Altered state of mind

I experience it every now and again..
I usually don't feel irritated or abrasive, though. I usually get a feeling of terror and instability, as if everything in the universe is about to unravel.
Nobody ever recognizes it when it happens. It's something I don't show or talk about to people because I don't know how to put it into words to express it well enough.
It is a mystery to me. I hope someone can come in and bring some clarity for both of us.

 

Actually, I take it back that I've never told anyone. I told my mom about it. Because actually there's a physiological element to it. I usually feel numb and sort of stoned during the episodes. I feel "off." I'm able to go about my business; work and maintain relationships. My mom said it's anxiety. I usually just go about my business as usual until it subsides. I don't know if this is similiar to what you're talking about. Maybe..The whole being overtaken with an 'altered state' that seemingly comes out of nowhere.

 

the closest i've come to what you described is probably during times where i want to shut the external world out upon facing too much that is going on, much like sensory overdose. for instance, when i am within a crowd of people or around too much traffic i tend to experience an onset of many pulls all at once, finding my thoughts running on high speed so as to have my mind seemingly been stunned. this doesn't happen for long because as soon as this starts, i shut off all my emotions and develop a glazed perception of everything. within all this, my consciousness usually falls into observer mode...of myself and all that is happening outside as if i wasn't part of any of it, merely an objective observer. i've concluded that it isn't anxiety as i don't i feel anything at all, it's almost likened to a blissful trance. ​

 

Didn't you say you have some form of epilepsy? I've been tested for it myself and came out clear, but my paternal half sister has pretty bad epilepsy and there's funky stuff on both sides all around.

I'm pretty sure I live in a constant state of altered consciousness. I've always been painfully aware of how I must perceive the world very differently to those around me, for the most part.

Stuff like what you described specifically sounds familiar, though. I'm sure I used to get experiences like that when I was younger, especially.

 

This describes so accurately how I feel when manic...the racing thoughts, the feeling that my thoughts are out of control, even the feeling that that I'm not the one doing the thinking but am watching myself think. The paranoia is really common as is the extreme irritation; every noise...every movement abrades my mind and soul. These symptoms aren't peculiar to me but are fairly common among people in a manic or even hypomanic (mild mania) state from descriptions I've read. That sensation of having 10 voices in you head all vying for attention I call "the committee" and I find they exacerbate the irritation.

The other thing you describe that I identify with is the suddenness of its onset without apparent reason. If you think it would help, I'll try to find some references to narratives of people who have experienced mania and you can see for yourself if it matches your experience.

As for your question about insanity, mania is one of the major symptoms of a form of mental illness that is, fortunately, very treatable.

 

I hadn't thought of epilepsy, though I know mood disorders and seizure disorders can be somewhat similar. The fact that it was an isolated, and I am assuming, short episode argues for epilepsy as mania usually lasts for days at least. In any case, I would get it checked out.

 

I'm not sure if this is the exact same thing, but I feel that it certainly is similar...

I don't often experience things like this alone, but like other posters have said, I do experience this in crowds or in other high stress areas. It is like a feeling of emotional and sensory overstimulation that comes rushing on at once. My thought processes feel like they have to rush, but are moving at a dull rate and I feel almost as if I'm watching myself act rather than in control of myself.

I think it has to do, personally, with being in high stress situations where I'm required to do things outside of my comfort zone. For instance, I used to work at a pharmacy and frequently would have to turn away customers that couldn't afford medicine they needed, be it through reasons of insurance or whatever. I couldn't reconcile the turning away of these people in need, and just felt like each customer was going to be another potential heartbreak that would lead to my eventual damnation as a human because I'd learn to cut off all empathy with others.

All the same, I don't know if this is exactly the type of thing you were referring to but I have a feeling it is at least similar. I hope I might have been able to help offer some insight, or maybe offer some puzzle piece to put together the pattern.

 

Yeah, this happens to me when my hormones are out of whack. It can be pretty debilitating(damn, that came out spelled wrong.)