Chameleon Effect

Zanshin

Zanshin

Community Member
MBTI
INFJ
Hopefully this hasn't been covered yet although portions of this probably have. Through out my life I tend to befriend different kinds of people because my interests are kind of scattered. When I am with one group of people I tend to change my words, attitude, and basically my personality a bit to blend in with the group. Therefore certain people get a side of me, while others do not. I realize this is not that odd of a situation, particularly for an INFJ, but my concern here is how to act when people of different "groups" collide. Its a situation I try to avoid as much as possible because I don't want to be seen acting "weird" to a group that sees me as a "normal guy." It can really throw them off and totally change their perception of me. It really has been a problem and I know the answer is to be yourself at all times, but it just doesn't work that way for me.
 
Zanshin said:
Really? A case unique to me? oh well :first:
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You are unique - and so is everyone else just like you.

I don't think Chameleon Effect is limited to just MBTI. I see enough people that will use it when they are entranced with someone. I mean, what better way to show you are interested than by copying and showing sincere flatter?

And, what better way to show you want to understand them by reverse engineering what they do into your own unique form.

Eh?

EH?!
 
Oh, I do this alot. I am way different around one set of friends, as opposed to the other. I mean, I am still the same person. It is just different people coax different sides of me out into the open more easily.

As for a situation with the merging of two different groups? I would likely act in the more confortable of the two sides.

But see, for all of these sides, I am being myself. I olny really dont act like myself if I am around people I JUST met, or am unconfortable / don't know how to act some people. Like I said, it is just different side of me showing up, regardless I am still being 100% myself.
 
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When I'm around the right group of people I can be the most talkative person in the bunch. I have this alternative persona I switch to that isn't exactly me, I guess I kind of perform like an actor. But when it's just me and one other friend I get really quite and serious-sounding and I joke around a lot less.
 
for me, its just a difference of how open or clammed up I am. With several of my friends, I feel I can talk very freely, and be completely accepted. However, when I'm around some friends that have only recently been inducted to that elite status, or my parents, I watch myself much more carefully. My way solving the problem of them coming together is by going to the safe (clammed) mode, then, if my change is noticed, I can explain myself to the the friends I've had for a while.

p.s. the exception to the open/closed rule is here, where I feel completely laid open. This is because, if I know any of you personally, so I can always hit the X box up in the upper-right corner, and not have to deal with the consequences. plus we have these wonderful mods that makes sure I never get seriously hurt.
c47.gif
 
I did this alot when I was younger,but now I only really hang out with people I can be myself with. And that seems to make a difference. The only people I still will do that with is my inlaws, and that is because I am not comfortable around them. I think the people who accept you as you weird, goofy,moody self are the ones that are true friends, true people to themselves as well. If that makes any sense.
 
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Ya that makes perfect sense. For the people I am a "normal" guy around, I guess what I think in my head is, "they won't like me if I be myself." Now that I think of it, I've said a couple comments that I thought were funny and a bit odd around people that don't get it, and I usually don't get a response. This is probably why I don't act like that around this type. I guess I should just work on getting more comfortable with myself to be myself where ever I am and not care what is thought of me.
 
I really only do that at work when I have to help customers. In a social setting I only imitate people as a joke.
 
The Chameleon effect is actually supposed to apply to the INTP personality. That's what first tipped me off that I was not an INTP, because I just cannot change like that for different groups of people.

Language is a big issue... some people I know have *cough* limited vocabulary, and I say things like "reciprocate" and "epitaph" and they give me dumbfounded stares and ask me to tone it down. I can't help it! I'm just wired that way!

:kev:
 
Inkling said:
The Chameleon effect is actually supposed to apply to the INTP personality. That's what first tipped me off that I was not an INTP, because I just cannot change like that for different groups of people.
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Yup. As the Verve say; I'm a million different people from one day to the next. It's not that I change who I am, it's just that I just present different sides for others to see, I fit my surroundings rather than the other way around.
 
Inkling said:
Language is a big issue... some people I know have *cough* limited vocabulary, and I say things like "reciprocate" and "epitaph" and they give me dumbfounded stares and ask me to tone it down. I can't help it! I'm just wired that way!

:kev:
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me too!!! The other day I said in jest, "well it's my prerogative!"

The person I was with thought I had a vocab full of "long, tricky words". haha.
 
I use to change my personality depending on who that person was, now I just simply only reveal aspects about myself; tone down myself, distance my character until I know I can trust that person enough that they won't judge or use what I have against me, or know that they will "get" me, but generally even to those I am close to I seem to have things about myself popping up and surprising them. I have learnt to just not care but we wary of what you give away.
 
Lurker said:
Yup. As the Verve say; I'm a million different people from one day to the next. It's not that I change who I am, it's just that I just present different sides for others to see, I fit my surroundings rather than the other way around.
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True, technically you are just showing different sides of yourself... like a multi-faceted mirror. The advantage you have as an INTP is that you have so many different aspects of yourself that it's easier to find something in common with someone else.

I have a very distinct and limited personality... and I'm more like a glass than a mirror: people see right through me! Naw, actually, i can sometimes "act" similar to the people around me by adopting their tone of voice, but the vocabulary just doesn't change.

Mannit said:
The person I was with thought I had a vocab full of "long, tricky words". haha.
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Heh, yep! I wish people would just give me a nickel instead of saying "stop using such long words" so often; then I really would be rich!
 
Inkling said:
Language is a big issue... some people I know have *cough* limited vocabulary, and I say things like "reciprocate" and "epitaph" and they give me dumbfounded stares and ask me to tone it down. I can't help it! I'm just wired that way!

:kev:
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Ditto to that as well! It honestly annoys me sometimes when people are like "what the hell is [word]". Not always, it depends on the word and context. like I would not expect people to know what a dulcimer is, or if I use chem-speak.

Last night in the lounge on my floor, two people who I don't like anyway stared at me blankly when I used the word "recluse". I'm like... that isn't even a complex word! I mean seriously? Your in college!
 
IndigoSensor said:
Last night in the lounge on my floor, two people who I don't like anyway stared at me blankly when I used the word "recluse". I'm like... that isn't even a complex word! I mean seriously? Your in college!
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Lol, I had to smile...

I love being around people who have an extensive vocabulary because i want to expand mine. But I imagine if I didn't care for words, or really was not skilled at language, I might feel insecure not being able to understand what someone is saying. Then again, I don't believe it's fair to anyone (in most cases) to have to "dumb-down" how they speak. We'd never grow that way!

In terms of the chameleon effect, it varies. Sometimes I find that it really depends on the other person. I can be very effusive with some people yet stutter and speak in a monotone voice with others - and it's only because of how I feel around them. Sometimes the length of time that I've known them does not matter at all - even though it gets easier with time. It truly just depends. My environment plays such a big factor. I'm trying to find a way to work through some of it though, the parts that I can. It'll help with my communication, etc. But yes, I do understand.
 
Soulful said:
But I imagine if I didn't care for words, or really was not skilled at language, I might feel insecure not being able to understand what someone is saying. Then again, I don't believe it's fair to anyone (in most cases) to have to "dumb-down" how they speak. We'd never grow that way!
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I actually am bad at languages, as you have likely noticed, my spelling/grammer is atrochious more often then not. I have a decent vocabulary though. That is because ever since I was a little kid, if I didn't know what a word ment I would imeadiatly go "What's that mean?". So I just began to retain stuff.

I also don't dumb stuff down for people unless it is exceedingly complex or they ask a bunch of times, again cause like you said, it is how you learn! :D
 
I used to do this. And I still do to some degree. Although now I tend to not talk to people I don't know, even if I want the information they posess.
 
describes me fully.
at one stage, I was actually wondering who am I as I kept changing styles as I went out with different groups of friends.
Used to it now and I know who I am..INFJ!
 
wittlesawah said:
I use to change my personality depending on who that person was, now I just simply only reveal aspects about myself; tone down myself, distance my character until I know I can trust that person enough that they won't judge or use what I have against me, or know that they will "get" me, but generally even to those I am close to I seem to have things about myself popping up and surprising them. I have learnt to just not care but we wary of what you give away.
Click to expand...


Zanshin said:
Hopefully this hasn't been covered yet although portions of this probably have. Through out my life I tend to befriend different kinds of people because my interests are kind of scattered. When I am with one group of people I tend to change my words, attitude, and basically my personality a bit to blend in with the group. Therefore certain people get a side of me, while others do not. I realize this is not that odd of a situation, particularly for an INFJ, but my concern here is how to act when people of different "groups" collide. Its a situation I try to avoid as much as possible because I don't want to be seen acting "weird" to a group that sees me as a "normal guy." It can really throw them off and totally change their perception of me. It really has been a problem and I know the answer is to be yourself at all times, but it just doesn't work that way for me.
Click to expand...

I'm interested in this because I'm a social chameleon of sorts, as many people are.

We transform ourselves in some way everyday just to get along or go with the flow, to do what we need to, to socially survive and not burn bridges. But one of the negative effects of social chameleon is that you can lose yourself in people, since so much effort an energy is put into adapting. Yes, we play a variety of roles in our everyday life, and of course, you can't always "be yourself" because it may be inappropriate or impractical, or self-centered. It's important to know how to broker a social compromise in various situations. Individuality isn't everything.

I adapt my responses or attitude to the vibe in the group or the room. But when you "adapt" rather than assert your difference in a social situation, people are apt to believe that is the real you, and judge you accordingly. Of course, people will see whatever they want to see. However, people will feel quite reinforced in their view of you because you're accommodating or shaping yourself socially to fit them or the social environment you're in. So, they have a somewhat one dimensional view of you which they take to be the reality. They make assumptions about the type of person you are based on the image or personality you project when you're around them.
 
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