Any INFJ-ISFP relationship experiences | INFJ Forum

Any INFJ-ISFP relationship experiences

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by bobsidianw, Apr 11, 2009.

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  1. bobsidianw Newbie

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    Hello all,


    I've been searching, and I can't seem to find any info/personal stories about this particular pairing. Any insights are welcome and appreciated. Thanks :).
     
  2. corvidae

    corvidae ohai internets
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    A few of my friends are ISFP. They're polite and low-key, but I don't think I could date one. But I always feel like I don't really know them well - INFJ emotional bonds are abstract, ISFP emotional bonds are concrete.

    (http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFP.html)
     
  3. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    My best friend is an ISFP. I am so so close to her. We can truly tell each other anything, and we have a very strong bond between each other. She has a rather high Ni for an ISFP though, and I have a rather high Fi for an INFJ so that helps us understand each other alot more. I wouldn't trade her for the world.
     
  4. eutychus

    eutychus Newbie

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    well, for all the talk about "opposites" on various sites, as an INFJ male i have never met an ENFP or ENTP female that i was particularly attracted to. it is the ISFP that has been my undoing.

    i fell hopelessly in love with an ISFP and yes, this particular ISFP fell in love with me. alas, it was a star-crossed affair, meeting in a 15th century castle in the austrian alps, and soon after circumstances separated us. i, of course, wrote sweet poems that she loved, but it wasn't meant to be.

    i have a weakness for non-verbal emotional types, which this ISFP was. i was inspired to inspire this "artist" to create. she was fearful that her expressions would be a poor reflection of what it was she wanted to express, but i just wanted her to get it out. i was attracted to her kindness, gentleness and understanding. but mostly we inspired one another.

    even though it didn't work out we still stay in touch once or twice a year. and despite the distance and infrequency the connection is rather potent. from time to time i still have a keen awareness of how she is doing.

    hope this helps.
     
  5. midnightmelody

    midnightmelody nagging for truth

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    I either really like them, or am really perturbed by them.

    It might be the Fi that seems to make the bonds so intense. I'm not really sure.

    I have an isfp teacher that I loved, then hated, and then loved again. It's crazy. I don't think I know any other isfps. I have an infp friend that could possibly be borderline isfp, but I don't think so.
     
  6. Joined:
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    Here is what goes through my INFJ mind when around an ISFP...
    My Ni says:
    I have a feeling this ISFP doesn't think or feel anything, because they don't openly express themselves. But they have to feel a lot, otherwise they wouldn't have so many morals.
    They're so polite and nice, and it's so refreshing. So calm and laid-back.
    I feel like I overthink them and make them so complicated, but they really are not.
    ...
    anyway, the biggest thing is that their live-in-the-moment and concrete mind-set can drive me crazy sometimes. I feel like it's not exciting if we're not clicking well.
    They're so playful and loyal, and I still want to know them deeply.
    It's like a never-ending chase.

    For me, anyway :)
     
    knight in battle likes this.
  7. subwayrider

    subwayrider Into the White

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    Err, I was on a quasi-date with one. She was pretty immature and unintelligent-- in the way INFJs are intelligent. I try to recognize intelligence in all its forms, so it's more accurate to say she wasn't INFJ-intelligent.

    She was hot, though. We just didn't have enough in common. The sex would have been great, but there wasn't any potential past that, and pairings that are 100% sex aren't what I'm looking for.
     
    #7 subwayrider, Nov 24, 2012
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2012
  8. purplecrayons

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    I think my daughter is ISFP, though she is potentially a sociopath, but I can tell you we butt heads and drive each other crazy, though our bond is intense and most likely co-dependent.
     
  9. Paladin-X Permanent Fixture

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    To be honest, out of all the types, I do not get along very well with ISFPs the most. My lack of propriety and boundaries always seems to offend their Fi in some way, shape or form. Then, because I have to argue semantics and illogical reasoning, it never goes well. I think my mother is an ISFP. That might have something to do with it.

    ESFPs, on the other hand, are a lot of fun!
     
  10. Lexika

    Lexika Community Member

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    It's supposed to be relationship of benefit according to socionics - dynamics of benefit relations
    ISFP is benefactor to INFJ in this pairing (these types are called ESI and IEI in socionics respectively)
     
  11. Matt3737

    Matt3737 Similes are like songs in love.

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  12. yakob32 Lurker

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    I want to answer this even though its old, because I think they work in very specific circumstances, just like any combo. There aren't many posts on INFJ/ISFP matches (maybe cuz they're just so happy they don't get on here), so I wanted to put mine out there as a positive message and what to look out for.

    As an INFJ, I married an ISFP. We have something special. She grew up with a family with several N's and F's. Particularly her father was INFP and works in family science, mom & brother ISFJ, and a sister INFJ, whom she is close with (she teases that I'm a good INFJ vs. her sister whose J is a bit untempered) and some NT's. She is close with her dad and into psychology and loves to discuss matters with him.

    We share the same culture/religion, and she plays piano very well, which I got intermediate at through high school. We grew up in the same town but age differences so didn't date then.

    What I want from a relationship is satisfied. I've been drawn to S's most of my life, so my closer friends are S's. They've helped point out my abstract silliness at times. My dad is a ISFP, my mom an INTJ (divorced).

    As a J, I'm very opinionated and want things a certain way, so only have patience for my own abstract NF inner dialogue. So a lot of other NF's have their own causes/beliefs I'm not really interested in. My wife therefore brings a fresh different perspective, and we make each other very happy, sometimes not understanding why exactly.

    I've read INFJ's begin developing their weakest SP side late in life after resolving their secondary "T". Since I went into Engineering and now Medicine, my T has been pretty maxed out from an early age. We are both in our 30s.

    We share the same interests on many levels, and have a lot to talk about, but neither like small talk.

    ISFP's are very polite and reserved, careful in what they say. She is inherently very sensitive and warm, so my feelings don't get hurt. We don't like confrontation, so we never fight or blow up. With differences she is assertive, just very diplomatic in how she expresses things, and patient until we come to the right decision together.

    She is a special education teacher which satisfies her need to live in the moment and help others. I'm a medical student who wants to go into child psychiatry, so we compliment one another and have many topics we like to talk about, and appreciate each others' perspective. She loves and can accept and listen to my abstract perspectives because of her relationship with her father growing up.

    We have similar sex drives and not overly restrictive boundaries, so we can express things freely with each other without having issues. We also feel emotionally like we're part of the same person, which doesn't cease to amaze us both at times.

    I think she gains from me what most ISFPs want. Likes humor, things that make her think about things. There's a whole list of ISFP tendancies of someone wrote on another forum to give a general sense of what they need. Its by no means exhaustive or specific to us, but is a start.

    1. support - everything what supports their ideas and help them archive goals
    2. provide good ideas for making life and work better (make better, good working enviroment)
    -I'll add here though, women usually want you to "listen" to their problems, not necessarily solve it.
    3. good understanding of complex problems, sometimes good, quick solusions (eg. recovery from illiness)
    4. insight into future
    -This is something she values in me very much: predicting the long-term outcome of things, and my intuition of seeing things coming that others don't.
    5. understanding of patterns, they cant see them and if you show them, they will understand.
    -She is good at reading patterns in people, however, in the moment, and acting on them. They are considered good politicians, and I love her ability to negotiate social structures with ease. She makes friends instinctively in new settings, I'm amazed at how she does it. So I take this one with a grain of salt. I think they mean abstract patterns. more on this to follow
    6. physical touch and sex
    -Yes love language for ISFPs involves physical affection.
    7. good understanding of her. Making use of her talents.
    -You have to really pull this out of them. They feel very strongly about things, and often feel their words are inadequate at expressing them. They need reassurance. For this reason, I think it makes them better at not "making you an offender for a word" unless they have borderline or are crazy. I, on the other hand, have extroverted feeling, so she loves my eloquence at expressing things.
    8. gifts, may be small
    -In fact she prefers small gifts with meaning over extravagence. Dresses modestly, doesn't pile makeup on. Very low maintenance. A big +++ in my opinion
    9. dont judge or criticize
    An amazing trait to have in a relationship! ISFPs don't judge or criticize, and want the same in return. In fact she finds it cute when I'm clumsy about some things and makes mistakes.
    10. solve problems with polite manner. Dont make her think that you attacking her instead of problem.
    -Basically, show them a lot of respect despite outward appearances, and you'll be surprised at how much they have to give in return and their hidden mental maturity and understanding of issues and why they do the things they do.
    11. Listen to all her problems. Answer with all possible solutions. Let her choose the best.
    - important is let her choose for herself. only offer occasional ideas and then let them rest if she doesn't choose them. This is hard for an INFJ but necessary.
    12. try to be polite. Dont make her feel stupid. They are less intelectualists but are not stupid.
    - Realize she's attacking problems from a very different angle, and her way of solving things work too.
    13. help with strategic thinking. It enables them to grow.
    14. in closer relations, help with money. They are bad economists.
    - Yes they don't consider money when something is important to them, like passing up a 3 day weekend to come see me even when tickets are pricey....cuz hey...its a 3 day weekend!
    15. ISFp live in material world, dont understand lot of things, dont know how others think. They are just is like that and there is nothing wrong with that.
    - Not so sure about not understanding things whoever wrote this. But my ISFP is very open and aware there is a lot out there and will listen to it. Once in awhile I have to spell things out to her if she's missing the connection, but my extroverted F and concrete J way of speaking can usually accomplish this.
    16. they like to act like kid. Just let them act like this.
    - Who doesn't want to feel young sometimes? She brings fun into the simple things of life and gives a much needed break from my abstract inner dialogue
    17. Warn about impending problems and consequences in a informal way.
    - She's learned to trust my intuition with time, but didn't always give it credit right away.

    Some of the tendencies listed above, as I've mentioned, have been compensated in her family relationships thus reduced several incompatibilities. Her very strong inner moral compass also resonates with me but in a unique way that is action-oriented.

    Most important in the relationship is my high respect of her and letting her be her without wanting to change anything. I only think of her as adding to my life that is already solid and rewarding. Respect is probably the first step in any real relationship in overcoming differences which will crop up in every relationship. She also has an amazing smile and laugh that lights up a room :) Best of luck to anyone dating an ISFP :)
     
    #12 yakob32, Mar 22, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2014
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    I am an INFJ female married to an ISFP male. We have an amazing relationship, not perfect, but incredibly emotionally satisfying. He is the constant steady - in love at all times. I am the emotional excitement, moody at times, unavailable at times, and super passionate and exciting most times. He is the steady I need, I am the excitement he needs. But we are both the loving, loyal constant each other both needs. He provides the simple, uncomplicated love. I provide the depth and passion. We both know and appreciate that about each other. Our sexual chemistry was immediate (and at times is incredibly passionate) and continues to this day.

    Main issues for me as an INFJ - he's too simple. I get bored. Nothing to talk about. And most of our conversations are me talking and him saying "uh-huh". But I can get mental stimulation elsewhere - job and friends. THIS IS KEY.

    I've heard a natural match for INJF is an ENFP. I get that. I was previously married to an ENFP male - and we clicked intellectually like no other. Fireworks there. But his emotions were incredibly all over the place (nice/mean), and I was his emotional punching bag (and fought back). I don't like conflict. But I will defend. So we fought. I lost sexual attraction after 18 months (not attracted to emotional volatility), despite that we had 3 kids and were married for 8 years.

    However, I am still HOT for my ISPF after 3 1/2 years. Maybe even more so than day one. I never found him super attractive at first. But I transformed him - dressed him, new hair, and encouraged him to lose 30 lbs. He is now at his HOTness - and agrees, he loves being this attractive, stylish 6'2" and 180# sexy guy. Most importantly - He's such a sweetie, so easy-going, loves me flaws and all - and we laugh, have fun, have great sex, and just generally love being together.

    I completely disagree that the S and N are a problem. It's the source of the attraction. I'm intense, he's simple - we each adore that about each other. I think what drives us both crazy is the male-female differences. I'm moody. I'm a woman. He's unaware of my needs - he's a man. Even an ISFP casanova with all his doting affection and who can win over any woman - is unaware of his mates actual needs. They are too uncomplicated. INFJ's are COMPLICATED. But we love like no other. Loyal as hell. And we love to encourage others to be their best selves - for them, not for us. ISFPs love this. They are innately looking for the easy life, but have goals too. We are the perfect match for them in this regard. And they for us - they love us for our passionate and unconditional love, and I believe, we are the only ones they can and will commit to for a lifetime. ISFPs want love first and foremost, and INFJs are the amazing romanticists to match that need.

    HUGE fan of the ISFP male and INFJ female combination. Happy love for both = happy wife, happy life!!
     
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