There is no god. You feel alone and depressed due to a number of bad choices and piled on bad circumstances. If you step back, take a holiday to another part of your country with your closest friend, or buy yourself you'll be able to escape that and decide exactly how you want to be.
Make a list of the features you want for yourself, what sort of job you want, and then slowly walk towards it. I can help you slightly with that. I'd suggest you do a few St Johns Ambulance courses. I've done them and the power of life and death that you hold in your hands makes you feel so damn awesome. I'd suggest finding a fuckbuddy as well, just someone to relax with a couple of times a week.
Take a stress bath; fill up your bathtub, put some herbal bubblebath in, some scented candles, a bathbomb or two, and either some Tchaikovski or Tango Flamenco (spanish classical guitar), or Mozart. Dump all the friends that don't add to your development, and make some new ones.
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