Alienation

[GracieRuth]

Does the thought ever run through you mind that you aren't quite human, because your thinking is so qualitatively different from others?

It's been about 15 years since I've been in an INFJ forum. I basically very happy with my life. But you know how it is: others just don't know the real you, and its not always their fault because after being hurt you've kept your inner life pretty close to your vest... la la la. I really need a "fix" of INFJness so I don't feel like such a mutant. Shalom !!!!

 

[David54]

ah, but you see. . we are mutants. . just with the same mutation. . I feel that way all the time. .

 

[894tt3h9]

I feel this way on a regular basis. It's hard for me to truly connect with other people because our way of thinking doesn't mesh somehow. Though people often feel connected to me, I cannot reciprocate.

 

[Feelings]

Let's talk about our feelings.

 

[invisible]

i used to feel this way but i stopped feeling like it since i found other people who have these personality characteristics in common with me because they are different from one another and from me also. other people who don't have these things in common are different from one another too in different ways, and i have different things in common with them too that i don't necessarily have with other INFJs. so i don't feel that much like an alien in general anymore as in a way this has shown me how many dimensions of individuality human beings have and how many different ways there are to connect.

i do know what you mean though. INFJ MBTI category does seem to help me describe in some ways an important foundational part of me that seems different from many other people who i encounter in daily life. it does help me to know that there are people who have these things in common with me.

 

[Sriracha]

I've generally stopped caring what others thought about me. I'm much happier this way.

 

[Nitesteamer]

I too have learned that, out of necessity, I often need to hold back some of the layers of who I am. I don't prefer to do that, but need to for self-preservation.

People often expect rapid and brief communication, but small sound-bites of am infj mind can be hard for others to understand.
My mind works best when a listener will patiently wait for me to formulate a complete thought.

Even though there are periodic hard times, deep down I am thankful for who I am, and for my infj-ness.

 

[Sensiko]

When I was a little kid I used to ask my mom if I was adopted and argue the point that I thought I was with her. I've always felt/feel like I'm not really a part of wherever "here" is. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to wake up and this life was just a dream. Other times I think I'm just really psychotic and my husband is just a figment of my imagination and my everyday life is just an illusion to whatever horrible place I really am.

 

[Sriracha]

I was talking to a friend about this today. All my life it seemed I played chameleon to other people. I molded to them, b/c I knew that most of them did not understand my odd/dark sense of humor ... which is off-putting to normal societal conformed persons. I will say that yes, I exhibit much self control in this respect when dealing with the public and acquaintances, but not to anyone who wants to be my "friend". Accept me as is or don't waste my time. I would rather be rejected from a friendship from the get-go than be invested in it emotionally and rejected.

 

[Norton]

INTP's have a mutation, too, but it's a different mutation. Not only do we not know what others think of us, we don't care. We're usually quiet about it, and most other things. Sometimes, obliviousness is a blessing. But, since I have been happily married to my INFJ for the past 35 years now, I've picked up a thing or two about this strange and curious thing called "feelings." Feelings are actually quite interesting phenomena.

 

[randomsomeone]

your thinking is so qualitatively different from others?

Yes, but I consider myself more human because of it. Probably speaks volumes for the company I keep.

 

[Aya Glenn]

Hahaha, one of my friends tried to scold me on "you are human, act like it!" and he used the *I am not happy with you voice/face* He also calls humans "humans" and only rarely agrees that he is one. It is sooo funny. Before him and these forums I thought that it was odd for me to feel so much apart from others on this globe.

But you know how it is: others just don't know the real you, and its not always their fault because after being hurt you've kept your inner life pretty close to your vest... la la la. I really need a "fix" of INFJness so I don't feel like such a mutant. Shalom !!!!

Funny thing is... I will share pretty much anything with anyone, they just have to ask, and ask in a nice manner, and be prepared to get an honest answer. (If they react poorly to honesty a couple times I tend to stop trying to share the truth unless they specifically ask.) But either way it is easy enough not to get into deep topics as no one really wants to go there because that might mean they have to share too and that would be a vulnerability for them. Also, I hope this has helped and you've gotten your infj "fix" ^_^. It is fun talking to people who think along the same lines isn't it!

 

[the]

I love that show.

 

[udremeei]

I've kind of accepted that I'm different from everyone that I meet. I've got my own little world, of sorts.

I mean, as long as at the end of the day we both end up happy, what they think of me is of no consequence.

I will admit to being frustrated sometimes with the way I end up socially, around people who don't understand. They approach things differently than I do, and it's irritating, but I've gotten very good at taking a deep breath, pausing, and then moving on.

Life's good, don't worry!

 

[Flavus Aquila]

I used to think I was some sort of soul-less, emotionless machine, living in a society of wonderful humans.

Even though there are few people I can just have fun with (without a load of baggage/formalities attached), it is this which makes me realise I'm not really disconnected/unrelated to others.

It makes me happy to think that I'm un-unique.

 

[invisible]

i don't believe we're that entirely different. sure we're different, but we're all humans, and as far as that goes everyone is different. i have my suspicions that this may be a sort of self-perpetuating trap: believe in own fundamental difference, perceive self as unable to be functionally integrated, and consequently isolate self. try to accept and celebrate difference as being human rather than viewing as something that necessarily leads to alienation. try to focus on similarities and points of connection with others rather than differences. think of other types of people as flavours of ice cream, all different with interesting and valuable characteristics which could contribute something to one's self, or be learned from, or even coordinated.

 

[GracieRuth]

I've done very well with forming a societal persona that I like and that others like. But it's only one piece of the pie that is I. Although I've been picky about friends, going for depth rather than breadth, over the decades I've developed quite a few. But I have no one in my real life to share some of the things that are most valuable to me. For example:

I wish I had someone to just sit quietly in the dark and listen to Beethoven's 7th Symphony.

I wish I had someone who enjoyed walking in beautiful gardens without talking.

I wish just one of my friends would pray with me sometimes.

I wish I knew someone who shared my fascination with animal psychology (chimps are eeeeevil!)

I wish I knew people who like to dress up in vintage clothing from other eras and have dinner and dance.

You get the idea. What good is experiencing something beautiful and meaningful when you have no one to share it with?

 

[udremeei]

What good is experiencing something beautiful and meaningful when you have no one to share it with?

It's perfectly good. It's true that a joy shared is a joy doubled, but a joy not shared is not, by far, a joy halved.

For instance, I've enjoyed the heck out of posting on this forum and listening to the music in a certain thread. Because I haven't had anyone with me, though, doesn't mean that it wasn't awesome.

Now, granted, I have certain things that would be a lot of fun to do with other people- knotting a rug together, for instance, or weeding a garden and then laughing about the mess of stuff that goes into the compost pile.

Some things are good to have other people around for, but even if you don't, there's still enjoyment to be had. I'd still like the heck out of the big fat plants that grow as a result of my effort.

 

[alice144]

Does the thought ever run through you mind that you aren't quite human, because your thinking is so qualitatively different from others?

Yes. And I've tried very hard to express to other my thoughts, visions, ideas. I get the following reactions:

1) "I can't understand Alice. Do you know what she's talking about? She talks so fast."
2) "Smart people are the crazy ones". aka, "you're crazy"
3) "I don't know what you are talking about. All that I got from that is that you can't figure out how to express yourself. Do you want to have sex?"
4) "Yes" "no" "Let me change the subject because intellectual conversations are snobbish and you're just trying to make me feel bad about myself".

Sometimes I get genuine appreciation from someone who actually understand wtf I'm talking about can converse with me on it at that level.

It's not even that I'm that profound. I mean, sort of, I appreciate depth. But half the time (okay, one third of the time) I'm dead wrong, and I need someone to point that out. Arguing is nice. It doesn't have to be contentious...

I feel this way on a regular basis. It's hard for me to truly connect with other people because our way of thinking doesn't mesh somehow. Though people often feel connected to me, I cannot reciprocate.

Hm, I often feel that I am able to empathize with other far more easily than they are able to empathize with me. It's easy for me to appreciate someone else's experience. I think sometimes when I get into "deep" conversations with people they take this very personally and feel as if I'm really connecting with them individually, although this is not the case.

Ehh... this is so broad, I don't really know where to start or where to go with this one...

Recently I've wondered if the reason that I put so much effort into understanding people's experience is so that I will be able to keep them at arm's length when necessary. Supposedly Fe is about merging, and it's true that it is so difficult for one individual to truly communicate with another.... when I have met empathic, non-narcissistic people who were interested in me, I did feel frightened, and felt the necessity to establish a stable distance between us.

 

[Resonance]

I'm a magical bunny sorceress~

Yeah, I've done my share of "maybe I'm not human?" but it just comes down to differences in sensitivity which have far-reaching behavioural consequences and result in the sort of issues we tend to see on these forums.

Yes, that includes everything in this thread, and yes, I did read it.