe) is a decision-making process. That means that it’s what you use when you evaluate, reach for closure, and analyze the information you’ve received in order to make a decision or movement in life. For you, the outer world of people, their needs, emotions, and values is the world that drives you. You are driven to interact with people, to understand what’s important to them, to maintain harmony. You seem to have an innate sense of the emotional “temperature” of the room you’re in and you try to make sure people feel like they are valued and given a priority. You are likely tactful, polite, and sensitive to praise and criticism. You also have ideals and plans about how to improve things in the world. You try hard to achieve those ideals and can be very loyal and persevering in dedication of your cause.

How to Reach a “Fe” Flow State:
What works for some ExFJs might not work for others, but here are several methods that often work well:

  • Watch psychological dramas or movie/TV shows that are all about human relationships, emotions, and thought processes. Think about what makes the people “tick” and analyze the relationships in the show. Is there anything you can learn from that? How can that impact your personal relationships?
  • Absorb good vibes. Spend time around friends doing something you all love. Let yourself absorb their positive emotions and fully immerse yourself in their joy, laughter, and good feelings.
  • Plan an experience that will make the people you love happy. Imagine the details and their specific responses as you prepare this experience.
  • Stand up for your values compassionately. Speak up in defense of a value you care about that will positively impact others. Make graphics to showcase your cause. You could also persuade people through conversation, but do so using your gift for harmony and tact. Use warmth and empathy to convey what you believe in.
ESFJs might also be able to reach a flow state using the methods listed for ISFJs and ISTJs. ENFJs might also be able to reach a flow state using the methods listed for INFJs and INTJs.

INFPs and ISFPs
If you are an IxFP, then the process that naturally gets you into flow is called Introverted Feeling, or “Fi” for short. You feel a strong sense of “rightness” when you are tapped into this function. This feels like “home” to you – the place you are supposed to be. Introverted feeling subjects are the kinds of things you feel you are meant to think about it. John Beebe calls this the “Hero” function, and you likely feel like you’re taking up the charge and doing what is best when you are tapped into this zone.

But what is Introverted Feeling?
Introverted Feeling (Fi) is a decision-making process. When you focus on what you will do, how you will do it, what the best direction for your life is, you will access Fi. Fi focuses on your inner world and what seems right and authentic to you. It’s the part of you that assesses whether you’re living in congruence with your beliefs, or in alignment with what you love. It’s the voice in your head that says, “Damn social conventions. I need to do what I think is right.” Fi focuses on the individual rather than the collective. You want to find your true purpose, your true beliefs, ethics, morals, desires, and you don’t care if it does or doesn’t line up with what’s “normal” or socially acceptable.

How to Reach a “Fi” Flow State:
Flow state can be achieved differently for different IxFPs, but here are some methods that tend to work:

  • Think of Your Convictions. What would you be willing to die for? What convictions demand your energy and focus? Write those down. Find a poem that aligns with them. Watch a movie where someone upholds a similar conviction against all odds. Listen to a song that aligns with your convictions.
  • Look at your life and figure out which duties are misaligned with your values. Which can you extricate from your life? Is there a random task or routine that is stopping you from living in inner harmony? Be careful with some of these. You don’t want to make a decision that you’ll later regret.
  • Imagine your utopia. What would it be like? What values would be upheld? What ethics would be maintained? How can you make your current world more like that world without impeding on anyone’s freedoms.
  • Just say “No” to duties or obligations that don’t feel right to you. Enjoy the freedom you feel afterwards.
  • Find a cause that aligns with your deepest values. Find a way to support that cause that aligns with your talents. Could you blog about that cause? Could you help people one-on-one who are affected by that cause? For example, if you care about foster dogs, you could foster them yourself, blog about your experiences, share the posts on social media so that those dogs would get adopted. You could become an advocate for dogs at your local animal shelter.
INFPs might also be able to reach a flow state using the methods listed for ENFPs and ENTPs (scroll up to see them!). ISFPs might also be able to reach a flow state using the methods listed for ESFPs and ESTPs (scroll up to see them!).

ESTJs and ENTJs
As an ExTJ your most relied-upon mental process is Extraverted Thinking, or “Te” for short. Experiencing Te and using it gives you a sense of satisfaction and confidence. You feel sure of yourself, more-so than when you use any other process. When you can’t tap into this function you feel stressed and uncertain, as if you can’t think clearly.

So What Is Extraverted Thinking?
Extraverted Thinking is a decision-making process, or as Isabel Briggs-Myers called it, a “Judging” function. This means that it’s the function you use when you’re analyzing information in order to move forward. As a Te-dominant type you like organizing your outer world for maximum efficiency and effectiveness. You are energized by reaching goals and you do so by employing proven analytical tools, spotting inconsistencies and inefficiencies, and clarifying rules, regulations, and standards. You highly value competence in others and yourself. You’re a strong believer in fairness and justice and believe that each person is independently responsible for their own actions and should be held accountable to a universal set of rules.

How to Reach a “Te” Flow State:
What works for some ExTJs might not work for others, but here are several methods that seem to work:

  • Break-down your ambitions. Choose a goal that you have and change it to something that you can measure. For example, change “I want to get 10,000 subscribers on my YouTube channel” to “I will upload videos every Monday and Wednesday, in an effort to gain 50 subscribers per week. I will measure which videos fail or succeed and monopolize on those.”
  • Listen to an authority on a subject that fascinates you. Notice their logical mindset and take notes on how you can apply their lessons to your life.
  • Argue. Get into a debate with someone who won’t take it personally. Use cause and effect and logic to prove your points. Be assertive without becoming angry. At the end of the debate, ask for feedback.
  • Think about your day. Which processes can you make more efficient? Think about all the extra time you will create for yourself by getting these tasks maximized.
ESTJs might also be able to reach flow using the methods listed for ISTJs and ISFJs. ENTJs might also be able to reach flow using the methods listed for INFJs and INTJs.

ISTPs and INTPs
If you are an IxTP then you reach a state of flow by tapping into your dominant function, Introverted Thinking (Ti). This function is called the “Driver” by some typologists while others call it the “Hero”. When you use this function you feel immersed, focused, and competent. You feel like you are truly in your element and at “home” with what you are doing.

So What is Introverted Thinking?
Introverted Thinking (Ti) is a decision-making process. This means that you use this function when you have to weigh the pros and cons or analyze data to decide which option works best. For you, the subjective, inner world of principles, logic, systems, and categories is what drives you. You seek mental precision and clarity in everything that you do. You want to know how all the pieces of a puzzle fit together – how every piece of a theory or machine works. You seek discovery and a true understanding of everything in the world. You long for accuracy and for things to “make sense.” You want to know how to do things and how systems are composed and fit together. You like figuring things out in your own way without being micro-managed. You get a sense of tremendous contentment when you can make order in your mind from chaotic data.

How to Reach a “Ti” Flow State:
What works for some IxTPs might not work for others, but here are several methods that seem to work:

  • Exercise your brain in a game. Play a strategy game, checkers, chess, etc, and look for the underlying structure of the game and how it works. Solve a puzzle or brain-teaser.
  • Exercise your need for precision. Write your thoughts down on a paper and search for the most precise, accurate words possible. Keep getting rid of extraneous words until the message is as clear, concise, and precise as possible.
  • Go to an escape room and try to make your way out.
  • Take something apart and figure out how all the pieces connect. Can you put it back together? Is there a better way for it to be fixed that would make it better than it was before?
  • Get into a debate with someone who won’t take it personally. Point out their logical consistencies, and look for the categories they use to defend their decisions. What categories of data are they excluding or relying on? What categories are you ignoring or relying on?
INTPs might also be able to reach a flow state using the methods listed for ENFPs and ENTPs. ISTPs might also be able to reach a flow state using the methods listed for ESTPs and ESFPs.


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How Every Enneagram Type Reacts to Stress, and How to Help

Have you ever become so stressed that you “flipped a switch” and acted like someone else? Maybe it felt like an out-of-body experience or you felt completely beyond your own control? Well, according to the enneagram system, there’s a reason for that! Each type has an area of disintegration (stress) that they veer into when they become especially stressed, but before that time happens, there’s also a sequence of unhealthy behaviors or feelings that may occur. That’s what we’re going to explore today!

Not sure what your Enneatype is? Find out in this questionnaire!

Sources: The Wisdom of the Enneagram, Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery. These links are affiliate links. This means that if you purchase one of these eBooks, I get a small commission to help run my site.

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The Stressed Enneagram One
What stresses out the One Enneatype?
  • Being around lazy or undependable people.
  • Not seeing action taken towards a goal.
  • Shame over mistakes they’ve made.
  • Not living up to their own expectations.
  • Others not living up to their expectations.
  • Feeling like they have to be the responsible one while others are slacking.
  • Being taken for granted
  • Corruption in the world
  • Hypocrisy
  • Apathy
  • People being late
  • Messy surroundings
  • Their Own Perfectionism
Normally grounded and pragmatic, Ones under stress suddenly become moody and withdrawn. They’re often burned out by trying to live up by their ever-increasing expectations, and this exhaustion leads to resentment and anger. However, because Ones are always trying to repress their anger, it leaks out into irritated comments, sarcastic jabs, or cynical jokes. If stress is extreme, Ones lose their usual self-discipline and become more hostile, withdrawn, and emotionally reactive. They might overeat, break some of their own rules, or throw caution to the wind. It’s as if they’ve fired their “inner critic” and, for a moment, are letting loose a rebel that was always hiding in the corner. They become more self-indulgent, self-conscious, and dramatic.

How to Help a One Experiencing Stress:
  • Let them have an outburst. Just be with them. Don’t judge.
  • Take on some of the responsibilities around them without having to be asked.
  • Acknowledge the hard work they’ve put forth on a goal.
  • Thank them for the things they’ve done for you.
  • Give them some time alone to decompress.
  • Realize that they might be especially moody and critical. Try to be patient.
  • Let them know that they aren’t responsible for everything. Give them a break from some of their responsibilities.
  • Clean up the house or the area they’re in. Give them a sense that things are in order.
  • Remind them that nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes if they’re being self-critical.
  • After they’ve had a chance to calm down, give them something safe to play at. Watch a comedy with them, get them outside, or make them laugh.

The Stressed Enneagram Two
What Stresses Out the Two Enneatype?
  • Being taken for granted
  • Too much time alone
  • Feeling unloved for who they are
  • Saying “yes” to too many things and burning themselves out
  • Not getting affirmation or gratitude for their kind deeds
  • Feeling left out
  • Being around emotionally distant people
  • Not having their kindness reciprocated
  • Not feeling needed
The core desire of the two is to feel loved for who they truly are. These types need to nurture themselves as much as they nurture others, but often they overextend themselves on others’ behalf. They hope that through selfless pursuits they will earn a sense of worth and love. When these types are severely stressed they become more blunt and aggressive. Usually kind-hearted and gentle, they suddenly reveal a shocking inner toughness. They will confront people directly for their misdeeds and won’t hold back in arguments that they’d normally shy away from. This fiery resolve and directness is usually shocking to people who are used to their normal gregarious, empathetic demeanor. While this is happening, Twos become more concerned with their survival. They’ll work harder and become more controlling of the world around them.

How to Help a Two Experiencing Stress:
  • Show them you care and acknowledge the kind things they have done.
  • Help them set healthy boundaries so that they don’t keep overextending themselves.
  • Remind them that they don’t need to worry so much about what other people think of them. Remind them of who their loyal friends and loved ones are – and that it’s okay not to be “perfect.”
  • Realize that they might be more confrontational and aggressive than usual. Understand that this is temporary, and try not to judge too harshly unless they are endangering someone.
  • Ask them if they want to vent, write down their feelings, or listen to a particular song to find a mirror for their feelings.
  • Help them find creative modes of self-expression like drawing, singing, or writing.
  • Tell them that it’s not selfish for them to take care of themselves and spend time on their own pursuits.
  • Help them cancel some of their non-essential obligations.

The Stressed Enneagram Three
What Stresses Out Enneagram Threes:
  • Not seeing progress towards a goal.
  • Feeling like a failure.
  • Feeling incompetent or being around incompetence.
  • Not being acknowledged for what they do.
  • Not accomplishing things.
  • Losing.
  • Comparing themselves to others who are highly successful.
  • Feeling worthless or undesirable.
  • Not being challenged.
  • Being around people who lack vision.
Highly-focused and driven to succeed, Threes often burn themselves out trying to be the best at whatever they do. Not afraid of a challenge, they enjoy proving themselves and standing out amid a crowd of mediocre individuals. However, when they are highly stressed they can push themselves way too hard and punish themselves too viciously for their failures. When extreme stress hits, they can suddenly flip a switch and become more listless and apathetic. They fill their time with busywork to try to avoid facing the reality of the problems they’re dealing with. Instead of actually doing anything, they may get caught up in fantasies of their next big success. They also may feel more hyper-sensitive than usual, but will avoid facing their feelings directly. These stress episodes are confusing for them and their loved ones because they’re typically so hard-working and ambitious.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Three:
  • Let them take off their “mask” of competence and capability. Patiently let them talk about what’s bothering them or give them time alone to decompress.
  • Help them take deep breaths and tune into their body. Are they hungry? Thirsty? Tired? In pain? Help them recognize their physical needs.
  • Encourage them (non-forcefully) to talk about their feelings. Remind them that you’re there to listen, not to judge. Give them a safe space to express their vulnerabilities without judging, offering advice, or coddling them. Simply listen.
  • Be authentic about your own vulnerabilities – this will help them to feel safe being vulnerable with you.
  • Draw their attention towards a creative avenue. Creative activity often helps Threes tremendously. Give them time to write, draw, listen to music, etc,.
  • Acknowledge their successes and how they’ve helped you.
  • Try to clean any messes in their surroundings. Disordered external surroundings tend to stress them.

The Stressed Enneagram Four
What Stresses Out Enneagram 4s:
  • Having to go along with the crowd.
  • Too many external pressures.
  • Feeling misunderstood or criticized.
  • Being micro-managed.
  • Being forced to follow a lot of rules and guidelines.
  • Not making progress on their creative goals.
  • Having to put on a “happy face” when they are struggling emotionally.
  • Having their feelings dismissed.
  • Living in dull, non-personalized surroundings.
  • Feeling creatively blocked.
Imaginative and melancholy, Fours believe in being deeply authentic and finding their unique identity in the world. They hate feeling forced into a box or unable to express their true feelings and ideals. When stressed, Fours tend to isolate themselves and brood over their negative feelings. They dwell on the darkness of their emotions and allow those feelings to engulf them. If stress increases to an extreme level, they may suddenly change and become more outgoing and anxious for human interaction. They might try too hard to please others or find ways to get closer to people. They will seem more needy, expressive, and people-pleasing. They crave affirmation and are terrified of being abandoned or rejected. They will try to help others in order to regain a sense of being needed by the ones they love.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Four:
  • Allow them to express their feelings. Don’t tell them how they feel or cut them off. Understand that their feelings are unique to them.
  • Remind them of what’s real and what they can count on. Don’t minimize their feelings, but point out the reality of the situation while empathizing with them.
  • Remind them of their talents and strengths.
  • Help them set up some positive routines that will create a more peaceful atmosphere in their home.
  • Set up healthy boundaries if they are regularly using you as an emotional dumping ground.
  • Remind them of what’s positive in the present moment.
  • Offer empathy before advice.
  • Let them know that they are lovable regardless of how different they are from others.

The Stressed Enneagram Five
What Stresses Out Enneagram 5s:
  • Not getting enough alone time.
  • Being “barged in on.”
  • Feeling incompetent or incapable.
  • Feeling too detached from the physical world.
  • Physical malnutrition and neglect.
  • Being overwhelmed by fears and dark thoughts.
  • Not finding a niche for themselves.
  • Feeling like life is meaningless.
  • Extreme isolation and lack of connection.
Fives crave mastery in something that will set them apart from others. These types often grew up feeling misunderstood and lost in their families. They worried that they weren’t capable of handling whatever life hurled at them, and hoped that through mastery in a niche area they could feel competent. However, many Fives search endlessly for mastery and knowledge, only to get lost in theoretical analysis over real-world experience. Over time, they can become reclusive, detached, and anxious. Stress builds as they sense their growing detachment from reality and their own physical bodies. During regular stress, they try to get away from the world and narrow their focus on their niche interest. As stress builds, they become increasingly distractible. They may drink too much, binge eat, go to parties, clubs, and bars in search of an escape from their stress. They may seem especially aggressive and insensitive during these moments.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Five:
  • Help them to quiet their mind. Guide them through deep breathing and help them relax their body.
  • Help them tune into their body. Are they exhausted? Dehydrated? Hungry? In pain? Fives often detach from their physical needs under stress. Help guide them back to their bodies so that they can get physical peace.
  • Get them involved in a healthy activity. Take a walk, jump on a trampoline, go to the zoo, practice martial arts. These activities can reduce stress tremendously.
  • Remind them that you’ll be there for them regardless of whatever happens. Let them know that it’s okay to tell you about their needs and that it doesn’t make them “weak.”
  • Recognize their accomplishments and unique abilities.
  • Help them put their knowledge to the test in the real world when they’re feeling less stressed. The more they actualize their abilities the happier they will become.
  • Let them feel their grief. Show that you are trustworthy. Don’t coddle them or overly sympathize. Just show that you are there for them and remind them not to swallow their feelings. Encourage them to express themselves so that they can find relief.
  • Respect their need for privacy.
  • Don’t interrupt them or barge in on them.

The Stressed Enneagram Six
What Stresses Out Enneagram Sixes:
  • Undependable people
  • Disorder in their environment
  • Corruption or chaos in the world
  • Not trusting themselves
  • Not having a sense of community or support
  • Getting lost in catastrophizing
  • Feeling unsafe
  • Lack of structure or clarity
  • Burnout from over-committing and taking on too many responsibilities
  • Not finding answers to their questions
  • Wishy-washy behavior
  • Having other people decide for them
  • Feeling distrustful of people close to them
  • Making mistakes
Hard-working and loyal, Sixes crave an environment of security, support, and structure. They like knowing what’s going to happen and when it’s going to happen. Natural catastrophizers, they prepare for worst-case scenarios and are vigilant to any potential disaster. Under stress, Sixes become hyper-aware of all that could go wrong. They become exceedingly anxious and envision horrific possibilities at every turn. They get lost in endless thoughts and negative possibilities and may get caught up in researching solutions or news stories that might provide answers. They may also seek an authority or guide to help them find the best way to handle the situation. If stress builds to extreme levels, they disintegrate to 3. When this happens, they become more image-conscious and focused on how they appear to others. They may put on a persona of professionalism and confidence, becoming boastful and self-promoting. Their work absorbs them and they become fixated on achievement. By being competitive and ambitious they hope they can assuage their low self-esteem and brutal anxiety.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Six:
  • Remind them of what’s real and dependable.
  • Ask them to assume the worst happens. Then what they will do? Letting them talk it out can help them to calm down and realistically assess the situation.
  • Remind them that the worst could happen, but that the best could happen as well.
  • Don’t patronize their fears.
  • Follow through on your commitments and promises.
  • Remind them that you’re there for them.
  • Help them tune into their body. Guide them through deep breathing.
  • Ask them to assess their physical needs. Are they hungry? Tired? Thirsty? Remind them not to forget their physical needs.
  • Exercise with them or go for a walk. This can increase stress-reducing endorphins in the brain.
  • Help them to calm the flurry of internal voices in their mind. Encourage them to listen to their heart and instincts.
  • Make sure they’re getting time alone.
  • Help them cancel non-essential responsibilities that are overwhelming them.

The Stressed Enneagram Seven
What Stresses Out Enneagram 7s:
  • Being micro-managed
  • Not having enough personal freedom
  • Lack of free, unstructured time
  • Excessive responsibilities
  • Being cooped up for too long
  • Being stuck in one place for too long
  • Boredom
  • Doing nitty-gritty, detail work
  • Financial problems
  • Being stuck in a routine
  • Lack of loyal friendships
Sevens are enthusiastic and innovative, finding possibility in even the direst situations. Because they’re so creative it’s typically easy for them to reframe a negative situation into a positive one. That said, they still experience stress just like everyone does. When Sevens are stressed, they become more escapist and impulsive. They’ll fixate on finding a fun activity or experience to pursue, and may become more hedonistic or scattered than usual. If stress builds to extreme degrees, they can disintegrate to One. When this happens, they restrain their normally free-spirited behaviors. They will work harder, educate people, and become more critical and judgmental. They may even scold, nitpick, or become sarcastic with people – noticing all their flaws and the flaws of others.

How to Help a Stressed Enneagram Seven:
  • Help them to calm down and take deep breaths.
  • Guide them through observing their feelings, both physical and emotional. They may dislike this initially and need some time alone first. It’s important for them to do this, though, either alone or with someone they can trust.
  • Meditation can be very helpful for Sevens. Encourage them to stick with this, even if it seems boring.
  • Encourage them to accept pain as well as pleasure. Help them to realize that pain is an integral part of life and will help them grow.
  • Be supportive as they vent or try to deal with their grief.
  • Give them delicious, healthy snacks to enjoy.
  • Help them to find a song that mirrors their emotions and listen to it with them.

The Stressed Enneagram Eight
What Stresses Out Enneagram 8s:
  • Feeling out of control
  • Being micro-managed
  • Having to be a follower
  • Having their autonomy infringed upon
  • Not seeing progress towards a goal
  • Failure
  • Wishy-washy, vapid people
  • Manipulative people
  • Having to sugarcoat things
  • Having to play it safe
  • Being around corruption
  • Not being challenged
Charismatic and strong-willed, Eights crave freedom and a sense of power in their world. They need independence, and any situation that takes that away from them can create an enormous amount of stress and anger. During stress, Eights become more confrontational than usual and can work harder, trying to achieve more independence and control in their lives. If stress builds to extreme degrees, Eights can suddenly become reclusive and withdrawn. They get stuck in analysis, reading, and info-gathering, trying to find subjects to master in an attempt to feel competent again. They may stop taking care of themselves physically and become more quiet and detached than usual.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Enneagram Eight:
  • Prove that you are someone they can trust. Follow through on your promises and mean what you say.
  • Give them some time to themselves to decompress and sort things out.
  • Help them to tune into their breathing and calm their body.
  • Remind them that it’s okay to let down their guard around you. Let them know this doesn’t make them “weak.”
  • Let them know if they are intimidating you.
  • Show them that progress is being made towards a goal.
  • Be clear and direct with them, but understanding.

The Stressed Enneagram Nine
What Stresses Out Enneagram 9s:
  • Conflict in their environment
  • Being with people who are making a “scene”
  • Being forced into a position
  • Being ignored or passed over
  • Saying “yes” to things they don’t want to do
  • Dealing with peer pressure
  • Losing relationships that are important to them
  • Suppressing anger for too long
  • Having too many demands on their time
Nines crave inner harmony and peace. They want time to themselves to imagine, contemplate, and explore. They enjoy peaceful, harmonious environments and freedom. During stress, they try to downplay their own choices and needs in an effort to create inner peace as well as outer peace. They worry that by asserting themselves they will create more conflict, both inside and outside. They try to suppress their anger, fearing that it will fragment or destroy them in some way. If stress increases to extreme levels, Nines fixate on forming relationships and security. They worry about worst-case scenarios and become uncharacteristically pessimistic and paranoid. They might blame other people for their problems or bring up long-stifled complaints about others. Their normally serene nature cracks to reveal numerous anxieties and frustrations under the surface.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Nine:
  • Give them permission to assert themselves and their needs. Ask them to “let it all out” and remind them that this is a judgment-free zone.
  • Give them some space and time to themselves.
  • Remind them that it’s okay to say “No” to things they don’t want to do.
  • Recognize their unique talents and encourage them to pursue them.
  • Help them process their anger. Remind them that anger isn’t always a bad thing. Use examples if possible.
  • Help them tune into their bodies. What do they need physically? Help them to take deep breaths.
  • Go for a jog with them or engage in some other form of exercise. This will help them to de-stress and process some of their feelings.
 
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