Are people shy? What's your philosophy on people who are socially anxious or shy

[bionic]

I think that shy is a way to describe behavior, not people. Originally it has a connotation of being easily spooked or uneasy. We forget our predatory and animal nature at the core. Shyness is neither right nor wrong but it does impact how people react when you give off the impression of "shyness'. Some may try to soothe the "shy" person and in others it may bring out a predatory nature and evoke criticism or contempt.

Yeah, I don't think of shyness as a characteristic either. It describes someone's behavior to me as well. I also would never associate it with introversion since introversion/extroversion is how an individual takes in information, it's not necessarily their behavior.

I generally use the term 'reserved' to explain a 'shy' adult. I usually think of 'shy' as a term used to describe a child's behavior, not an adult. Therefore, I think of reserved as a term to explain the behavior of the adult. Whatever, semantics shemantics!

As for socially anxious, it is completely different than shyness. It's classified as a disorder (particularly social anxiety) since a person experiences discomfort or a fear in social interaction, which entails a fear of being judged by others.

Like honestly, I'm a pretty reserved person. I rarely talk to strangers while I'm alone but I have no problems talking to someone if I am approached or I need something. And yes, I am an extrovert. I can't even stand the idea of small talk. There is no such thing as small talk to me. I feel like every conservation I have should serve a purpose, not necessarily be frivolous to pass the time. I'm just not that talkative unless I feel comfortable in the setting. So I wouldn't say I am shy, since there is nothing timid about me, even face-to-face... but I do pick and choose who I wanna converse with.

 

[flufiang]

How is shyness a strength?

I think shyness can be a strength.... shyness I feel would actually make you think twice before you speak, therefore allowing you to make sound statements when you talk cause you’ve literally taken minutes to play them through in your head.... that’s if the words ever leave your mouth.... as with everything, there are pros and cons, labelling it as a weakness or a strength could be incorrect, as it can be both

 

[flufiang]

I think that shy is a way to describe behavior, not people. Originally it has a connotation of being easily spooked or uneasy. We forget our predatory and animal nature at the core. Shyness is neither right nor wrong but it does impact how people react when you give off the impression of "shyness'. Some may try to soothe the "shy" person and in others it may bring out a predatory nature and evoke criticism or contempt.

I’ve actually seen people confuse shyness with a snobbish personality or bad attitude..... those who naturally are not shy, find it difficult to grasp the why when a shy person is present in the conversation. I also think that chemistry and personality plays a big part here, I’ve met people I can instantly talk to with so much ease, and then I’ve met people that I just absolutely do not know how to keep a conversation going with them, so to them I may come across as shy but to many others, I don’t

 

[Pin]

Shy women are adorable.

Shy men are pussies.

Ha.

 

[Pin]

I talk with people who I sense are shy, sometimes over them, to break their resistance to me.

 

[Happy Phantom]

I talk with people who I sense are shy, sometimes over them, to break their resistance to me.

Hah. I would ignore you. That being said, I sometimes speak with shy people to ease their tension.

 

[Ren]

When I'm with a small group of friends that I know well, I'm not shy at all except when it comes personal or intimate topics (there I can be very shy).

But when I'm in a big group of people that includes lots of people I don't know or barely know, I struggle to speak. In fact, I struggle to enjoy myself. I think it might be more about detesting small talk than being shy, though.

 

[Disguised]

Sure I too can come off as shy at times when I care about the perception of something. The people that know me might know that there is no harm, but a person of no knowledge about me might very well not. He/she would get upset at me saying something hurtful, and that would be the thing to memorize for a long time. It nowadays comes off as choosing words very carefully and it is seen as shyness. All there is to it is that I care deeply about that person's view and I feel like there is no room for being as open as I'd want to. People can be quite picky when it comes to conversations, which irritates me quite a bit at times. I can talk freely with people that I trust, but there's none of that if I sense there's a lack of understanding to a given topic.

I guess I've seen enough idiots declaring and preaching their views to an open crowd and being cheered upon, seeing that as courage. In that crowd there's usually no one to question those views. They just see some kind of courage.

 

[heartcore]

Shy women are adorable.

Shy men are pussies.

MEDICATE EVERYONE.

And that's just your opinion.

Shyness, to me, is a reflection of self awareness towards socialization. One can never be shy when alone, only when one's idea of self is being compared to other people's presence and/ or energy. This is not to be confused with introversion, which one wants to spend most of the time alone, hence avoidance of socialization. Shyness is emotion/ self-image based. Introversion is a mental preference.

My experience with shyness is mostly energetically related; I got overwhelmed easily by others' people's energy, swept away by their agendas, wants and needs (being a 9 and all). When I was little I didn't understand why someone could just approach other people and got into their personal space so easily. It still baffled me nowadays though, but I adjusted. I don't think most of my 'shyness' have to do with emotions, though, unless I was around my crush or something.

 

[Deleted member 10171]

Trust me not to read the initial posting....working backwards so will go back to it after posting this - hope it relates.

I'm not shy but I do dislike being the centre of attention. I prefer small groups (find it easier to listen to people, contribute, generally people are a lot more sensitive to each other and it becomes fairly obvious when one/two people try to dominate the conversation). I'm comfortable around large groups too but find that I often fall asleep (get bored/switch off) when there are people trying to fight to be heard/dominate the conversation or the conversation suddenly all becomes about me, myself and I.

I was chatting to an extroverted friend (extremely confident, intelligent, beautiful person) of mine yesterday and she said she finds it hard to be around a group of people who (whether intentionally or unintentionally - don't know) try to exclude her from being part of the group/conversations. She suddenly goes into insecure mode and feels very anxious. There's more....It just got me thinking....

If people want to exclude me from a conversation, I'm fine about it. I often think I'm a little weird ....like I should be annoyed about being rejected but I'm sincerely not.

 

[dudemanbro]

And that's just your opinion.

Haha, oh wow. I actually posted that? Whatever the heck I was thinking then, guess I have to answer for it now. :lol:

I think you hit the nail on the head regarding shyness, and many of the other responses in this thread are pretty on point. It's all about awareness.

Say, you see a small group of people across the space you are in, how are you going to engage, - should you even choose to engage them? What do you bring to the table, and why is it worth your time?
Perhaps these hesitations rooted in self-consciousness could explain what some call "shy," tendencies. It seems to be a situational thing. One thing seems to ring true: overcoming my own awkwardness and repeatedly choosing to engage with new people has opened more doors than it has closed, leading to business opportunities, friends with common interests, self-discovery, and generally good things. It's as if humans were bred to socialize, or something! :thumbsup:

My 2 cents,
Cool topic. :smiling:

 

[Wyote]

Some people just don't have much to say.

OP hasn't been on here in five years but I thought this was funny considering their MBTI is listed as "mouth"

 

[Lurk]

Shyness is actually a personalty flaw because it interferes with a person's ability to function normally socially and occupationally. I'm very shy. A shy person will experience constant anxiety throughout life; some more than others, obviously.

Introverts can function. A preference for being alone to work or relax is perfectly normal; shy people must retreat in order to relieve their feelings of anxiety/panic. They lead psychologically impoverished lives.

 

[Lurk]

Being extremely shy leads to psychological locked-in syndrome. It's sad.

 

[Wyote]

psychological locked-in syndrome.

tf is that lol

 

[Asa]

@Wyote

http://www.lmfgtfy.com

 

[the]

Who said anyone has to prove that it is? Some people are shy. That's life.

Hey guys, like Gaze said: we don't have to prove anything one way or the other. So we may as well just stop talking about it. Do your job mods, and close this thread.

 

[jkxx]

Shyness is actually a personalty flaw because it interferes with a person's ability to function normally socially and occupationally. I'm very shy. A shy person will experience constant anxiety throughout life; some more than others, obviously.

Except it's the personality flaw that will draw me toward someone more than anything else.

Edit: see here [often comorbid with shyness]

 

[Lurk]

Hey guys, like Gaze said: we don't have to prove anything one way or the other. So we may as well just stop talking about it. Do your job mods, and close this thread.

Huh???

I think the discussion is interesting.

 

[Lurk]

Except it's the personality flaw that will draw me toward someone more than anything else.

Edit: see here [often comorbid with shyness]

I picked my puppy because she was so shy and gentle. It hurts to see her near constant anxiety and fear hinder her in life. At one point, she was a borderline fear-biter.