Adopt me! | INFJ Forum

Adopt me!

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Melkor, May 14, 2010.

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  1. Melkor

    Melkor Madman with a cause

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    Alright!
    So after a long and tiresome thread over on INTPforum, and after a long spree of would-be parents and dangerous guardians, I am once more without parents!

    Or at least, the only parents I have just tie me to the kitchen sink and leave a tin of cold soup on the mantelpeice where I can't possibly reach it without unconventional and immoral means, and it's always filled with Ma's nail polish anyway.

    Ma just leaves on a bus to play bingo, hair proped up with toothpicks, and da spends all day listening to dusty eighties records at the pub while eyeing up hookers.

    So, here I am, teddy in hand, and 3-D glasses firmly on, awaiting adoption.
    *Scrunches a fistover his eyelid and looks about in a lost fashion*




    I suspect that I need some tender loving FJ's and maybe a good meal or two.:3

    Any takers?

    I promise I'll be no trouble.

    It is also important to note that due to the fact that daddykins liked to kidnap the social service operatives, I am on not on any 'child at risk' lists, and my birth certificate is actually an apology note from the durex company that Mother and father have signed with melted chocolate...
    (They only did that because they got a free trial offer in return...)

    (P.s, if there is a more appropriate section for this, I apologise, and could someone point it out to me?)
     
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    #1 Melkor, May 14, 2010
    Last edited: May 14, 2010
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  2. testing

    testing
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    :m146:

    And...

    :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

    What's your stance on child labor? I need someone who is not afraid of a little backbreaking yardwork; i.e. digging up roots, tilling soil and turning compost.

    But the food's excellent, the house is clean, you'll have lots of toys and pets, and we don't do corporal punishment.*








    *unless you are of legal age and really want it.

    *** I WAS JUST KIDDING, You're 18 for crissakes.
     
    #2 testing, May 14, 2010
    Last edited: May 14, 2010
  3. christmas

    christmas is such a boss bitch.
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    Ah heck, you just described my teen years. Don't worry. I turned out just fine.
     
    #3 christmas, May 14, 2010
  4. OP
    Melkor

    Melkor Madman with a cause

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    Yay for punishment!

    I am well used to forced slave labour also.

    *sniff*
    :(

    I will work hard so long as I get my hug at the end of the day and a breadcrust or two.
     
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    #4 Melkor, May 14, 2010
  5. testing

    testing
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    Awww, poor baby, you'll have a wonderful meal, screw the breadcrusts. I like to treat my forced laborers well. Makes them work harder.

    Hm. We'll have to find a place to keep you. Upper bunk okay?
     
    #5 testing, May 14, 2010
  6. OP
    Melkor

    Melkor Madman with a cause

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    Upper bunk?

    *SHivers*

    But then the spiders on the ceiling will fall on me, and if I have a bad dream I'll roll out of bed and die, and if it rains I'll be dripped on..and..and...

    eeeekkkk!:eek:
     
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    #6 Melkor, May 14, 2010
  7. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    I heard Janet makes stew out of her workers if they don't perform!
     
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    #7 NeverAmI, May 14, 2010
  8. Poetic Justice

    Poetic Justice Meh
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    I'm looking for test subjects for my home made taser.

    I have used up all the homeless people in my area and every dog in the neighbourhood is now terrified of me so I have a vacancy if you want it.

    The pay is 3 bandages and 2 plasters a week*

    The living quarters have a very homely feel to them (at least you would think so based on the description of what your current home is like) and I promise to put all tins of soup within easy reach**

    *You may have to purchase additional bandages yourself

    **There won't necessarily be soup
     
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    #8 Poetic Justice, May 14, 2010
  9. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    Ooooh, tempting! I think I am curious enough to actually volunteer to be tasered at least once.
     
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    #9 NeverAmI, May 14, 2010
  10. OP
    Melkor

    Melkor Madman with a cause

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    Uh..poet, will there be a cat?

    Thats the only way I would possible agree.

    I need a cat to pass the time.:(
     
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    #10 Melkor, May 14, 2010
  11. Poetic Justice

    Poetic Justice Meh
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    There used to be cats.... they.... uhm..... died. From natural causes of course
     
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    #11 Poetic Justice, May 14, 2010
  12. Gaze

    Gaze
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    I have space available in my ten room dungeon *cough* I mean apartment. And the accommodations are quiet, cozy, with simple decor *must remember to clean the gutters - those darned rats* And food is available 24/7, within reach of course *if you count the pieces of cheese I leave all over the floor for our pet mice - so adorable*

    And my housekeeper Betsy is always there to help *oops, I forgot to take off her security bracelet this morning*

    So, yeah, you are welcome to our humble abode *in a top secret location*

    Can't go wrong :m052:right?
     
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    #12 Gaze, May 14, 2010
    Last edited: May 14, 2010
  13. OP
    Melkor

    Melkor Madman with a cause

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    Oooh, Res puts forward an alluring offer...
    cheese and rats... two of my favourite things!

    And that monkey looks so trustworthy and suave....

    But Janet has fud!

    Can't we come to some sort of timeshare agreement?
     
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    #13 Melkor, May 14, 2010
  14. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    Wait, I can bring my books, right?
     
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    #14 NeverAmI, May 14, 2010
  15. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    :m200:ow owI want I want!!!!

    I have a lot of nice toys in my basement to play with. :deadhorse::fencing::crutch:
    And the best part is, in my country you are off legal age :m155:

    come pussy pussy pussy come .... :ms: I'll be nice to you :)m056:)
     
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    #15 Morgain, May 14, 2010
  16. NiennaLadyOfTears

    NiennaLadyOfTears Goth Hobbit Lass
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    Hmm. If you're anything like your namesake, it would make me NOT want to adopt you!
     
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    #16 NiennaLadyOfTears, May 14, 2010
  17. Gaze

    Gaze
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    Well . . . :m083: alright then *must throw out books on Torture for Dummies*

    So, what kind of books are they? :smile:
     
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    #17 Gaze, May 14, 2010
  18. alcyone

    alcyone
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    Well....(sharpens cougar claws)...We may be able to make a place for you at the Treehouse. Jose could start teaching an apprentice...with all the new members I am sure that he could use the extra labor.
     
    #18 alcyone, May 14, 2010
  19. bamf

    bamf Is Watching You
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    Nah, I think I'll pass on you.

    *kicks out to curb*
     
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    #19 bamf, May 14, 2010
  20. OP
    Melkor

    Melkor Madman with a cause

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    *Looks at Morgain worriedly*


    Uh...you seem a little jumpy...

    Sure you aren't a serial killer?

    *Hides behind Alcyone *
    So this treehouse thing...does everyone get a claw?:3

    I'm hurt.:<

    Would it help if I took my delightful Elf seducing form?
     
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    #20 Melkor, May 17, 2010
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