Are people shy? What's your philosophy on people who are socially anxious or shy

[CuriousEn]

I always wondered what caused shyness and what shyness really meant. I myself can be shy, especially around strangers, but with certain people I'm not shy and they don't see me as shy. But when one is shy, is that simply just a sign of lack of confidence? Or could it mean that one does not know how or what to talk about at the given time? At times, I won't know what to say, and that would make me more shy than if I knew what to say. So, what is shyness to you? A lack of confidence or a lack of social skills? Also, someone who is brief in his conversations is not necessarily shy. Some people just don't have much to say.

 

[barbad0s]

Shyness would seem to necessitate a sort of timidness towards other people. This can be caused by many things. It can be and often is specific to certain situations for the individual.

There are plenty of people who are quiet, lack social skills, are self-conscious, don't know what to say, or who are unconfident, who are not shy people.

 

[just me]

So many misleading attributes out there. Quiet and reserved=shy? Keeping mostly to oneself=shy? Introverted? Personality disorder? Can it lead to a personality disorder? Is it mental? Genetic? Both? I personally feel shyness has its place in a balanced society.

 

[Gaze]

So many misleading attributes out there. Quiet and reserved=shy? Keeping mostly to oneself=shy? Introverted? Personality disorder? Can it lead to a personality disorder? Is it mental? Genetic? Both? I personally feel shyness has its place in a balanced society.

Exactly. There's a little too much obsession with seeing shyness as a weakness or personality quirk or a disorder. So, I'm shy around particular people. Big deal. And sometimes, it's not even shyness. It's being reserved or quiet.

 

[the]

Exactly. There's a little too much obsession with seeing shyness as a weakness or personality quirk or a disorder. So, I'm shy around particular people. Big deal. And sometimes, it's not even shyness. It's being reserved or quiet.

How is shyness a strength?

 

[jyrffw54]

Hmm, there are tests being done to see if introversion is a genetic trait. Though shyness and introversion are not always paired traits, it makes me wonder whether it too is genetic, or just a product of environment. For example, my dad is shy, along with his mother, My mother is very outspoken along with her mother, while Enoch's mom and his are talkative, yet reserved. Enoch and I were raised in the same house from age 3, and while we both have been introverted, I was talkative and he was shy. I adopted a shier demeanour my middle years of school, because I wanted to be invisible so I wouldn't be ridiculed for being different.

To this day, Enoch is still very shy, but he just doesn't like empty words and small talk, though he obliges to it on his hospital shifts. I don't see anything wrong with that.

I myself, ride the margins of shyness and outspokenness. Just like any character trait, it has its pluses and minuses.For example, I've found that shyness can make for a good listener, but I have missed so many opportunities for an insightful discussion from being too shy to say anything.

 

[just me]

How is shyness a strength?

It is written, "In your weakness possess ye your strength." How can someone label shyness as a strength or a weakness? Can it be both? How about somewhere in between? It may serve an individual as a strength while others may view it as a weakness. ..............................Is the mind weak by showing signs of being quiet? ..............................................Take a young child in a situation that has learned to be quiet at a young age: maybe that child understands the need for silence. While watching others that may be a bit less reserved, the young child adapts in a way he feels comfortable inside. In class he listens: what will become of him?................................................I feel many people do not have the ability to understand the many aspects of human behavior. Yet, they write their books..............................................I was too shy to talk to certain girls I liked at a young age, but got along with certain ones great when placed in an environment like a vacation where they were just there every day. Think I'll go pick at the notes on a piano awhile to hear what I want to hear: should have learned to play, but boys were looked at as being sissy back then that played the piano. Besides, I learned by watching I did not want to learn the way my sister learned.

 

[Gaze]

How is shyness a strength?

Who said anyone has to prove that it is? Some people are shy. That's life.

 

[the]

Who said anyone has to prove that it is? Some people are shy. That's life.

It's just a question, don't get your panties in a bunch.

 

[sassafras]

I see shyness as either timidness or caution. Shy people have the desire to be openly social and friendly, but they rather dip one toe in and test the waters first before jumping in with both feet. They're not usually very spontaneous and prefer to get a feel for the social dynamics first. Shy people usually open up once they get comfortable enough within a group.

Being reserved, on the other hand, is having no immediate desire to open up or enthusiastically participate. Reserved people rather just stay on the sidelines and observe while they wait for their energies to charge up. They open up when something or somebody catches their interest.

Socially anxious people usually across as shy or reserved, but not all shy and reserved people are socially anxious. Anxiety of any kind typically correlates with perfectionism, low self-efficacy, low-self esteem and high-self monitoring. Social anxiety is expressly linked with public-self consciousness, which is an awareness of self as viewed by others.

While extroverts can be socially anxious, introverts are more likely to be socially anxious, because as a group, introverts tend to be very self-aware. On the whole, self-awareness isn't a bad thing, but issues arise when self-awareness becomes confused and warped with self-consciousness and self-involvement. Chronic self-consciousness (particularly when paired with perfectionism) can be psychologically self-damaging.

 

[just me]

As with most all things called chronic...

 

[sassafras]

As with most all things called chronic...

Well, I would have used 'frequently self-conscious' instead, but how do you set those parameters? We're all self-conscious to a degree and how often we're self-conscious isn't tied to how severe it is. The difference is, how much does it impair our capacity to function? Everyone's mileage will vary. Hence, I settled on the catch-all word 'chronic.'

 

[Lemonworld]

From about 4+ years old everyone told me I was 'shy'. So I too started to think I was 'shy' and played into that role. To me shyness is a developed trait, very often confused with high-sensitivity or introversion, which you are probably born with.

I don't consider myself a shy person anymore, but I still have my moments. Only now I recognise it more for the sensory over-stimulation that it is, and I'm aware that certain environments make me tired very quickly and socially drained.

There is a certain negativity and stigmatism associated with the word 'shyness'. As though it's something to be grown out of, or worse, ashamed of.

 

[gd65h8as7]

Hmm....

I wouldn't say I'm shy because (I think) I'm pretty gregarious and open to meeting/talking to new people but I am, at times, very self absorbed.

 

[just me]

Well, I would have used 'frequently self-conscious' instead, but how do you set those parameters? We're all self-conscious to a degree and how often we're self-conscious isn't tied to how severe it is. The difference is, how much does it impair our capacity to function? Everyone's mileage will vary. Hence, I settled on the catch-all word 'chronic.'

Your use isn't why I said what I said. Almost anything "chronic" could have bad consequences. I have seen people that did not know when to just shut up. Nothing to stop the flow. Harsh as the words may be, here they come. Does this make them chronic? Chronic what? The word can be avoided for others to be more comfortable at times. No foul called.

I also like the fact perfectionism, or being meticulous, is thrown into the mix with low self-esteem. It makes me wonder, and that I'll do a bit.

We are so different, yet we seek to live together with each other. In doing so, no matter how one might try, are we not reaching out to one another in our own ways? A shy person can love and be loved by someone as outgoing as they come. Quiet and loud love each other. While one person may see another's flaws and shortcomings, that same recluse may look through all the shortcomings and see someone creative and brilliant in someone. Someone I love said something a few moments ago that was real, true, and downright eye-opening. It hurt me to hear it from her, though I know it to be true. That leads me to another point of interest: how does an infj with so many difficulties in communicating say something for all? For a loved one? We may stick our toe in the water before stepping a little further, but sometimes words just seem to fail me.

Maybe the way my brain is thinking out something or trying to find the right words to say knows it takes two people to communicate at the very least. In trying to find something that will mean what I am thinking, I may be struggling.
Can this struggling be perceived as negativity? Never mind that. Sometimes what people think is not always on the right track, and that can lead to a great misunderstanding of oneself.

 

[toska]

I'm definitely shy around large groups of people. I feel anxious and awkward because I don't know where to focus my attention. I'm also afraid I'll say something offensive that will cause drama. Also I just fear and hate the way that some people act in groups. Some people go along with things that they know are wrong (like bullying and harassment), but they will do it because everyone else is doing it.

 

[Gaze]

There is a certain negativity and stigmatism associated with the word 'shyness'. As though it's something to be grown out of, or worse, ashamed of.

Which is why questioning why people are shy or always implying someone's shyness is some kind of defect or deficiency is a problem. It assumes something negative. It encourages someone to automatically feel bad about themselves just because they're shy. And it's annoying when people tell you you're "shy" when you're simply MYOB, or simply being quiet and reserved. This "issue" with shyness is similar to being told that because you're not outgoing, "you're anti-social". It sticks in your head, and you believe that this who you are rather than realize it's a perception. Being judged like that makes you think more negatively about yourself and think something is really wrong with you or that you need to do something outwardly to show people you are confident or be more verbal or outgoing to prove them that you have good self esteem. *rolls eyes*. That's nonsense. Sometimes, shyness, as I've experienced it is more about not wanting to dominate conversations or wanting to accommodate balance in a conversation and not overpower or overwhelm, especially in new situations so you observe and wait to see how you would respond. Nothing is wrong with being careful or cautious about what you say and how. I'd prefer that to someone blurting things out without thinking.

@just me - quite agree. Some people don't have a filter and think it's cute or funny to say everything they think, it's like verbal diarrhea. In any case, if someone finds that being shy is a hindrance to achieving what they want, then they may later lose it or grow out of it. But it's they who should decide for themselves rather than having someone tell them they need to speak up or stop being shy.

 

[barbad0s]

Sigh.

I just knew this thread was going to turn into a shyness activism circlejerk.

 

[sassafras]

I might be wrong, but I get the impression we're getting a bit touchy here. True, shyness comes with a lot of negative connotations, but not for everyone. Just because someone describes someone as 'shy' doesn't automatically mean they're being critical. It's a neutral observation. Nobody gets their feathers ruffled when you call them outgoing, so why is 'shyness' assumed to be an insult?

I'm not denying that in certain contexts and the way people communicate their observations makes it seems like a defect, but you know, not all people think there's something wrong with you for being quiet. They might just be trying to get a handle on your personality and trying to understand what makes you tick. You guys forget that sometimes quietness can be hard to read, especially if you yourself are a 'live-out-loud' person. People being able to say, 'oh, I understand, that person just isn't that out-going or they're shy' is a way of acceptance as well.

Everyone has different styles of trying to reach out to people and most of them well-meaning. I think it's important to always consider who is saying what and why and in which context, and that goes for both introverts and extroverts.

 

[dudemanbro]

Shy women are adorable.

Shy men are pussies.

MEDICATE EVERYONE.