I want to answer this even though its old, because I think they work in very specific circumstances, just like any combo. There aren't many posts on INFJ/ISFP matches (maybe cuz they're just so happy they don't get on here), so I wanted to put mine out there as a positive message and what to look out for.
As an
INFJ, I married an
ISFP. We have something special. She grew up with a
family with several N's and F's. Particularly her f
ather was INFP and works in family science, mom & brother ISFJ, and a
sister INFJ, whom she is close with (she teases that I'm a good INFJ vs. her sister whose J is a bit untempered) and some NT's. She is close with her dad and into psychology and loves to discuss matters with him.
We share the same culture/religion, and she plays piano very well, which I got intermediate at through high school. We grew up in the same town but age differences so didn't date then.
What I want from a relationship is satisfied. I've been drawn to S's most of my life, so my closer friends are S's. They've helped point out my abstract silliness at times. My dad is a ISFP, my mom an INTJ (divorced).
As a J, I'm very opinionated and want things a certain way, so only have patience for my own abstract NF inner dialogue. So a lot of other NF's have their own causes/beliefs I'm not really interested in. My wife therefore brings a fresh different perspective, and we make each other very happy, sometimes not understanding why exactly.
I've read INFJ's begin developing their weakest SP side late in life after resolving their secondary "T". Since I went into Engineering and now Medicine, my T has been pretty maxed out from an early age. We are both in our 30s.
We share the same interests on many levels, and have a lot to talk about, but neither like small talk.
ISFP's are very polite and reserved, careful in what they say. She is inherently very sensitive and warm, so my feelings don't get hurt. We don't like confrontation, so we never fight or blow up. With differences she is assertive, just very diplomatic in how she expresses things, and patient until we come to the right decision together.
She is a special education teacher which satisfies her need to live in the moment and help others. I'm a medical student who wants to go into child psychiatry, so we compliment one another and have many topics we like to talk about, and appreciate each others' perspective. She loves and can accept and listen to my abstract perspectives because of her relationship with her father growing up.
We have similar sex drives and not overly restrictive boundaries, so we can express things freely with each other without having issues. We also feel emotionally like we're part of the same person, which doesn't cease to amaze us both at times.
I think she gains from me what most ISFPs want. Likes humor, things that make her think about things. There's a whole list of ISFP tendancies of someone wrote on another forum to give a general sense of what they need. Its by no means exhaustive or specific to us, but is a start.
1. support - everything what supports their ideas and help them archive goals
2. provide good ideas for making life and work better (make better, good working enviroment)
-I'll add here though, women usually want you to "listen" to their problems, not necessarily solve it.
3. good understanding of complex problems, sometimes good, quick solusions (eg. recovery from illiness)
4. insight into future
-This is something she values in me very much: predicting the long-term outcome of things, and my intuition of seeing things coming that others don't.
5. understanding of patterns, they cant see them and if you show them, they will understand.
-She is good at reading patterns in people, however, in the moment, and acting on them. They are considered good politicians, and I love her ability to negotiate social structures with ease. She makes friends instinctively in new settings, I'm amazed at how she does it. So I take this one with a grain of salt. I think they mean abstract patterns. more on this to follow
6. physical touch and sex
-Yes love language for ISFPs involves physical affection.
7. good understanding of her. Making use of her talents.
-You have to really pull this out of them. They feel very strongly about things, and often feel their words are inadequate at expressing them. They need reassurance. For this reason, I think it makes them better at not "making you an offender for a word" unless they have borderline or are crazy. I, on the other hand, have extroverted feeling, so she loves my eloquence at expressing things.
8. gifts, may be small
-In fact she prefers small gifts with meaning over extravagence. Dresses modestly, doesn't pile makeup on. Very low maintenance. A big +++ in my opinion
9. dont judge or criticize
An amazing trait to have in a relationship! ISFPs don't judge or criticize, and want the same in return. In fact she finds it cute when I'm clumsy about some things and makes mistakes.
10. solve problems with polite manner. Dont make her think that you attacking her instead of problem.
-Basically, show them a lot of respect despite outward appearances, and you'll be surprised at how much they have to give in return and their hidden mental maturity and understanding of issues and why they do the things they do.
11. Listen to all her problems. Answer with all possible solutions. Let her choose the best.
- important is let her choose for herself. only offer occasional ideas and then let them rest if she doesn't choose them. This is hard for an INFJ but necessary.
12. try to be polite. Dont make her feel stupid. They are less intelectualists but are not stupid.
- Realize she's attacking problems from a very different angle, and her way of solving things work too.
13. help with strategic thinking. It enables them to grow.
14. in closer relations, help with money. They are bad economists.
- Yes they don't consider money when something is important to them, like passing up a 3 day weekend to come see me even when tickets are pricey....cuz hey...its a 3 day weekend!
15. ISFp live in material world, dont understand lot of things, dont know how others think. They are just is like that and there is nothing wrong with that.
- Not so sure about not understanding things whoever wrote this. But my ISFP is very open and aware there is a lot out there and will listen to it. Once in awhile I have to spell things out to her if she's missing the connection, but my extroverted F and concrete J way of speaking can usually accomplish this.
16. they like to act like kid. Just let them act like this.
- Who doesn't want to feel young sometimes? She brings fun into the simple things of life and gives a much needed break from my abstract inner dialogue
17. Warn about impending problems and consequences in a informal way.
- She's learned to trust my intuition with time, but didn't always give it credit right away.
Some of the tendencies listed above, as I've mentioned, have been compensated in her family relationships thus reduced several incompatibilities. Her very strong inner moral compass also resonates with me but in a unique way that is action-oriented.
Most important in the relationship is my high respect of her and letting her be her without wanting to change anything. I only think of her as adding to my life that is already solid and rewarding. Respect is probably the first step in any real relationship in overcoming differences which will crop up in every relationship. She also has an amazing smile and laugh that lights up a room
Best of luck to anyone dating an ISFP
