Chameleon Effect

[VH]

Hopefully this hasn't been covered yet although portions of this probably have. Through out my life I tend to befriend different kinds of people because my interests are kind of scattered. When I am with one group of people I tend to change my words, attitude, and basically my personality a bit to blend in with the group. Therefore certain people get a side of me, while others do not. I realize this is not that odd of a situation, particularly for an INFJ, but my concern here is how to act when people of different "groups" collide. Its a situation I try to avoid as much as possible because I don't want to be seen acting "weird" to a group that sees me as a "normal guy." It can really throw them off and totally change their perception of me. It really has been a problem and I know the answer is to be yourself at all times, but it just doesn't work that way for me.

You're describing Fe very well.

It's natural for Fe to want to accommodate others. It's also natural for it to get confused when it wants to accommodate two 'opposed' groups.

Being yourself means accommodating if you are an Fe user.

However, the neat thing about cognitive functions is that they compensate for one another in situations where one that we normally use can't perform successfully. That's why we have tertiary and inferior functions. Don't worry. Eventually your Se will kick in when forced into those sorts of situations and as you develop it more and more, you will become more 'genuine' at all times, while maintaining the ability to accommodate. It's a bit of a balancing act, but you will master it.

 

[Gaze]

It's natural for Fe to want to accommodate others. It's also natural for it to get confused when it wants to accommodate two 'opposed' groups.

Being yourself means accommodating if you are an Fe user.

But is this always true? When I accommodate, I'm not necessarily being myself but it's because the alternative is usually problematic. If i were to "be myself" it wouldn't be as socially accepted or comfortable, so to create an awkward free situation, we accommodate. So yes, I value social comfort rather than social discomfort, but it can be unhealthy since it often involves striking in many cases a self sacrificing compromise which could lead to an identity crisis. Now, I wouldn't want to be rude or make anyone uncomfortable but when I am the most comfortable being myself, people are not very accepting, and then i feel self conscious and uncomfortable so I accommodate to relieve the tension. So, I don't necessarily agree that being yourself means accommodating if you are a Fe user.

 

[VH]

But is this always true? When I accommodate, I'm not necessarily being myself but it's because the alternative is usually problematic. If i were to "be myself" it wouldn't be as socially accepted or comfortable, so to create an awkward free situation, we accommodate. So yes, I value social comfort rather than social discomfort, but it can be unhealthy since it often involves striking in many cases a self sacrificing compromise which could lead to an identity crisis. Now, I wouldn't want to be rude or make anyone uncomfortable but when I am the most comfortable being myself, people are not very accepting, and then i feel self conscious and uncomfortable so I accommodate to relieve the tension. So, I don't necessarily agree that being yourself means accommodating if you are a Fe user.

Being an Fe user means both. If you're being 'yourself', the core innermost person you are giving way to the needs of the group, then you're not accommodating - you're just being yourself. Accommodation is by nature not 'yourself', but if it is your reflex to do so, then it is part of yourself.

 

[TinyBubbles]

yeah I've noticed this in me, I become more silly around silly people, more serious around serious people. I think we all do this to some extent, it's probably just a way of getting along. Makes you wonder, do we have a fixed personality then?

 

[Ecton]

I've been known to mimic people subconsciously to the point where they consciously notice before I do. I have become afraid before that I might cross an identity boundary, but it seems from experience that that cannot generally happen.

I've never been in two contradictory groups. What causes one to want to remain in both? (Keep in mind I'm low on the J/P score.)

 

[Siamese cat]

I've been known to mimic people subconsciously to the point where they consciously notice before I do. I have become afraid before that I might cross an identity boundary, but it seems from experience that that cannot generally happen.

I've never been in two contradictory groups. What causes one to want to remain in both? (Keep in mind I'm low on the J/P score.)

This wasn't about contradictory groups, just groups that bring out different sides of your personality because of different shared interests and different group dynamic.

Let's say that you have a group of somewhat nerdy guys that you hang out with and you like them, you can share your interests with them, because you have a nerdy side yourself. But you also have an interest in free climbing and you have a bunch of people whit whom you pursue those interests. This might be a bit to plastic example, but I say it fits the purpose.

They are not contradictory per se, just don't have much in common, except you of course. They've seen very different sides of you, and if those to worlds collide for some reason, members of two groups get to see those other sides of you.

There was other thread where we discussed this topic.
http://forum.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=8805

 

[soulseeker]

YEAH!!!! I do this too ahahahahahaha

I feel so weird too... like others see me as a shy person who doesn't really talk and other groups see me as this really talkative girl who uses a lot of gay lingo bwahahha and some see the serious me and think I'm really aloof, and some think I'm really girly.

I feel like a person with multiply personality disorder or a person with identity crisis.

But when like you said, different groups of people collide I ALWAYS choose the "me". The identity I like best, the one that I feel comfortable with. I actually learned which it is because it's like when I'm that person, I feel free and I feel me. I feel comfortable and I'm happy with it. So I'm back to the energetic, talkative, laughing, dancing me . So if they find me weird, then I let them bwahahahahaha.

 

[Ecton]

I see. Ok, now I'm following this. I don't think these groups have ever collided, so I'm clueless as to how I would feel or react. Sometimes I've WANTED them to, but it never happens. I would hope I could react like Soulseeker, but I don't know what I would do.

 

[soulseeker]

I see. Ok, now I'm following this. I don't think these groups have ever collided, so I'm clueless as to how I would feel or react. Sometimes I've WANTED them to, but it never happens. I would hope I could react like Soulseeker, but I don't know what I would do.

I think you would really react naturally bwahhahaha I think you would choose the "you" and you would know what to do .

Actually, when those groups collide I naturally stick to the people I'm really comfortable with. And I start from there. Since I know I can trust them and they're really my friends, then I act the "me" bwahahhahaha and I wouldn't care if other people see me as weird because I do feel comfortable because I know that I have these friends who don't.

 

[Gaze]

I adapt my responses or attitude to the vibe in the group or the room. But when you "adapt" rather than assert your difference in a social situation, people are apt to believe that is the real you.

still true

yeah I've noticed this in me, I become more silly around silly people, more serious around serious people. I think we all do this to some extent, it's probably just a way of getting along. Makes you wonder, do we have a fixed personality then?

question of the century.

 

[Nixie]

I think it depends on how adaptable you are and an understanding that growth is a constant in life. The refusal to acknowledge change doesn't mean it didn't happen. Culture, personality and the like are in constant growth and change, unless you are intent on becoming extinct.....

Difference and change doesn't mean that all that came before has been replaced either. I just sense that people see change as an agent that negates all that you were and all that you did just because your ideals and views have changed. I blame western civilizations overzealous heirachial system of thought. Life is a circle, endings are but beginnings and is interconnected.