Wow, thanks Ian. As usual, a detailed and deep response.
I took the time because I feel for your situation...and because you are worth taking time for.
If I got to know her more, maybe that could shed light and even get me to see her more as ‘just’ another person
Perhaps you could replace your idea of her with some knowing of who she actually is, but “just” another person? Doubtful, at least based on my experiences in life in getting to know people. There is no “just.” I’m not saying that to be glib, or play a word game. I’m saying that because I believe each and every is a manifestation of spirit or a projection of consciousness, experiencing what it is to have an individuated body and mind, as rooted in physicality.
Her young age means she lacks my own maturity of mind.
You know what they say about assumption. I would also suggest that people develop in different ways, at different rates, at different times. I used to think I had maturity of mind. In truth, when I was 40 there were 20-year-olds who were more mature of mind. Why? Because although my mind was experienced, and knew
this and
that, it was based on a lie, and as a result had only grown in a disfigured way. In terms of healthy growth, it was but as a shoot breaking through the last of the winter snow.
In the ego-world, and the world of things, I was grown, perhaps in some ways even a master. But in the dimension of the Self, and the world of Love nested within itself
ad infinitum, I was but a child. My growth in this way had been stunted. I was ignorant. I knew so many things, but I didn’t know anything of
real worth.
She should know she has nothing to fear with me.
Please do keep your shoulds and supposed-tos for yourself. No one I have ever known has reacted well to them past childhood.
In
western nearly every culture, women have good reason to be afraid, especially of men. This is because of how men are socialized in an environment of misogyny, and how both men and women are saddled with all manner of gender roles. Of course no man is to blame for that, but the problem is most do not grow beyond that, or do any self-work, so even a “nice” man can be filled with things that any reasonable woman would want to avoid.
Consider too that you and I have the “luxury” of not having to think about it. Sadly, women do not have that luxury.
I have a feeling that women in general are much more able to be practical when it comes to relationships than men. As they give birth, they have to be.
I’m not going to say what women have to do, because I don’t have the right.
But yes, in general, women bear a much different set of potential consequences and eventual responsibilities by entering into a sexual relationship with a man.
That said, my sense is any statement that treats women, or men, as a monolithic group is wrong. Not in the sense it is a lie, but it doesn’t take into account the wide range of each group. I’ve known some practical guys, and I’ve known a few women who, by their own admission, didn’t have a practical bone in their body.
Men are more swayed by their feelings I think. Women live more in their feelings, so have better control of them.
Same comment as above, but I’ll add that no one can control their feelings. People can control their actions in regard to feelings, however. My sense is attempting to control one’s feelings is a form of psychological self-injurious behavior that is at odds with one’s well-being.
I feel there is so much I can teach her.
Perhaps, but I would ask you to consider that in a healthy and equitable relationship of mutually-engaged partners, each would be both teacher and student for one another. That kind of reciprocity is an absolute must when it comes to a healthy sexual relationship where both partners have an opportunity to meet their needs, experience a deep intimacy, feel happy and safe, and witness the fusion of their own love and desire into something far greater than the sum of its parts.
Have you ever had that feeling of escaping your own life and immersing yourself in that of another person? How that seems like a great thing? Like by doing that you might be happy?
No, because I was always deeply aware that no matter where I went, there I would be. Nothing outside myself would fix me. I was (and am) responsible for my own happiness, and I was (and am) responsible for my own growth. But also, I never wanted to escape my own life. I wanted to be well, and then experience a shared life with someone who was well.
This girl could be my salvation, or is that wrong?
Who am I to say?
That said, based on my own experience, and the experience of every person who has ever shared their story with me, one has to be one’s own salvation. No one else can, or will, do it for you. One is responsible for one’s damnation—the disconnect from Love—so in turn, one is responsible for one’s salvation—to live in the grace that is Love.
To this end, one is locked in a cage, whilst holding the key to freedom in hand. One has two choices going forward:
- the choice to do the difficult self-work such that they can put the key in the lock, and...
- the choice to be happy.
Cheers,
Ian
