Are NFPs too much work to deal with?

K

knight in battle

Well-known member
MBTI
INFJ
I have known three INFPs and have been exposed to two or more ENFPs. ENFPs can really drain my energy, but they emote enough emotional energy to allow me to get a sense of where they're coming from. INFPs on the other hand, seem extraordinarily manipulative.

I know an NFP who is undecided between E and I. I see a lot of eye movements. I get the sense that she's constantly parsing my feelings to check whether I am being honest, dishonest, favorable, or fake. With that kind of spotlight on me, I feel like it's a waste of time to deal with NFPs, because they always know what you're feeling, which penetrates farther than Fe. And whenever I seem to be "withholding" myself, I have to "be honest" using emotional display. I have to constantly check their eyes. If I look at them, they know what's up. If I look away from them, they definitely know what's up. Very frustrating.
 
swing said:
I'm hard to read for xNFPs.
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Good for you. I often have to go into stealth mode or distraction mode or just hide from all the NFPs.
Whenever I'm with an NFP these days, I just kinda shut the fuck up and let them read my feelings or I just look away to tell them that their Fi is pissing me off.
 
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knight in battle said:
I have known three INFPs and have been exposed to two or more ENFPs. ENFPs can really drain my energy, but they emote enough emotional energy to allow me to get a sense of where they're coming from. INFPs on the other hand, seem extraordinarily manipulative.

I know an NFP who is undecided between E and I. I see a lot of eye movements. I get the sense that she's constantly parsing my feelings to check whether I am being honest, dishonest, favorable, or fake. With that kind of spotlight on me, I feel like it's a waste of time to deal with NFPs, because they always know what you're feeling, which penetrates farther than Fe. And whenever I seem to be "withholding" myself, I have to "be honest" using emotional display. I have to constantly check their eyes. If I look at them, they know what's up. If I look away from them, they definitely know what's up. Very frustrating.
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So, you're afraid of INFPs? *WoW*
 
Naw, not at all. For some reason xNFPs actually tend to be invigorating for me, and I never feel like I have to "deal with" them, but that's just my humble opinion/experience.

Why would that make it a waste of time? That they actually see you for you are, instead of who you project yourself to be? I think it would be kind of nice, for someone to actually be able to see into someone's emotions. It would save a lot of time as far as verbal communication goes.
 
Carrie said:
So, you're afraid of INFPs? *WoW*
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I'm not afraid of all INFPs. Maybe it's more ENFPs that I have qualms with. With INFPs, there's always this constant ebb and flow between attachment and detachment, hot and cold. One minute, they like you, another minute they don't. And it's like this constant checking each other out to see whether the other person is "interested" or "honest" in the interaction. It takes a lot of energy to deal with NFPs. There's sometimes this unspoken attitude of what they're not saying ("What you're saying or acting out is bullshit"), in which case I speak back to them nonverbally (esp to ENFPs), "Ok, If I'm dishonest/bullshit, then why are you talking to me? Why don't you tell me a bit about your feelings and what's really going on with you?"
 
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hush said:
Why would that make it a waste of time? That they actually see you for you are, instead of who you project yourself to be?
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I don't mind them seeing what I'm really feeling, but when I'm trying to communicate something with them, they are killing the conversation with Ne by blurting out the "summary" of what I'm feeling or supposed to be doing, without first going through the conversation with me. Very distracting. Especially true for ENFPs. I had a therapist like that -- very disrespectful. It's like, I'm trying to explore "this", but they're constantly saying, "But you are feeling that." It's like they constantly say, "What's your point?" And I'm saying, "I just want to have a conversation with you. Can you freakin just lighten your Ne for a bit and converse?"
 
knight in battle said:
I have known three INFPs and have been exposed to two or more ENFPs. ENFPs can really drain my energy, but they emote enough emotional energy to allow me to get a sense of where they're coming from. INFPs on the other hand, seem extraordinarily manipulative.

I know an NFP who is undecided between E and I. I see a lot of eye movements. I get the sense that she's constantly parsing my feelings to check whether I am being honest, dishonest, favorable, or fake. With that kind of spotlight on me, I feel like it's a waste of time to deal with NFPs, because they always know what you're feeling, which penetrates farther than Fe. And whenever I seem to be "withholding" myself, I have to "be honest" using emotional display. I have to constantly check their eyes. If I look at them, they know what's up. If I look away from them, they definitely know what's up. Very frustrating.
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One of the Captains I work with is an INFP (or I believe him to be), and man do I hate it.
 
You put entirely too much faith in MBTI... INFPs manipulative? huh? ENFPs emoting enough energy that you can understand them? huh? Seems more stereotypical than anything.
 
Endersgone said:
One of the Captains I work with is an INFP (or I believe him to be), and man do I hate it.
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Now that I think about it, one of the supervisors I've had might have been INFP or ENFP as well. She was always literally at my emotional throat trying to read me and blurting out what she thought I was feeling. She was always digging to turn me into one of her pet projects, while all the other coworkers aren't manipulatable by her, because they obviously don't "read" as much as I do. I wanted harmony but she manipulated this so that she could be emotionally enmeshed with me. (She was a divorced mother. No husband in the house. Go figure.)
 
Billy said:
You put entirely too much faith in MBTI... INFPs manipulative? huh? ENFPs emoting enough energy that you can understand them? huh? Seems more stereotypical than anything.
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Fair enough. I may be typing incorrectly, but this is more conjecture than provable fact. But I can say that it's very irritating and suspicious. It's like they're trying to "get" more out of me emotionally than I want to give.
 
knight in battle said:
Now that I think about it, one of the supervisors I've had might have been INFP or ENFP as well. She was always literally at my emotional throat trying to read me and blurting out what she thought I was feeling. She was always digging to turn me into one of her pet projects, while all the other coworkers aren't manipulatable by her, because they obviously don't "read" as much as I do. I wanted harmony but she manipulated this so that she could be emotionally enmeshed with me. (She was a divorced mother. No husband in the house. Go figure.)
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I know the feeling all too well. Very similar situation - I'm starting to give in, I'm becoming the "pet project"...
 
@knight in battle it's just how they are. you know they're trying to help you, and you lash out at them. if you explored their advice, instead of only focusing on your perspective, you might see a bit more. they talk differently than you, it's work to gain their insights, but they can offer some valuable information (which it seems you need at this point).
 
knight in battle said:
Fair enough. I may be typing incorrectly, but this is more conjecture than provable fact. But I can say that it's very irritating and suspicious. It's like they're trying to "get" more out of me emotionally than I want to give.
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According to what you described they are not "trying" to get more out of you. They are doing what they do, unconsciously, and meant no harm. I don't think it's suspicious, either. Plus, MBTI isn't set in stone, is only a flawed theory, and is only a small fraction of what makes a person who they are. There is so much more that composes identity, to the extent that I would venture a guess that it wasn't type that had this frustrating effect on you, but merely the unique personalities of those you have typed as NFP.
 
Kmal said:
@knight in battle it's just how they are. you know they're trying to help you, and you lash out at them. if you explored their advice, instead of only focusing on your perspective, you might see a bit more. they talk differently than you, it's work to gain their insights, but they can offer some valuable information (which it seems you need at this point).
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On the whole, yes, I have garnered plenty of information or advice from Ne types. The ones who sprinkle too little tact into their Ne expression tend to cause me to tense up and protect myself emotionally. I wonder sometimes whether this brings delight to them, either in their summarization Ne output or in their ability to "get my attention" by jumping quickly to conclusions that are relevant to the heart of me. One of my occasional therapists (ENFP) seems to relish in jabbing me with it. I won't discount her advice; it's like I have to sacrifice dialogue in order to be punched with "the nutshell truth of the matter".

Needless to say, I quit the job in which I had the xNFP supervisor. And even then, she had to sit down with me during my break to tell me that I was leaving because of her. I'd say, "Excellent intuition, lady. If you know I'm so uncomfortable with you and want me to be your little substitute male subordinate to kick around, why don't you use the brilliant intuition of yours to make me stay on the job?"
 
hush said:
I would venture a guess that it wasn't type that had this frustrating effect on you, but merely the unique personalities of those you have typed as NFP.
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Yes, Ne is what causes them to blurt out things that I'd rather they keep to themselves.
 
My brother has tested infp. Though our being related may skew my impression, I find it refreshing to deal with someone who can quickly pick up on what's on my mind.
 
What I am getting is that you have a problem being honest. Secondly, someone who can tell when you are/are not being honest is someone you dont want to interact with. I find that disturbing.
 
uberrogo said:
What I am getting is that you have a problem being honest. Secondly, someone who can tell when you are/are not being honest is someone you dont want to interact with. I find that disturbing.
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Don't think it necessarily has to do with honesty... more with wanting to protect your inner thoughts/feelings - when someone else is constantly prying them out.
 
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