When people do things you just can't figure out.... how to let it go.

whynot

whynot

Newbie
MBTI
INFJ
Recently, I feel like I'm surrounded by dishonest, selfish a-holes. They preach love, communication, honesty, etc., yet secretly do awful things to the people they claim to love. I hear about these things because people know they can trust that it won't go further if they tell me, but I just wish someone would come forward and oust all the dishonesty going on! I want others (even people i don't personally know) to see what I see... who these people really are, so they don't get hurt in the future. I know it's none of my business and I have no control over it, but how do I disconnect from all of this? I have tried to stay away from the gossip, but I always eventually hear about things... I've also told people to not come to me with any of this information, yet I still catch wind of these things... and besides that, I have the intuition and can see it coming before people even tell me! argh.

It's impossible for me to sympathize with the dishonest people or shake it off when they are consciously hurting others. On one hand, I have this extreme empathy for the people being screwed over and on the other, an extreme feeling of justice that needs served for the selfish ones. I've come to realize that not everyone cares about their loved ones over their own wants and needs.... and this is hard for me to accept. Sorry, I guess this is just more of a rant... :m072:
 
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I understand what you mean, and as INFJs have the tendency to shell themselves from the world, as a means of connection... YOU need to stand up, if no one else will. You need to say what is wrong, and while it most likely not be well received, hopefully someone will see what you are doing, they will stand up and continue the fight.

If not? Find something else to absorb your time, it's hard for myself at least to just let go of something.
 
As I see it, this dishonesty is not limited to personal relationships. Look to business and politics to see the role model for dishonesty. I try to be in the world but not of the world but it is very hard to do when you see the harm caused by dishonesty. That is the main reason I signed up for this site, to find others who see the patterns in the world today and hopefully get a little wisdom and understanding when things are just too much to bear.
 
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What really gets to me is the rudeness of it. It's like they don't have the decency to tell people they care about what's going on.

I suppose the only thing to do is do it yourself, if no one else will. And no one else will, I think...
 
thanks for your thoughts... the only problem with me being the one to stand up is that i was told these things in confidence and i absolutely can't say something. 1. it's not my place
2. the people who tell me these things trust me and it would potentially ruin my relationships with them
3. it would just put me in the middle and i really don't like drama

another thing about speaking up... i do voice my opinion to the people who tell me and all they do is get annoyed that i care so much. not that they don't care or think the situation sucks... they just don't feel bad for the other people involved and mull over it like i do. yet they still confide in me. i think they might like that fact that i'm not gossipy. also, like i said before about having that intuition, i think they tell just to let me know that i was right. I have numerous examples of this, but it would take forever to explain...

oh well. at least i know i'm not alone.
 
A rant it is... but not without merit. I have found myself in similar situations, and I understand your frustration in dealing with it. You have every right to not want to be stuck in the middle of these situation, though if you have an intuitive personality, you ultimately get stuck there even before they put you there. Simply practice recognizing that these situation are NOT your problem to deal with. Express again to those people that you do not want to be involved, and to not come to you with these problems. If they continue, you can either be present during there rant, but practice disassociating yourself mentally. Or simply walk away. Ive had to do that to people in the past. I felt guilty, but ultimately saved myself the guilt of feeling I should do something about THEIR situation. Alternative, you can be brutally honest. Express your empathy toward the ones getting "screwed over", but try not to get suck into to feeling you have to help them. As for those hurting other people, express to them that you feel what they are doing is wrong and state that you will not associate with them while they are committing these actions.

I have an intuitive personality as well, and Im constantly burdened with intuitive thoughts. On top of that, people saw my as the person they could dump all there problems on. In the end, I felt compelled to help, and wound up spending more time dealing with other peoples problems then I was my own. It ended with me cutting off most contact from these people and have slowly reconnected, but immediate cut it if they start "dumping" on me again. Sounds harsh, but it works
 
LoneArcher86 said:
A rant it is... but not without merit. I have found myself in similar situations, and I understand your frustration in dealing with it. You have every right to not want to be stuck in the middle of these situation, though if you have an intuitive personality, you ultimately get stuck there even before they put you there. Simply practice recognizing that these situation are NOT your problem to deal with. Express again to those people that you do not want to be involved, and to not come to you with these problems. If they continue, you can either be present during there rant, but practice disassociating yourself mentally. Or simply walk away. Ive had to do that to people in the past. I felt guilty, but ultimately saved myself the guilt of feeling I should do something about THEIR situation. Alternative, you can be brutally honest. Express your empathy toward the ones getting "screwed over", but try not to get suck into to feeling you have to help them. As for those hurting other people, express to them that you feel what they are doing is wrong and state that you will not associate with them while they are committing these actions.

I have an intuitive personality as well, and Im constantly burdened with intuitive thoughts. On top of that, people saw my as the person they could dump all there problems on. In the end, I felt compelled to help, and wound up spending more time dealing with other peoples problems then I was my own. It ended with me cutting off most contact from these people and have slowly reconnected, but immediate cut it if they start "dumping" on me again. Sounds harsh, but it works
Click to expand...

Good advice, thank you. I have to keep practicing that it's not my problem to deal with... you're right, I have enough of my own!
 
I can totally relate.

Not sure of a fool-proof solution to problems like these other than to practice your "P" side for a while (it's healthy, try it!) and live in the present moment for YOURSELF for a day or so, away from the situations you have no control over. I find it very refreshing of a thing to do, though sometimes I worry that I am simply running away from a problem. But if its an unsolvable problem, or a problem that isn't your own, then is that so bad?

We are by nature very intelligent beings when it comes to understanding problems, so it shouldn't be too hard for an INFJ to accurately see when a problem is unsolveable and when it isn't worth the effort to invest in. So don't be afraid of second guessing yourself should you take the "P" approach to these things.
 
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