Why do I become obsessed with one person for a while?

Yes, I think the friends / therapist understood it to be unrequited love.

This is more of an obsession though. It can completely take over the person's thinking. They can lose focus on everything else. There can be extreme emotional highs if the limerent object appears to reciprocate and extreme lows when it's clear they are not interested. This can last for years.

The therapist had not heard of the term limerence. She didn't seem to think it was a problem. She wanted to focus on the anxiety and perhaps this was the right approach.

 

maybe this is a kind of love?

 

God I hope not

 

If you're focusing on one person, there's no special reason (justification). You're simply not considering (or having) other options.

 

I've become fascinated by people because I like their style of dress and appearance. After getting to know people beyond their appearance I often get disappointed because they're almost never how they appear.

Unfortunately you can't look at human beings and accurately determine what to do with them. People are not tables. People are not chairs. People are not desks.

I don't enjoy dealing with people at a personal level but I unfortunately have to do it because I'm a person.

 

Am I missing something or is limerance just a fancy word for a crush?

 

yeah

 

Yeah I think so. But I read limerence as obsession with negative connotations. Like s*@# is getting crazy upstairs. Creepy picture cutouts and murder plots are looming in the distance.

 

Is your definition of crush a compulsive obsession with another person outside of your control, that often brings you unpleasant emotions?

 

Interesting, I feel it same. This problem destroyed my every potential relationship.

 

Ye- uh, I mean, no...

 

You've summoned me mistress?^^

I kinda connect to this. Now that i read the comments i think i can add some more patterns. Possibly not 100% matching but i have the feeling these things are down the same main road.

One is the need to outlive creativity. Especially in my early 20s or as teen i had so mad ideas how to impress my crush. For a good part just fantasies but now and then i went for some unusual moves. And i loved to strategize eg. how to overcome situations where her parents didnt like me.

Another situation where this kinda obsession kicks in is with the "fix-me" girl. It took me a while no notice that its not punch drunk love in these situations. Its more like a "I can fix you and i love you because then i can connect to you more deeply and i will fix you coz i can and you deserve it because i can see how beautiful you can be".

I wouldn't go as far, saying everything down this road is unhealthy. A good part is just feeling more intense than the average Bob does. But these tendencies are there and as Asa rightfully pointed out you need to be in contact with this person to verify if this may become love or just disappears like a Fata Morgana.

But in the end it happens like ~90% with women only. So in my case i definately smell a broken Dad relation and crappy male idoles during my childhood.

Personally i had these thing often as teen/20 something. But it pops up now and then. Like currently... super intense. But i somehow learned my lesson. I aproached her and said it would be cool to chat with you and here's my mail. Just write when you feel like it. It helps me a lot when i start defining borders which feels right and which leaves enough space for both parties to make a move.

hehe i still can't help myself and yea communicate direct that i am interested and i like eg what attracts me like fluffy hair. But i try to do it in a manner that allows me to say "yea thats me and if she likes me this part will be there and she needs to find out if she likes it or not" instead of "this feeling it pulls me without control and i have to do it, like being a mad artist".