Why are you nice? | INFJ Forum

Why are you nice?

noisebloom

theory conspirer
Site Supporter
Apr 24, 2018
2,787
23,849
1,967
MBTI
INTP
I've always been someone who teases others, is overly sarcastic, and says insensitive things more often than I would like.

That being said, I've been told I'm very nice by enough people that I've finally accepted it.

When I think back (often when "looping") to many of the times I was extremely nice to others, despite the reason, I realize that it blew up in my face. I was taken advantage of, the person used it to make themselves look better and/or make me look worse... my net "position" in the situation was basically lowered. There are very few people that have generally expressed any sort of positive response to it (and sometimes people act really weird or guilty about it), and that can be frustrating, because I'm not necessarily nice "by default".

I have a few hypotheses:
  • I've mostly surrounded myself with IxTx types my entire life: they often have difficulty expressing appreciation to others for the things others do, and they also may not empathize as much if they (unintentionally or intentionally) take advantage of this.
  • There's very rarely inherently an upside to being nice; we do it because it feels right... a superego thing.
  • I'm "bad" at being nice. I don't smile enough when I'm doing it, I don't make a big deal out of it (except for when ranting on the internet :laughing:), etc.
I don't really know why I go out of my way to make others good, help them out of difficult situations, etc. I end up exerting a lot of energy and time to do so, but I continue to do it. I often think about just focusing more on myself, which would potentially be a net benefit for my self-development in my own life, but I always fall into these patterns of helping others and then end up worse than I started. I start to think that this world was made for assholes.

Thoughts? In my experience, INFJs are some of the nicest people around, and they may actually be a perfect example of the kind of people that will help others to the detriment of themselves (except for the Hitler sub-type).
 
Last edited:
I've always been someone who teases others, is overly sarcastic, and says insensitive things more often than I would like.

That being said, I've been told I'm very nice by enough people that I've finally accepted it.

When I think back (often when "looping") to many of the times I was extremely nice to others, despite the reason, I realize that it blew up in my face. I was taken advantage of, the person used it to make themselves look better and/or make me look worse... my net "position" in the situation was basically lowered. There are very few people that have generally expressed any sort of positive response to it (and sometimes people act really weird or guilty about it), and that can be frustrating, because I'm not necessarily nice "by default".

I have a few hypotheses:
  • I've mostly surrounded myself with IxTx types my entire life: they often have difficulty expression appreciation to others for the things others do, and they also may not empathize as much if they (unintentionally or intentionally) take advantage of this.
  • There's very rarely inherently an upside to being nice; we do it because it feels right... a superego thing.
  • I'm "bad" at being nice. I don't smile enough when I'm doing it, I don't make a big deal out of it (except for when ranting on the internet :laughing:), etc.
I don't really know why I go out of my way to make others good, help them out of difficult situations, etc. I end up exerting a lot of energy and time to do so, but I continue to do it. I often think about just focusing more on myself, which would potentially be a net benefit for my self-development in my own life, but I always fall into these patterns of helping others and then end up worse than I started. I start to think that this world was made for assholes.

Thoughts? In my experience, INFJs are some of the nicest people around, and they may actually be a perfect example of the kind of people that will help others to the detriment of themselves (except for the Hitler sub-type).

Awwwww you are definitely nice noisy! That's why you are my bestie! :)

Hmmm, there isn't a true inherent reason why some people would choose to be nice----especially when sometimes there aren't no end-goals of reciprocation for anything materialistic or anything similar of that nature. Of course, you gotta watch out for the fake ones who pretend to be nice and actually manipulate others into wanting to receive something. I've unfortunately encountered those kind of people, and I avoid them like the plague. It's funny though, they definitely do notice when I know something is up, may it be that "INFJ bullshit radar" and they immediately start showing their true colors or ignore me too. *shrugs*

But anyways! For me, I am nice because I love to spread kindness and happiness towards others, knowing that the world needs more kindness in every facet of life.

As I have been in the receiving end of hate and bulling in a period of time in my younger years, I know what it's like to feel in a place of such darkness and hopelessness, and I relate to those who have gone through those situations. Nobody wants to be treated unjustly and feel alienated. During those moments of hurdles, I still treated others nicely (of course defended myself if need be) but mainly because I felt it was mentally ingrained due to how I was also raised and because I wanted to be nice. Be the better person so to speak. Not sure if it's an ego thing in part I will admit...nonetheless, "kill them with kindness" as you say!

I do agree that unfortunately the world is sort of made for assholes... :(

You do see them in every corner, but I also have to remind myself, "why are they being assholes?" Most of the time, those who are rude and cruel to others has had a life that wasn't so great. They went through trials of trauma in their life and hardened them, or unfortunately, it was how they were raised and mostly surrounded with a bad environment and/or caretakers---and of course there are assholes like Trump who lived a life full of luxury and wealth. So there are two types of assholes: one who went through such hardships, and one who enjoy being assholes and had everything in a silver platter.

At the end of the day though, I don't think you should overthink on the concept of being nice. You do it because at the end of the day, it is the decent thing to do, and god knows we need more of it in this planet.
 
Last edited:
I always fall into these patterns of helping others and then end up worse than I started

Worse how?

my net "position" in the situation was basically lowered

Is this actually worse or does your ego just detest reality?

I'm not necessarily nice "by default".

Stop that

I often think about just focusing more on myself, which would potentially be a net benefit for my self-development in my own life

It'll only carry you so far, but maybe you need to get yourself some place

Why are you nice?

Being cool helps me navigate things. I'm nice when it seems like it'll be reciprocated relatively evenly.
The overuse of niceness is a folly of many, myself included sometimes, but I'd rather fall more in that camp than the other.
Evil tactics win a lot of battles, but largely if you look around, it's the good stuff that presides over the whole of things.
We are biologically wired to help our fellow humans, but our minds misfire a lot of things. We aren't perfect.
 
Why are you nice?

To increase my chances of spreading my AIDS...

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAHA :tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy: I can't breaaaatheee!!!!

Milky, do you know how much we enjoy having you here in this forum??!
 
Why are you nice?

To increase my chances of spreading my AIDS...

Milky be like...

45c1d2107621d479fb0bb31d66c10992f95d8d443410875024198cc2ef47c4a3.jpg
 
LMFAO... I love the progress on how this thread is going.

I am sorry Noisy...
 
As much as I would love to spread my AIDS, it's just too exhausting for me. I used to give it away all the time in my younger years, but It has taken it's toll on me. Now I'm a lot greedier with my AIDS. At first people wasn't liking it, they wanted my AIDS back. They didn't get any. So people pulled away from me. And I could rest. Then people came back, not for AIDS, but for honesty, advise and a little bit of HIV. That's how I am to day. I'm not nailing it yet, since my Ti is overly active nowadays.
 
As much as I would love to spread my AIDS, it's just too exhausting for me. I used to give it away all the time in my younger years, but It has taken it's toll on me. Now I'm a lot greedier with my AIDS. At first people wasn't liking it, they wanted my AIDS back. They didn't get any. So people pulled away from me. And I could rest. Then people came back, not for AIDS, but for honesty, advise and a little bit of HIV. That's how I am to day. I'm not nailing it yet, since my Ti is overly active nowadays.
...

No más!
 
Because.