Am I bipolar or what the fuck is wrong with me?

[Rook]

hello to everyone in the forum. I am looking for some information from people who suffer from bi-polar disorder and other forms of depression. I will give you some background on me. Here is a brief long summary of my personal traits. Feel free to ask me any questions or to voice any opinions you may have.

I am a bit of a perfectionist (low self esteem),
I am obsessed with finding love in my live,
In public I appear very normal and happy especially in company,
I don't drink or do any drugs,
I have gotten a lot of counseling,
I am a very nice person,
I do voluntary work,
I like sport and I work out,
Even when out with friends I tend to think of myself as different and not wanted even though that isn't the case,
I am highly intuitive as a lot of the forum must be, I am often described as a mind reader, but I do tend to be more wrong when emotionally involved and tend to take negative viewpoints,
I am from a family with an alcoholic and who cheated on my mum,
I find it extremely difficult to trust women I meet on dates etc,
I will often think If a girl likes me then there must be something seriously wrong with the girl( I have a very low opinion of myself),
I am highly intelligent and can be bored very easily,
I have a high level of morality (I am not religious),

I am quite happy when I have a regular timetable and am kept busy meeting friends and doing activities outside of my house,

The most worrying thing and the reason why I am on the site is,

I have such a changeable personality without triggers, I can change from highly emotional (crying at movies), angry punching walls, suicidal thoughts, wanting a girl friend figure to an excessive level, on a night out I was so angry I actually wanted to punch a guy I didn't know as he was kissing a girl I didn't know just out of jealousy, about 10 days earlier that was me kissing a girl in the exact same club

I then enter a state of numbness where I just cant experience emotion, i have no desire for any contact of any kind of contact,

Today was one of those days I was
- emotional (angry) 10am-12pm
- high ( I can take on the world) 12pm-3pm
-less high( i was at the gym) 3pm-6pm
-highly emotional/tired I then cried during a episode of house, 7pm-8:30pm
-then emotional numb (8:30pm-11:30pm)

is this normal?

 

[TinyBubbles]

( I have a very low opinion of myself),
I am highly intelligent

said one after the other, lol ;D

you could indeed have bipolar disorder based on what you've described of yourself, people with it do tend to express very wild mood swings- they can go from ecstatic one minute to deeply depressed the next, and they can be your best friend one second and switch to your bitterest enemy the next. it's naturally confusing and disconcerting, not only for them but for everyone around them.

none of here are qualified to make that diagnosis though; for that you'd have to see a doctor.

 

[RoSe41]

Hi, Man

I think it's not normal. You can change yourself.
As we are very much alike, I want to give you some of my opinions.

--------------------------------------------------
Quote#1: "Be a (healthy) upright-standing tree: A (mentally and physically) "healthy" person; Just "BE YOURSELF", and "Believe In Yourself"!!!
+ ("See" images of that upright-standing tree, mentally. - as a reminder!)"

--------------------------------------------------
Quote#2: "Here's how a person can perfect:
There are two areas to cover. 1st, The Problem-Side of the Characters. 2nd, The good-side of the characters.
1. The Problem-Side. - (Change those 'core-stuff'; list them out of those which you feel certain.)
For me: (1) Multiple Personalities ===> Experience more of a fulfilled life, even if when I am not s0 fulfilled!
(2) Negative Mind ===> Try to think positively from time to time!
(3) Impatience ===> Find a real purpose and the real joys after!
(4) Seek pleasure more than being a responsible person ===> Take courage, try to take more of the responsibilities.
p.s. "Multiple personalities" did cause me of being insincere to some of the other people. And also, it made me very selfish sometimes, and self-doubt sometimes.

2. The Good-Side --(Strength them, deepen them; list them all out.)
For me: (1) Perfectionist.
(2) Kindness.
(3) Down-to-earth.
(4) An Observer to the world.
(6) sometimes, I do feel very Passionate about doing something!
(7) sometimes, I am courageous!"
----------------------------------------------------

I think you need to figure yourself all out, YOU are not a bad guy, And YOU deserve to have a better life, better experiences. :angel:

 

[Rook]

said one after the other, lol ;D

you could indeed have bipolar disorder based on what you've described of yourself, people with it do tend to express very wild mood swings- they can go from ecstatic one minute to deeply depressed the next, and they can be your best friend one second and switch to your bitterest enemy the next. it's naturally confusing and disconcerting, not only for them but for everyone around them.

none of here are qualified to make that diagnosis though; for that you'd have to see a doctor.

ha doctor just looked confused at me and is going to send me on for blood tests hopefully tomorrow or Thursday! GP's are useless unless they are treating the common cold.

I'll rephrase I looking for people with similar experiences etc.......

 

[Faye]

It definitely isn't normal. Have you gone through the listen or criteria for various forms of mood disorder to see if you have them?

 

[RoSe41]

said one after the other, lol ;D

you could indeed have bipolar disorder based on what you've described of yourself, people with it do tend to express very wild mood swings- they can go from ecstatic one minute to deeply depressed the next, and they can be your best friend one second and switch to your bitterest enemy the next. it's naturally confusing and disconcerting, not only for them but for everyone around them.

none of here are qualified to make that diagnosis though; for that you'd have to see a doctor.

Hehe, May.
I think I made "the diagnosis", because my behavior is very much alike his.
^_^

 

[NeverAmI]

I will try to respond later, I am heading out but I had to say firstly:

EPIC TITLE FOR THE QUESTION!!!!

 

[Rook]

thanks RoSe41!

hmm for a good while I was doing very well, its just been recently when I have time to myself, I do try but its very exhausting!

 

[acd]

Hi Rook. I'm not a doctor, I just play one on the internet.
Have you ever read anything about Borderline Personality disorder?

 

[RoSe41]

thanks RoSe41!

hmm for a good while I was doing very well, its just been recently when I have time to myself, I do try but its very exhausting!

Then. I think you need to do something which is happy for you. Do something different, and have some different experiences. REMEMBER: "You can change the other people, too. As well as to yourself." *Do Perfect* :>

 

[DimensionX]

What types are there?

Bipolar I
There has been at least one high, or manic episode, which has lasted for longer than one week.
Some people with Bipolar I will have only manic episodes, although most will also have periods of depression.
Untreated, manic episodes generally last 3 to 6 months. Depressive episodes last rather longer - 6 to 12 months without treatment.

Bipolar II
There has been more than one episode of severe depression, but only mild manic episodes – these are called ‘hypomania’.

Rapid cycling
More than four mood swings happen in a 12 month period. This affects around 1 in 10 people with bipolar disorder, and can happen with both types I and II.

Cyclothymia
The mood swings are not as severe as those in full bipolar disorder, but can be longer. This can develop into full bipolar disorder.

I'm curious as to why you went to an INFJ forum over a Bi-polar forum.

Personally I think you should go to a psychotherapist and get properly diagnosed or if it's not bi-polar then to find out what the problem might be from there, it may take a little time though so you will have to be patient and stick with it.

The GP no doubt is looking to see if it's a hormone problem, if it isn't he'll probably then refer you.

I'm afraid I don't know anyone with bi-polar disorder though an ex probably had borderline lol, I would suggest going the psychotherapist route and also looking at bi-polar forums for people with similar experiences. Counsellors might not be the best route for your problem.

 

[Rook]

It definitely isn't normal. Have you gone through the listen or criteria for various forms of mood disorder to see if you have them?

yeah I strongly suspect manic depression, as in periods of extreme lows! I mask the symptoms or simply hide from people when I'm like this. I am so exhausted a lot of the time just fighting my thoughts! I used online tests and it said I definitely had bi-polar

I am going to get help and maybe go back to my GP and demand to see a specialist! I wasn't forceful enough last time. I am very embarrassed by the way i think and feel!

 

[Rook]

I'm curious as to why you went to an INFJ forum over a Bi-polar forum.

Personally I think you should go to a psychotherapist and get properly diagnosed or if it's not bi-polar then to find out what the problem might be from there, it may take a little time though so you will have to be patient and stick with it.

The GP no doubt is looking to see if it's a hormone problem, if it isn't he'll probably then refer you.

I'm afraid I don't know anyone with bi-polar disorder though my ex probably had borderline lol, I would suggest going the psychotherapist route and also looking at bi-polar forums for people with similar experiences. Counsellors might not be the best route for your problem.

I've been here before and know this site! So I know a lot of people have similiar problems, ok thats sound advice, shall get those blood tests done in the morninga dns top putting it off

 

[sassafras]

I have next to no experience with bipolar, but I have been depressed in the past and I can relate to a lot of what you've shared. However, I do know that bipolar disorder is trickier than depression, so I am not sure if I will be able to offer the best advice.

My depression stemmed from a lack of self-esteem. I was very much a cloistered and overprotected as a child, and my parents were very over-bearing with their expectations. I grew up into a perfectionist that heeded to an "All Or Nothing" mentality; the overwhelming anxiety over getting a task done the "right way" was usually what tripped me up, sometimes to the point where I procrastinated to kingdom come or just didn't do the task at all. My low self-efficacy and the all-or-nothing thinking were the mountains I had to clamber over and it wasn't until I got fully acquainted with what the problem was that I was able to face it head on. Setting small goals and accomplishing them really helped. Among the goals I achieved was losing forty pounds and getting into amazing shape, which (in addition to having followed through on a goal all by myself) really helped boost my confidence because I had people reacting positively towards me and my changed appearance.

I still struggle with my all-or-nothing demons occasionally, but I've gotten better at managing my reactions and my emotions. Making an effort to live consciously and in the moment also helped ground me.

But this all somehow seems like insufficient advice when your main issue seems to be cycling through moods. Everyone else has already suggested talking to a specialist and maybe some medications, and I think those are good points to follow up on. As for me, I'm not sure if this will help, but have you tried reading up on cognitive behavioral therapy?

 

[Rook]

Hi Rook. I'm not a doctor, I just play one on the internet.
Have you ever read anything about Borderline Personality disorder?

just read it up! could be! think my course of action should be to get specialist help and let them do their tests! I'll probably start keeping a journal which I hate doing! Thanks for the advice

 

[DimensionX]

Just curious, do you have a username that starts with the letter "M"? it's a bit of a theory I'm working on with finding patterns between different personality types and links to their preference of letters at the beginning of their usernames

D's, Y's and C's tend to be quite introverted online, like to advise but stay out of the spotlight.

R's and M's tend to be intelligent individuals, like a little attention but sadly tend to be a little troubled

S's tend to love attention and importance, usually quite bright also.

personally I think it's to do with word association, people of certain personalities are more likely to choose usernames that start with certain letters because of that.

I was also going to say, don't worry about it, as long as you keep in mind that your doing this to become healthier so that you can enjoy and value your life more you'll be ok

Good luck with the bloodtest

 

[acd]

just read it up! could be! think my course of action should be to get specialist help and let them do their tests! I'll probably start keeping a journal which I hate doing! Thanks for the advice

A mere suggestion. Definitely get in touch with a specialist, and keeping a journal of everything that's going on and what you're feeling is an *amazing* idea.

I'm sorry you feel embarrassed of the way you think and feel, because really, there's no reason for you to feel embarrassed. You're not the only one going through something like this, and there is help for you.

 

[DimensionX]

I agree with acd, keeping a journal is a very good idea, plus it's something that your psychotherapist might ask for you to do, it also helps you to see patterns for example if you are angry or depressed at certain times of the day it could be an indication of diet or other environmental or biological factors, the more information the better

 

[puddinboots]

As someone who has a very close relative who is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I would consider seeing a psychiatrist because only they can make the correct diagnosis. Even though we may offer our opinion on this forum, they're not professional opinions and I would urge you to seek a qualified mental health specialist. Mind you, there is nothing to be ashamed about if you are in fact bipolar (if that's what it may be as it could be something else), but if you're feeling this way and it concerns you, speak with your doctor. Take care and best regards.

 

[Norton]

You need a Dx from an MD (MB). No one else's opinion counts.