Why are you misunderstood
- Thread starter Gaze
- Start date
My boss is a high powered, extroverted manager. He is a fast decision maker, and does well with a lot of irons in the fire at the same time. On the flip side he can be impatient, a conclusion jumper, and brutally honest with what he perceives to be truth.
He might know the book definition of "Introvert", but he really doesn't understand what one is, especially an INFJ.
I can't always think of something to say each time we cross paths, and this is often interpreted as aloofness(he has a different word for that!). I often do not respond quickly because it takes time to find the perfect word, and this is at times viewed with a suspicious eye.
He commonly interrupts me mid-sentence. I have learned that I need to answer him quickly, but this does carrie the risk of me not quite saying what I wanted to say, and risking ..... Misunderstanding!
He manages me, but he doesn't know my job like I do. Occasionally he's particularly cruel to me, and I end up unintentionally burning holes thru his eye sockets, and it somehow knocks him off balance. I usually don't verbally defend myself. Then later the same day, or the next, he'll come around and "make nice" and I will slowly forgive him.
He might know the book definition of "Introvert", but he really doesn't understand what one is, especially an INFJ.
I can't always think of something to say each time we cross paths, and this is often interpreted as aloofness(he has a different word for that!). I often do not respond quickly because it takes time to find the perfect word, and this is at times viewed with a suspicious eye.
He commonly interrupts me mid-sentence. I have learned that I need to answer him quickly, but this does carrie the risk of me not quite saying what I wanted to say, and risking ..... Misunderstanding!
He manages me, but he doesn't know my job like I do. Occasionally he's particularly cruel to me, and I end up unintentionally burning holes thru his eye sockets, and it somehow knocks him off balance. I usually don't verbally defend myself. Then later the same day, or the next, he'll come around and "make nice" and I will slowly forgive him.
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Because often I don't try to BE understood. It's a lot of work. Have to interpret the other person's point of view, and account for their personality and thought patterns, and emotions that they are presently experiencing (i.e. sometimes if you really want to be heard, you have to disarm the other person's defenses otherwise they're not capable of being objective).
Thanks Bollington. @Stu found the avatar pic for me and I agree it is beautiful in an earthy organic way.
You are quite right in thinking Grief is incredibly hard for people to process in a healthy way. My family's culture is famous for pretending all pain should be ignored and stuffed away in a box. I found myself locked and stuck for a long long time until I finally learned the value of grieving and allowing my emotions to unfold.
You know how it is...though...most people see others through their own filters of understanding and when a person doesn't match their ideas of what's right....well...then...you are suspect. Family is no different - even while they express they love you....they don't understand.
And yes....If you respect their views...why is it they cannot respect yours.
I find it intriguing you mention all the pain you carry around with you. I have also had this experience my entire life....and there is no one root cause such as trauma or abuse.
Being misunderstood creates loneliness.
Thank you for your compassionate empathy.
Oh my gosh, Big hug!! I think I might write this down and hold a meeting with my family to declare to them who I am and my right to be that way. I completely understand your response to grief. My great-grandmother passed away some time ago, and we were incredibly close. Yet, while the rest of the family was either denying their pain or fighting with each other over my grandmother's property, I was at peace....happy she had returned Home. I didn't see her death as an ending, yet, another beginning. But I did miss her too. They hated so much that I wouldn't join in the madness, they prevented me from attending the funeral. In retrospect, I realize I was "protected" from attending because of the chaos, but that just shows you how family can treat those who are different. My family totally and completely misunderstands me, and it's so alienating.
Even in the midst of many, I've felt lonely....
::Nods head:: "Yes"
*Hugs*
Ohhhh....I'm sorry to hear this.
I sometimes think we INFJs are so enigmatic it scares the other types who have no ability to intuit. We act so alien to them - so completely the opposite of how they think and act - that we come across as un-trustworthy. We are certainly unpredictable - yes?
Your words remind me of a song I love, by Incubus, and it goes:
So don't let the world bring you down.
Not everyone here is that f*cked up and cold.
Remember why you came and while you're alive
experience the warmth before you go.
And you know, bit by bit I'm experiencing this. I've met some great people- and learned from others who I haven't met- who're showing me what's so great about our kind of people. We're the Jesus and Mahatma Ghandi's ya'll!!!! LOL And no one understood them either...
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I love that song!
And I'm trying my best to see life in that way these days, I just wish I had an 'off' button for certain people!! :frusty:
Thanks Kgal. Agree wholeheartedly.
It's frustrating for my boss because he's a very competent thinker who is accustomed to quickly figuring most things out.
Paradoxically, this provides me with a growing opportunity. It is teaching me to stay calm(on the exterior), and not take the bait!
