I was wondering if a lot of male INFJs are bisexual / anyone have any theories / insight . . . I am a female ENFP & am currently seeing a male INFJ who I suspect to be bisexual due to the way I see him look at other guys & he almost "flirts" with them & I don't know if I should straight up ask him or not but this is kind of bothering me . . .
bisexuality
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Agreed. Besides, if he is an INFJ asking him won't offend him. Even if he isn't it will get him thinking.
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agreed, just ask, it won't bother him. Also, acting in a flirtatious manner with other guys isn't a sign that he's bi. Its possible he's just playing around. I'm friends with a guys who swears he's straight but has a "boyfriend," but really, they're just close, and joke around in that flirtatious manner (they both have girlfriends as well, and the other guy also swears he's straight. Also, this is in one of the most accepting environments I've ever been in, so I doubt they feel they have to hide anything).
alcyone
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OKay...so I'm a very dirty girl, my first thought was "WOO HOO Threesome!"
Such a dirty mind. I need some Orbitz.
Anyhow, I concur with the general opinion on one condition. If he's an INFJ and bi-sexuality is something he's not considered before, asking about it is going to start him thinking about it. It will probably be something he thinks about for a long long time.
When he answers the question in himself to his satisfaction there is the risk he may decide to break things off with you to explore this new territory.
Of course, chances are he could come to a decision like this eventually anyway.
Such a dirty mind. I need some Orbitz.
Anyhow, I concur with the general opinion on one condition. If he's an INFJ and bi-sexuality is something he's not considered before, asking about it is going to start him thinking about it. It will probably be something he thinks about for a long long time.
When he answers the question in himself to his satisfaction there is the risk he may decide to break things off with you to explore this new territory.
Of course, chances are he could come to a decision like this eventually anyway.
dneecey
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I agree with both Indy and Alcy. If he is indeed an INFJ he won't be offended, but it will get the wheel a-turnin' so to speak.
Perhaps it's something he's already come to terms with, he's had experience with a guy, or guys and has decided that he genuinely likes you and wants to pursue a relationship with you regardless of your gender. That's a good thing, in my opinion.
I have had one bisexual boyfriend. Actually he was the guy I lost my virginity to. He had a boyfriend, or a guy he explored with, before we were together, and he told me all about it beforehand. It didn't freak me out or anything, in fact it intrigued me and got me to thinking about my own sexuality and what attracts me.
Then I had a really good friend who subtly dropped hints at his bisexuality. We were still young and figuring ourselves out and he was completely open to finding love in whomever regardless of their gender. (I strongly admire this in people... it kind of reminds me of Chasing Amy.) Anyway, he is one of my very best friends now, but at that time, he told me he loved me, and wanted to be with me... which caught me a little off guard because I knew him to be pretty much gay. He is more attracted to males, from what I understand, but that doesn't mean that if a female came along who he fell in love with and was attracted to, that he wouldn't completely commit to her. And he's had experience with both males and females.
It comes down to whether or not you are comfortable with the fact that this guy may not have attraction limitations. He's human... he has normal human senses and if he really is INFJ then he is probably looking for someone to love and that will love him, and he's not putting any limitations on finding that person.
I hope that we are not freaking you out here. We're just calling it like we see it and like we may have experienced ourselves, and I hope that we are helping you with whatever you are worried about.
Also, there is all of the possibilities of what has already been previously stated. He may just be sizing up the guys with admiration. Or his manner of speaking is being misinterpreted by you as flirtation.
If you're going to ask him and are worried about it then do it in a roundabout way. Especially if it's not something that bothers you, or something that you in fact are. I'm sorry though... if it bothers you. *shrug* It's something to think about I suppose...
And back to Satya's question^^^^^^^^^
Perhaps it's something he's already come to terms with, he's had experience with a guy, or guys and has decided that he genuinely likes you and wants to pursue a relationship with you regardless of your gender. That's a good thing, in my opinion.
I have had one bisexual boyfriend. Actually he was the guy I lost my virginity to. He had a boyfriend, or a guy he explored with, before we were together, and he told me all about it beforehand. It didn't freak me out or anything, in fact it intrigued me and got me to thinking about my own sexuality and what attracts me.
Then I had a really good friend who subtly dropped hints at his bisexuality. We were still young and figuring ourselves out and he was completely open to finding love in whomever regardless of their gender. (I strongly admire this in people... it kind of reminds me of Chasing Amy.) Anyway, he is one of my very best friends now, but at that time, he told me he loved me, and wanted to be with me... which caught me a little off guard because I knew him to be pretty much gay. He is more attracted to males, from what I understand, but that doesn't mean that if a female came along who he fell in love with and was attracted to, that he wouldn't completely commit to her. And he's had experience with both males and females.
It comes down to whether or not you are comfortable with the fact that this guy may not have attraction limitations. He's human... he has normal human senses and if he really is INFJ then he is probably looking for someone to love and that will love him, and he's not putting any limitations on finding that person.
I hope that we are not freaking you out here. We're just calling it like we see it and like we may have experienced ourselves, and I hope that we are helping you with whatever you are worried about.
Also, there is all of the possibilities of what has already been previously stated. He may just be sizing up the guys with admiration. Or his manner of speaking is being misinterpreted by you as flirtation.
If you're going to ask him and are worried about it then do it in a roundabout way. Especially if it's not something that bothers you, or something that you in fact are. I'm sorry though... if it bothers you. *shrug* It's something to think about I suppose...
And back to Satya's question^^^^^^^^^
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I'm not so certain about this part. Infj's seem to be too loyal to do this. He may experiment in fantasy land, but I don't think he would do anything to the relationship because of it.
TrevOrTrevor
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Maybe he's just enjoying a good conversation.
For a straight male infj, gay men can be fun and easy to talk to. They have a different perspective on life and women and I think there is an ego boost a bit as well for both, though nothing sexual on the infj's end.
I would be careful about that subject though. If my gf asked me if I was gay, I would be put off, because I feel that she should know me.
Good luck
dneecey
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I can see this, but then I always take many things into factor.. such as age, experience, and number of relationships these people have been in. Is this his first girlfriend. How old is he? Is it a new relationship where they are just learning about each other, or more established in which she should know.
I'm going with a young relationship, and possibly young people in a relationship.. hence the questions and worry.
I could be totally wrong though.
and to the OP.. good luck wishes from me as well.
oh my gosh I love every single one of your responses . . . & I don't want to come off as being "gushy" or anything . . . but you guys are my favorite people in the whole planet . . . why can't there be more of you??? . . . you are my ideal humans. thank you guys!!!
here's more info:
well, he is 30 & he went to art school & experimented with drugs big time. so i'm sure he probably ended up experimenting with his sexuality too - being in that type of environment . . . i have a bit of a conservative side because I was with a very safe, simple ISFP for 9 years so i guess i need to open my mind to the simple fact that he (INFJ) may just be being friendly & sweet like some of you are saying & he just may be appreciating another person's good looks - i'm just not used to seeing this "quality" in a man but i like him so much, i am willing to get used to anything. We have been seeing each other on & off for about 10 months & it has been progressing very slowly up until the past month. he is finally calling me regularly . . . finally!!! also, i have a bit of a confession . . . i saw a woman for a year in between the ISFP & the INFJ . . . so maybe i'm just projecting. . . hee hee!!!
here's more info:
well, he is 30 & he went to art school & experimented with drugs big time. so i'm sure he probably ended up experimenting with his sexuality too - being in that type of environment . . . i have a bit of a conservative side because I was with a very safe, simple ISFP for 9 years so i guess i need to open my mind to the simple fact that he (INFJ) may just be being friendly & sweet like some of you are saying & he just may be appreciating another person's good looks - i'm just not used to seeing this "quality" in a man but i like him so much, i am willing to get used to anything. We have been seeing each other on & off for about 10 months & it has been progressing very slowly up until the past month. he is finally calling me regularly . . . finally!!! also, i have a bit of a confession . . . i saw a woman for a year in between the ISFP & the INFJ . . . so maybe i'm just projecting. . . hee hee!!!
Ketsugi
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You're exactly right! I am just this way! I think I knew I was going to divorce my ex years ago, but it wasn't until my health was failing that I decided to leave him. I treat myself so badly by letting others run me into the dirt When I make a commitment, I stick with it. I truly mean it. I am devoted to my loved ones.
Saying goodbye to someone I vowed to be with forever feels like such a crime. It tears me in two.
Thinking about this just now makes me very sad...
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dneecey
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I'm sorry that you're sad....You're exactly right! I am just this way! I think I knew I was going to divorce my ex years ago, but it wasn't until my health was failing that I decided to leave him. I treat myself so badly by letting others run me into the dirt When I make a commitment, I stick with it. I truly mean it. I am devoted to my loved ones.
Saying goodbye to someone I vowed to be with forever feels like such a crime. It tears me in two.
Thinking about this just now makes me very sad...
I'm sure that it wasn't easy for you to come to this conclusion, and that if you had to be here, in this situation, then there must have been no way around it. Don't view yourself too harshly especially if you gave it all you had, and try to remember the good in you and realize that everyone deserves to be happy. This just gives you and your ex a chance at an even better happiness then one you were able to give each other.....