Biggest Source of Frustration as an INFJ

[Norwich]

people, abandonment

Exactly! Over the years I have had numerous friends that I ministered to. Apparently I am a very good listener and I try to be there when I'm needed. Unfortunately many of my relationships seem one sided. When I need to talk or worse yet to feel understood, many of these friends disappear. Right now those closest to me are extroverts. So often even if I'm lucky enough to have someone pursue and attempt to comfort me, it doesn't feel good. I don't respond well to raucous attempts to coax me into a better mood. What I wouldn't give some days for someone just to hold me without speaking.

 

[IndigoSensor]

Other people.

This sums everything up quite nicely.

 

[Little Brother]

Exactly! Over the years I have had numerous friends that I ministered to. Apparently I am a very good listener and I try to be there when I'm needed. Unfortunately many of my relationships seem one sided. When I need to talk or worse yet to feel understood, many of these friends disappear. Right now those closest to me are extroverts. So often even if I'm lucky enough to have someone pursue and attempt to comfort me, it doesn't feel good. I don't respond well to raucous attempts to coax me into a better mood. What I wouldn't give some days for someone just to hold me without speaking.

Oh, I can relate to this post!

 

[sumone]

Me too.

 

[Trifoilum]

Exactly! Over the years I have had numerous friends that I ministered to. Apparently I am a very good listener and I try to be there when I'm needed. Unfortunately many of my relationships seem one sided. When I need to talk or worse yet to feel understood, many of these friends disappear. Right now those closest to me are extroverts. So often even if I'm lucky enough to have someone pursue and attempt to comfort me, it doesn't feel good. I don't respond well to raucous attempts to coax me into a better mood. What I wouldn't give some days for someone just to hold me without speaking.

Yeah. >_>; it's really hard to find a good place to comfort; Extroverts have their own business (and are bugging us to help) while Introverts have their own business (and would like very much TO BE ALONE, thank you).

This sums everything up quite nicely.

......I have to agree.

/looks at INFJ : World Domination

 

[Gaze]

People thinking you don't understand but you do, partly because you listen instead of speak or choose not to advertise that you are "all knowing or all seeing" (lol).

 

[waterbaby]

Exactly! Over the years I have had numerous friends that I ministered to. Apparently I am a very good listener and I try to be there when I'm needed. Unfortunately many of my relationships seem one sided. When I need to talk or worse yet to feel understood, many of these friends disappear.

This.

 

[dark_angel]

Awesome thread, I relate to so much here. My main frustrations are being misunderstood, having my daydreaming seem as brooding and not always getting affirmation of my

 

[Nela]

The inability to adequately express my thoughts and feelings, even though I want to.

Being extremely sensitive, which causes withdrawal and/or avoidance of almost all situations that put me at risk of getting hurt.

And also: any form of social interaction.

 

[Odyne]

When I know I am right, and people just don't listen to me.

 

[j e s s i e]

I expect more out of people and friendships than they often have the capability to give. When I get friendly with someone, I want to know them inside and out, share the world with them, and develop a unique, intimate connection -- and if I don't get that, I'm easily sent into a depression. And of course, this happens all too much, as I have yet to find people who are willing to offer as much as I'm willing to offer, and willing to accept as much as I'm willing to give.

 

[WellNoWonder]

Oh and having to fight to have free time to recharge.

Heh...sometimes I just want to go into a dark closet with a flashlight and a book.

 

[Holden On]

When am I frustrated?

A little story

Me (cheerful): Hi, xy (xy is my estj friend)!
Xy (also cheerful): Hi, you!
Me: What are you doing?
Xy (more cheerful): I'm going in shopping. I have just met z,y,x,v...just some small talking...Coffee?
Me (still cheerful): Yes!
...
2 hours and 3 or 4 coffee later...
Me (with "gut feeling": Are you ok, actually you don't look so cheerful?
Xy: Look, this coffee is better than last time.
Me (more "gut feeling")): Is it everything ok?
Xy: I'm just tired. Did you hear...(speaks something irrelevant and very practical)...?
Me (still trying): I am not ok, it's alright to be sometimes not so much ok, tired, depressed, not so effective, not so right...are you ok?
Xy: What are you going to cook tomorrow, can I help you?
Me (frustrated): Yes, please.



I hope that you understand what I want to say...

This reminds me of some conversations with my husband (an ESFJ).

 

[Holden On]

When I know I am right, and people just don't listen to me.

Yes!! Totally frustrating!

Also the oral expression thing.... I'd much much much rather write!! I used to write letters to my SOs when I needed to talk about something, and then have them read it while I was present. I always felt a bit silly, but it worked.

 

[Holden On]

exactly this....

when I choose to say something, it is after a great deal of reflection. I just don't blab out stuff for the sake of blabbing.

ME TOO!!!

Wow, reading this thread feels wonderful.... there are people who understand me!!!

EDIT: Sorry for posting 3 times in a row... I just read this thread from the beginning and had a lot of things to comment on!

 

[WellNoWonder]

Yes!! Totally frustrating!

Also the oral expression thing.... I'd much much much rather write!! I used to write letters to my SOs when I needed to talk about something, and then have them read it while I was present. I always felt a bit silly, but it worked.

Me too. I can structure what I want to write without being super-emotional and irrational.

Do you get the light-headed, nauseous feeling when you're trying to verbally convey some soul-searching revelations?? Especially when I feel like I'm being forced to talk about something I'm not quite ready to talk about.

I hate when this happens. Writing prevents that feeling and allows me to think and calm down on my own timeline...

 

[invisible]

i like this thread!

sometimes people insist that i'm feeling a certain way because of something they've seen in my face but that isn't the way i feel at all! it's frustrating when i try to explain them that really i am very serene inside, i'm not experiencing the anxiety that they think i am. or to feel like i'm dead inside and nobody notices!

the loneliness is almost unbearable at times!

i feel most frustrated when i feel that i am not making a difference or making the world a better place. i'm frustrated by my attempts to find a career that is meaningful to me in these terms, that i can be good at, and yet does not exhaust me. i'm also frustrated because i have a possible career that i would really like to work on and i'm not able to work on it at this point, and also that i'm not sure i will have everything that it takes to make it - the idea that i'm so close and yet so far away is very frustrating!

i guess in that sense i am frustrated by myself and my own limitations. i beat myself up a lot.

 

[Russ84]

Not being able express your emotions for fear of letting people see you in a state of "weakness", being rejected, or just plain misunderstood, which in turn causes you to bottle up your emotions, withdraw, and wind up crying yourself to sleep at night.

 

[Holden On]

Me too. I can structure what I want to write without being super-emotional and irrational.

Do you get the light-headed, nauseous feeling when you're trying to verbally convey some soul-searching revelations?? Especially when I feel like I'm being forced to talk about something I'm not quite ready to talk about.

I hate when this happens. Writing prevents that feeling and allows me to think and calm down on my own timeline...

I don't get light-headed or nauseous... usually I start crying if it's an emotional topic, or else I just can't think of the words to say exactly what I mean to say... so frustrating!!

 

[Kgal]

Exactly! Over the years I have had numerous friends that I ministered to. Apparently I am a very good listener and I try to be there when I'm needed. Unfortunately many of my relationships seem one sided. When I need to talk or worse yet to feel understood, many of these friends disappear. Right now those closest to me are extroverts. So often even if I'm lucky enough to have someone pursue and attempt to comfort me, it doesn't feel good. I don't respond well to raucous attempts to coax me into a better mood. What I wouldn't give some days for someone just to hold me without speaking.

This Exactly!