Workplace Romances - Bad idea, but so much fun! | INFJ Forum

Workplace Romances - Bad idea, but so much fun!


Contents Under Pressure
Jul 18, 2009
So I work for a bank, I am one of its managers actually. Most banks are run by 2 managers, one for operational stuff and one for HR and platform. I manage operations. I find myself in a position of authority, which is obvious if you consider that I am directly responsible with millions of dollars of not just money, but resources, both HR and or operational. So I like to be extra authoritative, because if I am liable for this vast machine of moving parts I am going to make sure I am in charge of it.

Now onto the problem I am having here...

We recently hired a new teller. Its my duty to train her, how not only to be a teller and to do transactions correctly and adhere to federal and state regulation but also how to sell product. Its a lot, but in a way I have already done this job when I worked for Verizon and I trained all the new salespeople for my manager. This is almost the same thing and I am sure I can do it. Now this CSR, I think she might have a crush on me, and I will lay out my reasons why and I expect all of you to let me know what you think RE: if that's what it is or if I am over-reading the situation.

Its been about a month now - and shes getting much better the training is really paying off... now mind you, I did not go looking for this. I am a professional and I take that seriously and I know that a work place tryst can be deadly to my career so I am very well behaved around this girl. I don't touch, I don't hit on her, I don't oogle her, I am very respectful of her. I think its driving her nuts... because as we are training these little... instances keep occurring. Like, I always catch her from the corner of my eye staring at me. Then she snapped an elastic band on my arm (not hard) like playfully, kind of like how girls used to do when we were kids and they would pick on us because they liked us. Or if I am walking by, she will kind of bump into me on purpose and then be like "oh sorry" and smile at me, like teasing me. And then there was what I call the arms race of her wardrobe which is getting sexier and sexier... today it was a very tasteful form fitting pantsuit with 5 inch heels and this little jacket, the other day it was a miniskirt (i shit you not). I even had to tell her to adhere to dress code lol... BUT - this arms race in wardrobe started when I complimented her shoes and she said "wow, you finally complimented me." teasingly.

Today too... she kept comparing our hand sizes - I mean this is the kind of stuff I do with girls on dates or if I am getting intimate with them. Then she was obsessing over my age. I am 36, she refused to believe me until I showed her my drivers license to which she literally went onto the computer to subtract 1981 from 2017. Shes 22 by the way.

Again, just throwing it out there, I am not instigating anything at all here I am very professional.

Its a very strange situation. I really dont want to lose my job over some romance... but in all honesty, her and I aside from the age difference (14 years) we have a lot in common as far as our personalities go. Shes a little introverted and shy, she studies statistics in college and shes pretty intelligent. A little inexperienced I think, from a protective family. But I like that.

I dont plan to do anything to be honest, unless she gives me an undeniable signal or comes out with it straight. I think I will arrange a dinner for the entire branch in a few weeks, I do that now and then to buy them dinner and thank them for working so hard. We usually drink together too and we have a good time. Old ex employees usually come and visit as well. But that would give me an excuse to talk more openly with my new teller unless she does something before then. but if it goes the way I think it will, and if she wants to get into something with me I probs will because... well for starters shes fucking stunningly attractive. Like... wow. and shes funny, and she seems genuinely into me kinda sorta. the only thing is that eventually one of us would have to go, and I don't want it to be me lol.

It could be hidden a few months, just enough time to complete all her training and make her semi ok at sales then I could transfer her to a different branch and be confident she wont lose her job for not being proficient.

Well friends, I always get myself into something, use your collecting infjness and figure this one out for me.
This situation is so frustrating, I was requesting another guy to work with and they send this girl, heh. who knows what will happen, but ultimately I need the money more than the drama.
This situation is so frustrating, I was requesting another guy to work with and they send this girl, heh. who knows what will happen, but ultimately I need the money more than the drama.

Don't do it. All it takes is one time where she takes things the wrong way and you are in the middle of a sexual harassment investigation. It's not worth it. Look elsewhere.
With the chemistry, if both of you were in more equal positions, and not working so closely together but worked in separate offices, then I'd say go for it. But since she is new, her motive is not clear. She could be playing a game to see how far she can go. Agree with @Scientia that probably best to play it safe and stay away at least until she's no longer a trainee or directly accountable to you.
When I was in orientation to TA, we were told "Don't get your honey from where you get your money"
Don't get your honey from where you get your money

Must feel like a bit of a tease for you Billy. She is getting all flirty with you all too fast for a professional environment. Remember that if you are the manager there, you are seen as someone powerful and the person whom everyone wants to rub shoulders with. She is a pretty girl who probably is used to getting the guy who everyone wants to be seen with. These kinds of individuals are usually good at flirting and know how to play the game really well. It does not sound to me that this is a good idea. Give it a bit more time before concluding that she is someone you would truly want to date. I can sort of understand where you are coming from because I have a similar kind of situation at work and its really a tease. Just keep it casual and maybe a little flirting is okay, but make sure to set for yourself clear boundaries.

ok.... so shes definitely into your boy. That much is now... very very evident. She tried to be coy about it at first pretending that the sexual tension was between me and my other teller ( a 63 year old woman) and I had made some throw away comment like oh yeah you can cut the tension with a knife, and she said she could read my thoughts, so I said... ok then, read them and tell me what I spend the day thinking about.

And she said its too dirty to say, so I asked her if she was a chicken. So she said "you stare at "her" (my other teller) and think things" I said what things she says "her dresses are too slutty but you love it, you love her high heels and you want to grab a fist full of that hair. mind you my other teller doesnt wear heels because of her hip injury and her hair is shorter than mine... heh

so it was an obvious projection.

So I thought I would call her bluff and say "wait, her hair is rather short"...

but this is all childs play...


so in my job whats going on now is that many of our branches are going to single leader and or almost completely automatic with ATMs etc. SO my small branch is getting a little dust up, and they sent me to a way higher traffic branch to try and get it back into the green with the team there. Anyway the 1st day away, she starts texting me. "i miss you" "i'm mad you're not here" "its so boring here without you, no one is as funny" etc etc...

Then she said she was out at a bar on Saturday because she was having a really rough weekend, and really wanted to call me and ask me to come keep her company... so I mean this stuff is getting palpable at this point.

Then I jokingly mentioned after some other conversation I cannot remember how she said "oh you FINALLY complimented me" which lead into a longer discussion on my apparent ability to look completely uninterested apparently. (INFJ resting bitch face).

Which all lead to her telling me how attractive she thought I was and funny and blah blah blah you know by now. And I kinda... sorta.... told her the truth about what I think and mind much of this is in text, so I try to use very non dramatic language in case it ever goes bad itll look more like she was pursuing me than the other way around. (not that the market leadership would really care, but at least we couldn't be sued for harassment). I mentioned that I was reserved because 1. we work together. 2. I was training her directly. and 3. I didnt want her to feel like coming into work would be bullshit because her coworkers and managers were oogling her. Which she thought was very sweet and one of the main reasons why she likes me so much. Because I consider her feelings lol.

Well anyway yesterday we were chatting, and she was just really trying to get to know me, ask me things about my life etc. Sending each other selfies etc, and I realized how much like me she is in some ways... shed probably mbti test as an infj or infp or something like that. Very creative and intelligent, quiet but modest, really into the people around her. loves art, sciences etc. Anyway I figured id go for broke and I asked her if she wanted to get a drink or watch a movie with me at the theater at some point.

She hit me with a break check for that and gave me the run down that she just got outta a 3 year relationship etc, and wasn't trying to rush into anything, but just wanted to spend time with me and get to know me etc. Which I thought was cute... I maybe woulda tried to lock her down when I was 23 in this situation, but I am 36... its like gorgeous, you're a star and you shine, I don't want to take away you shine. Do your life and spare time for me when you can. No expectations from me. Which she seemed genuinely pleased about.


now I am exactly where all of you intelligent souls told me not to go, into the danger zone with an employee...

however - I am at a different branch physically now. And they would scoop me up in a heartbeat. Its weds now, so i've been with them 2 days and they love me. This thing with her could come together and if the timing works right I can literally transfer to the higher paced branch to keep things on an even keel. Ultimately I am pretty ambitious and I will need my own larger fast paced branch, as opposed to the medium one I have been in for 2 years which is always suffering from being poached for talent for the larger branches. (me right now, literally.) So I think if this things unfolds well, I could end up with everything.

I think I am gonna go for it INFJs I mean I guess I already have...
pray for me! lol
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Maybe you should go for it. But not now.

Stay friendly. Get to know her AS A FRIEND. Make sure you do not give her any special privileges because you find her attractive and are friendly with one another. Even though she is attracted to you, some girls will go for the guy in charge because they want special treatment. It's common. And you don't want some girl f'ing with your decision-making skills. All it takes is one bad call to effect your reputation as a fair leader and it's all downhill from there.

If you still feel the same way in 6 months to a year, then ask her out on a date. And if it gets serious, then fire her ass and take it to the next level.

Lol, jk. Maybe.

I think you understand.
@Billy , you probably don't want to hear this but the discussion about getting out of a relationship and not rushing into anything with you and just wanting to get to know you seems to me that you are more infatuated than she is. She probably likes you but there is something about you that is stopping her from going with it.

Your life is so much more exciting than mine and I can't wait to see what happens next.
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@Billy, I don't like the sound of her. She sounds all wrong to me. Just trust your intuition, and try and not go too fast. Also you sound like your being very flexible to her situation etc. Try and have things a bit more evened out, and don't be too accommodating.

It could all be great but I'm not sure I'd trust her. Sorry to be a wet blanket.

red flags;

wanting to go very fast into something.
projection (you mentioned projection)
very flirty, provocative clothing etc.
straight from one thing and jumping into the next relationship
Oh yeah, and looking for the nice guy,- who is accommodating to her and willing to have as much (or as little) as she needs...the most accommodating type around.

A good way to test this and her would be to set firm boundaries, and see if she sticks around.
Fine also to have a fling, but not so great if she is a drama queen, and your the one who ends up with mud on his face.
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I knew you were gonna lololol

INFJs and following their damn hearts.

You just asked us to pray for gods sake

Good luck and fingers crossed for no drama!