Being with one person for the rest of your life: Still possible? | Page 3 | INFJ Forum

Being with one person for the rest of your life: Still possible?

Yes, absolutely. My grandparents were married for 56 years and only death separated them in the end. I admire what they had: a feeling of working towards common goals, being united by family, companionship, daily routine, and love. If I could have that sort of life-long partnership with another person I would. I imagine it'd be one of the truest ways to learn and grow as an individual.

...But I am selfish and afraid, not to mention spoiled by circumstance, so marriage will probably remain a fantasy for me which never has to crumble into reality. I still think it is possible, all hard parts included.
 
Cedar said:
But even with all the concerns we have or how modern we are today, do you think it's still possible based on our current values, beliefs, etc. to be with one person, be happy with that one person, or feel comfortable committing to one person for the rest of your life?
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Absolutely yes.

Cedar said:
Is there still value in being with one person for a long time vs. being with many people for a shorter period of time?
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That would depend on the person in question. From my perspective and judged by my values for my own person, yes.


cheers,
Ian
 
Being with one person for the rest of your life: Still possible?

That's what i want for me, and i see other people wanting the same, so yes!
 
Cedar said:
But even with all the concerns we have or how modern we are today, do you think it's still possible based on our current values, beliefs, etc. to be with one person, be happy with that one person, or feel comfortable committing to one person for the rest of your life? Is there still value in being with one person for a long time vs. being with many people for a shorter period of time?
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I definitely believe in marriage. I've been married for 9 years and there's no point in lying--it's been extremely difficult at times. But I do not regret getting married in the least, and I intend to love and be faithful to my wife til death do us part.

Furthermore, I wouldn't even think of having kids outside of marriage, and having kids is a blessing beyond words.
 
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Lemonworld said:
If I could have that sort of life-long partnership with another person I would. I imagine it'd be one of the truest ways to learn and grow as an individual.
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Marriage definitely pushes you to your limits of patience. Patience and forgiveness are essential. And not just patience and forgiveness up to a point. If you want your marriage to last, its gonna require real self-sacrifice.
And yes, there is tremendous personal growth as a result.
Add kids to the mix, and it gets even more difficult. But again, it results in tremendous personal growth.
Personally, I don't see how anyone can do it without faith in Christ, but I suppose it's possible.
 
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I hope so.

I don't even know what it would be like but what [MENTION=6017]wonkavision[/MENTION] says sounds right to me.

I've watched my parents' marriage crumble over the last ten years but they've stayed together. My mother is full of resentment and frustration and I can only figure that my father can't bear to see his marriage fail - yet he does nothing to try and revive it because of what appears to be an unwillingness to put his pride on the line.

I would want a woman that I had always respected enough and loved enough when the times were good that when things went sour I wouldn't think twice about risking everything. There could be no more mind games and insecurities after a certain point - she would have to accept me and I accept her because tolerance clearly is not enough.

I'm also thinking the chance of me running into the right person is slim. Even if I did, though - my real life persona is considerably less together than I am on here. I'm not too sure my dream lady would like me very much as I am.

It's funny to even think about because 'the rest of your life' sounds like it is to old age but, really, it could be any time at all. I think it's not about being together forever but as long as you're happy and there is no way that there can be any longevity without honesty. I've never really gotten to that stage where I felt really comfortable to tell someone all the things I keep locked away but I think whoever she is would have to have plenty of hangups of her own so it feels somewhat balanced and so I can be the next chapter in her life and not simply be her life. I would like to be with someone for the rest of my life if everything were right but she would absolutely have to have her own life.

I want companionship; not dependancy.
 
I think most relationships fail because in the beginning they were based on physical attraction, when they finally get tired of hiding the negative features of their personality it comes as a major surprise to the other person.

I still believe it is possible, but it certainly isn't easy finding someone that will be just as wonderful for you ten years from now as they are today...especially since after you get together you both start growing as people as a reaction from the relationship itself. So no telling how it might change you. My parents were married in 1973, they are still married. Hasn't always been the perfect marriage and sometimes it seems like they are together simply because it is comfortable...then you see that love between the two of them and you understand that all the picking back and forth is just their way of showing each other they care. My sister and brother in law have been married since 1999 and have a strong relationship, though he is in the Air Force and about to be deployed overseas.

Alot of it boils down to what values you decide to put importance on. I really wish people would put a little bit more effort in getting to know one another before they slap a ring on that finger, makes modern marriage look cheap.

I know I base all this off of love primarily Res, I know the other things are important too but without love in the equation I have no interest in sharing that amount of time with anyone.
 
Well... I don't know about this. A lot of people date various other people through their life before settling on someone to marry so technically speaking I don't think most people will ever be with just one person.
 
sure, its possible if you only live to your 30's-40's. ;)
 
There's so much more I'd like to say about this subject, mainly because I've made so many mistakes in my 37 years of life on this planet, and particularly in my marriage and in the raising of my kids, and I'd like to help others avoid those mistakes in their own life.

However, I don't want to be overbearing, so if anyone has any questions or would like some advice I will gladly try to help, but otherwise I'll keep my comments here to a minimum.

Also, as fair warning, I'm a Christian and not a moral relativist. So my point of view is completed biased toward a Biblical and Christ-centered world-view.
 
I am at work and have to get to a meeting so I will make a quick post:

I think it is possible for two people to stay together for a lifetime but it does take work and commitment.

Arlene and I have been married for 28 years now (as of 4 August) and I believe my life has been much more enriched by it. Now, that does not mean there have not been rough times, because there has been, but anything really worth having is worth working for.

One thing we learned early on is that no person can make you happy - that has to come from within yourself. When one partner depends on the other for their happiness, that is putting a burden on another human that they cannot possibly fulfill and I think this can put a strain on relationships.

Also, when we took vows, it was a very serious thing and, when times got rough (as they will for everyone), it is this iron-clad commitment that gets you through the storms that life and marriage is bound to bring.

The question probably is: Is it worth it? and I would say, "yes, it is". I love Arlene as much today, if not more, than I did when I met her. It has grown and matured, of course, but it is settled and satisfying.

OK, I have got to go (should not have checked this forum at work...got sucked in! : - ) but I believe it is possible and, for those who are able to do it, satisfying and rewarding.
 
I was happy for four years and wouldn't mind if I could only get over doubting everyone's intentions with me. I just notice that people are less inclined to invest in building something up and maintaining it long-term, and more inclined to search for something that gives the most benefits with the least work, even if the benefits are short-lived. Some people were just raised with a mindset or attitude that makes monogamy a poor fit.
 
You should know another person for at least two years before trying to hook up with them. If you like them and like talking to them, and keep feeling you might like to marry them over two years (at least) during which time you never even touch them, then I think you should marry them. But only after marriage should you consummate it, and then good luck. At least you'll have a chance to make it to the end. Anything that doesn't go the distance is meaningless. A lot of people think that the sex part is the good part. It isn't. It's after, and lying around joking with them and talking about the kids. That part is wonderful. Also, paying the bills, and making sure kids have their lunches packed, and laughing a lot with them. Fighting is hard, but it can be done sensibly, and as long as no one goes nuclear, you will save your nuclear family, and have lots of warmth and happiness. It's possible, I think. My parents were married for 60 years. I've been married for 15 and still feel like it happened yesterday and really like her a lot.
 
I also think it helps to be Christian, or to at least share the same basic framework of understanding. I can't imagine not being married to another Christian, or to a smoker, or to someone who loves dogs. My wife hates dogs as much as I do.
 
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