Write a short online dating profile for YOU! ;)

Post a request?

 

Gals, are you looking for a guy that's a real MF? Well do we have the right one for you! This big man on campus stands well over 7' tall and shreads a guitar lick like hot cheeze in a blender. You want sensitive? This fellow crys every night when he sees the sun set--just because! And if you're into big, he's got the biggest......hands you'll ever see. They'll cradle you like a bald-headed hobo cradles his hooch!

In his spare time he feeds the homeless and rescues kittens from trees. No he doesn't have superpowers, but he did just stay a Holiday Inn Express. Here's the kind of guy you want to take home to dad girls. He's poetic, polite, and plesantly prompt. There's no "Lion" ladies, this ones a keeper. But act fast, there's already a growing waiting list and this MF is in short supply!




* Offer not valid in Guam or Bora Bora. Some restrictions (to your sanity) may apply. You must be 18 to date this MF. Warning: Side effects to this MF may include vomiting, diarrea, blurred vision, sterility, and loss of IQ. RES dating service not resposible for any loss of time, money, or self-respect for dating this MF.

 

My Request.

You know, if I wasn't dating an awesome beautiful girl already.

 

SouloftheLaurel;

Openminded, caring, calm. Loves music in any way, shape, or form. May drive you insane by randomness and bursting into song when deeply inspired by something said. Regardless, she'll be a sweetheart to you

 

Lumi:
Petite long-haired brunette with a rockin' body and a zest for life. Loves reading, traveling, and long conversations. Is mildly addicted to games, but hates games-playing in the relationship.
Loves to read fantasy and hard sci-fi, socialize, dance, and yes, take long walks on the beach. Would greatly appreciate actually dating a guy who likes at least two of the above for once.
She's loyal but easily distracted by shiny things, such as conversations with strangers. Will randomly burst into song, and will always sing along with the radio.

 

oh, we have to write this for us.

okay.








Gday, my name is Richard, I'll be your host during your stay at this profile.
This is my new summary, because I deleted the more amusing arrogant one.

To start with the basics, I am:
- Australian. YES I AM AUSTRALIAN! I don't care what my accent sounds like.
- Not a disloyal slut. I flirt a lot. Doesn't mean I'll ever cheat.
- Am insulting on 5 continents.
- A D&D Geek and History Freak.
- ENTP (Thats MBTI for Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinker, Perceiver)
- Well read and cultured.
- Uncouth and Sickipedian

To quote Wikipedia: "Without something to amuse them, Aussies can become destructive."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Shepherd#Temperament

Started 2010-07-07 17:57

I'm about as open minded as it's possible to be whilst being a Pantheistic Apatheist with a strong belief in my own Awesomeness. Apatheist, means an Atheist who doesn't give a shit about religion or any of the gods of any pantheon. What does this mean? Don't bloody contact me if you are or you're after some religious nut-job.

I'm an Imperialistic Fascist who believes that Capitalism failed in 1929, Socialism in 1989, and that Communism is a constant failure as evidenced by the complete lack of advancement throughout Aboriginal culture and history. When I take control of this country I'm going to do what no government has bothered to do throughout human history; Eradicate tax in favour of government owned private endeavours; Create a well thought out infrastructure for transport, education, health and the military; Slaughter every stupid fuck who has come out of the Australian Education System and still can't spell for shit; Introduce a Darwinist Social System that provides financial education and a single large lump sum support payment for everyone who can prove maturity and mental stability. Oh right, then I'll crown myself Emperor and shit all over human rights while annexing New Zealand, Indonesia, New Guinea and excluding and then nuking the shit out of Tasmania.

Wait... I said I wasn't going to write another egotistic farcical rant to entertain myself again.

Ahh fuck it. This is going to be egotistical every now and then.

I want to buy myself three townhouses and cut a giant hole in the ground for satanic rites the likes of which will burn the souls of humanity (those I don't own) into Valhalla. If you want me to own your soul then I'm more than willing to buy yours for $10 NZD. Oh, I've also got a sale going on shares on my own soul; 1,000,000,000,000 shares altogether, 30,000 available - 40GBP a share, with dividends paying out at 4.7% of my yearly post-tax income for the shares value.

I left Y12 two months in because I could no longer stand the hypocritical and ignorant bullshit that private school was teaching (The Australian Curriculum) and spent the last 9 years studying anything I wanted to study. Unfortunately they don't give out degrees for autodidacts so I've finally at long last decided that I want to go to University. I am going to study History with a minor in Politics, working part time as a private investigator. No, not one of those american "immortalised by the silver screen" sleazy guys, nor even the action packed gun toting guys, I'll be more like a cross between Riddler, Joker, Batman and Pennywise with the morality and personality of Q of the Continuum.

I'm sitting here surrounded by my greatest love in the world, Books. I've lined out what books I've got here with me in the "My Favourite" section, but I always want more and my blood pumps holding an antique book talking politics of the day, or history in a similar way that some mens blood pump when they're holding a beautiful woman. Not that my own blood doesn't pump when I'm holding a beautiful woman, but so far in my life I've not come across a woman who means as much to me as a first edition 1903 Such is Life. Not yet anyway. I think the only reason I want to become a billionaire is to set up my own Baroque Palatial Library with the time enough to read and explore the world as the books show it. I want to see the barracks of the Mamluks, the great private libraries of England and Continental Europe, the steppes of the Golden Horde, I want to walk down the streets of Ankor Wat and know the history of the place. But it's not just historically important places I want to explore, I'm an adventurer by nature and I'm an Urban Explorer as well. I'm lucky there that it doesn't take money to be an urban explorer, just eyes, a sense of adventure, and the research abilities necessary to find the private history of tunnels and buildings. Heh, that's actually part of the reason I want to study history, because of my love of the topic and my irresistible urge to explore through the ages through what they've left behind. It's not that hard to walk down the wrong street, see an interesting alley, walk down it and see an interesting facade on an obviously abandoned decrepit building. Interest surges and you want to go inside, but first you wander down to the local library to see what style of architecture it is and then who would have designed it in that city, when it was built to find out who owns it, and then explore it on paper before walking through it with a camera to record your adventure.

2010-07-07 23:01

2010-07-10 20:59
I've always enjoyed holding the book in my hands and smelling the musk of the old book and feeling the texture of the paper under my hands.

I like to look at the ink of the printers press, the engraved images of the publishing houses and pictures therein; as most of the books I like to buy were printed before electronic mass printers. I like woodcut illustrations in very old books, running my fingers down such artwork is on a similar plane of sensuality to me as running my fingers down the cheek of a beautiful naked woman I am about to kiss.
2010-07-10 21:06

2010-07-11 21:34
This is a snippit from a conversation with a girl from OkCupid.

StupidMoron: hey I found your profile offensive
ShaiGar: k, what parts?
StupidMoron: "I'm an Imperialistic Fascist who believes that Capitalism failed in 1929, Socialism in 1989, and that Communism is a constant failure as evidenced by the complete lack of advancement throughout Aboriginal culture and history."
ShaiGar: How is that offensive? You don't like fascism?
StupidMoron: the lack of advancement of Australian Aboriginal culture was the part I found offensive
ShaiGar: Oh, I'm sorry... Did I miss their advancement past the stone age in my study of australian anthropology then? Their culture is classic communism. They share everything that they get. Laudable certainly, but it's proven itself worthless at scientific advancement.
StupidMoron:yeah and scientific advancement is the One True Purpose of humanity
ShaiGar: Nope, but cultural advancement is directly related to scientific advancement.
StupidMoron: I guess that explains why our society functions so well... oh, wait...
ShaiGar: Our society represses scientific development. Not as much as theirs does, but our religious preoccupation squelshes it damned well.
StupidMoron: alrighty well when I regress to desiring a racist imperialist as a partner I will be sure to hit you up
ShaiGar: Okay. I was continuing this because I was looking for filler for my profile. However you're too damn stupid to talk to.

Basically, if you're so retarded that you think an honest appraisal of a culture's economic society not your own, when that culture just happens to have a different skin colour, to be racism... Do not contact me. You should look into therapy though. Because I do not mention my disgust for any race anywhere in my profile. The only disgust I have over a wide area is for the Homo Sapiens Sapiens, regardless of external mutation. You have to earn my respect, I don't give it out based on such trivial bullshit that you can't change.
Race
Gender
Sexual Preference
Genetic Defects

Anything else is changeable and I will pile scorn on you based on those.

2010-07-11 21:36

 

Really? Only every now and then?
Consider my faith in humanity's inherent honesty officially destroyed =p
Also, hilarious post "mate."

 

Ever done a google image search for half Japanese girls?
I'm Half Japanese. Start lining up.


All responses to this should be written using this form

 

Hahahahahahahahaha, I LOVE it!

 

If I weren't dating an incredibly hot and beautiful and all around wonderful canadian girl who I want to spend my life with I'd say:

 

To Phoenix:

 

Lumi, Time and place baby

I'm sorry, do you have an appointment? you're going to need one of these. If you lack one, fill out one of these.
(it's too bad I lack a webcam... I would have such a kick-ass vlog if I did.)

 

My beloved Phoenix Down

 

True facts, my hands are awkwardly big and they cradle like a hobo very well.

 

Can I put myself on the waitlist

I need a backup plan in case things don't work out with Phoenix Down.

 

An invitation Shai Gar sent to me to send to you.