best of / worst of [pt 1]: your parents | INFJ Forum

best of / worst of [pt 1]: your parents

Korg

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Jul 8, 2009
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Tell us what you perceive to be the best attributes of your parents - as well as the worst. For added benefit, tell us why you perceive them that way and how it affected you.
 
Interesting.

Father (Strongly believed to be ESTJ)
Best : He's very hardworking. Resilient. Giving up when there are people he's protecting seems to be impossible, as much as he's complaining about it. A quick analytical thinker, and quite unrestrained; his ESTJ tendencies are shown in the flavor of "Do what's RIGHT" rather than "Do what's tested"
Worst : Close-minded. VERY. His moral standards is also something I found very...distasteful.
Mother (Strongly believed to be ENFP)
Best : She's able to persevere and withstand troubles that's coming.
Worst : Emotionally manipulative. Victim mentality. Wants to be pampered; no, even believed that she is entitled to it. Have little to no resilience.

How it's related to me;
I think during recent years, my father's presence is the more dominant one in my rational development. Actually, even when I was small my father's words and teachings tend to stick in my mind. Which is good for my rational development. But the flaws are also coming -- his very tendencies to choose what's right for him got mistranslated by me into choosing what's easy. And my tendencies to be very shortsighted and closeminded. And I got my stubbornness from him.

My mother....is more influential for my emotional and/or social development. I learned my initial social behavior from her. I learned how to verbally assault someone from my interactions with her in later years (not a good thing, but definitely useful.), and I learned the importance of keeping appearances. But I also inherited her victim mentality; her tendencies to 'trying to look like trying' (basically the opposite of resilience, with an extra side of keeping appearances). And I have an extra stubbornness from her.
 
Mom:

Worst-My mom has low self-esteem, this sucks for a number of reasons but most importantly that any critisism towards anything she does is taken as an attack on her persona. This also leads to her being almost obsessive about doing the most socially acceptable thing which she also projects towards others(i.e me). She can also be very manipulative though I think she isn't aware of that.

Best-She cares about me, though as I am swedish this is expressed through actions rather than words.

Dad:

Worst-Laughs at his own jokes loudly and worries alot.

Best-Me and my siblings are #1.
 
My parents are divorced, I 'live' with my mother. (She comes home every day for like 15 min, and then goes to her boyfriend.)

Mother:
(-) Seriously can not handle money.
(-) Doesn't tells us about financial problems.
(-) Breaks her promises.
(-) Undependable.
(-) Goes out with an alcoholic, because of who we had to call the police twice.
(+/-) Open minded? (Or simply doesn't cares...)

Father:
(-) Has bad tendencies about alcohol, but nothing serious.
(-) Prone to depression, often thinks about his death.
(-) Doesn't says what burdens him.
(+/-) Cares about us. (He cares about us actually too much, what worries me...)
(+) Dependable.

Effect on me:

Mother: Annoys me... Makes my life harder, and uncertain.
:m075:

Father: We have only political differences, but we don't talk about that. He is really hard-working. (for a while he did 6x12 hour/week) But that leave a mark on his health. :( He made reserves for every one of us, that we can use later for education, or other useful purposes. Thanks this I can even then finish my school if my mother wants to screw me over.
:m178:
 
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Ok here comes the long list of details that nobody will want to read. lol. Naa, I will keep it as short as I can. Let's just say, I have a lot of qualms with my parents though I respect them a lot and what they have been able to accomplish in life. Any problem with them though, I have also just come to accept. I am getting old enough to where it doesn’t matter to me anymore. Ok so to begin;
Father (Probably ISTJ or INTJ)
-Good
+Intelligent
+Knows a lot about technology
+Left a religion he had been born into
+Cares deeply for his children
+Hard worker
+Very neat and organized
+Holds his liquor very well (family trait)
+Very deep thinker
+Knows how to relax and have a good time
+Very detailed person
+Has a high sense of morals and of what is right and wrong
+Always willing to teach
+Follows through with most of his promises
+Strong willed and steadfast
+Very steady and doesn’t do crazy stuff
+Very logical
+Smart with his money
+Doesn’t ask a lot of you, but expects you to do the right thing
+Lets his children do what they want and learn from their mistakes
+Believes in putting responsibility on his kids shoulders by not babying them

-Bad
+Can be a bit bi-polar (By my family standards. We are not emotional people but he will get angry real quick about something spilt on the floor and then the next second ask us if we want to go see a movie)
+Sexist (This comes from the fact that my mom thinks men are dirt and cheated on him. 17 years of this was enough to drive him insane)
+In-consistent at times with his beliefs (Since leaving the Mormon church he has created his own religion of believing anything unbelievable and it can be really embarrassing when he brings it up)
+Selective hearing (another trait I inherited)
+Can be a little OCD about things
+His girlfriend (Haha ok. She is not bad, but she just doesn’t shut up. She has limitless amounts of energy and I can’t handle it. I am glad he has found someone but I am so glad I moved out or else I would go insane)
+Stubborn as hell at times
+Can be very critical
+Thinks his introverted kids are a little weird for not dating, going to dances and doing the “normal” social thing in college
Mother (Probably ISFJ or INFJ)
-Good
+Workaholic
+Very hard worker
+Intelligent
+Funny
+Socially inept outside of work (So fun to make fun of her)
+Brilliant at what she does
+Perfectionist
+Great teacher
+A very strong woman
+Amazing speaker
+Enjoys spending tons of money on her kids
+Great at acting
+Can be very sympathetic
+Wants to change the world at any cost
+Athletic
+Beautiful
+Just has moments where you think, “Dang she is just such an amazing woman. How did she do that.”
+Never gives up
+Always sticks true to what she believes

-Bad
+Not a mom (She loves little kids but as soon as her kids begin to think as individuals she has troubles)
+Extreme Narcissist (Everybody is an extension of herself, including her kids. They are only as useful as the image they portray of her)
+Travels a lot (Gone 5-6 days a week for work because she likes it, not because she has too. I know because I work at the same company and people at the same level don’t travel as much as her)
+Stubborn beyond all means (Her way or the highway)
+She knows best (Any opinion outside of hers is worthless)
+You have to be a politician to talk to her and have a lawyer writing everything you say (It is like treading on egg shells while talking to her. She likes to talk to me and respects my opinion because I have learned to talk like a freaking veteran politician when around her)
+Can’t have an honest conversation with her (This is like the above. The only time I have had an honest conversation with her is when I told her I was taking her to court. Long story)
+Compulsive liar (Can’t accept responsibility for her actions because that would then mean she is not perfect, so everybody is responsible for her problems)
+Fake (She has to put on a show for everybody. She can never be herself)
+Cheat (She has cheated on every man in her life including my father. She then blames them and gets angry at them when they find out and claims it isn’t there right to be angry because they forced it to happen because they weren’t her slaves)
+Sexist (She told all my brothers and I; when I was ten, that men are immoral, corrupt, and the spawns of Lucifer. Thank god she is no longer like that at least)
+Passive aggressive (All the above things wouldn’t be so bad if she would just tell you that she hates you but she won’t. If she has a problem with you, she will just make the entire world turn against you while saying every negative thing she can behind your back and you will never know it was her)
+Borderline aspergers (this goes with the socially inept. She can talk and doesn’t have any speech problems but the issue is she talks to you, not with you. It’s all a one sided conversation. She will act like she is listening but nothing you say really matters. She is pretty much already decided in her head)
+Thinks money solves everything (She has no idea how to emotionally connect with anybody so she just throws money at any problem she has. Instead of trying to talk to us while growing up, she would just buy us something so we would leave her alone. It is the only way she knows how to love)
+Prideful (She will never swallow her pride even if it is obvious that she is in the wrong…. Well maybe 5-6 years down the road)


Again I have tons of respect for both my parents because they are human and did they best they could but they also have a lot of problems, especially my mom. They are really two of the most interesting personalities I have met in this world. They are two very extreme personalities though and people are always intimidated by them. Honestly my childhood was never dull with them as parents and I learned a lot from them. They did create me though, so I am thankful for that. I am also a bit of reflection of them so some of there problems are my own as well.
 
Mother: ENFP
Worst: Lives in what seems to be an alternate universe. When I say this, I mean she creates her own reality. She includes a few truths and then fabricates the rest. In her world she is always the victim. For example: She'll tell everyone that her children were taken away from her for no reason. She was a fantastic mother who never abused or abandoned her children. Everyone else will tell you exactly the opposite, but she has fashioned herself to be a saint in her mind and there's no convincing her of anything else. She also thrives on drama and will go out of her way to create it if things are too calm. Oh, and she seems to be under the impression that everyone owes her something... she thinks she's entitled. Let's not forget she's incredibly manipulative.
Best: It is hard for me to see good qualities in my mother as I see her in a very negative light due to my childhood. She is very strong willed and goes after what she wants without holding back. She's also very clever (though you would never know it).

Father: ISTP
Worst: VERY closed minded (homophobic, chauvinistic, and racist). Stubborn. Child-like and needs to be taken care of. Refuses to ask for help, but won't do certain things for himself. Has a nasty temper. Has also been diagnosed Bipolar.
Best: He is very loyal and giving. He'll do just about anything for someone he cares about.

They both influenced me in a mostly negative way. They spent my entire childhood in strip clubs doing drugs and drinking away all of their money. I was really raised by my grandparents. They had the most influence on me. However, my parents did leave their marks. I learned to lie with a straight face from my mother. I picked up my father's nasty temper. There was a positive influence, though. I saw an example of just what I shouldn't do with my life. I know who I don't want to be.

Over the past few years my father has been the only parent steadily present. My mother comes and goes when she's feeling frisky and wants to stir up some drama. But, my father attempts to help me in his own way. Sadly, he is very selfish in his attempts.

Honestly, the person I became can barely be attributed to either of my parents.
 
I love my family for their imperfections and everything. I made a decision a long time ago that my parents were human and I could either say the things they did to hurt me were on purpose or because they were imperfect beings. I chose to believe because they were imperfect beings. The best thing about my parents is they gave me a love of learning and reading which has served me well.
 
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My mom is an ESFJ -- she's the ultimate care-taker, always sacrificing her own wants and needs for all five of us kids. She's always in charge of something, organizing some group or event, involved in everything that we're involved in. Sometimes she can be stifling...because she may well be the only J type in our house, she's come to the conclusion that nothing could run smoothly (or at all) without her. The rest of us (including my dad) are obviously incapable to cleaning up after ourselves, feeding our pets, or cooking our own meals. When I come home from school she falls into the same old mentality with me, even though I've been on my own for a year and a half and can obviously take care of myself. It's almost as if she can't comprehend us succeeding without her direct intervention. Especially during my teenage years, we fought a lot over how much independence I should be given (being the eldest also didn't help any). She's also extremely narrow-minded but honestly can't see it in herself. But, she genuinely cares about us and has made a lot of sacrifices to make sure we've had a decent education (my family is rather poor by American standards).

My dad is an INTP. I've had a great relationship with him since I was a child and can only remember having one argument (as opposed to literally hundreds with my mom). He's a great listener, has challenged my beliefs and forced me to think about why I believe them while being very open-minded, and has been great with helping me clarify my goals when I got lost in the mire of decision-making. A negative, though, is that he over-analyzes everything...I remember it took him exponentially longer than the rest of my family to take the MBTI because he wanted to make sure he was giving the absolute correct answers. Even though I love my dad a lot, he definitely has an idealistic/impractical streak (which I inherited). He's been following his dream of starting his own business for many years, long past the point that it stopped being even potentially economically viable, and his inability to financially support our family has caused a lot of tension between my parents. I don't want to see him give up on his dreams, but at the same time he's a terribly impractical person.

In the end, I'm much more like my dad than my mom, but I can empathize with both of them. Going home absolutely sucks because I always find myself thrust in the middle of the same old epic, bitter battle between the two. I can also honestly say that the whole experience of growing up in the (American) poverty caused by my parents motivated me to excel in high school -- I knew it was my only way out. It's still a potent reminder of why I'm going to stay up late studying every night instead of doing something more enjoyable. I guess I inherited my dad's idealism, my mom's work ethic, and a lot of motivation not to become either of them.
 
Note, parents divorced just before I turned 4 years old.

Mom: INFJ (confirmed)
Positives:
+ Extremely nurturing of ones individuality, very very non-judgemental
+ Comforting, loving, affectionate.
+ Very deep and understanding.
+ Communicative, expressive.
+ Fairly practical and never does anything that could later cause a problem.
+ Will always listen and will always give meaningful advice.
+ She will do everything she can to help.
+ Honest, never hides anything.
+ Very forgiving.

Negatives: (there aren't many to be honest, and these really aren't that "bad")
- Tends to get stuck in ruts with herself.
- High standards that can effect her mood.
- Sensitive, if you intend to hurt her it will scar her for a long time.
- Emotional, it is possible to poke her wrong and not mean it.
- Kind of daft with logic (Ti), falls into "conspiricy theories" easily.
- Doesn't know when to get off the soap box, and can become upset when told to get down.
- Can pry when she sees your upset; unsolicited advice.


Dad: ESTJ (Confirmed)
Positives:
+ Extremely practical and knows how to make pretty much anything a reality.
+ Very intelligent.
+ He'd take a bullet to save you without a second thought.
+ If you show the will to put in effort, he'll go to the end of the earth to get you what you want.
+ Will always support your goals if he sees it as worthy.

Negatives:
- Closed minded in the sense that he believes everything he thinks is right, and willingly acknowledges his refusal to consider other views.
- Will not talk about things that could make you or him look bad.
- Won't let you speak of anything that could damage someones view of someone (based off his personal values).
- Unintentionally tries to get you to be exactly like him regardless of who you are.
- Not very self aware and has the introspection skills of soap dish.
- Overly harsh with criticism and punishment.
- Unable to give emotional support (any requested attempts fail).
- If you're under him in some way, he does not allow you to have a voice.
- Impossible to debate with (this is not a hyperbole, everyone I know acknowledges this about him).


Both of my parents raised me very very well. Mind you, my father was very harsh on me growing up and caused me a lot of emotional and stress problems growing up, it still worked out. My parents have always had my best interests at heart and always did what they could to support me, even to this day. I love my mother to death and me and her are extremely close. My father and I are distant; we have nothing to talk about. He does not understand me at all and has told me he has given up trying. I have no emotional connection to him at all. However, I no longer "dislike" him. I more or less have a neutral stance.
 
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Mom(ESFJ?)

Positives:
-Strong-willed and committed.
-Hardworking
-Wants the best for those she care about
-Meticulous, knows how to take care of every detail

Negatives:
-Close-minded, extremely religious(word for word), can be rather homophobic
-Stresses herself way to much
-Prone to anger
-When it comes to strangers and people she does not know well, she can be rather selfish and cold

This is mostly with mom, my experiences with that have been mostly negative and include all that I listed with mom. I am pretty sure he has good qualities, but I feel I may be blinded to actually explain them.
 
Mom - Maybe ESFJ.
Best - Nurturing, extremely supportive, survivor, strong, laid back, very funny

Worst - Really the only thing I can think of is not being able to heal from lifelong emotional scars. Will not tell you when she is hurting or has a serious illness.

Dad - INTJ
Best - Supportive, smart, best sense of humor, intuitive, extremely hard working, dedicated, can do anything he puts his mind to.

Worst - Cynical, strict, occasionally withdraws like me, logical (haha), meticulous, compromises on his own terms
 
Mother - ENFJ

Best: She is, quite possibly, the only person I feel who truly understands me. She's incredible, a great cook, a brilliant storyteller, an undercover intellectual, a people's person.
Worst: Can become bossy, cannot take criticism.

Father - ESFP


Best: Easy-going, fun loving, hilarious, organized, hard-working, down-to-Earth, and incredibly supportive in everything I do. He has, with the exception of one or two times, never scolded me or bossed me around.
Worst: Passive-aggressive, doesn't understand my need to be alone.

:]
 
Mother
Father...Wouldn't know
 
Best: loving, caring supporting a million other things (Seriously I think my parents are amazing and I feel so fortunate to have them as my parents)

Worst: Religious moral convictions