Biggest Source of Frustration as an INFJ

[Roseograce]

Biggest problems/frustrations I have as an INFJ: many of them have been mentioned already:

- The feeling of having a contradictory personality.

- People in society/at work playing games the rules and point of which are all superficial and shallow.

(WHY? Just thinking about it drains me of energy. It seems so difficult for others to be real.)

- Failure of conversation to move from the realm of chit-chat to meaningful.

(I don't mind chit-chat as a gateway to more important topics of conversation, but many people get mired in the little things and fail to move forward.)

- And, does anyone else have this problem: I am a great listener and good at helping people work through their problems. However, I am practically useless when it comes to comforting sorrowful people. When someone has something tragic or extremely sad happen to them, I become so paranoid of saying or doing the wrong thing that I usually end up doing nothing, or something so trite/conventional that I regret it! This is one of my biggest frustrations because I truly feel so deeply for sorrowful people, and yet it looks to them and to others as if I don't care.

 

[LucyJr]

- And, does anyone else have this problem: I am a great listener and good at helping people work through their problems. However, I am practically useless when it comes to comforting sorrowful people. When someone has something tragic or extremely sad happen to them, I become so paranoid of saying or doing the wrong thing that I usually end up doing nothing, or something so trite/conventional that I regret it! This is one of my biggest frustrations because I truly feel so deeply for sorrowful people, and yet it looks to them and to others as if I don't care.

Yes, I understand you. To me a certain kind of fear was the problem. When I wanted to comfort depressed people, I was afraid that I might fall in the same depression like them. This is because I was afraid of me actually, because I was so prone to depression in that period of my life, and I was thinking that something is fundamentally wrong about me ( I didn't know about MBTI at that time ). And I wasn't thinking this all the time, just sometimes those thoughts bothered me from time to time, and I was stopped by this fear.
When this fear was defeated, and it happened, many things changed in good.

 

[Reverie]

The tendency of others to believe that if it's not explicitly stated then it doesn't exist (in terms of emotions and personality), or to pass over what isn't explicit.

I was recently assumed to be extroverted and social simply because I didn't complain enough about not being so in the company of shy introverts who do, as a particularly painful example. I tended to not interject my problems when others were trying to talk about theirs or when people are trying were relax, instead preferring to talk about or relate to others and goof around. To be as open and forward as others are would just feel like some kind of creepy emotional exhibitionism.

There are a lot of things that stump me, but I can tell what's up with people in the workplace and don't need to be told. It seems hard to pass over when people are as obvious as they are and constantly give off indicators, myself included and confirmed by my eagle-eyed manager. Totally different languages, I guess.

 

[grt$5vb]

Disrespect. Absolutely that.

 

[Love_Conquers_All]

Having "friends" who you help out over and over, yet the one time you actually feel comfortable enough with them to ask for help they decide to treat you as unimportant and say they are too busy in not so many words. Grrrr.... I hate "polite" rejection.

 

[Dohavior]

My frustrations cause me pain. Sometimes I get so frustrated that my heart actually starts to ache. Often watching the news or hearing really sad tales will also cause physical pain, I call it a "heart-wrenching" feeling, because that's the only way I can think to describe it. It hurts my heart. (my 4th chakra)

In example, just recently I was so frustrated with some things (mostly just wanting to understand things happening and wanting some real answers) that I was laying in bed one night curled up in pain, though not truly a physical kind, and I just never wanted to get up again, but I almost wanted to feel real physical pain that I could truly explain. . . I'm not sure I'm making much sense of things today. Huh.

Sounds like low vitamin D to me. That is a problem for this time of year with the low levels of sunlight and being cooped up inside. Not to mention being an introvert perhaps you spend more time in doors. My ISFJ mother has heart palpitations unless she takes such vitamins. If you wish to try such just be careful that you don't over dose.

http://www.ted.com/talks/richard_weller_could_the_sun_be_good_for_your_heart.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHCD3fONV1k
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitamin_D

 

[Dohavior]

The tendency of others to believe that if it's not explicitly stated then it doesn't exist (in terms of emotions and personality), or to pass over what isn't explicit.

This is a very interesting quote. I have observed similar happenings and have been trying to find the principles behind it. I think its a flaw with the super imposed ego.

To another introvert wouldn't you appear extravert by speaking the same language?

"To be as open and forward as others are would just feel like some kind of creepy emotional exhibitionism." <-- Exactly how I feel around INFP! Perhaps they are a perceiver?

"I tended to not interject my problems when others were trying to talk about theirs or when people are trying to relax"
Now this is what I have trouble with. It goes against everything I have learned about problem solving. When you can't solve something then you look back at what you have learned, you seek examples, you look at hypothetical situations, you test things right? I have concluded that some people are just simply too slow to accept aid or perhaps they are lying.

I have these steps I follow when someone has a problem:

1. "Oh I see what you mean.. very interesting"
2. smile a lot
3. tell them they have it under control
4. poke a joke at something indirectly
5. laugh only after they have laughed
6. blame the problem on something completely irrelevant
7. ask if they want assistance

Would this perhaps work in neutralizing the bullshit to ease into a problem or as a proper escape plan if something goes awry in early steps?

 

[Ghoulia Yelps]

Having to be in the right mood to do things rather than just doing them.
Thinking out loud.
Being too withdrawn.

 

[Mahgol]

I happen to have a long list, but just to name a few:

-continuing conversations; I try to talk with people, but I'm short and to the point, and after a while people think I don't like talking to them, whereas I just don't know how to chit chat.​

-expressing my opinion. I'm quite afraid of expressing my opinion, especially because I usually have contrary opinions. ​

-expressing my emotions. I usually feel extreme emotions, but I cannot express them. Writing helps, but it's not an immediate relief . . .​

 

[Amalthea]

I'm a special INFJ. I am so delicate and free spirited. All my posts contain no discussion because my opinion of myself is really, really important and while I'm typing a response I am deeply reflecting just how important I am to ME! I am, essentially, my best friend (who else would do a good enough job at it?). I try and act big and tough and scary but really I'm an oozing puddle of 'feelings'. Life is so tough due to my hypersensitivity which I do nothing to improve upon because that's what being an INFJ is all about. Oh oh oh look at all my extremes. I'll ask for your opinion but really I just want to be able to confirm just how right I was in the first place by making comparison with your silly ideas. Excuse me while I write about myself in my diary and breed further eccentricities which, of course, I will lament about as isolating me from the great, hairy, bear hug which is society, while simultaneously bringing pride for all my super unique "differences".

*Wallow*Wallow*wallow* Those bristles hurt.

Being god's gift to humanity really sucks somedays.

No one panic. Not directed at anyone who isn't special. I've not been on the forum for like 6 months and I can't help but laugh at how little has altered. INFJs should not associate with each other. Their specialness should go forth into the world alone to bring joy to non special peoples lives. On a forum like this it kind of becomes a big black hole of special. I don't feel special anymore. I don't. Naturally, as an INFJ, I can't blame myself. That would be crazy talk. I'm looking at all of you. You're such originality hogs.

 

[Ghoulia Yelps]

I find intimacy difficult. I need to connect mentally with someone.

 

[NK278]

When I'm always there for people in need but if I need someone no one is ever really there.

 

[Ghoulia Yelps]

When I'm always there for people in need but if I need someone no one is ever really there.

Exactly how it is for me too. People think I'm strong and reliable and able to cope when I'm just crumbling to bits inside.

 

[faridsimpson]

Dealing with stubborn ass holes. When my plans get changed unexpectedly

 

[Ghoulia Yelps]

I hate liars. I get so frustrated with people who need to deceive others to get their own way. Lying becomes such a fact of life to them, they make more lies to cover themselves and end up getting other people into trouble.

 

[La Sagna]

When my plans get changed unexpectedly

I have a really difficult time with that one myself. Whenever I think I'm going to be doing something and I have to change to doing something else it always puts me in a grumpy mood, even if what I was going to do wasn't that important...it's kind of silly sometimes...

 

[INFJok]

When I'm always there for people in need but if I need someone no one is ever really there.

This is what happened 2 years ago when I found out that the friends I had then, weren't really friends at all.

 

[NK278]

This is what happened 2 years ago when I found out that the friends I had then, weren't really friends at all.

Mmm. I have way too much experience for my age. When I was about 16/17 I had aaaall sorts of friends. Weird thing was as a little girl, I was picked on a lot. I actually sabotaged my grades on purpose in 5th grade so people would be nice to me because I was a teachers pet and loved to learn. then about 16 I realized the biggest most important lesson ever. When the shit hits the fan, you find out who your real friends are. Even the 2 "best friends" disappeared. I've pretty much been solo in mind ever since. I'm ashamed to say, the partner I had for 10 years after that (we were best friends for many of those years) but there was a part of me even he didn't know because I was afraid but didn't know it. The last 6 yrs now have been nothing short of condensed intense mind fuckery. But not in a bad way. More like I've been unearthing myself. I have no idea what's next. Maybe ill go to Disney world. (no. Really. I've never been). Lol! You think it's weird to travel by yourself ?

 

[La Sagna]

I thing you should do it. Lots of people travel alone. There's nothing wrong with that.

 

[just me]

Being misunderstood. Even in an action taken; so few if any can see why.