2nd dates | INFJ Forum

2nd dates

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Grey Wolf, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    hi all!
    I just managed to get a first date with a girl that I've been trying to ask out for a veryyy long time and through a lot of crap.

    and its my first first date :m192:
    so now I'm wondering, how should I ask her for a second date after I send her home after the first date.



    help please thanks!!
     
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  2. Feelings

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    Nice. Plow some fields, brother.
     
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  3. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
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    You phone her up saying:

    "Hey doll, it's your lucky day, you just got a second chance with the wolf man. Meet me at (choose location) at exactly 8pm and you better put out this time."

    Then hang up just to show her you aint fucking around.
     
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  4. Nixie

    Nixie Resurrected

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    Not to be mean but ewwww. Wouldn't recommend taking NMF advice. I suggest go with the flow and the date dynamics will offer lots of clues to what your next move should be. Remember, use your Ni...
     
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  5. Kgal

    Kgal Magic Star Dust
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    Grey Wolf! I can appreciate your wanting to contemplate options for the next 2nd date. Sometimes doing that gives a boost to one's confidence.

    Often when we focus on the potential of the future - though - we miss what's happening right in front of our very eyes.

    I would encourage you to sharpen your perception to what's going on right now - so as to enjoy this current experience of yours. A First date can be a wonderful and marvelous experience - albeit fraught with anxiety and sweaty palms :wink:. Still - this is Your life and I would want you to live it every step of the way...

    Why don't you tell us about your plans for the First date and from that perhaps some ideas of the future of the 2nd date may unfold.

    Tips could come to you to help make the 1st date successful as well. Which is necessary - don't you think - to promote the idea of a 2nd date?

    I'm certainly guilty of worrying so much about what might happen in the future I miss what's underneath my very nose. Truthfully - it has cost me...:eek:hwell:

    I hope it turns out to be all that you hope it can be.

    :high5:
     
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  6. OP
    Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    thanks for the replies guys!

    @NMF: I'd probably get knocked upside down by her dad 1st HAHAHAH

    [MENTION=2495]88chaz88[/MENTION]: and I will never see her again HAHAHA

    @Sonyab: I want to disagree but agree hahah

    @K-gal: thanks haha well, I'm gonna take her out for a movie and then maybe dinner haha then gonna send her back. thats abt it honestly. 'cos she has school the next day anyway. I'd appreciate tips! esp since I've never done this b4! HAHA
     
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  7. 88chaz88

    88chaz88 Back for a limited time only
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    What's her Dad doing in the room? Man you must have some weird fetishes.
     
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  8. OP
    Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    HAHAHAHAHAHA that be just ewww.....

    here we stay with our parents till we have the cash to move out which is usually only when people get married hahaha so.. yeah.. HAHAHA
     
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  9. Wyst

    Wyst Are you there?

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    Hey Grey,

    First: relax and be yourself even if that means being nervous.

    Second: Focus on enjoying the first date.

    Third: Do what you want. Ask her out for a second date as you drop her off at home or when you part ways after the first date is over.

    OR

    Wait until the next day and tell you had a great time and really would like to go out again.

    Bro, there's no 'right' way to do it. But I can tell you one thing, you don't want to hide anything (like your true feelings or clinginess, if there is any). It's misrepresenting who you are, and more importantly, how you feel about her.

    If she decides not to give you a chance because you didn't make the right moves at the right times, she's reveals how superficial she is. If she really is interested in you, it won't matter how quickly you ask her out again - she'll just be happy that you did.

    Fourth: Don't worry yourself into maelstrom of doubt. If you want to ask her out soon, make the decision and go for it.

    This is for funny ;)

    Fifth: Nut up or shut up

    [​IMG]

    Good luck!
     
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    #9 Wyst, Sep 13, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2010
  10. Wyote

    Wyote (#/-\[]$ ([]`/[]'|'[-
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    Yea don't concern yourself with getting a second date. Maybe by the end of the first you wont even want another one lol... ya never know.

    At the end of the date, if it's gone well just tell her you're interested in doing it again and ask if you can call or email some time soon and maybe plan something else... just leave it really open. Don't force her into anything on the spot.
     
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    #10 Wyote, Sep 13, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2010
  11. Kgal

    Kgal Magic Star Dust
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    Movie and a Dinner

    I agree with Wyote.

    I don't know what movie you're planning to see - but I suggest you get her input before showing up. Perhaps you could find the movie selections list, get a description of possible ones you'd like to see, and then get her input on those. You can still choose which one you view - but at least you'd have her ideas when you choose.

    Wouldn't that make you look as if you can take charge, but are considerate of her feelings as well? I don't know if I'm right - 'cause I'm not a guy - but seems to me I'd like to be treated that way.

    You could do the same for dinner. If there are multiple restaurants in your area you actually enjoy - get her opinions on those.

    Be curious about her throughout the date. Try not be attached to any expectations on your part. Go with the flow.
     
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  12. Bird

    Bird Happy Go Lucky

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    You should wait a few days before asking her out on a second date.
    After the second date you can ask immediately after the date for a third.

    You should telephone her or if you run into her somewhere within the next
    two days after your first date, you should ask for a second. Just tell her
    you'd like to spend more time with her/get to know her better/what have you.
    But don't ask immediately and don't wait forever either.
     
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  13. tine

    tine Regular Poster

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    See how the first date goes before thinking of that! If it goes well say something like "I had fun, want to do this again sometime?" ->casual and informative of how you feel!
     
  14. Feelings

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    bird wins again
     
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  15. OP
    Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    thanks for the replies guys!! too many helpful replies to thank each of you so thanks!!!

    I forgot to mention one thing haha

    I've known her for more than a year, liked her for slightly over a year, told her around 6 months ago and she said that she liked me too back then but she didnt want to go out. so... yeah hahah I was amazed when she said yes this time. I'm gonna see her this weekend already as theres a competition and she might be coming down to support too haha so in a way its a little more complicated i guess haha

    we should be watching grown ups i think. she chose that movie ;)

    oh yeah, shes an ESFJ too haha
     
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    #15 Grey Wolf, Sep 14, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2010
  16. Feelings

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  17. NiennaLadyOfTears

    NiennaLadyOfTears Goth Hobbit Lass
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    Honestly?

    I think if it's the right girl, things should just progress naturally. It did for me and my husband. It shouldn't be awkward trying to ask someone out on a second date.
     
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  18. Lilchamor

    Lilchamor Regular Poster

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    1) Slow down. So, you've liked her for awhile. She may be way different in this situation. Maybe she'll say or do something that makes you realize, hey, you're not that into her after all. Plus, obsessing about a second date will make you not able to enjoy the first!

    2) If you want to ask, just ask. There's really no right way about it, in my opinion.
     
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  19. Nevermore

    Nevermore Regular Poster

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    Exactly why? If the girl likes him she won't mind him asking her out again immediately. But she may say no if he does the whole "I must wait x number of days before I should ask." Dating games just lead to unnecessary doubt in a process where there shouldn't be any. If he likes the girl there is no harm in showing it, as long as he's not stalking her 24\7 or proposing on the 3rd date, she will probably appreciate it.
     
  20. Nevermore

    Nevermore Regular Poster

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    I agree 100%. Of all the long-term relationships I've had none of them had any element of strategy or artifice about them. They were just natural progressions. Dating 'rules' really are some of the most destructive concepts ever devised. They interfere with what is a natural process and the honest expression of feelings in favour of manipulation. I know which I'd rather have.
     
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