Anxious moments?

[Soulful]

I'm curious what things are personal to me versus general to INFJs. Do you ever get anxious posting online or responding to threads (even here) or on other message boards? Sometimes I feel nervous about asserting my opinion or saying it in a way such that I am asserting something and not just the possibility of it. Is that common for infjs? It drives me nuts.

What makes you feel anxious about interacting with others... whether that's online, over the phone, with strangers, with familiars, in-person, one-on-one, in groups, professionally, formally, informally, parties, and so on?

 

[Quinlan]

Sounds like an enneagram 9 thing to me.

 

[IndigoSensor]

The biggest thing for me is embaressment. That emotion, above all others, is the most powerful. Come hell or high water, I will avoid it. I can't even watch something embaressing. One reason why I hate superbad. I saw a VERY small portion of it, and it was so embaressing to watch that I had to leave and be alone. Desregarding the fact that it is crude, rude, and not funny at all. So online, if someone emabresses me, I usually run away. And I will feel very unconfortable if I am about to post something that will embarass me. But there is little difference between me talking on here, or being in real life, when it comes to me feeling unconfortable.

 

[Quinlan]

What was embarassing about Superbad?

 

[IndigoSensor]

What was embarassing about Superbad?

... are you kidding me? seriously? the entire movie is one giant embaressement!!!

I think the reason I feel that way is I subconsisosuly project myself into thinking "if i was them" I would not do any of that, ever, and i would feel so embaressed that if there was a gun in my hand i might contemplate shooting myself (seriously)

 

[tereza]

I don't really get anxious about posting, but I do tend to delete 95% of the posts I've started. I think I'm more worried about not having anything useful or new to contribute. Especially if it's about a subject I don't know much about.

I'm pretty comfortable sharing my opinion with others no matter what the setting. The only time I feel anxious is if I'm not confident in my opinions and it's in opposition with the majority of people there. I hate getting into arguments where I can't defend myself.

 

[Quinlan]

... are you kidding me? seriously? the entire movie is one giant embaressement!!!

I think the reason I feel that way is I subconsisosuly project myself into thinking "if i was them" I would not do any of that, ever, and i would feel so embaressed that if there was a gun in my hand i might contemplate shooting myself (seriously)

That's interesting, I don't have that sort of empathy, I can put myself outside of the character and see the humour in their actions without feeling embarassment on their behalf.

 

[ZenCat]

I actually have what I think might be the opposite issue. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. From the time I could talk, I would tell anyone anything that popped into my mind (much to my mother's chagrin, when I'd strike up conversations in the grocery line).

Even years of having my disclosures used against me (with varying degrees of effectiveness) I'm actually inclined to be completely open, and it takes a deliberate effort to moderate my disclosures (but I do moderate them, mainly because I figure that mostly, people don't care about every fleeting thought and feeling I have; it can be overwhelming to people).

I figured out at some point that the less you have to hide, the less you have to lose.

 

[Soulful]

I figured out at some point that the less you have to hide, the less you have to lose.

How so?

 

[Soulful]

The biggest thing for me is embaressment. That emotion, above all others, is the most powerful. Come hell or high water, I will avoid it. I can't even watch something embaressing. One reason why I hate superbad. I saw a VERY small portion of it, and it was so embaressing to watch that I had to leave and be alone. Desregarding the fact that it is crude, rude, and not funny at all. So online, if someone emabresses me, I usually run away. And I will feel very unconfortable if I am about to post something that will embarass me. But there is little difference between me talking on here, or being in real life, when it comes to me feeling unconfortable.

If it's okay to ask, why do you think that is?

Your post reminded me of something I haven't given very much thought to. When I was younger, I remember feeling very insecure and would be ashamed/embarrassed a lot of the time. I remember literally numbing myself emotionally to detach from feeling embarrassed because it could be so strong and so deeply uncomfortable. I guess in that way, I also turned against myself in that my inner "critic" grew through it, and as it grew the embarrassment could be so strong that sometimes it was practically physically painful. Sometimes I would feel very embarrassed for someone, and it was also very uncomfortable - especially because I wouldn't numb myself through that so I always experienced it. As I grew older, I began to adopt a more loving (might sound corny but true) attitude towards myself/others. It helped me feel more accepting towards myself/others, and in turn, less judgmental towards myself/others (and less influenced by judgment from others), which significantly lessened the feeling of embarrassment. I'm not in any way saying or mean to imply that this is why you feel how you do , just that that was my own personal experience.

 

[IndigoSensor]

That's interesting, I don't have that sort of empathy, I can put myself outside of the character and see the humour in their actions without feeling embarassment on their behalf.

Ha... my empathy is off the scale... its really annoying.

I don't find crude humor funny in general. The olny kind of crude humor that I find HILARIOUS is people falling down, slipping, dropping things, ect.

Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAamPhvvp8Y When I first saw this, I fell out of my chair laughing

 

[ZenCat]

How so?

If there are things you feel, or believe, or have done that you feel others will judge you for, or leave you because of, you'll live with that fear forever. And it eats at you.

If you're open, and hide nothing, you cut to the chase, so to speak, and find out how people feel sooner rather than later.

 

[ZenCat]

Ha... my empathy is off the scale... its really annoying.

I don't find crude humor funny in general. The olny kind of crude humor that I find HILARIOUS is people falling down, slipping, dropping things, ect.

Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAamPhvvp8Y When I first saw this, I fell out of my chair laughing

See, that kind of humor drives me nuts. I can't watch America's Funniest Home Videos and things like that, especially if it's kids or pets falling down, getting hurt, etc. It actually enrages me to hear the audience laughing when a kid gets dumped on his head and the audience roars with laughter.

 

[Quinlan]

See, that kind of humor drives me nuts. I can't watch America's Funniest Home Videos and things like that, especially if it's kids or pets falling down, getting hurt, etc. It actually enrages me to hear the audience laughing when a kid gets dumped on his head and the audience roars with laughter.

Yeah it doesn't do anything for me either, I just get concerned about their safety.

Although for some reason I find the idea of an audience laughing at a kid getting dumped on it's head funny because it's (groupthink/herd mentality) so inappropriate and absurd when you think about it.

 

[Soulful]

See, that kind of humor drives me nuts. I can't watch America's Funniest Home Videos and things like that, especially if it's kids or pets falling down, getting hurt, etc. It actually enrages me to hear the audience laughing when a kid gets dumped on his head and the audience roars with laughter.

I've never understood it either! People around me may be laughing and I'm the one going "that must have hurt! how is it funny?"

 

[IndigoSensor]

I've never understood it either! People around me may be laughing and I'm the one going "that must have hurt! how is it funny?"

See, the thing is, those people dont appear like they got hurt that badly. If someone looks like they got really hurt, I wont laugh. I.E. people falling off skateboard tricks.

Here, this is something else that made me fall out of a chair laughing, that involves no pain: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=353ZCrq3x1Q

 

[Lurker]

I can't watch America's Funniest Home Videos and things like that, especially if it's kids or pets falling down, getting hurt, etc. It actually enrages me to hear the audience laughing when a kid gets dumped on his head and the audience roars with laughter.

Yeah it doesn't do anything for me either, I just get concerned about their safety.

I've never understood it either! People around me may be laughing and I'm the one going "that must have hurt! how is it funny?"

Wow! Youse are my people, I can't stand Funniest Home Videos... it's just not funny seeing people hurt themselves :doh:

In regards to OP, I’m not an INFJ but I can feel that way at times about posting in people’s blogs on other forums, not because of anxiety but cause I feel I may be intruding so unless I can add something significant, at least initially, I’ll tend not to.

 

[xreemk]

I definitely feel a bit anxious if I reply to a thread, especially because I'm new to this! It doesn't stop just there, I also get anxious around certain people. If I'm in a small group I feel like it's more "intimate" and I can talk more comfortably, whereas if it's a larger group I become much quieter and keep to myself. Whenever I feel like the spotlight is on me, I become very anxious. I know this may sound weird, but that's the reason I don't like to play games, it's like I'm afraid of saying something or doing something that will make me seem stupid. I know that other people won't think I'm stupid but I become so paranoid that it takes over.

Even though I may feel a twinge of anxiousness with certain circumstances, I still have very strong opinions and state them openly. I try to work around my anxiousness.

 

[Quinlan]

I get anxious about posting all the time, it's similar to participating in conversations in real life, sometimes I just don't know if I have anything worthwhile to say.

I suppose here is different, here my opinions and thoughts will get questioned but never ridiculed or completely shunned, here I can be more free with what I say, although at times I still wonder if I post too often without contributing anything significant.

 

[Shai Gar]

Wow! Youse are my people, I can't stand Funniest Home Videos... it's just not funny seeing people hurt themselves :doh:

In regards to OP, I’m not an INFJ but I can feel that way at times about posting in people’s blogs on other forums, not because of anxiety but cause I feel I may be intruding so unless I can add something significant, at least initially, I’ll tend not to.

I can't stand it either. It's just retarded. It entertained me when I was in early primary school, but not since then.

"Cute" videos with a retarded voice aren't funny either.