Where's the "off" switch??

[Lerxst]

It occurred to me, while filling out job application #3,461,993 that I haven't left many of my old jobs on good terms. I tried to figure out why and realized that I tend to stick with a bad situation regardless of how bad the situation is. It's not that I don't speak up about it, but I usually try to stay positive and have some faith. Usually the stress of the work culminates into an explosive disagreement years later, which ends with me walking out or getting fired.

Two jobs ago I even did everything "right", gave proper notice, agreed to work out the remainder of the time... yet somewhere in the resignation process the Director/Boss took offense to this, chewed me out and fired me. The only job I left on good terms was one I had in college and left upon graduation.

I wish to God that I could be a mindless zombie! I've known so many people that were able to work in one place for decades because they simply turned themselves "off" to everything around them and stopped thinking. They were friendly, agreeable and simply nodded and did what they were supposed to do. I've even started jobs with that mind-set, determined to be like that but after some time, my brain starts to wake up... Situations and thoughts like: "Why did you fire so-and-so? They were a good employee who was late once in a while." "You're going to introduce this product now, without testing it first? Are you insane?" or "You created a 10 minute long phone-in process for our customers and then blame us for the irate calls?"

 

[insontis]

Ask me if I'm insane

Sounds to me like your employers haven't been that stellar. Putting you in awkward positions as an employee because of bad management... Well if you want to be a turn off, yes I said it, then go right ahead. Though pointing out these mistakes seems more like you should be on the path up the corporate ladder rather than sitting in the same spot for years as a mindless drone. Perhaps you just haven't found the right company.

 

[Detective Conan]

I'd suggest not doing turning "it" off. To me, it sounds like you've had bad managers. I'm the same way, as far as noticing when things aren't quite right. I get around the impulse by mumbling to myself, though.

Now, if you're serious about turning it off, then I don't know what to tell you. I've been there, and found no answer, so now I'm working with it.

 

[the]

sounds like there is more to the story.

 

[~jet]

Two jobs ago I even did everything "right", gave proper notice, agreed to work out the remainder of the time... yet somewhere in the resignation process the Director/Boss took offense to this, chewed me out and fired me. The only job I left on good terms was one I had in college and left upon graduation.

Ugh... during college, I used to oversee computer labs; had a bit of a falling out with the IT head not too long before a yearly on-campus concert that I wanted to go to (as does everyone.) Therefore the program was hard pressed to staff the labs at the time (people still had work to do even in spite of concert, after all) but I was told that my continued job was in question. Status 'pending.' Interestingly enough, it was pending until ~after~ the concert (bit of a trick... I knew they intended to let me go, essentially, only after the 'hard' concert weekend) so I turned the tables on her and basically said... "no, I don't think so. You can tell me right now if I still have a job." (while still prior to concert conflict). They didn't, so I did and very happily left them in a lurch during the crunch weekend and enjoyed the concert instead.

Come to think of it; I did the same the other two times I lost a job. The time after the above, I had an argument with the boss (who had misconstrued several of my reports into something entirely different than what the report actually meant (thius leading to heated confusion when the boss came to expect something completely different without my knowledge.)) This was a friday. On monday I overslept (the only time I ever have), came in, was taken into bosses office and 'offered' the option to stay doing low end work for minimal pay for a while as a 'concession' or 'path to regaining my job' or something. I made it plain 'that's not good enough; after YOUR misunderstanding and your rather constant abuse, you can double my pay and give me the majority of creative control over the production line (seeing as how I was basically the one to come into the design firm and turn them into a nobody outfit to one that was able to sit back and pick and choose from work requests).' It was kind of a sabotage thing to do since the guy's attitude could never allow it and they couldn't afford me at that rate anyways.

Following that, I had a short thrift at a call center were I quickly got into a 'privileged' position being tech support to the tech support people (instead of having to deal with folk directly on the phone.) The rules were so strict and I got back late from a snack break all of 10 seconds late (in part because I was delayed in the hall by another manager not my own) and was 'taken off CQ' as punishment for a month. Though my personal manager was super nice, I told her (calmly) that, instead, I was going to take a break, head up to taco bell for some dinner, and when I got back I'd let her know if I still worked there any more. I decided not to. She was afraid it was her fault in the 'exit interview,' so I assured her, no, 'you're very nice, it's just the job that sucks.'

The job since then I've had for 10 years without any particular incident. I'm still kinda working on a way out that puts me entirely (and safely) under my own command... but I do have to admit they've been good to me.

 

[dream echo]

I can't even tell you how many times this has crossed my mind....even to the living dead/zombie analogy (or to be PC, those flesh eating life-impaired persons).

Sometimes I have felt that the only way I could continue the treadmill of existence is to become numb and apathetic. But I never could really do this. I expect too much of myself to do something half-assed or not consider the repercussions. And personally, the guilt would devour me. I've found that I really can't stop caring, nor have I been able to compartmentalize things.

I would advise against shutting off. If you reject your apparent nature (that part of you that--I'm assuming from your post--desires to do things correctly and well), you'll be giving up on seeking your purpose and identity. We alone are responsible for what we do with our lives, even if life doesn't present us with the greatest of choices. How can you help others or help yourself if you simply join the mindless masses? Not saying it's easy...but I think it's more rewarding. Best of luck...

 

[Lerxst]

I really don't want to be a zombie... what with the decaying flesh and all!

Honestly, one of the inspirations to that thought process was a friend I had throughout high school and college who could do the most tedious, mind-numbing tasks and courses without feeling the least bit of discomfort. He was also the kind of guy who could work any job and never seem tressed or show any emotion over it. He ended up getting a Masters in Mathematics and then teaching.

The part of the story I "didn't tell" is that I spent the last 6 years working for charities. On the surface and at first, it seemed like a great fit... then it started to get ugly. I know I'm the type of person who likes to see things through and plan things out. Not surprisingly, a lot of charities (or the ones I worked for at least) are run by people who don't quite plan anything ahead or use much logic in their plans. Basically, I found out the hard way what the differences between an ENFP and an INFJ are.

I'm also in serious doubt of whether or not there is such a thing as a good manager. Even good managers have bad managers they need to report to. That was the case at my previous job before that manager quit. He and I were a perfect fit as far as personality and work styles went, but he had his hands tied more than once and I could tell.

So far, being a freelance writer's the only thing I've found that keeps me well balanced.

Still, I really envy some of those people who can simply turn that switch off at will...

 

[oldbull23]

I've never had a job that I wasn't fired from. Usually about 5 years is the limit and I consciously or subconsciously throw things out there that cause me to be shit-canned. Never for not doing my job - and very well at that - I just think I have a limit of about five years before I move on to some other career. A few times I've had to console the person who was doing the firing "There, there honey. It's OK!!". The women usually cry and the men get pissed off. All of them want to buy me farewell drinks. HaHa! Don't really mind though, it's led to living an extraordinary life - only been shot once!! But by all accounts of my adventures, I should be dead at least five times. I figure you only go 'round once (unless you're Hindu), so you might as well get as dizzy as you can. Make the most of the people you meet and the situations you encounter 'cause they are as unique as you are and help to make up your 'movie', which is yours and yours alone. Yippee-Kai-Yay, Mister Falcon!! Life is really cool!

 

[aerosol]

I tend to stick with a bad situation regardless of how bad the situation is. It's not that I don't speak up about it, but I usually try to stay positive and have some faith. Usually the stress of the work culminates into an explosive disagreement years later, which ends with me walking out or getting fired.

Story of my life... and not just my work life.

 

[Mogura]

Heh heh heh. I could have written the OP...

 

[dukeofearl]

Turning "off" is how people have to live to survive sometimes.

 

[jupiterswoon]

It occurred to me, while filling out job application #3,461,993 that I haven't left many of my old jobs on good terms. I tried to figure out why and realized that I tend to stick with a bad situation regardless of how bad the situation is. It's not that I don't speak up about it, but I usually try to stay positive and have some faith. Usually the stress of the work culminates into an explosive disagreement years later, which ends with me walking out or getting fired.

Two jobs ago I even did everything "right", gave proper notice, agreed to work out the remainder of the time... yet somewhere in the resignation process the Director/Boss took offense to this, chewed me out and fired me. The only job I left on good terms was one I had in college and left upon graduation.

I wish to God that I could be a mindless zombie! I've known so many people that were able to work in one place for decades because they simply turned themselves "off" to everything around them and stopped thinking. They were friendly, agreeable and simply nodded and did what they were supposed to do. I've even started jobs with that mind-set, determined to be like that but after some time, my brain starts to wake up... Situations and thoughts like: "Why did you fire so-and-so? They were a good employee who was late once in a while." "You're going to introduce this product now, without testing it first? Are you insane?" or "You created a 10 minute long phone-in process for our customers and then blame us for the irate calls?"

It sounds to me like you've applied at places that you knew weren't going to work for you longterm from the beginning- it's important to see things as "transitional" because life is constantly changing- and if you don't like where you were at to begin with, then don't beat yourself up for trying to make it work and getting some experience under your belt. You need to be careful to not to be too submissive in the work place, and to find better jobs in the first place. Find places you want to work at, and pay attention to the people who are involved in the hiring place, are they people you want to work with? Be picky, because its your life after all.

 

[Matt3737]

I've managed this before and the best way I can describe it is to be in love with hating that job. Then you end up staying in spite of yourself and your employer; it becomes this sort of 'schadenfreude'. You find joy in their screwups and failures; you come to work to see them be incompetent, and of course you end up doing the bare minimum of what's required of you and do nothing to fix anything or improve anything. Sometimes I'd go to the bathroom and just sit in there for 10 minutes doing nothing, but also to keep from erupting into an angry outburst. I was still considered the most productive worker at this place I might add. This is how frustrated I was.

Even still, you will only stay as long as you are unable to find something better and will deeply wish to quit, but a twisted desire to just witness their incompetence without assisting them can keep you from walking out in frustration.

As [MENTION=1834]sandra_b[/MENTION] would say, "Honey Badger don't give a shit."

 

[Zebraf301]

I've been at my workplace for years, and I definitely have not turned the switch off. I thrive there. It breathes life into me. It is possible to enjoy working. It sounds to me like you haven't found your niche. It makes me sad to think you've slipped into a stream that doesn't fit your canoe (oh, that's almost phalic). Your feelings of unease about work are symptoms. If gluten hurts your stomach, don't eat it. Take your symptoms seriously. You deserve that care.

 

[acd]

The position I am in now is not where I want to stay. I don't plan on being there in even one year. I was feeling cagey and angsty about it but then I made a plan that if in six months, when I am eligible to transfer, if something in my field opens up there I will apply. If that doesn't work out, then I start job hunting again and use my accrued sick and vacation days for interviews. It helps me to have a plan and something to work towards. Never stay where you are unfulfilled. Don't trap yourself. I think maybe your mathematician friend was not miserable doing those things. That's it. There's no faking. You just find something that doesn't drive you crazy. I've waked out of jobs before but then you start over. Always have a plan and resources in place so that you have the freedom to walk out of a bad situation.

 

[Vict]

It sounds like you allow emotion to affect how you interact with coworkers/customers. And this possibly affects the quality of your work, but you didn't specifically mention it. These factors go a long way toward keeping bridges intact if that's something that bothers you. Most people also take careful notice of the way others handle work pressure and stress. I certainly look out for it when I'm talking to members of my team.

As far as turning "off" or whatever, I've done it a few times. But I also maintain clear expectations/communication and a solid work ethic so I can wake up and exit the position/company with a good record.

 

[Lerxst]

Wow, talk about coming back from the dead! Let me go through and see what I can fill in. In all honesty though, my situation has improved a bit since posting this, but I might be able to clear thigns up.

I've managed this before and the best way I can describe it is to be in love with hating that job. Then you end up staying in spite of yourself and your employer; it becomes this sort of 'schadenfreude'. You find joy in their screwups and failures; you come to work to see them be incompetent, and of course you end up doing the bare minimum of what's required of you and do nothing to fix anything or improve anything. Sometimes I'd go to the bathroom and just sit in there for 10 minutes doing nothing, but also to keep from erupting into an angry outburst. I was still considered the most productive worker at this place I might add. This is how frustrated I was.

Even still, you will only stay as long as you are unable to find something better and will deeply wish to quit, but a twisted desire to just witness their incompetence without assisting them can keep you from walking out in frustration.

As @sandra_b would say, "Honey Badger don't give a shit."

I tried that when I worked in the I.T. field. I lived with that "comedy of errors" for years before it backfired. I hated the person it was making me become; cynical, depressed and spiteful.

I've been at my workplace for years, and I definitely have not turned the switch off. I thrive there. It breathes life into me. It is possible to enjoy working. It sounds to me like you haven't found your niche. It makes me sad to think you've slipped into a stream that doesn't fit your canoe (oh, that's almost phalic). Your feelings of unease about work are symptoms. If gluten hurts your stomach, don't eat it. Take your symptoms seriously. You deserve that care.

To continue where I left off in the post... I found my "passion" so to speak when I worked in Animal Welfare. In fact, people who would meet me would usually comment about that "gift" I had for certain aspects of that work, and some of these people were "experts" in that field as well (Avian Welfare/Conservation/Behavior... look at my avatar for a hint ). Having lost that job in a field I dedicated so much to and not being able to find any openings elsewhere for other locations, is really what started all of this off.

It sounds like you allow emotion to affect how you interact with coworkers/customers. And this possibly affects the quality of your work, but you didn't specifically mention it. These factors go a long way toward keeping bridges intact if that's something that bothers you. Most people also take careful notice of the way others handle work pressure and stress. I certainly look out for it when I'm talking to members of my team.

As far as turning "off" or whatever, I've done it a few times. But I also maintain clear expectations/communication and a solid work ethic so I can wake up and exit the position/company with a good record.

That field (see just above this quote) runs almost entirely off emotion. I was actually considered rather callous and emotionless by many people in that line of work, but that's why I was actually able to be good at the job I did (I could write a text book on the reasons you shouldn't react entirely to emotions while working with animals... but many people still do). That didn't stop most of my co-workers and managers from reacting heavily based on their emotions (whether it would be fear, jealousy, anger, sadness, etc.) and those emotions usually ended up painting me as a target.

All of that has often made me reconsider even going back to work in that field, but then I'm stuck in a catch-22 of working an emotionless, detached job that I gain no pleasure from.

 

[Zebraf301]

When my brother was in Med. School, he was warned not to be fooled into thinking he'd found a fitting specialty, based on how well he got along with the doctors in that field. So, he didn't. He picked his specialty despite the difficult personalities who worked in the field he loved. But, I worry for him. The stress is taking a lot of toll on his body. The constant politics pumps him with anger. But one thing he's not done, as he loves the work, is he has not sold his soul. Gone zombie. An idle hand, or head, can make play for the devil, so they say. Which is the less of two evils? How long can you stay in the ring before it makes you ill?

 

[ENT8]

It occurred to me, while filling out job application #3,461,993 that I haven't left many of my old jobs on good terms. I tried to figure out why and realized that I tend to stick with a bad situation regardless of how bad the situation is. It's not that I don't speak up about it, but I usually try to stay positive and have some faith. Usually the stress of the work culminates into an explosive disagreement years later, which ends with me walking out or getting fired.

Two jobs ago I even did everything "right", gave proper notice, agreed to work out the remainder of the time... yet somewhere in the resignation process the Director/Boss took offense to this, chewed me out and fired me. The only job I left on good terms was one I had in college and left upon graduation.

I wish to God that I could be a mindless zombie! I've known so many people that were able to work in one place for decades because they simply turned themselves "off" to everything around them and stopped thinking. They were friendly, agreeable and simply nodded and did what they were supposed to do. I've even started jobs with that mind-set, determined to be like that but after some time, my brain starts to wake up... Situations and thoughts like: "Why did you fire so-and-so? They were a good employee who was late once in a while." "You're going to introduce this product now, without testing it first? Are you insane?" or "You created a 10 minute long phone-in process for our customers and then blame us for the irate calls?"

As someone who has hired and fired folks in the past, when I did call the references they put down ( I didn't always, but for the more important or permanent positions, I usually did)... I sought to look for a common theme. Because I knew they were "former employment" for a reason. I look at it as a breakup. Its your Ex, after all... so something wasn't working...and I know all too many people take biased stances when something happens to alter the situation against their desires.

So, if a previous employer says something like "well, this person can be difficult to work with, and they didn't fit in with our company culture at all" I press to see what they mean by difficult, or what their company culture is. Then, I consider those answers, with less regard for the initial answers.

If this same exact thing comes up 3 or 4 times from 3 or 4 different employeers spanning a few years of time... well, THEN I would start to really question if maybe this person isn't suited to be an employee of my business.

But, even if 3 employers were a little cautious of giving a ringing endorsement, as long as they were somewhat generalized, or didn't give me a specific example of problematic behavior that was a pattern of showing up... I wouldn't pay too much attention to it. It wouldn't help me choose them, but it would never disqualify them from consideration. in this case, it would be more of a neutral.

When I was in a position in my life to hire people I look for common themes when talking to employers. And I know that even if a common theme comes up taht they all consider negative, that same theme might actually be a positive for the position i would hire them for (say, someone who talks out of turn about bad business decisions and that is seen as "uncooperative". Well, if I was looking for an efficency expert or an account auditor...this may actually be a good thing for such psoitions)

Also, your problem may be what if you come across employers who may not look at these things they way I do? what if the are more "black and white" in their view of things, and can't see past the statments without considering the contexts? I would argue most employers are likley more sophisticated than your giving them credit for... and if they arn't, your going to be in the same situation again anyway because they are idiots. So, you probably don't want to work for such a boss that takes everything at face value at all times, and is highly proceedural without considering context.

And lastly, you could always aska friend to do a little play acting and pose as an employer and call those numbers with some questions... and see what they say yourself!

I really think you might be surprised, as time heals all wounds...and "ex BF's/GF's" tend to speak more highly of their former lovers, the more time has passed since they were together.

I've fired a few dozen in my time... but of all of them, there are only 2 that I can think of that I really would not be able to give an overall positive or at least neutral reference for. And of those who quit? not a one can I honestly say that
they are likley to be "bad employees" Most of the time, they just weren't right for the job, or couldn't fit in...but that doesn't mean they are shitty works. just not right for what I needed.

hope this helps. I wouldn't worry about the "off" switch. I would worry about finding the right employer who can make use of this trait of yours.

-E